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FairytaleOfNew

Junior Member
Dating in Kindergarden(sic):rolleyes: hmmph.

Just because it irritates me so much... The word is kindergarten.

Yeah, one of those play ground stupid kid things, pick you as their boyfriend/girlfriend and somehow it always stuck. We grew up with our families (his adoptive and mine) always supporting it and thinking it was just "soooo cute" and then we got older, were best friends, started "really" dating and it just took on a life of its own. It can be annoying sometimes like now as we do not agree on everything especially when it comes to things for his own good.
 


FairytaleOfNew

Junior Member
I would suggest that you get some couples counseling before making a decision on this issue. It's going to affect the rest of your future together. You seem committed to him even though you're not married yet. Work this out now, or go your separate ways. Ignoring an issue or putting a bandaid on it does not make it go away.
Maybe we will try that, it was suggest before when we had a different issue and never took up on it. I think this is a bigger one and could probably do us a lot of good. Even if we don't end up on the sam side I think it'd be helpful and when we decide what to do on the baby it won't be such a pressure one way or another. Have a lot of big choices to make and this one kind of blind sided me!

Thanks for the suggestion!
 

FairytaleOfNew

Junior Member
I had done a little more research today.... I found out you can get a restraining order on behalf of your children if they are under the age of 18. Obviously I know I cannot have one now as I haven't even had the child yet, but once I do and when there is just cause such as abuse which is documented by law enforcement and all of this info would be presented to a judge about her past and her behavior and mental state... would it be more likely possible would you think?

And in the event I did get a restraining order for the child, my boyfriend would have to abide by it and keep her away... if he chose to ignore the ruling or just didn't enforce if when he was with the child and I wasn't around would he get implicated for wrong doing?

That sounds really harsh but I just want to do everything possible to protect the child if I chose to have it and I know he would too just he's more lienent,
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I'm 25, he's 28. We've known each other basically since we were born. Started "dating" when we were in Kindergarden and despite fights here and there been together since. So I like to believe we can get through anything. :)
He was held back in kindergarten 3 times?
 

FairytaleOfNew

Junior Member
He was held back in kindergarten 3 times?
No? I've known him since I was born... when I was in K on the playground one day started the whole child bf/gf thing. He's a few years older than me and was a few grades too. He's never been held back in school?And not sure what that would hae to do with anything if he even was?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Ok...I am going to add a few things here...and comment on some things that others have said.

First, while she is his biological mother, she is not his legal mother. Therefore she would never have any standing to sue for grandparent visitation rights herself.

I agree with everyone else that her son, if he is married to you or if he is not and has visitation/parenting time rights to his children he can take them around her whether you like it or not. It would also be very difficult to get a restraining order/protective order against her unless she actually does something to the child or to you when the child is present.

Everyone is also right about the fact that this is a problem that is never going to go away. Even if you abort this child if you plan on having any children with him in the future, the same problem is going to be present. You are not going to be safe unless or until he himself feels strongly that it would not be safe to have his mother around the child, or at least without him present and keeping himself basically between his mother and the child. Even if he feels that way she might be able to wear him down if she wants to be around the child(ren).

Therefore you really need to think seriously about not only whether or not you should be having this child, but about whether or not you should continue in this relationship. I understand that you love him and that the two of you have been together for almost your entire lives, but the odds of this problem going away for good are very slim.
 

FairytaleOfNew

Junior Member
Ok...I am going to add a few things here...and comment on some things that others have said.

First, while she is his biological mother, she is not his legal mother. Therefore she would never have any standing to sue for grandparent visitation rights herself.

I agree with everyone else that her son, if he is married to you or if he is not and has visitation/parenting time rights to his children he can take them around her whether you like it or not. It would also be very difficult to get a restraining order/protective order against her unless she actually does something to the child or to you when the child is present.

Everyone is also right about the fact that this is a problem that is never going to go away. Even if you abort this child if you plan on having any children with him in the future, the same problem is going to be present. You are not going to be safe unless or until he himself feels strongly that it would not be safe to have his mother around the child, or at least without him present and keeping himself basically between his mother and the child. Even if he feels that way she might be able to wear him down if she wants to be around the child(ren).

