fighting without an attorney

[beeper1127]

What is the name of your state - New York - (only U.S. law)?

Hello,
Received a letter from paternal grandparents attorney seeking to set up visitation. Father of children is now deceased, before his demise I went into bankruptcy fighting and gaining Sole Legal and Physical Custody where we were living in Va. Moved to NY in July 2013, he passed Oct 2013. I have never denied visitation with grandparents though I also have never left my children alone with them. Father and I were in agreement on this until the custody battle. Mental illness runs rampant through the family and the mother is an enabler. I informed grandmother we would continue visits as in the past during the big school breaks summer, christmas and spring break. Father of my children committed suicide, paternal grandfather and youngest son are both on medication for mental illness youngest being under court order. Paternal mother has a dangerous lack of judgement and turns a blind eye to their behavior. I am trying to give relevant information without bashing anyone, these are facts. After childrens father committed suicide I spoke with a child psychologist and we both agreed it was not the time to tell the children. They are young and had no contact with father for over a year, he missed court ordered supervised visitation on severa occasions and it was suspended, no phone mail or contact of any kind. I explained this to grandmother and asked her she not speak of him at all to the girls, she told me she will say what she wants about her son. When I spoke with her about the abuse being one of the reasons I was divorcing her son she said "well are you giving him enough?" there are many other reasons they have never been left alone with the children for the childrens safety and why visitation is limited. Children love their grandparents and I have never said a bad word about them or childrens father, it is in their best interest to keep things the way they are. What chance do I have of winning in court without an attorney and will any of the previous information be usable in court? I can not afford an attorney at all and would appreciate any advice on how to behave in court.
thank you

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state - New York - (only U.S. law)?

Hello,
Received a letter from paternal grandparents attorney seeking to set up visitation. Father of children is now deceased, before his demise I went into bankruptcy fighting and gaining Sole Legal and Physical Custody where we were living in Va. Moved to NY in July 2013, he passed Oct 2013. I have never denied visitation with grandparents though I also have never left my children alone with them. Father and I were in agreement on this until the custody battle. Mental illness runs rampant through the family and the mother is an enabler. I informed grandmother we would continue visits as in the past during the big school breaks summer, christmas and spring break. Father of my children committed suicide, paternal grandfather and youngest son are both on medication for mental illness youngest being under court order. Paternal mother has a dangerous lack of judgement and turns a blind eye to their behavior. I am trying to give relevant information without bashing anyone, these are facts. After childrens father committed suicide I spoke with a child psychologist and we both agreed it was not the time to tell the children. They are young and had no contact with father for over a year, he missed court ordered supervised visitation on severa occasions and it was suspended, no phone mail or contact of any kind. I explained this to grandmother and asked her she not speak of him at all to the girls, she told me she will say what she wants about her son. When I spoke with her about the abuse being one of the reasons I was divorcing her son she said "well are you giving him enough?" there are many other reasons they have never been left alone with the children for the childrens safety and why visitation is limited. Children love their grandparents and I have never said a bad word about them or childrens father, it is in their best interest to keep things the way they are. What chance do I have of winning in court without an attorney and will any of the previous information be usable in court? I can not afford an attorney at all and would appreciate any advice on how to behave in court.
thank you

I am not sure what your goal is here. Are you looking to prevent the paternal grandmother from speaking about her son to the children? If so, I am afraid you will be disappointed with the court's decision.

In court, you should dress nicely, be polite, speak only to the judge (no side conversations with the grandparent) and maintain your calm at all times.

No one here can predict what chance you will have of "winning" in court without an attorney or, even, of winning with an attorney. There is too much that is unknown.

 

[beeper1127]

what I am looking for

I am not sure what your goal is here. Are you looking to prevent the paternal grandmother from speaking about her son to the children? If so, I am afraid you will be disappointed with the court's decision.

In court, you should dress nicely, be polite, speak only to the judge (no side conversations with the grandparent) and maintain your calm at all times.

