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Paternal grandmother wants custody of my 11y/o daughter...HELP!!!!

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LisaJoy79

Member
What is the name of your state? Mississippi

First off I just want to say that I am not on here to bad mouth ANY grandparent:) They are a blessing to us ALL, and will always have my respect!

However, this is my dilemma: I am a 29 y/o single mom of one 11y/o daughter. I am currently unemployed, and have had to recently move back to my parents' home because I am

unemployed. Since I do not have the money to take care of my daughter properly right now, (I honestly ran into trouble with the law in 2006. I was never imprisoned, but I am

currently serving a 3-year non-adjudicated probation sentence for my charge of felony false pretense with the intent to defraud a financial institution). Before I got in trouble with

the law, I have always been able to maintain a decent paying job, mainly in the call center/customer service sector) I just wanted to add that in to let you know that yes, I DID mess

up and do dirt, but that does not mean that I was "uneducated", nor a "common troublemaker", & am paying dearly for my crime as I type!! Although I am unemployed at this time,

I do receive financial help for my daughter from my parents, and my daughter's paternal grandparents. That's where my problem has begun: In October of 2007, I asked my

daughter's paternal grandmother could she please take my daughter in at that time, because I still loved my child, and wanted her to be taken care of properly. My parents are

retired, my daughter's paternal grandparents currently brings in at LEAST $100k/annually, combined. My daughter's father is on a court ordered child support order to pay $150.00

/month, which was established in July of 1998. Out of 10 years, I have probably received maybe 2 years' worth of child support. My daughter's father is also unemployed, and stays

with his parents as well. To make a long story short, my daughter has been living with her paternal grandparents now for 7 months. At this point, I don't feel comfortable with my

daughter living with her paternal grandparents anymore, because of some things that she have told me that have been said(nothing detrimental, but enough for my daughter to take

note of-she's beginning to feel that it's her fault, and feel she's in all of our way, which I remind her DAILY of my love for her, and I also tell her this is NONE of her fault, I am going

to make it better, I just know it will take time). Since I have seen how her paternal grandparents take care of her, I am not pleased. Some of her shirts are too small, her shoes,

she needs more because at least 1 pair are torn a little, and things of that nature.) I'm not saying that her grandparents are neglecting her, that is NOT the case. However, I feel

uncomfortable with her there. I have told her paternal grandmother on MORE than one occasion how much I love her & appreciate her for what she is doing for my child. When I

call & let her know of my concern, (which she said she wanted me to still be involved in my daughter's life while she lived with them) it seems as if I'm bothering her, or getting on

her nerves. Now, I hardly call at all, because I do not want to "bother" anyone. Yes, her father lives in the house with his daugher and family, but he does not contribute to the well-

being of our child, his mom is the one who takes care of my daughter. My parents have agreed that until I get back on my feet, that they will continue to help me with my child, as

they always have been. When I informed my daughter's grandmother(paternal) that I'm taking my baby back, she became angry and threatened to take me to court to ask for

custody of my daughter. Of course by NO MEANS do I feel I am an unfit parent; I have NEVER had any run-ins with CPS ,nor the authorities when it comes to the welfare of my

babygirl. Although I am flattered that my daughter's paternal grandmother wants her permanantly, I feel it would be unfair to both me & my daughter, for we BOTH have talked

about this, and NEITHER of us wants to be apart from each other. I have NEVER denied her father nor his family the right to visitation with my daughter, although like I have

mentioned, he is VERY MUCH behind in child support, and does not take care of her now, and they are currently living under the same roof. I by NO MEANS DO NOT want to lose my

daughter, and she does not want to lose me. I will NEVER deny visitation to my daughter's father nor his family, because I never have(although I feel I should, because he has

always been a dead beat dad). I know I need a job as well, I am diligently seeking employment, but because of my criminal background at this time, I have been turned down by at

least 6-7 companies. I'm waiting as I type to hear from Wal-Mart as to whether they want to hire me or not. I am very hurt, & confused. I DO NOT think it will be fair for my

daughter's father & his family to have my daughter, and they KNOW I have ALWAYS been a good parent, I just made the wrong decision one day,and am now paying for it. That

charge has NOTHING to do with the way I treated my daughter. I have NEVER abused nor neglected her in ANY type of way. She is currently with me RIGHT NOW, laying in the bed

asleep. I don't mind honestly if my daughter's paternal grandmother wants to continue to help me financially with my daughter until I can take care of my baby again, but I can't i

magine being without my child on a permanent basis! Especially with her father having her with him for free at his parents' house!! Please, I am SO SORRY for the length, but I am

desperate for any advice/opinion/input.

