I hate grandparent's rights.....former MIL taking me back to court again.

[catlvr976]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Hello everyone. I was wondering if anyone can give me any advice about my situation.

My fomer MIL was awarded supervised visitation with my children shortly after their father died almost 4 years ago. I don't know how she got this, considering she had not seen my children for at least 2 years prior to his death. My late h didn't want his children around his mother or stepfather, after stepfather threatened bodily harm to him, and his own mother threatened to hit him while he was holding our then 8 month old 2nd baby. I remember my late h telling me that he also found a white powdery substance in his stepdad's locker at work one time. His mother also asked him to buy pain pills from guys at his work another time.

This woman blames me for her son's death (suicide) and had no problem telling people that at his funeral and even at other times.

Anyway, she was awarded visitation that was to occur every other Sunday for 2 hours. The first year, she came to slightly more than half of her visits, always coming up with some stupid excuse as to why she couldn't come.

Last year, she made it to a total of 8 visits. If she'd have come to them all, she would've had 26 visits last year. Last year, she left almost half of the visits she managed to come to early to do things for other people, or to go shopping. There was a span of about 3 months where we didn't hear from her at all.

She NEVER calls between her visits, does not call my children on their birthdays or holidays, she just pretty much shows up whenever she feels like it, or it's convenient for her. Promises my children that she'll bring this or that to her next visit, then show up emptyhanded.

We are going to be moving to a different part of the state in the middle of the year.

Well, the other day, I get served with papers to go back to mediation because she wants to have the supervised part removed and have the days changed. I don't understand her, she got what she wanted, kind of, couldn't even follow THAT, and is taking me back again to have the order changed.

Why can't I have her visits terminated? My middle child (age 6) told me that she does not want to go to her grandmas house, she wants her to visit at our house. She said that she's scared to go there. My youngest does not seem to care, and my oldest said that she thinks "she'll survive" if she has to go to her grandma's house, but does have reservations about going there without my presence.

I realize that she'll probably not lose her visits, and I'm not holding out much hope that she'll still be stuck with the supervised visits. What recourse, if any, do I have??? What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[CSO286]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Hello everyone. I was wondering if anyone can give me any advice about my situation.

My fomer MIL was awarded supervised visitation with my children shortly after their father died almost 4 years ago. I don't know how she got this, considering she had not seen my children for at least 2 years prior to his death. My late h didn't want his children around his mother or stepfather, after stepfather threatened bodily harm to him, and his own mother threatened to hit him while he was holding our then 8 month old 2nd baby. I remember my late h telling me that he also found a white powdery substance in his stepdad's locker at work one time. His mother also asked him to buy pain pills from guys at his work another time.

This woman blames me for her son's death (suicide) and had no problem telling people that at his funeral and even at other times.

Anyway, she was awarded visitation that was to occur every other Sunday for 2 hours. The first year, she came to slightly more than half of her visits, always coming up with some stupid excuse as to why she couldn't come.

Last year, she made it to a total of 8 visits. If she'd have come to them all, she would've had 26 visits last year. Last year, she left almost half of the visits she managed to come to early to do things for other people, or to go shopping. There was a span of about 3 months where we didn't hear from her at all.

She NEVER calls between her visits, does not call my children on their birthdays or holidays, she just pretty much shows up whenever she feels like it, or it's convenient for her. Promises my children that she'll bring this or that to her next visit, then show up emptyhanded.

We are going to be moving to a different part of the state in the middle of the year.

Well, the other day, I get served with papers to go back to mediation because she wants to have the supervised part removed and have the days changed. I don't understand her, she got what she wanted, kind of, couldn't even follow THAT, and is taking me back again to have the order changed.

Why can't I have her visits terminated? My middle child (age 6) told me that she does not want to go to her grandmas house, she wants her to visit at our house. She said that she's scared to go there. My youngest does not seem to care, and my oldest said that she thinks "she'll survive" if she has to go to her grandma's house, but does have reservations about going there without my presence.

I realize that she'll probably not lose her visits, and I'm not holding out much hope that she'll still be stuck with the supervised visits. What recourse, if any, do I have??? What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I'd request that the visitation be terminated since she fails to show up for the majority of them.

Failing that, I'd request that she not receive unsupervised visits until she had completed at least 6 months of the scheduled supervised visits without missing any of them.

