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Grandmother needs better care

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coledurango

Junior Member
My wife’s Grandmother is in early stages of Alzheimer’s and her oldest daughter has POA over her medical care. They moved her to their home a month ago and since she has been in the hospital twice for acute bronchitis. They smoke in the home and around her and have a family of four adults and 3 kids living in a small doublewide. My wife visited her grandmother today at the hospital and was escorted out because her aunt said she had POA and no one was allowed in to see her. Her grandmother wants to live with us and we are more than able to handle the responsibility, I work full time and my wife is a stay at home mother. I feel like her grandmother is not getting the care she needs and has little time left on this earth. She has no possessions of value so this is not a monetary gain issue it’s just making her last year or years joyous which is what she deserves. My wife’s mother and other aunts can not afford to take on this responsibility but feel that her staying with us would be the best choice. I feel that her aunt wants her grandmother there so she can use her SS money as I know they have taken out a loan in her name in the last 6 months. I want what’s best for my wife’s grandmother and need help in determining the best way to accomplish this.
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
My wife’s Grandmother is in early stages of Alzheimer’s and her oldest daughter has POA over her medical care. They moved her to their home a month ago and since she has been in the hospital twice for acute bronchitis. They smoke in the home and around her and have a family of four adults and 3 kids living in a small doublewide. My wife visited her grandmother today at the hospital and was escorted out because her aunt said she had POA and no one was allowed in to see her. Her grandmother wants to live with us and we are more than able to handle the responsibility, I work full time and my wife is a stay at home mother. I feel like her grandmother is not getting the care she needs and has little time left on this earth. She has no possessions of value so this is not a monetary gain issue it’s just making her last year or years joyous which is what she deserves. My wife’s mother and other aunts can not afford to take on this responsibility but feel that her staying with us would be the best choice. I feel that her aunt wants her grandmother there so she can use her SS money as I know they have taken out a loan in her name in the last 6 months. I want what’s best for my wife’s grandmother and need help in determining the best way to accomplish this.
HOw do you know they have taken out a loan in her name? Has anyone filed a police report regarding the taking out of a loan in someone else's name? Has there been an investigation? Has anyone sued for guardianship of grandma?
 

OHRoadwarrior

Senior Member
If grandma wants to go to your house she only is free to go. Who escorted you out? Call grandma on the phone. Grandma can revoke the POA verbally.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
If grandma wants to go to your house she only is free to go. Who escorted you out? Call grandma on the phone. Grandma can revoke the POA verbally.
Maybe. Grandma may already be at the point where she would be legally considered incompetent.
 

commentator

Senior Member
While it is sweet of you to want to make grandma's last years happy, etc. there may be a lot more to this than you can imagine. You do not tell us what state you are in, or how old grandma is. But two bouts with bronchitis make it appear that grandma may have some pretty bad health issues. And Alzheimer's as it progresses can make it totally impossible to care for someone in your home very very quickly. What if your grandmother becomes violent? What if she requires constant watching? How is your stay at home wife going to deal with all this? The idea sounds nice, but the reality can quickly become overwhelming.

In other words, perhaps you should, if you feel that Grandma is really being mistreated, involve the county aging authorities to keep an eye on the situation, but not be quite so eager to do exactly what your aunt has done, take Grandma into their small, already very busy home situation, assuming that it will be worth it to get her little Social Security check each month.

If Grandmother becomes bed-fast, aggressive, or incontinent, prone to wander or dangerous to her family or herself, she'll rapidly deteriorate to the point that nursing home care is necessitated. And that will preclude your aunt's family keeping her there much longer. It may not be necessary for you to go through the courts and attempt to get custody from them. If you are sure they are financially abusing her, you definitely may want to start something. But remember, this is not like raising a child. She's not going to become more and more independent and cognizant, she's going to go down and down and become a lot worse. If the officials are involved, and they determine that your aunt isn't taking appropriate care of her, they'll quickly place your wife's grandma in a nursing home, using her Soc sec and medicaid benefits if she has no other assets.
 
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