Thanks SO much!

PS-I am currently very worried and paranoid as to what my daughter's paternal grandmother will say or do, because she is threatening to take my child from me. Also, I failed to

mention that my daughter's father has a drug problem. He smokes marijuana on a DAILY basis, has been accused of stealing from his mom, does not even ATTEMPT to look for

employment(I have tried to even help him get a job thru people I know, he just won't budge!). Again, I am NOT here to badger my child's paternal grandparents, but I DO feel the

only reason why my daughter's father and his family is trying to take my daughter from me is because ever since my daughter's father has been on court ordered child support, his

mom & he have always had a certain degree of anger towards me for that. I was and always will do what I feel is best for my daughter.

Thanks for the advice in advance. And again, sorry for being so long:confused:
 
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Just Blue

Senior Member
Please click on edit and add some double spaces to the text...We will go blind if we try to read that.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Well, I did read it, although it was difficult as heck.

Since your daughter is with you now, you can simply keep her. You either have custody by default or custody through the court. You can expect grandma to either file something herself, or force her son to do so.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
Well, I did read it, although it was difficult as heck.

Since your daughter is with you now, you can simply keep her. You either have custody by default or custody through the court. You can expect grandma to either file something herself, or force her son to do so.
I will agree with Ld, however, I'd like to know why if the OP saw that her daughter's shoes were too small and her shirts didn't fit... why she didn't get off her behind and go buy her child some clothes and shoes or do we just abdicate ALL parental responsibility when you ask someone to temporarily watch your child?

I don't mind honestly if my daughter's paternal grandmother wants to continue to help me financially with my daughter until I can take care of my baby again
You can't have it both ways.... take care of your own kid, then you don't have to worry about grandma at all. Go work at McDonalds.
 

happybug

Member
I am really wondering WHY you gave your Daughter to her Grandmother. According to your post, you have been unemployed and living with your parents as long as the Paternal Grandmother has had your Daughter. An 11 year old is in school full time. Why couldn't you care for your child and look for jobs during school hours? While you are not working, you would have MORE time to spend with your Daughter than a full time working Parent. It doesn't make sense to me at all. You are available to devote 100% of your Daughter's off school hours to her and this is when you choose to send her away.
 

Hot Topic

Senior Member
Come here (with the money and the child care). Go away (if you're going to make me feel I'm bothering you).

This is a mom whose post screams martyr. I think the child would probably be better off physically and mentally with the grandmother.
 

LisaJoy79

Member
I am NOT mentally incapacitated. Thanks to EVERYONE for their advice. NO-ONE here offended me even if they tried:)

The reason why I asked my daughter's paternal grandmother for help is because:

1. I got into legal trouble in 2006. YES, I HAVE been seeking employment. Before I got into trouble, I WAS employed, had my OWN apartment, car, and money to take care of my daughter, WITHOUT the help of her father.
2. I moved back in with my parents after I lost my job, apartment, and car.
3. I realize that because of my criminal record, it will be hard for me to gain employment at MOST places(although my case is non-adjudicated-for you smart & educated people out there, you should know what that means)
4. There is NO REASON for my child to be taken from me. Her biological father does not work, and is at least 6-7 years behind on his court ordered child support to our daughter that is in question.
5. I know people will be harder on me, simply because I am the single parent. Society never really looks at why the father is not doing HIS job as a parent. That's fine, I was expecting this type of reply.

Lastly, I just don't feel that my daughter's paternal grandmother wants custody of my daughter for my daughter's sake. I feel she's trying to take my child so that MAYBE she can find a way to get child support taken off of her son. And just to get back at me because I was the one who put child support on her son in the first place.

