in the middle

[jhardy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA- My son is always fighting with his ex and I'm placed in the middle. When he is in the mode of "teaching her a lesson " he demand that I don't have any contact with her or his son, my 6yearold grandson.I tell him its punishing myself and his son but he don't care, he says I am to do as he says bcuz its his son.What am I to do? He says I'm disrespecting him if I don't go along with him and he wont talk to me anymore.My grandson and I are very close, we visit every wked and I take him to skating lessons he enjoys our time and so do I .What do I do? Am I wrong? He's using us to revenge her.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA- My son is always fighting with his ex and I'm placed in the middle. When he is in the mode of "teaching her a lesson " he demand that I don't have any contact with her or his son, my 6yearold grandson.I tell him its punishing myself and his son but he don't care, he says I am to do as he says bcuz its his son.What am I to do? He says I'm disrespecting him if I don't go along with him and he wont talk to me anymore.My grandson and I are very close, we visit every wked and I take him to skating lessons he enjoys our time and so do I .What do I do? Am I wrong? He's using us to revenge her.

Yes you are wrong. It is not illegal for him to use you that way. It is ridiculously childish behaviour but it is not illegal. If you decide to go against his wishes be prepared to only see your grandson when the ex allows it or until he changes his mind.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA- My son is always fighting with his ex and I'm placed in the middle. When he is in the mode of "teaching her a lesson " he demand that I don't have any contact with her or his son, my 6yearold grandson.I tell him its punishing myself and his son but he don't care, he says I am to do as he says bcuz its his son.What am I to do? He says I'm disrespecting him if I don't go along with him and he wont talk to me anymore.My grandson and I are very close, we visit every wked and I take him to skating lessons he enjoys our time and so do I .What do I do? Am I wrong? He's using us to revenge her.

You do nothing.

Not your problem.

 

[ecmst12]

Do you have a friendship with mom and that's how you are visiting with kiddo?

 

[Zigner]

What you do is remain gracious to all involved.

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA- My son is always fighting with his ex and I'm placed in the middle. When he is in the mode of "teaching her a lesson " he demand that I don't have any contact with her or his son, my 6yearold grandson.I tell him its punishing myself and his son but he don't care, he says I am to do as he says bcuz its his son.What am I to do? He says I'm disrespecting him if I don't go along with him and he wont talk to me anymore.My grandson and I are very close, we visit every wked and I take him to skating lessons he enjoys our time and so do I .What do I do? Am I wrong? He's using us to revenge her.

It sounds like you have a relationship with the mom and she allows you these visits with your grandson .

If that is true and you enjoy this ,then keep doing it .

If your son gets bent out of shape so be it , just smile and be kind,and tell him you enjoy your time with family and family bond is important ,just as your relationship with him is,and your grandson is an extention of him.

Tell him what's between him and his ex ,is just that as adults.

It's not fair to you or the grandson to turn the switch on or off at his request.

 

[jhardy]

Wow!

Ok, thank y'all for responding, Im really not sure what to do.Shocking that he can use me in this way,and u say he's within his legal rights... what about regards to what's in the best interest of the child?? No, her and I are not the best of friends but we're cordial toward eachother and she knows I love my grandson. Everything can be going just fine and out of the blue ,as far as I'm concerned ,my son calls me up with this.I try to reason with him saying its apparent he's had sum kinds disagreement with her but please don't use me to "teach her a lesson " .I really feel that it is a bad reflection on me to comply with his request to not have any contact with them until he say so.I'm not picking sides,I'm supportive of my son and I'd rather be on his side but like I said, what about the best interest of the child?

 

[jhardy]

I wish I understood his reasoning or how can he justify not allowing his son to visit his Oma(grandmother) is the right strategy to get back at her, for whatever, I don't even know what their disagreement is this time. It seems to me he don't care how his son is gona feel about not being able to see his Oma, not being able to go to his skating lessons, not to mention being cutoff from his toys and swingset at Omas.No matter what I say he is unyielding, I am to do as he says or he wont speak to me.I love my son this is killing me.This is so crazy!

 

[ecmst12]

If you and mom get along and mom is the one who has been allowing you to visit him all this time, and she is willing to continue to allow it, you are 100% free to ignore your stupid son.

Your son does not need to allow you to visit the child during HIS parenting time if he doesn't want to. And ignoring his stupid demands may harm your relationship with him. That's a risk you need to decide whether you are willing to take.

 

[LdiJ]

If you and mom get along and mom is the one who has been allowing you to visit him all this time, and she is willing to continue to allow it, you are 100% free to ignore your stupid son.

Your son does not need to allow you to visit the child during HIS parenting time if he doesn't want to. And ignoring his stupid demands may harm your relationship with him. That's a risk you need to decide whether you are willing to take.

Personally, if it were MY son, I would be sitting down having a serious talk with him...making sure that he understood that I was NOT on his side, that I thought his behavior was unreasonable, and that I wasn't going to enable him. I would hope that my relationship with him was strong enough that it would make him take a good look at what he was doing.

I have a brother who can become massively unreasonable at times. He is 48 years old. He lives with my 78 year old mother (which is for her sake, she does not wish to live alone). Last Thanksgiving my mother sent him to his room because he was ruining the day for everyone else...he went without an argument. Mom's often have more power than they realize, for both good and evil (sigh), maybe its time for this mom to use some of her power for good.

 

[Just Blue]

I wish I understood his reasoning or how can he justify not allowing his son to visit his Oma(grandmother) is the right strategy to get back at her, for whatever, I don't even know what their disagreement is this time. It seems to me he don't care how his son is gona feel about not being able to see his Oma, not being able to go to his skating lessons, not to mention being cutoff from his toys and swingset at Omas.No matter what I say he is unyielding, I am to do as he says or he wont speak to me.I love my son this is killing me.This is so crazy!

WEW, If you are going to play the "ESL" card, please!! TRY to be consistent.

 

[jhardy]

I hate bein at odds with my son, when hes not seeking revenge on her our relationship is good.He's charming and loving, I adore him even.I know she pushes his buttons but its really sad that all is disposable when is seeking revenge toward her.That's just it ecmst12, I'm torn and even if I do as he wants me too, I'll be bitter.I am so hurt and upset with his unreasonable demand that I don't like him. Either way, whatever choice I make I am not winning here. Thank y'all for the input, I was really needing it, thank u very much!

 

[jhardy]

Blue Meanie? What is ESL??

 

[jhardy]

Blue Meanie? What is ESL??

 

[LdiJ]

Blue Meanie? What is ESL??

ESL = English as a Second Language.

I don't think that applies here, but you did lose some command of your English Grammar in your postings.