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Grandparents taking husband and i to court for visitation

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bloomingrose

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

My husband and I lived beside of his parents for 5+ years and then something happened between the grandfather and his step grand daughter who was 12 at the time I being the mother was furious and my husband and I decided for the best interest of all our children we should move. my husband and I have two children of our own and we have custody of my niece and I had two children previously. But after we moved I told the mother that I would no longer allow my children to her house because of what her husband did to my daughter but she was welcome to come to our house to visit this enraged her and she went to get visitation of our 2 children they would not let her get it for the other 3. I am very upset that she does not want the children to be protected as I do from the grandfather. She wants everything her way and when she wants it. I still dont deny her visit just when it is convenient to my husband and I and as long as we are present when they are around the grandfather. What do you think I should do we are ordered to go to mediation I feel like I have the right as a parent to decide when and where visits take place am I wrong.... I dont feel i should have any of my rights taken as my husband and I are together and wish it be at our convenience. What should we do?
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
Very few States (and I do not recall TN being one of them) are willing to give grandparents any visitation rights when there is an intact family involved and visitation would be against the wishes of both parents.

Please - do NOT agree to ANYTHING in mediation.

Not one thing.

Let the grandmother take it to court and allow the Judge to decide the case based upon merit.

Agreeing to something now may cause you serious problems in the future.

Please standby for other responders - unfortunately several members are going through similar issues.
 

bloomingrose

Junior Member
our attorney says we should show that we don't deny the visitation we just have limitations on them but we are only willing to give at the most 4-6 hours a month visitation. The grandmother is asking for outlandish things as a father would fight for from a mother she acts like she is the mother. I don't know what to do I don't want to loose anything since they are our children and not hers, but at the same time I don't want to look like I am denying her visits. The grandmother will never agree to the hours I want to give her at our convenience. What do you think a reasonable amount of time would be for a month just so it looks like I dont deny her
 

Rushia

Senior Member
our attorney says we should show that we don't deny the visitation we just have limitations on them but we are only willing to give at the most 4-6 hours a month visitation. The grandmother is asking for outlandish things as a father would fight for from a mother she acts like she is the mother. I don't know what to do I don't want to loose anything since they are our children and not hers, but at the same time I don't want to look like I am denying her visits. The grandmother will never agree to the hours I want to give her at our convenience. What do you think a reasonable amount of time would be for a month just so it looks like I dont deny her
Do NOT say that in mediation and DO NOT AGREE TO ANYTHING. Should you do that it will become an AGREED court order that you will not be able to appeal. Simply state in mediation that she is welcome to see your children, but you will NOT agree to a court order.
 
whoa, hold on a second here, there is way too much going on here. let me do some research here. but if i am understand correctly the grandfather assaulted your daughter??
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

My husband and I lived beside of his parents for 5+ years and then something happened between the grandfather and his step grand daughter who was 12 at the time I being the mother was furious and my husband and I decided for the best interest of all our children we should move. my husband and I have two children of our own and we have custody of my niece and I had two children previously. But after we moved I told the mother that I would no longer allow my children to her house because of what her husband did to my daughter but she was welcome to come to our house to visit this enraged her and she went to get visitation of our 2 children they would not let her get it for the other 3. I am very upset that she does not want the children to be protected as I do from the grandfather. She wants everything her way and when she wants it. I still dont deny her visit just when it is convenient to my husband and I and as long as we are present when they are around the grandfather. What do you think I should do we are ordered to go to mediation I feel like I have the right as a parent to decide when and where visits take place am I wrong.... I dont feel i should have any of my rights taken as my husband and I are together and wish it be at our convenience. What should we do?
What did the GF "do" to your daughter? Did you report this, as yet to be disclosed despite be INCREDIBLY RELEVANT, "assault"?
 
I need answers for everything here I am asking.

My husband and I lived beside of his parents for 5+ years
You lived in the same house? Or in apartments that were next to each other? Explain the living situation EXACTLY.

and then something happened between the grandfather and his step grand daughter who was 12
What happened exactly? You need to be very honest and straight forward, if a sexual assault or something to that nature happened this is VERY IMPORTANT. I cannot stress that enough. When did this happen and how long ago, how old is the child now? Was this reported, what happened? Was CPS called?

at the time I being the mother was furious and my husband and I decided for the best interest of all our children we should move. my husband and I have two children of our own and we have custody of my niece and I had two children previously.
So the child that was assaulted is a child you have legal custody of but is not your biological child?