 

[catlvr976]

Thank you for your reply.

How would I manage this since we're going to be moving? I would rather her have to make the trip, or meet halfway. It's not like she's made much of an effort or goes out of her way, KWIM?

 

[mistoffolees]

Thank you for your reply.

How would I manage this since we're going to be moving? I would rather her have to make the trip, or meet halfway. It's not like she's made much of an effort or goes out of her way, KWIM?

I would definitely not offer to meet half way - particularly with her record.

I would simply notify the court and her that you're moving and that she is free to continue exercising the court-ordered supervised visitation.

 

[ecmst12]

It would be wise to get an attorney. And definitely make sure any future visits are located at YOUR home or community, wherever that may be, with any transportation costs to be born by her alone.

 

[catlvr976]

I do have an attorney; but I found this site and thought maybe I might get other ideas besides just his.

So far, every visit has been at my home. She's never had them at her house. She's never even watched them once since they were born. We didn't want her watching them because of things she said when our oldest was born. Going around telling people we were starving her (because I nursed her) telling us that she'll smoke around them even though we asked her not to (one of the reasons my husband didn't let her watch them).

I can't understand why she's allowed to constantly drag this back over and over. Especially since she couldn't even follow the order that was granted to her!!! I mean 8 visits in one year! And my guess is, when we go back for this stupid mediation at the end of the month, the mediator will try and force me to bend to my former MIL's wishes; totally ignoring the fact that she only visited my children 8 times.

Why can't she be held in some type of contempt or something?

I just wish these courts would actually LOOK into some of these "grandparents" before just forcing parents to have their children visit them. It's just so wrong. I don't understand why it is that just because one of us is no longer around, what we wanted for our children just is tossed out the window.

 

[CSO286]

I do have an attorney; but I found this site and thought maybe I might get other ideas besides just his.

So far, every visit has been at my home. She's never had them at her house. She's never even watched them once since they were born. We didn't want her watching them because of things she said when our oldest was born. Going around telling people we were starving her (because I nursed her) telling us that she'll smoke around them even though we asked her not to (one of the reasons my husband didn't let her watch them).

Look I can empathize with this, really. But it's not relevent info...

I can't understand why she's allowed to constantly drag this back over and over. Especially since she couldn't even follow the order that was granted to her!!! I mean 8 visits in one year! And my guess is, when we go back for this stupid mediation at the end of the month, the mediator will try and force me to bend to my former MIL's wishes; totally ignoring the fact that she only visited my children 8 times.

So don't bend. State clearly that "Mrs. Doe is certainly welcome to continue her visits as they are outlined in the court order. Due to her failure to exercise the visits, I'd like them to stop since it make making plans for the children difficult. I never know if she will show up or not. If these visits are going to continue, then I want the following terms (see my previous post.)"
Stand your ground.

Why can't she be held in some type of contempt or something?

Unfortunately, the contempt is kind of a one-way street here. She could have you held in contempt for not having the children available for her to exercise her right to visitation.
However since it is her right, she doesn't have to exercise it, but it is your obligation to ensure the children are available for said visitation.
I never said the world was fair.

I just wish these courts would actually LOOK into some of these "grandparents" before just forcing parents to have their children visit them. It's just so wrong. I don't understand why it is that just because one of us is no longer around, what we wanted for our children just is tossed out the window.

Well, and I do mean this with all due respect, having lost my SO to suicide, I don't have any desire to be mean......
that said, the court can't ask Dad what his opinion on the matter is. IT boils down to a she said/she said situation. the visitation they ordered was probably the judge opting to err on the side of caution....

I would just go in there and stand your ground. Be kind, but firm.

I'm afraid that's the best I can tell you.

 

[ecmst12]

Visitation is a right, not an obligation. In this case, it's only a right because grandma managed to get a court order, normally grandparents do NOT have inherent rights to visit their grandchildren, but if a court issued the order, it's not likely they would totally take it away now.

However, I see no reason that they would "upgrade" to unsupervised visitation regardless of whether she's kept up with the visits or not, or increase the amount of time, or restrict you from moving, or make you cover her transportation costs, or anything else that they might do in a normal parent visitation situation.

What did your lawyer tell you?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Hello everyone. I was wondering if anyone can give me any advice about my situation.

