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  1. #1
    C. Sol is offline Junior Member
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    Missing my grandbabies

    What is the name of your state? CA

    My daughter and the father of her two oldest daughters were divorced about 4 or 5 years ago. My ex-son-in-law now has custody of the girls. He lives in AZ. I have no issues with them being with their father, as a matter of fact, quite the opposite as my daughter's life is not so stable. With him I know they are cared for and have a stable, structured environment. When they were living with their mother here in CA I was the one who made sure they got to the pick up site for their visits with their dad. They have been with their father for almost two years now. It's been well over that since I have seen them. I had a very close relationship with them as my daughter is such a flake so I made sure they were cared for when they were here. I have tried to be understanding of concerns the father might have about allowing them to come here for a visit. He's voiced fears of their mother getting them and not returning them. There's no way I would let that happen as I know they are sooooo much better of with him. And furthermore, I'm a retired deputy sheriff so there's no way I'd get involved with something like that! I'm not asking for much, just to have some regular contact with them. Most of the time when I call they (the father or stepmother) don't answer the phone. When they do I'm only allowed to speak with the girls on speaker phone. I don't care if they listen in on the conversations as I have nothing to hide from them but it's very hard to hear them and for them to hear me. Worse, I only have the father's cell phone number as he will not give me the house phone, which would be clearer. Plus, because of the limited minutes on the cell phone he doesn't want me to call before 6 PM. I just want to be able to bring them out for visits once or twice a year and have a regular phone schedule set up so I can talk to them on a regular basis. I haven't even seen a picture of them in over a year and was left off the list of people they send school pictures to. I miss them so very much and want to remain a part of their lives.What is the name of your state?
  2. #2
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by C. Sol View Post
    What is the name of your state? CA

    My daughter and the father of her two oldest daughters were divorced about 4 or 5 years ago. My ex-son-in-law now has custody of the girls. He lives in AZ. I have no issues with them being with their father, as a matter of fact, quite the opposite as my daughter's life is not so stable. With him I know they are cared for and have a stable, structured environment. When they were living with their mother here in CA I was the one who made sure they got to the pick up site for their visits with their dad. They have been with their father for almost two years now. It's been well over that since I have seen them. I had a very close relationship with them as my daughter is such a flake so I made sure they were cared for when they were here. I have tried to be understanding of concerns the father might have about allowing them to come here for a visit. He's voiced fears of their mother getting them and not returning them. There's no way I would let that happen as I know they are sooooo much better of with him. And furthermore, I'm a retired deputy sheriff so there's no way I'd get involved with something like that! I'm not asking for much, just to have some regular contact with them. Most of the time when I call they (the father or stepmother) don't answer the phone. When they do I'm only allowed to speak with the girls on speaker phone. I don't care if they listen in on the conversations as I have nothing to hide from them but it's very hard to hear them and for them to hear me. Worse, I only have the father's cell phone number as he will not give me the house phone, which would be clearer. Plus, because of the limited minutes on the cell phone he doesn't want me to call before 6 PM. I just want to be able to bring them out for visits once or twice a year and have a regular phone schedule set up so I can talk to them on a regular basis. I haven't even seen a picture of them in over a year and was left off the list of people they send school pictures to. I miss them so very much and want to remain a part of their lives.What is the name of your state?
    Does your daughter have court ordered visitation with the children? If so, have your daughter exercise her right to visit the children (he canNOT say no if there is a court order) then you can see the girls. Your other option is to visit them in AZ at dad's discretion.
  3. #3
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Also, consider taking a vacation out to CA and seeing the kids there.

    AS to regular communication, sounds like money is tight for dad. Is mom paying child support?

    You could perhaps offer to buy a subscription to something like Skype for dad to use for phone contact between you and the kids. I bought a year of internet-to-land phone access (as a second line so hubby and I can both work from home without needing a second line), in January for about $15.00. I think it's $24 now. That's per year, not per month. They also have video visit capability if dad would agree to set up video visitation..
  4. #4
    C. Sol is offline Junior Member
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    Appreciate response

    I appreciate your response. I live in CA, they live in AZ. He isn't in any financial difficulty at all. He was in a serious accident several years ago and was awarded a multimillion dollar award. The girls live in a wonderful home with their own rooms and go to good schools. My daughter doesn't have visitation rights as far as I know. He filed for custody and she never responded so I imagine she does not. She hasn't seen them for nearly 2 years and I'm thoroughly disgusted with her. I know AZ has a statute regarding grandparent rights and am trying to get more info on it. I don't think I should have too much of a problem getting what I am seeking as it is very reasonable. I respect his rights as a father and always avocated him keeping in touch with and having visitations when they were with their mother. I facilitated most of the visits that required me to drive 3 hours each way to drop them off for their time with him. He knows I also provided for most of their needs and cared for them on a frequent basis when they were here. I only want to be able to be a part of their lives. I'm only asking for a regular phone schedule once a week or even 2 weeks and visits once or twice a year. What do you think my chances are?
  5. #5
    FITFatherof2 is offline Member
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    If Dad is a reasonable person, and can see that you are not acting on your daughters behalf. I would think the better solution would be to try and call and speak with him. Write him a letter and say what you said here. Let Dad know that your only motive is to have a relationship with the grandchildren. I dont believe you would have grounds for grandparent visitation. If your first instinct is to involve the courts you may be shooting yourself in the foot. If you are not successful in your petition to the courts, you may do damage that can never be fixed with Dad. Try the easy and respectful method first.
  6. #6
    las365 is offline Senior Member
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    If your first instinct is to involve the courts you may be shooting yourself in the foot. If you are not successful in your petition to the courts, you may do damage that can never be fixed with Dad. Try the easy and respectful method first.
    BRAVO!

    C.Sol, you wrote a lovely and heartfelt first post. Try putting those sentiments into a letter to your ex-SIL and his wife. Let them know how much you respect their family unit. I'm sure that they are not only concerned about your daughter trying to take off with the kids; they may also feel that contact with you reminds them that their mother has essentially abandoned them. Try not to say anything too negative about your daughter - someday she may get her act together and it won't help at that point to have disparaging letters about her from you. What you can stress is how much you love and miss your grandchildren and how important you think it is for them to know that they are loved by you. The Skype suggestion is fabulous - laptops with webcams have actually gotten pretty cheap, and with Dad's permission you could get one for their family and one for yourself and do video phone calls with the grandkids. Believe me, that is cool! The kids would love it. You should absolutely begin by asking if you can go to AZ for a visit - a supervised visit to keep everyone comfortable. Write letters and send cards regularly - include the dad and stepmom. Then ask about a once a week five minute phone call. Baby steps. Best of luck to you.

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