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classilady

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?
Missouri

My son and girlfriend are in Texas. Their baby is 9 months old. Last February, the girlfriend moved back in with parents...my son pays $500 child support monthly. The paper work said he could have the baby on 1, 3, and 5 weekends and 30 days in the summer in July. Last weekend he went to pick the baby up and the mother had left and her parents said they didn't know where she was. My son went back with a police officer the following day...no baby...the mother had left a note saying she was afraid my son was going to run away with their baby...and he had in fact planned a trip to Missouri to visit us.

Now his ex girlfriend says he can not see their child without supervised visitation.

Do, I, as a grandparent out of state have any rights...how do I get them legally..documented...what are my son's right/choices.
 


tigger22472

Senior Member
classilady said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?
Missouri

My son and girlfriend are in Texas. Their baby is 9 months old. Last February, the girlfriend moved back in with parents...my son pays $500 child support monthly. The paper work said he could have the baby on 1, 3, and 5 weekends and 30 days in the summer in July. Last weekend he went to pick the baby up and the mother had left and her parents said they didn't know where she was. My son went back with a police officer the following day...no baby...the mother had left a note saying she was afraid my son was going to run away with their baby...and he had in fact planned a trip to Missouri to visit us.

Now his ex girlfriend says he can not see their child without supervised visitation.

Do, I, as a grandparent out of state have any rights...how do I get them legally..documented...what are my son's right/choices.

No, you don't have any rights to get involved in this. Your son needs to file for an emergency hearing, enforcing his visitation. The mother does not have the right to simply state that he now gets supervised visits. A judge makes that decision.
 

knd2517

Member
classilady said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?
Missouri

My son and girlfriend are in Texas. Their baby is 9 months old. Last February, the girlfriend moved back in with parents...my son pays $500 child support monthly. The paper work said he could have the baby on 1, 3, and 5 weekends and 30 days in the summer in July. Last weekend he went to pick the baby up and the mother had left and her parents said they didn't know where she was. My son went back with a police officer the following day...no baby...the mother had left a note saying she was afraid my son was going to run away with their baby...and he had in fact planned a trip to Missouri to visit us.

Now his ex girlfriend says he can not see their child without supervised visitation.

Do, I, as a grandparent out of state have any rights...how do I get them legally..documented...what are my son's right/choices.
You have no rights. Your son needs to file contempt of court against the girlfriend asap. In TX. She can't arbitrarily decide that he can't have visitation. She has to file a petition asking for a modification and she has to prove a "significant" change in circumstances.
The sooner your son files, the better.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I would also like to add that 30 days is way too long for a 9 month old to be away from their primary caregiver. That would be horrible for the baby. The baby would have no comprehension of why mom is gone, and would grieve horribly. Then, just when the baby would begin to adjust, the baby would be separated from dad and would have to go through the grieving process all over again.

I can't believe that you as a grandmother didn't recognize that....and encourage them to put together a plan for the summer that was better for the baby. That's probably why mom has disappeared. She is totally wrong for having done so....but that is probably the reason.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
I would also like to add that 30 days is way too long for a 9 month old to be away from their primary caregiver. That would be horrible for the baby. The baby would have no comprehension of why mom is gone, and would grieve horribly. Then, just when the baby would begin to adjust, the baby would be separated from dad and would have to go through the grieving process all over again.

I can't believe that you as a grandmother didn't recognize that....and encourage them to put together a plan for the summer that was better for the baby. That's probably why mom has disappeared. She is totally wrong for having done so....but that is probably the reason.

And once again that is your opinion that very few on here agree with. And it doesn't matter what you think. What matters is what the order says and what they agreed on. It is not your place to decide if 30 days is way too long away from Mommy. What about all the time the baby has been away from Daddy? According to the poster Daddy and Mommy lived together for the first half of this child's life!!
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
tigger22472 said:
And once again that is your opinion that very few on here agree with. And it doesn't matter what you think. What matters is what the order says and what they agreed on. It is not your place to decide if 30 days is way too long away from Mommy. What about all the time the baby has been away from Daddy? According to the poster Daddy and Mommy lived together for the first half of this child's life!!
Did I not say that mom was totally in the wrong to disappear?

Its true that very few of you here agree with that opinion. However I formed it after studying a great deal of research done by child development experts.
What you don't recognize is that I advocate dad spending just as much time with the baby as the court order gives him...just broken up in smaller "bites".

I have said this before and I will say it again, I believe that the "ideal" would be for infants to see both parents daily...or as close to daily as is reasonably possible. 30 days is no problem for a child that is old enough to understand that their primary caregiver isn't simply "gone".

You are in Indiana....so I assume you are familiar with the age level guidelines. A large task force crafted those guidelines, which included child development experts.

Quite honestly, I don't care about what's fair for either parent. I care only about what's right for the child.
 
