Ex Mother in Law filing for grandparents rights

[Druby]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

Grandmother has filed for visition of my 3 kids. Dad is deceased 6 years now and the kids (ages 10, 14, and 16) do NOT want to go. The house is filthy, gandma cannot take care of herself (she is diabetic and cannot get around) and the kids have not seen her (this is MY decision) in 2 years. Can they be forced to visit? Does grandma stand a chance at gaining visitation?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

Grandmother has filed for visition of my 3 kids. Dad is deceased 6 years now and the kids (ages 10, 14, and 16) do NOT want to go. The house is filthy, gandma cannot take care of herself (she is diabetic and cannot get around) and the kids have not seen her (this is MY decision) in 2 years. Can they be forced to visit? Does grandma stand a chance at gaining visitation?

In PA? Yes she does stand a chance. How much or little, we honestly can't guestimate here.

How was the relationship BEFORE you stopped contact?

How do you know the current state of the house?

Have you actually been served?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

Grandmother has filed for visition of my 3 kids. Dad is deceased 6 years now and the kids (ages 10, 14, and 16) do NOT want to go. The house is filthy, gandma cannot take care of herself (she is diabetic and cannot get around) and the kids have not seen her (this is MY decision) in 2 years. Can they be forced to visit? Does grandma stand a chance at gaining visitation?

PA is very grandparent friendly but your set of circumstances put you in a better position than most PA parents. That is due to the ages of your children. GPV is all about the children, not about the grandparents and if the children are old enough to express an opinion on visitation with grandma their opinions have to be given some weight.

Even pre-Troxel it was rare to see a judge force gpv on unwilling teenagers...or even adolescents.

 

[Childrenfirst]

Grandparent rights

Druby, my question to you is, do your children NOT want to see their paternal grandmother because you have passed on vibes over the last 2 years and withheld visitation making it almost impossible for the children to truly know her?
When a parent dies, and grandparent/grandchild relationships are severed by the living parent, the children lose an entire side of their family, their history, part of who they are.
You sound angry because the grandmothers house is dirty, and she is in poor health? The woman lost her son, and then she lost her grandchildren, possibly the only living link to her son.
If you were concerned about grandmas house not being germ free, and her not being in perfect health, maybe you can offer to have her meet at a park or restaurant w/you there for the visit or w/a legal monitor.
Something you need to know...children learn what they live, and right now your children are learning that they should keep you from their children if you don't measure up to their standards or if your health is ever poor. They are learning how to love from YOU.

 

[TheGeekess]

Druby, my question to you is, do your children NOT want to see their paternal grandmother because you have passed on vibes over the last 2 years and withheld visitation making it almost impossible for the children to truly know her?
When a parent dies, and grandparent/grandchild relationships are severed by the living parent, the children lose an entire side of their family, their history, part of who they are.
You sound angry because the grandmothers house is dirty, and she is in poor health? The woman lost her son, and then she lost her grandchildren, possibly the only living link to her son.
If you were concerned about grandmas house not being germ free, and her not being in perfect health, maybe you can offer to have her meet at a park or restaurant w/you there for the visit or w/a legal monitor.
Something you need to know...children learn what they live, and right now your children are learning that they should keep you from their children if you don't measure up to their standards or if your health is ever poor. They are learning how to love from YOU.

So, you joined just to harangue this one poster? As a PARENT, she has the CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to decide who HER CHILDREN will associate with.

 

[Childrenfirst]

Children should have a right to be loved.

No Geekess I did not join to do that. However I do believe that children should have the right to maintain loving relationships with their family members so long as the family member hasn't committed a crime. A mothers decision to force a relationship to be severed is often out of spite. This does more harm to the children than good. I think my questions were fair, and I wrote them in hope that this mother will think before she makes decisions that could come back to haunt her. It's always best to avoid litigation and work this out in the best interest of the children...allowing them a small connection w/their father's history, who they are. Is that really so bad? A dirty house and poor health doesn't equal a bad person...so meet away from grandmas home so mom will feel comfortable.

Druby, please consider this.

 

[SESmama]

But OP has already stated that

1) the kids do NOT want to go (not their decision but you get my drift)

2) Grandma cannot get around so mom would have to go and pick up grandma and take them all somewhere.

 

[muchneededhelp]

However I do believe that children should have the right to maintain loving relationships with their family members so long as the family member hasn't committed a crime. A mothers decision to force a relationship to be severed is often out of spite. This does more harm to the children than good.

I think you are presuming the children and their parents had a healthy, stable relationship with this grandmother before the father passed away. That's dangerous to assume.

Another thought- just because you haven't been convicted of a crime, doesn't make you an innocent person. Mental, drug, physical abuse runs rampant everywhere... with no convictions. Read a little more on here, would you?

Children should have a right to be loved.

By anyone and everyone? Against the will of the parent? Please.

Something you need to know...children learn what they live, and right now your children are learning that they should keep you from their children if you don't measure up to their standards or if your health is ever poor. They are learning how to love from YOU.

Really? I think it's safe to assume, at the ages of 10, 14, and 16- these children are also going to learn that it's easy to take a competent and loving parent to court instead of working out things privately. The grandmother is just as culpable of teaching them negative things, drawing them into a situation they probably don't want to be in. Way for grandma to show HER love, huh? "I'm forcing you to spend time with me against you and your mother's will. Don't like it? Tough luck".