My fomer MIL was awarded supervised visitation with my children shortly after their father died almost 4 years ago. I don't know how she got this, considering she had not seen my children for at least 2 years prior to his death. My late h didn't want his children around his mother or stepfather, after stepfather threatened bodily harm to him, and his own mother threatened to hit him while he was holding our then 8 month old 2nd baby. I remember my late h telling me that he also found a white powdery substance in his stepdad's locker at work one time. His mother also asked him to buy pain pills from guys at his work another time.

This woman blames me for her son's death (suicide) and had no problem telling people that at his funeral and even at other times.

Anyway, she was awarded visitation that was to occur every other Sunday for 2 hours. The first year, she came to slightly more than half of her visits, always coming up with some stupid excuse as to why she couldn't come.

Last year, she made it to a total of 8 visits. If she'd have come to them all, she would've had 26 visits last year. Last year, she left almost half of the visits she managed to come to early to do things for other people, or to go shopping. There was a span of about 3 months where we didn't hear from her at all.

She NEVER calls between her visits, does not call my children on their birthdays or holidays, she just pretty much shows up whenever she feels like it, or it's convenient for her. Promises my children that she'll bring this or that to her next visit, then show up emptyhanded.

We are going to be moving to a different part of the state in the middle of the year.

Well, the other day, I get served with papers to go back to mediation because she wants to have the supervised part removed and have the days changed. I don't understand her, she got what she wanted, kind of, couldn't even follow THAT, and is taking me back again to have the order changed.

Why can't I have her visits terminated? My middle child (age 6) told me that she does not want to go to her grandmas house, she wants her to visit at our house. She said that she's scared to go there. My youngest does not seem to care, and my oldest said that she thinks "she'll survive" if she has to go to her grandma's house, but does have reservations about going there without my presence.

I realize that she'll probably not lose her visits, and I'm not holding out much hope that she'll still be stuck with the supervised visits. What recourse, if any, do I have??? What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

You could certainly fight to keep the visits supervised, but that is harder to do since you are moving to a different part of the state.

I think that you should counter sue to have the orders vacated.

Then the two of you will likely end up in mediation and you can try to work something out. However, again, I wouldn't give up on the supervision, because its quite likely that she will say some bad things to your children about you and their father's suicide if no one is supervising her.

 

[ElvinMelvin]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

My fomer MIL was awarded supervised visitation with my children shortly after their father died almost 4 years ago. I don't know how she got this

PA is a pretty grandparent friendly state. Also, was the visitation a result of a judge's order or did you agree to it in mediation?

Well, the other day, I get served with papers to go back to mediation because she wants to have the supervised part removed and have the days changed.

Keep in mind that you cannot be forced to agree to anything in mediation. If it were me, I would refuse to budge in mediation and force her to take it to a judge. In court, the burden of proof will be on her to show that a change in the visitation order is in the best interest of your child. From what you wrote about her track record, I think this will a tough sell.

JMHO

 

[catlvr976]

I wanted to try and reply real quick, as I didn't want anyone to think I just up and left my post. My oldest is sick.

Anyway, no, I never agreed to anything in mediation with her. My attorney told me to have it go to the judge (hearing officer). That's what happened last time. She tried to get the visits unsupervised, I had my dd's therapist there as well. I guess things like her having no idea when my children's birthdays are, not calling on holidays, missing visits, plus their therapist did not work in MIL's favor.

This last visit, she asked my oldest about how my fiance and I discipline the girls (occasionally they will get a swat on the bum if they are really misbehaving); GM told her that she did not like it and that no one should paddle them. Is that considered "interfering with parent/child relationship?" What exactly does that mean? She also questioned me about something and had enough of an attitude in her voice that my dd mentioned it to me after her GM left.

I'm going to try and not give up. It's not like I'm trying to keep her from them, but I know her history. How is it fair and in my children's "best interest" to be sitting around waiting for GM that might or might not show up? Or to be told that she'll get them a particular toy and bring it "next time" then shows up empty handed, or to be told that she has to leave a visit early to do something for someone else? What kind of message is that sending them? They aren't worth her time, or her full 2 hours. When (and ever) is what they want taken into consideration?

The thing is, when we move, if she ends up getting the orders chagned, what if they don't want to visit her? If they have something else they'd rather do, or friends they'd rather play with, they have to forgo all that b/c of her....how is that fair to them?

I'm sorry to bring this all up. It's just something that really upsets me.