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classilady

Junior Member
As a mother and a grandmother.........I was concerned about the baby being away from her mom for the 30 days..........but.......according to our sources.....the baby is being watched and cared for by the ex-girlfriends family and friends.....while 'mom' works and 'socializes' extensively.

On weekends that my son was to see the baby....the mom would not allow him to take the baby and be alone with her...my son, however, on Father's day........did get to take her to the park. My son.....has not wanted to rock the boat...he was trying to work things out with the ex-girlfriend...but, now that she has found another man....he just wants to be able to see his daughter. The ex-girlfriend was the initiator of the seperation...and my son had been supplying all the baby's needs...formula, diapers, clothing, etc....prior to the legal child support documentation. The ex-girlfriend wanted cash instead of formula and baby needs.......to pay off some debt that she incurred prior to meeting my son.

It is all such a mess. As a mother I hurt for my son. As a mother I hurt for the baby. As a mother I hurt for the ex-girlfriend. But, as a grandmother....I just want to be a part of that child's life. I have a savings account for her. Everytime I buy for my other grandchildren, I buy for the baby that I don't get to see.

I do not want the child to look me up as a teenager and say, "Grandma, why didn't you come to visit me?"

Sorry for rambling..............
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
classilady said:
As a mother and a grandmother.........I was concerned about the baby being away from her mom for the 30 days..........but.......according to our sources.....the baby is being watched and cared for by the ex-girlfriends family and friends.....while 'mom' works and 'socializes' extensively.

On weekends that my son was to see the baby....the mom would not allow him to take the baby and be alone with her...my son, however, on Father's day........did get to take her to the park. My son.....has not wanted to rock the boat...he was trying to work things out with the ex-girlfriend...but, now that she has found another man....he just wants to be able to see his daughter. The ex-girlfriend was the initiator of the seperation...and my son had been supplying all the baby's needs...formula, diapers, clothing, etc....prior to the legal child support documentation. The ex-girlfriend wanted cash instead of formula and baby needs.......to pay off some debt that she incurred prior to meeting my son.

It is all such a mess. As a mother I hurt for my son. As a mother I hurt for the baby. As a mother I hurt for the ex-girlfriend. But, as a grandmother....I just want to be a part of that child's life. I have a savings account for her. Everytime I buy for my other grandchildren, I buy for the baby that I don't get to see.

I do not want the child to look me up as a teenager and say, "Grandma, why didn't you come to visit me?"

Sorry for rambling..............
Your son should certainly file for contempt against mom for disappearing and not honoring the visitation orders. He needs to enforce his weekend visits even more so than the summer visit.

However, until the baby is a little older I really would encourage him to work out something different than the straight 30 days for summer visitation. Next summer 4 one week visits would probably work out just fine for the baby.

I would also encourage you to go down there and visit during your son's weekends, whenever feasible.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Maybe it would be better for Dad to simply file for custody. Then Mom can see the little one on the schedule Dad has now.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
Maybe it would be better for Dad to simply file for custody. Then Mom can see the little one on the schedule Dad has now.

I agree since she's not spending the time with the child now....Let Dad have her and she can deal with visitation. In fact OP if this can be proven that the child isn't with mom very often then that would work in his favor for custody.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
tigger22472 said:
I agree since she's not spending the time with the child now....Let Dad have her and she can deal with visitation. In fact OP if this can be proven that the child isn't with mom very often then that would work in his favor for custody.
Good point...although it sounds like mom lives with her parents...so that might be difficult to prove.
 

classilady

Junior Member
Well, yes....the mother of the child..lives with her parents....actually.......they are her...adopted parents and grandparents.......no blood relation.

They adopted a child....who then had a child and left them to raise it...so...it looks like a repeat of history.............

What are my son's chancing of getting custody of the child........and if he did get custody.........would he be allowed to move back home (missouri)?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
classilady said:
Well, yes....the mother of the child..lives with her parents....actually.......they are her...adopted parents and grandparents.......no blood relation.

They adopted a child....who then had a child and left them to raise it...so...it looks like a repeat of history.............

What are my son's chancing of getting custody of the child........and if he did get custody.........would he be allowed to move back home (missouri)?
First, adopted parents are just as much parents as biological ones. Please DO NOT allow even a hint of "not real parents" to come out in any dealings with attorneys or court professionals.

Honestly, I don't think his chances would be very strong. If she didn't live with her parents and was leaving the child with her parents all the time he would have a shot at proving that she wasn't really living with/raising the child. If he could demonstrate that she was in contempt on his visitation PLUS the child wasn't actually living with her it would put him in a fairly strong position. However, since she lives with her parents it would be difficult to prove that she isn't the one raising him. He may know that...but proving it may not be possible.

If he was to get custody there is almost no chance that the courts would give him permission to move the child out of state. Its tough to get permission to move out of state when you are ALREADY the parent with primary custody....to both change primary custody AND get to move out of state would be almost impossible.
 

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