As a PARENT, she has the CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to decide who HER CHILDREN will associate with.

Couldn't agree more, Geekess. This mother is entitled to decide who her children are involved with, the constitution protects that.

I'm sure there is much more to the story, as *most* people do not just break contact out of spite.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

There are some folks who are just toxic. Heck, my boys grandma was never convicted of anything, but she was just a mean old bitty. She stayed away. She stepped foot in my house ONCE. Never met the youngest boy.

I ran into her in a store after the divorce and she informed me that she was taking me to court for grandparent visitation. I just smiled at her and said, "go for it." The kids asked me after we left, "Who was that lady?" I said, "Your grandmother." They never asked once about her again.

 

[muchneededhelp]

There are some folks who are just toxic. Heck, my boys grandma was never convicted of anything, but she was just a mean old bitty. She stayed away. She stepped foot in my house ONCE. Never met the youngest boy.

I ran into her in a store after the divorce and she informed me that she was taking me to court for grandparent visitation. I just smiled at her and said, "go for it." The kids asked me after we left, "Who was that lady?" I said, "Your grandmother." They never asked once about her again.

Good for you. Sometimes, less is more. I'd rather everyone hate me for a just decision, then be guilted into letting my children enter a toxic situation and learning fowl and demeaning behavior. Most of my family hates me for standing my ground, but I will continue to do so in regards to my own parents. My children will learn basic human consideration over genetic ties anyday, because lets be honest- not every family is happy, loving, and respectful.

 

[Childrenfirst]

SESmama, that is exactly why I asked if mom's vibes may have been passed onto the children...or perhaps they do have a legit reason for not wanting to see the only connection to their dead father.

muchneededhelp, I didn't assume anything, that is why I asked questions. I also said unless grandma has committed a crime, not unless grandma has been convicted. I am all too aware of people who commit crimes and do not get convicted. I also said children have a right to maintain loving relationships with family members, not "anyone and everyone" as you misread my post.

Tinkerbelleluvr, I totally agree with you. How can a woman who never showed any interest in her grandchildren, or taken the time to bond with them expect you to just let her have em? You are right to protect your children from someone who hasn't been a stable part of their lives.
The grandparent/grandchild relationship should always be protected when there is an existing bond. In Tinkerbelles case it seems grandma never took the time to do that, so the law shouldn't step in.

I know about the parents rights...I hear it all the time. It sounds more to me like they are owners of property instead of parents of children. It makes sense when the parent is doing what is truly best for their children and not forcing children to sever bonds.
I didn't attack Druby, I simply asked questions. Children should always come first...sometimes even the best parents make bad decisions out of anger or frustration. I'm not saying that's the case here, that's why I asked questions.

 

[LdiJ]

SESmama, that is exactly why I asked if mom's vibes may have been passed onto the children...or perhaps they do have a legit reason for not wanting to see the only connection to their dead father.

How do you know that THIS grandma is the only connection they have to their deceased father's family?

muchneededhelp, I didn't assume anything, that is why I asked questions. I also said unless grandma has committed a crime, not unless grandma has been convicted. I am all too aware of people who commit crimes and do not get convicted. I also said children have a right to maintain loving relationships with family members, not "anyone and everyone" as you misread my post.

Your post was very clear...you asked questions very carefully designed to attempt to "guilt" this parent into providing access to grandma.

Tinkerbelleluvr, I totally agree with you. How can a woman who never showed any interest in her grandchildren, or taken the time to bond with them expect you to just let her have em? You are right to protect your children from someone who hasn't been a stable part of their lives.
The grandparent/grandchild relationship should always be protected when there is an existing bond. In Tinkerbelles case it seems grandma never took the time to do that, so the law shouldn't step in.

Even with an existing bond, there are times when it is NOT in the children's best interest for the relationship between children and a grandparent, to be protected. Some grandparents are just plain toxic.

I know about the parents rights...I hear it all the time. It sounds more to me like they are owners of property instead of parents of children. It makes sense when the parent is doing what is truly best for their children and not forcing children to sever bonds.

Once again, the constitution protects parent's rights, and that is how it should be.

I didn't attack Druby, I simply asked questions. Children should always come first...sometimes even the best parents make bad decisions out of anger or frustration. I'm not saying that's the case here, that's why I asked questions.

Once again, you did attack the OP...you were very clear in your intentions.

I would also like to point out that I am also a grandma, with a strong bond with my grandchild, and if I was ever stupid enough to damage the relationship I have with my daughter to the point where I would have to sue her to see my granddaughter, then I would DESERVE not to be able to see my grandchild. My grandchild is HER daughter.

 

[muchneededhelp]

I would also like to point out that I am also a grandma, with a strong bond with my grandchild, and if I was ever stupid enough to damage the relationship I have with my daughter to the point where I would have to sue her to see my granddaughter, then I would DESERVE not to be able to see my grandchild. My grandchild is HER daughter.

My MIL quotes a very similar thing: "If my kids don't want me in their lives or my grandkids lives, well... I must of deserved it."

.... and she's a great grandma

Childrenfirst: Children should always come first...sometimes even the best parents make bad decisions out of anger or frustration. I'm not saying that's the case here, that's why I asked questions.

Look over your posts again. You asked 3 questions; The rest of your posts were nothing but your own guilt and bias.

I hope the OP got the information she needed.