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  #1  
Old 10-09-2009, 12:01 PM
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Help Nemaw


What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
PA
I have some questions about grandparents rights to visitation.
My son has a 5 year old daughter and is no longer with her mother, I have taken care of this child since she was 6 weeks old when her mother went back to work, my son was not working at the time (he lived with me) and I was the one who bought all of her needs (Food, Clothing Diapers etc.) he lived with me for the first 3 years of his daughters life and since has married, and has another child, he has shared physical custody of my grandaughter. Now I dont get to see her but twice a month only when my son has her every other weekend, (she has started school). Her mother is trying to keep her from seeing me, She may only be 5 years old but she knows what she want and she wants to be with me. Idont want to take her from her parents, I just want to see her, her mother does not allow her to sleep over at my house and my grandaughter does not know why, she is traumatize by all this. What can I do?
Thank you
Nemaw.
  #2  
Old 10-09-2009, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemaw View Post
What can I do?
You can see your grandchild on your son's time.
  #3  
Old 10-09-2009, 12:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemaw View Post
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
PA
I have some questions about grandparents rights to visitation.
My son has a 5 year old daughter and is no longer with her mother, I have taken care of this child since she was 6 weeks old when her mother went back to work, my son was not working at the time (he lived with me) and I was the one who bought all of her needs (Food, Clothing Diapers etc.) he lived with me for the first 3 years of his daughters life and since has married, and has another child, he has shared physical custody of my grandaughter. Now I dont get to see her but twice a month only when my son has her every other weekend, (she has started school). Her mother is trying to keep her from seeing me, She may only be 5 years old but she knows what she want and she wants to be with me. Idont want to take her from her parents, I just want to see her, her mother does not allow her to sleep over at my house and my grandaughter does not know why, she is traumatize by all this. What can I do?
Thank you
Nemaw.
Elvin is absolutely correct. You can see your grandchild on your son's parenting time.
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  #4  
Old 10-09-2009, 12:36 PM
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With all due respect: The 5 year old is not traumatized by not spending the night at your house. You seem to be projecting your feelings on to the 5 year old.
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  #5  
Old 10-09-2009, 12:36 PM
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Your relationship as a grandparent does not supersede the parents' legal right to ultimate authority of their child. It's great that you helped to provide for this child while she was younger, but that doesn't buy you any special privileges.

When parents aren't together, that's generally how it works. The child sees the people in Mom's life when she's with Mom, and she sees the people in Dad's life when she's with Dad. If her time with Dad is limited, that's going to limit your time with her as well.

I can understand the child being sad that she doesn't see Nemaw as much as she used to, but traumatized? If that's true, the adults in her life--including you--need to help her focus on the positive (the time she does get to spend with you) and distract her from what she perceives as traumatic. You can help by avoiding any discussion in her presence about how this makes you feel. And I certainly hope she doesn't know you're investigating whether you have any legal recourse.
  #6  
Old 10-09-2009, 03:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemaw View Post
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
PA
I have some questions about grandparents rights to visitation.
My son has a 5 year old daughter and is no longer with her mother, I have taken care of this child since she was 6 weeks old when her mother went back to work, my son was not working at the time (he lived with me) and I was the one who bought all of her needs (Food, Clothing Diapers etc.) he lived with me for the first 3 years of his daughters life and since has married, and has another child, he has shared physical custody of my grandaughter. Now I dont get to see her but twice a month only when my son has her every other weekend, (she has started school). Her mother is trying to keep her from seeing me, She may only be 5 years old but she knows what she want and she wants to be with me. Idont want to take her from her parents, I just want to see her, her mother does not allow her to sleep over at my house and my grandaughter does not know why, she is traumatize by all this. What can I do?
Thank you
Nemaw.
Just to make sure that its crystal clear....

As long as your son has visitation rights and you can see the child on his time, no court will ever give you any visitation rights of your own...period.
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  #7  
Old 10-09-2009, 06:23 PM
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You can make nice with mommy and maybe squeeze out a little extra time...but really, why is seeing her twice a month so unacceptable to you? It may not be what you WANT but it's not an unreasonable amount of time for a grandparent to spend with a grandchild.

I may be wrong about this, but barring some sort of court order, I think if Dad wants to allow little one to spend the night with you on his time, he can. However, he may not want to sacrifice the little bit of time he has with her.

As Charlotte said, YOU can make this easier on your grandchild by focusing less on "I know, it's SO sad you don't see Nemaw every day anymore, poor little thing." and more on "you're here now, so what fun things can we do? You choose!" If you love this little girl, put what YOU want aside and help her deal with what is.

And "traumatized" is just a little overly dramatic, don't you think?

Last edited by frylover; 10-09-2009 at 06:52 PM.
  #8  
Old 10-10-2009, 02:16 PM
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she doesnt decide


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemaw View Post
She may only be 5 years old but she knows what she want and she wants to be with me.
5 yr olds dont decide whom they live with.or who the visit. that the parents decision
  #9  
Old 10-10-2009, 02:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dannyt View Post
5 yr olds dont decide whom they live with.or who the visit. that the parents decision
that comment always gets me snarky. the child only KNOWS what they want when it's agrees with the adult. if the child wants to never see the grandparent again because grandma ran out of pink snowballs and only had white ones left, grandma wouldn't be taking that whole "child knows what she wants" so darn serious.
  #10  
Old 10-10-2009, 03:31 PM
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Nemaw, you've been given the accurate legal advice - you have absolutely no standing to do anything in terms of forcing visitation or even getting court-ordered visitation. The fact that you see her twice a month is already above and beyond many grandparent visitation schedules; take the time that you have, put your feelings aside and help treasure and nurture this little girl.

You're an important part of her life - don't ruin that by forcing her parents to choose between visiting you and not visiting you; if you do it's virtually guaranteed that you will end up never seeing your granddaughter.
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  #11  
Old 10-10-2009, 05:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IsabellaSoriano View Post
that comment always gets me snarky. the child only KNOWS what they want when it's agrees with the adult. if the child wants to never see the grandparent again because grandma ran out of pink snowballs and only had white ones left, grandma wouldn't be taking that whole "child knows what she wants" so darn serious.
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