Therefore you really need to think seriously about not only whether or not you should be having this child, but about whether or not you should continue in this relationship. I understand that you love him and that the two of you have been together for almost your entire lives, but the odds of this problem going away for good are very slim.
Thanks for the help. I wondered about that with the adoptive process with her too so thanks. :) I figured as much I suppose, usually something needs to happen first. I just worry to death over it. I have ZERO doubt in my mind something WILL happen to both me and my child around this woman. I personally stay away from her as much as I can as it is now. She had filed a RO against my boyfriend just weeks ago but decided to drop it... huge disappointment to me honestly, I was looking forward to at least a year with them legally told to stay away from each other.

But if something did happen, and no doubt it would, and there was proof of it would I be able to protect her/him with an order? I mean if my child was harmed by the grandmother I would have legal standing to say this woman can not be around my child again?

We have been planning to move out of state, not sure when but trying to work it out for the next few years. Might have to relocate for him wanting more schooling anyway. So I know that would help though not really solve the issue. But it would help us as a couple let alone with the child. The mother would be states away, hardly ever seen as he'd have to come out as she's not permitted to leave the state with probation unless she gets written consent and he knows she can't stay with us and our lives would be a lot different. But until relocation happens I have her 2 towns over.

I know it will have an issue with us and I've been trying to wrap my head around it. She's never realy been much in his life/our lives. He met her for the first time really in late 03 and spent a few years trying to get to know her but from early 06 until late last year he has nothing to do with her, never spoke to her, wouldn't talk to anyone who did. And in the years she was in our lives before she was mostly living far away or was in jail. So it hadn't been SO much of a problem until Aug of last year when she reentered our lives and moved in with him for a little while now lives 2 towns over and is around more. So it's been something out there been trying to figure out how much it's going to truly affect us. If push came to shove I would leave if I had to in order to protect myself from her and I know that. I just never want it to come to that. I KNOW he doesn't either but I know he also would just expect her to be fine..... until she isn't every time. And that's a whole other issue with us when it comes to his whole entire biological family. He let's them run him over and takes it toll on him and then me and just too much drama sometimes. But that's another story all together.

I just hate this whole situation, left to worry about my safety every time I am near this woman, now will have to about the child if I choose to have it which is a million times worse
 
Agreed! It does not ever go away. And when you wait with hope for change it cements much further and is harder to undo.

If you are concerned about getting an order to keep your child safe you are saying you don't trust your boyfriend to protect you or your child. That's the real problem here.
 

las365

Senior Member
Okay, whoa, I read through all this (okay, skimmed quite a bit of it) and it's not making much sense to me and then:
She had filed a RO against my boyfriend just weeks ago
Is the entire bloodline violent?

This smells trolly to me. I don't believe that after all the abandonment, theft, imprisonment, and recent brutal violence that left blood on the carpet and a woman needing medical attention, and god knows what else, this guy is such a moron that he won't agree in principle that it would be best to keep his mother away from his child.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Okay, whoa, I read through all this (okay, skimmed quite a bit of it) and it's not making much sense to me and then:

Is the entire bloodline violent?

This smells trolly to me. I don't believe that after all the abandonment, theft, imprisonment, and recent brutal violence that left blood on the carpet and a woman needing medical attention, and god knows what else, this guy is such a moron that he won't agree in principle that it would be best to keep his mother away from his child.
Never underestimate the foolishness of some people regarding family members...particularly parents. I can buy this all the way. I have seen parent/child relationships that are just that toxic...and their child defending them all the way.
 

Micheal shawn

Junior Member
I think there is no such law in every state that can keep away a child from his mother except that his guardian is some one else like his father and if he permits the child or simply just allow him to meet who ever he likes then i think that this is simply just fair enough....
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I think there is no such law in every state that can keep away a child from his mother except that his guardian is some one else like his father and if he permits the child or simply just allow him to meet who ever he likes then i think that this is simply just fair enough....


Please try English. Or at the very least, post something that isn't nonsense.

Thanks!
 

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