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  1. #1
    CALovitt is offline Junior Member
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    My child's grandmother wants visitation rights

    What is the name of your state? SC

    Hi! My daughter's paternal grandmother is filing for visitation rights. I just wanted to see if she has any jurisdiction for a court-ordered visitation. Just to give a little history... My child's father has committed suicide last year in March. The grandmother blames me for what happened to her son since I left the relationship after 5 years of being together. We were never married and no custody or visitation was ever established. I left with my daughter when she was almost 18-months (she's going on 5yrs in Dec) and the reason is to provide a better living environment for her. I've tried to make the realtionship work but my ex had a bad alcohol problem and was both verbally and physically abusive towards me. Don't get me wrong...He was a great person and loved her very much but only when he's sober. I did not want to raise my daughter in an environment where a person can just completely hurt you in a second and sorry the next. My ex and I stayed in touch/visited and I thought we were actually friends when he passed away. Since his passing, the encounters and conversations I've had with the grandmother has been negative and choose not to surround myself with it. I've relocated to SC from Northern VA for my company and have very limited time to go back. The grandmother wants to have visitation rights where I would be obligated to bring my daughter half way to VA on some holidays, birthdays and other occasions. My child also has special needs where her speech and physical abilities are delayed and I'm in the process of enrolling her in a federally required school-ran program. I've never been an unfit mother (matter-of-fact, I would have deemed myself unfit if I did stay with her son) and had always provided for my child without any assistance. I now have a great husband that's looking into adopting her. She's apparently, getting a well-experienced lawyer who had handled many (wealthy) clients' cases. My child has always been my rock and my everything and I'm willing to do what it take to keep her with me and away from the negativity. Please let me know if I would have to consult with a VA lawyer and prepare myself to travel up there or would they have to come to us here in SC since this is where the child resides; and, if she even has the right to disrupt my child's life like this. Thank you for any advice...
  2. #2
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    How long you been in SC? Have you denied Grandparents any visitation or have you just put limitations on them? was there a relationship BEFORE son committed suicide?
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  3. #3
    CALovitt is offline Junior Member
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    We did our final move to SC in April of this year but we were temporarily in Charlotte, NC since Oct... I never denied access to my child and they were actually able to pick to her up for a few hours when we were still in VA. I did not set any limitatons either. Honestly, I just don't go out of my way to call her or even avoid the call at times. It's difficult to speak to someone when they are full of negativity and blame. This also the same person that called me to tell me I have no right to put a restraining order on her son and keep him out of his house when I called the police because he was throwing me around while the baby lay crying on the floor... Anyway, my daughter did not really have an established relationship with her grandmother before or even after her dad's death. Keep in mind my daughter is going on 5 years-old but at a level of a 2-1/2 in speach and mentally so really did not form an attachment. I call her my shadow since we cannot even be at different rooms and she up and under me at all times.
  4. #4
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CALovitt View Post
    We did our final move to SC in April of this year but we were temporarily in Charlotte, NC since Oct... I never denied access to my child and they were actually able to pick to her up for a few hours when we were still in VA. I did not set any limitatons either. Honestly, I just don't go out of my way to call her or even avoid the call at times. It's difficult to speak to someone when they are full of negativity and blame. This also the same person that called me to tell me I have no right to put a restraining order on her son and keep him out of his house when I called the police because he was throwing me around while the baby lay crying on the floor... Anyway, my daughter did not really have an established relationship with her grandmother before or even after her dad's death. Keep in mind my daughter is going on 5 years-old but at a level of a 2-1/2 in speach and mentally so really did not form an attachment. I call her my shadow since we cannot even be at different rooms and she up and under me at all times.
    Okay when you mean temporarily in Charlotte NC what do you mean? Were you living there from October through APril? Did you have a residence in VA at that point? Where is grandma filing for visitation? VA or NC or SC? Because VA may NOT have jurisdiction over the child. Also one thing to remember is NOT to settle with grandma at all
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  5. #5
    CALovitt is offline Junior Member
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    Our permanent residence is in SC. I was told since the child resides in SC, they would have to file here and I'm not settling. I just received hateful messages and I'm not responding to the threats or to the messages. I did email back that if they want to visit my child they are more than welcome to come here and the angry messages are not appreciated and that it's sad the blaming is still continuing. I know the judge will entertain the request but do you think she has grounds on a court ordered visitation? My concern is that she will be granted to take my daughter outside the state or allow her to have my daughter for a longer term. Please let me know you thoughts on this. Thanks!
  6. #6
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CALovitt View Post
    Our permanent residence is in SC. I was told since the child resides in SC, they would have to file here and I'm not settling. I just received hateful messages and I'm not responding to the threats or to the messages. I did email back that if they want to visit my child they are more than welcome to come here and the angry messages are not appreciated and that it's sad the blaming is still continuing. I know the judge will entertain the request but do you think she has grounds on a court ordered visitation? My concern is that she will be granted to take my daughter outside the state or allow her to have my daughter for a longer term. Please let me know you thoughts on this. Thanks!
    That is why you don't settle the case, and why you fight it tooth and nail. Case law in SC is favorable to parents, but in the case of the death of one of the parents, its possible that a judge could rule in the grandparent's favor. However, that is less likely to happen if you fight the case out.