No one here can predict what chance you will have of "winning" in court without an attorney or, even, of winning with an attorney. There is too much that is unknown.

to dismiss the case would be great, to keep things the way they are supervised by me and limited to school breaks consistent and stable for the children. Specific paperwork I should submit, law I can use etc...

 

[single317dad]

Is there a case filed at this time? If so, where?

If not, I would respond to the attorney's letter with a polite "no, thank you." Don't put anything else in writing, and don't agree to anything. You may even want to hire an attorney just to advise you on the letter alone, and draft the proper response. That wouldn't cost nearly what litigation would, and may nip the whole issue in the bud.

 

[beeper1127]

Thank you!

Is there a case filed at this time? If so, where?

If not, I would respond to the attorney's letter with a polite "no, thank you." Don't put anything else in writing, and don't agree to anything. You may even want to hire an attorney just to advise you on the letter alone, and draft the proper response. That wouldn't cost nearly what litigation would, and may nip the whole issue in the bud.

If only it does nip it in the bud! I will look into the attorney to draft a letter tomorrow I was unsure how to respond and no no case yet, it would be in suffolk county. The letter states she has been retained to establish a schedule of visitation.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

If they file in VA and you sign for the summons, you will be required to attend court there and argue venue. If you ignore all certified mail to avoid a VA court summons and are not served, they will be forced to bring the battle to NY.

 

[beeper1127]

If they file in VA and you sign for the summons, you will be required to attend court there and argue venue. If you ignore all certified mail to avoid a VA court summons and are not served, they will be forced to bring the battle to NY.

we are all in NY now no jurisdiction issues, yes we are closer now , no that does not mean visits should be more frequent.

 

[single317dad]

we are all in NY now no jurisdiction issues, yes we are closer now , no that does not mean visits should be more frequent.

I was hoping to hear they had filed a garbage case in VA (or at least retained counsel there). The fact that everyone is in NY is more concerning. You should definitely have a consultation with a good family lawyer with experience in GPV cases.

 

[beeper1127]

I was hoping to hear they had filed a garbage case in VA (or at least retained counsel there). The fact that everyone is in NY is more concerning. You should definitely have a consultation with a good family lawyer with experience in GPV cases.

know any who work probono? 20k in custody suit, he took every penny out of the bank and fought child support for as long as possible I can not afford an attorney and they know that. This is not about money I never asked and they never offered until they received his life insurance (he changed it to them) she offered me 5 k to set up visits I told her my children were not for sale and consistency was in their best interest we visited over christmas break and now I get this letter.

 

[Proserpina]

OP, I have two questions for you.

1. Do you intend to stay in NY? As in, you're pretty much staying there in the at least the short term?

2. How do you feel about one visitation per month?

 

[Ohiogal]

know any who work probono? 20k in custody suit, he took every penny out of the bank and fought child support for as long as possible I can not afford an attorney and they know that. This is not about money I never asked and they never offered until they received his life insurance (he changed it to them) she offered me 5 k to set up visits I told her my children were not for sale and consistency was in their best interest we visited over christmas break and now I get this letter.

do you work for free? Or do you expect a paycheck?

 

[Proserpina]

do you work for free? Or do you expect a paycheck?

Asking about getting a pro-bono attorney is bad...how?

 

[single317dad]

know any who work probono?

As a rule, I would say "no", but NY is a little different in a lot of ways. This would be the place to start looking:

http://www.nycourts.gov/attorneys/probono/

 

[Ohiogal]

Asking about getting a pro-bono attorney is bad...how?

Where did I say it was bad? I asked her if she worked for free. Why do you believe attorneys should work for free if you wouldn't?

 

[beeper1127]

Prosperina, yes staying in NY, I do not feel I need to agree to anything as visits do happen and have consistently happened throughout.
Ohgal,
I do get. Paid for working I also volunteer and get no monetary compensation. I have heard some attorneys volunteer time as well. I am asking for advice on how to proceed if this goes to court in NY without having the benefit of an attorney. Will I be able to give the judge history of behavior? Will I be able to ask the gps questions? Has anyone been through a case that can give me an idea of the procedure?