But after we moved I told the mother that I would no longer allow my children to her house because of what her husband did to my daughter
Again, clarify this phrase, was this your biological child or the child you have legal guardianship/custody of?


but she was welcome to come to our house to visit this enraged her and she went to get visitation of our 2 children they would not let her get it for the other 3.
Um, no I actually would not even allow her near the kids period. She ALLOWED her husband to assault a child, how in the blue hell would you think she is safe enough to be around your other children?


I am very upset that she does not want the children to be protected as I do from the grandfather.
And very well you should be. And also as your attorney should be extremely upset as well and should be working his hardest to get this overturned and dismissed.

She wants everything her way and when she wants it. I still dont deny her visit just when it is convenient to my husband and I and as long as we are present when they are around the grandfather.
So you are OK with the fact that the grandfather assaulted this other poor child? Are you insane? I would be FIGHTING THIS left and right. This is not a case of simple grandparent/parent animosity, there is an allegation of abuse and assault of some type here and this is extremely AND ABSOLUTELY imperative.

Answer these questions:

Has the grandmother filed paperwork yet? Where does everything stand in that regard?

How old are your children, how much time time have they spent with the grandparents before hand?

When was the last time your children saw them?
 
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our attorney says we should show that we don't deny the visitation we just have limitations on them but we are only willing to give at the most 4-6 hours a month visitation.
Utter nonsense. IN THIS case, the grandmother petitioning for visitation has allowed A MINOR CHILD TO BE ASSAULTED. He should be investigating the actions of the grandfather since this is a person who may be around the children.

The grandmother is asking for outlandish things as a father would fight for from a mother she acts like she is the mother.
She more than likely feels entitled to the children if she was around for so long, which is WHY I asked how long they were around the children.


I don't know what to do I don't want to loose anything since they are our children and not hers, but at the same time I don't want to look like I am denying her visits. The grandmother will never agree to the hours I want to give her at our convenience. What do you think a reasonable amount of time would be for a month just so it looks like I dont deny her
What you do is PROTECT your children and FIGHT. Do not lie down and die because you think this woman is going to get what she wants. Once again, if you KNOW she let her husband assault a kid, I wouldn't let her near me with a 10 ft pole, never mind my kids. Stop worrying about looking like you are denying her, worry about your children being around HER and that monster she is married to.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

My husband and I lived beside of his parents for 5+ years and then something happened between the grandfather and his step grand daughter who was 12 at the time I being the mother was furious and my husband and I decided for the best interest of all our children we should move. my husband and I have two children of our own and we have custody of my niece and I had two children previously. But after we moved I told the mother that I would no longer allow my children to her house because of what her husband did to my daughter but she was welcome to come to our house to visit this enraged her and she went to get visitation of our 2 children they would not let her get it for the other 3. I am very upset that she does not want the children to be protected as I do from the grandfather. She wants everything her way and when she wants it. I still dont deny her visit just when it is convenient to my husband and I and as long as we are present when they are around the grandfather. What do you think I should do we are ordered to go to mediation I feel like I have the right as a parent to decide when and where visits take place am I wrong.... I dont feel i should have any of my rights taken as my husband and I are together and wish it be at our convenience. What should we do?
Refuse to agree to anything at all in mediation. There is lots of case law in TN in favor of the parents, and in fact, the TN Supreme Court has ruled the TN gpv statutes as unconstitutional multiple times. (The legislature keeps re-writing the laws and the TN Supreme Court keeps striking them down).