    Its also not guaranteed that she WILL file. She may threaten to do so, but its very expensive for grandparents, particularly to fight an out of state case. If she files in VA, be sure to fight for the case to be dismissed based on lack of jurisdiction. The child has not lived in VA for 10 months, therefore VA does NOT have jurisdiction.
  7. #7
    Bluemonkey is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CALovitt View Post
    Our permanent residence is in SC. I was told since the child resides in SC, they would have to file here and I'm not settling. I just received hateful messages and I'm not responding to the threats or to the messages. I did email back that if they want to visit my child they are more than welcome to come here and the angry messages are not appreciated and that it's sad the blaming is still continuing. I know the judge will entertain the request but do you think she has grounds on a court ordered visitation? My concern is that she will be granted to take my daughter outside the state or allow her to have my daughter for a longer term. Please let me know you thoughts on this. Thanks!
    I hope you are saving any hateful messages. Both voicemail and written. These can all be used against her in court.

    Blue
  8. #8
    Copperarab is offline Member
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    Hi, I do NOT have any LEGAL advice, but will get thrashed anyways since this is a LEGAL forum.

    I was just wanting to support what MAY be going on in the paternal grandparents head.

    I am a grandmother. I am raising my 4 yr old granddaughter and have been LEGALLY for 3 yrs.


    There is a CHANCE that the parents of your ex are blaming you for ANYthing he may have told them. If your little one is their only grandchild, then they feel they have the right to know her. They want any small peice of their son that they can grasp onto. An emotional rollercoaster.

    Yeah yeah yeah, NOT LEGAL advice, I know, so trash me.

    I have read, ON THIS BOARD, where family IS important. These people are your girls extended family.

    Please, for her sake, try to make peace. If they are blaming you for your ex's suicide, so be it, but it IS a seperate issue from their visiting with their granddaughter. They are hurt, and are trying to put them blame any where they can.

    I am not saying to take the blame..what you do is up to you. They are HURT. They are trying to find some peace by having their granddaughter in their life. EVERY child deserves to know ALL their family... thats the way it was in the old days, you all grow up and watch out for one another.

    Yup.... the trashings about to start. Like I said.. LEGALLY they may not be able to do much... but MORALLY your little girl deserves ALL her family.. esp. since her father is not there to be with her.

    Just my 2 cents. Bash me all you want..

    Been there, still there AT THE GRANDPARENTS END WHERE PARENTS DONT GIVE A DAMN.
  9. #9
    Rushia is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Copperarab View Post
    Hi, I do NOT have any LEGAL advice, but will get thrashed anyways since this is a LEGAL forum.

    I was just wanting to support what MAY be going on in the paternal grandparents head.

    I am a grandmother. I am raising my 4 yr old granddaughter and have been LEGALLY for 3 yrs.


    There is a CHANCE that the parents of your ex are blaming you for ANYthing he may have told them. If your little one is their only grandchild, then they feel they have the right to know her. They want any small peice of their son that they can grasp onto. An emotional rollercoaster.

    Yeah yeah yeah, NOT LEGAL advice, I know, so trash me.

    I have read, ON THIS BOARD, where family IS important. These people are your girls extended family.

    Please, for her sake, try to make peace. If they are blaming you for your ex's suicide, so be it, but it IS a seperate issue from their visiting with their granddaughter. They are hurt, and are trying to put them blame any where they can.

    I am not saying to take the blame..what you do is up to you. They are HURT. They are trying to find some peace by having their granddaughter in their life. EVERY child deserves to know ALL their family... thats the way it was in the old days, you all grow up and watch out for one another.

    Yup.... the trashings about to start. Like I said.. LEGALLY they may not be able to do much... but MORALLY your little girl deserves ALL her family.. esp. since her father is not there to be with her.

    Just my 2 cents. Bash me all you want..

    Been there, still there AT THE GRANDPARENTS END WHERE PARENTS DONT GIVE A DAMN.

    Did you not read this properly? I realize that this gp is hurting because her son is gone, she needs someone to blame for it too. Understandable. Is it morally acceptable for the grandmother to express that negativity to the child? Especially one with developmental problems?

    YOU need to remember that just because your child crapped out on being a parent that not all parents are evil. Some of us are actually concerned over the welfare of OUR children and therefore keep the gps away.
  10. #10
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Copperarab View Post
    Hi, I do NOT have any LEGAL advice, but will get thrashed anyways since this is a LEGAL forum.

    I was just wanting to support what MAY be going on in the paternal grandparents head.

    I am a grandmother. I am raising my 4 yr old granddaughter and have been LEGALLY for 3 yrs.


    There is a CHANCE that the parents of your ex are blaming you for ANYthing he may have told them. If your little one is their only grandchild, then they feel they have the right to know her. They want any small peice of their son that they can grasp onto. An emotional rollercoaster.

    Yeah yeah yeah, NOT LEGAL advice, I know, so trash me.

    I have read, ON THIS BOARD, where family IS important. These people are your girls extended family.

    Please, for her sake, try to make peace. If they are blaming you for your ex's suicide, so be it, but it IS a seperate issue from their visiting with their granddaughter. They are hurt, and are trying to put them blame any where they can.

    I am not saying to take the blame..what you do is up to you. They are HURT. They are trying to find some peace by having their granddaughter in their life. EVERY child deserves to know ALL their family... thats the way it was in the old days, you all grow up and watch out for one another.

    Yup.... the trashings about to start. Like I said.. LEGALLY they may not be able to do much... but MORALLY your little girl deserves ALL her family.. esp. since her father is not there to be with her.

    Just my 2 cents. Bash me all you want..

    Been there, still there AT THE GRANDPARENTS END WHERE PARENTS DONT GIVE A DAMN.
    I see....so, because the grandparents are hurting and "need" the child(ren), the child(ren) should continue to be emotionally damaged by hearing the grandparent accuse their mommy of killing their daddy?

    I am also a grandparent with a grandchild living in my home. However, no matter how badly I was hurting, I would NEVER, under ANY circumstances, emotionally damage my grandchild by saying something so horrific about one of her parents. If I would actually do something like that, then I would deserve to be cut off from my grandchild.
  11. #11
    CALovitt is offline Junior Member
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    Copperarab, I DO understand your point and, again, I never said I did not want them seeing or being around my child... When we were still in the same state, they were able to visit with her and take her to church, etc... (I say "they" since the grandmother does not make the arrangements. She has her daughters make the contact.) I do believe that family is important and it's my child's right to also know that side of her. I do know that it will be wrong of me to deny her of this. But when the demands of me being required to bring my child up to them, to their state, or just the threats alone did not stand easily with me. Just beacuse I don't answer at every beck and call means they can threaten to take me to court... Plus there's a reason I don't speak to the grandmother. I refuse to surround myself with the negativity and I prefer not to allow my child to be around that. That's why I don't go out of my way to contact her.

    She sees pictures of her real dad and my husband and I explains to her that she has two daddys. She does not need to hear what happened between her father and I. There's no need to rehash and the grandmother is completely biased to the situation anyway.

    You have your grandchild and truly, good for you! My husband was raised by his grandmother and he's a wonderful man because of her and the values he gained. But, your situation may be different... I'm sure the grandmother cares about her but she's completely going about this the wrong way. I'm sure if you were threatened to court, you would not take it lightly, either. (There's no need to bash you... I understand and I am open to your points.)
  12. #12
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CALovitt View Post
    Copperarab, I DO understand your point and, again, I never said I did not want them seeing or being around my child... When we were still in the same state, they were able to visit with her and take her to church, etc... (I say "they" since the grandmother does not make the arrangements. She has her daughters make the contact.) I do believe that family is important and it's my child's right to also know that side of her. I do know that it will be wrong of me to deny her of this. But when the demands of me being required to bring my child up to them, to their state, or just the threats alone did not stand easily with me. Just beacuse I don't answer at every beck and call means they can threaten to take me to court... Plus there's a reason I don't speak to the grandmother. I refuse to surround myself with the negativity and I prefer not to allow my child to be around that. That's why I don't go out of my way to contact her.

    She sees pictures of her real dad and my husband and I explains to her that she has two daddys. She does not need to hear what happened between her father and I. There's no need to rehash and the grandmother is completely biased to the situation anyway.

    You have your grandchild and truly, good for you! My husband was raised by his grandmother and he's a wonderful man because of her and the values he gained. But, your situation may be different... I'm sure the grandmother cares about her but she's completely going about this the wrong way. I'm sure if you were threatened to court, you would not take it lightly, either. (There's no need to bash you... I understand and I am open to your points.)
    You are a nicer person than I...After reading that other post I had to restrain myself from posting my "opinion" on Copperarabs "opinion"!!! Your MIL is making derogatory comments about you to your child...there is no court that would think it was in the best interest of the child to be subjected to that crap....And Grandparent VISITATION (GP have no rights!) is all about what is in the "Best interest of the child".
  13. #13
    CALovitt is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks everyone for all the advice. I am nervious since this concerns my child and the threats have intensified since I have not responsed to any of the calls or the emails. I'll keep everyone posted if they actually follow through. Thanks again!

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