Again, do NOT agree to ANYTHING at all.
 

bloomingrose

Junior Member
I did report it to the police I will write the whole story and you will understand completely don't judge or u shall be judged...The gf forcibly kissed my daughter I was living in my in laws house I applied for an apartment and moved after I moved I told my mother-in-law that she could no longer take the children to her house but could see them at my house anytime since she didnt know at the time what her husband had done. She was so mad because they no longer could come to her house and she couldnt have her way. She then took a lawsuit out on my husband and I. She is now trying to say that we are bad parents and she is asking for every weekend with my children she is being ridiculous. I know the law in tn states gp have no rights but if they have had a significant relationship with them I can not deny them or they will have rights it is messed up I am in the middle of them finally calling me about the abuse to my daughter which I reported in December. So no charges have been put on the gf as of yet. they tell me since it was just a kiss that it would be hard to pin him for it. I just want to make sure that my children never have to be alone around him ever again. I dont know what to do I have given it to the Lord and I know he will take care of me and my children.
 

happybug

Member
You never want your children ALONE with their GF again!? How about they never have to lay eyes on him again. Protect your kids. How unconfortable must your DD be around this man? Yet, you still feel he should be in her life. You allow him into HER HOME!? Put your kids safety and well being before your in-laws and stand up for them. Children can and do get molested in a room full of people. Even if you were to prevent anything physical fro,m happening, bet your behind that when your FIL spends time with your kids, he is jacking off to thoughts of them when he gets home. No visits, no phone calls and no pictures. Remove him from your children's life 100%.
 
I did report it to the police I will write the whole story
Excellent, get that police report and keep it handy. Did you also call Child protective services? You MUST if you have not done so, although I do not know if it will be too late to make a report now. The seniors will chime in.

The gf forcibly kissed my daughter
Disgusting, I am sorry to hear that. Is your daughter ok?

I was living in my in laws house I applied for an apartment and moved
Good, how long were you living with them before you moved?

after I moved I told my mother-in-law that she could no longer take the children to her house but could see them at my house anytime since she didnt know at the time what her husband had done.
Ok, and did you advise her of the disgusting act her husband committed? And even kowing this, she still is with this man and still wants the children around him?

She was so mad because they no longer could come to her house and she couldnt have her way. She then took a lawsuit out on my husband and I. She is now trying to say that we are bad parents and she is asking for every weekend with my children she is being ridiculous.
Let her file all the paperwork to kingdom come, you are looking out in your children's best interest, anything and everyone else after that can go you know where.


I know the law in tn states gp have no rights but if they have had a significant relationship with them I can not deny them or they will have rights
Baloney, do NOT feel overwhelmed and give up, I get the feeling you are feeling defeated here a bit. DONT BE. You have an acutal legitimate concern regarding the welfare of your children. I have to reiterate that this is not a typical parent/GP that aer just fighting and all that, your child's grandfather KISSED the child against her will, that is a disturbing and unsettling act. God forbid he did anything else....I am getting mad just thinking about it and I will not comment further.

it is messed up I am in the middle of them finally calling me about the abuse to my daughter which I reported in December, So no charges have been put on the gf as of yet..
Good, so since december where have you been living?

they tell me since it was just a kiss that it would be hard to pin him for it. I just want to make sure that my children never have to be alone around him ever again.
Who said that? The lawyer, the police who exactly??

I dont know what to do I have given it to the Lord and I know he will take care of me and my children.
Good, let your faith keep your spirits up and you do the right thing for your children and keep them safe.

Look, I am not an attorney or legal expert, BUT with the brief amount of time I looked over the statutes for TN regarding GP visitation, you have a lot to help you out on the law side BUT you also HAVE TO INSIST on the following:

1-GET A LAW GUARDIAN ON THE CASE FOR THE CHILDREN ASAP.

2-Get any and all documentation you have pertaining to the abuse committed by the GF. That MUST be brought to the court's attention.

3-You must bring to the courts attention that the petitioner, even KNOWING, the act committed by the grandfather and the potential he has to commit acts of that nature again is STILL attempting to have the children in an unsafe environment.

What is your children's feeling on this? How old are they and do they want to see the Grandparents?

Also once again, how LONG were you living with the grandparents?

Do not let the lawyer roll you over on the idea that the GM will 100000000% get visitation for sure. Yes it seems daunting but you need your attorney to fight for you, this guy seems like he is just rolling over and going with it just because it met the requirement for a hearing. I will post it separately now what I have found
 
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mistoffolees

Senior Member
I hate to ask this but..

..what kind of kiss?
That's what I was wondering.

I come from an Italian family. Kisses happen all the time - and no one considers them to be anything more than a greeting. Granted, I have a few aunts that I tried to avoid when I was younger, but more for the cheek pinching part than the kiss.
 

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