Bad mouth me, badger me, it really does not matter at all. But thanks again for your input:)
 

LisaJoy79

Member
I am really wondering WHY you gave your Daughter to her Grandmother. According to your post, you have been unemployed and living with your parents as long as the Paternal Grandmother has had your Daughter. An 11 year old is in school full time. Why couldn't you care for your child and look for jobs during school hours? While you are not working, you would have MORE time to spend with your Daughter than a full time working Parent. It doesn't make sense to me at all. You are available to devote 100% of your Daughter's off school hours to her and this is when you choose to send her away.
To happybug:

I gave my daughter to her paternal grandmother because:

1. I am unemployed, and am looking for employment, but as of right now, I am not employed.

2. My child was with me and my parents. My parents DID NOT want me to discipline my daughter, but they felt they could. In other words, if I put my daughter on punishment for something she did, I was wrong for doing so in my parents' eyes. But my parents feel they can punish my daughter. I felt I was stuck between a rock & hard place..so I asked my daughter's paternal grandmother for help as far as discipline, structure AND financial ability goes. Her paternal grandmother didn't hesitate at helping me with my child. I am FOREVER GRATEFUL for this.

3. I realize how difficult it is for me to gain employment, although my case is classified as non-adjudicated.

Its not like for the entire 11 years of my child's life I have been unemployed. I have been unemployed for the past year, due to my mistake that I had with the law. I am well educated, and am not a "mental case" like you and the rest of your team has diagnosed me as being.

I guess what upsets me about all of this is that I have, for at least 10 years & 4 months, been the SOLE parent taking care of my daughter, even when I've held down TWO jobs to make sure me & my daughter has made it. Her father is currently unemployed. But he has ALWAYS been unemplyed for the majority of his child's life, and for the majority of time that he has been on court ordered child support.

My parents are elderly and retired. So I thought that by me asking someone more capable of taking care of my daughter, it would help BOTH me & MY DAUGHTER out. At least until I can find employment, and get my daughter and me back out of my parents' home.

You're right, THUMBS UP to the paternal grandmother, and the biological father for being WONDERFUL PEOPLE, especially the father:)

WOW!!!!
 

LisaJoy79

Member
Come here (with the money and the child care). Go away (if you're going to make me feel I'm bothering you).

This is a mom whose post screams martyr. I think the child would probably be better off physically and mentally with the grandmother.
No sweetie(Hot Topic, or whatever):

I am NOT crazy, not mentally incapacitated. I was just stating the facts of my issue that I am having.

My child's father was put on Child Support in July 1998. I have received MAYBE 2 years' worth of child support from him.

His mom(my child's paternal grandmother) was nice enough to pay his child support for him to help him out(totaling 10 months of child support payments from her in 2006). He is STILL behind on child support payments.

Like I told your other crticizing friends, I am back with my parents because I DID get in trouble with the law in 2006, my case being non-adjudicated. I know I have to pay the price, and until my situation gets better, I decided to ask my daughter's paternal grandmother for help with my child.

Now it seems that since I was thinking of the welfare of my child, I am known as lazy, screaming martyr, or mentally unstable somehow.

Nope, if ya look at the father and his shortcomings as well as mine, I will ALWAYS be known as the crazy one....although the biological father smokes marijuana everyday all day, still lives with his mom(the paternal grandmother who wants to keep my daughter), unemployed as well, the list is endless.

Ever since I have put my child's father on court ordered child support, his mom(the paternal grandmother) has always had a dislike for me, but still wanted to be involved in my daughter's life. And I let her, because she never hesitated to help me with my daughter most of the time.

I have ALWAYS held a job, had transportation, and had a decent place to stay for my daughter and me. This last year HAS been hell...and yet I'm damn near crucified for it.

But like I 've told everyone else on this post: thanks for you input.:)
 

LisaJoy79

Member
I will agree with Ld, however, I'd like to know why if the OP saw that her daughter's shoes were too small and her shirts didn't fit... why she didn't get off her behind and go buy her child some clothes and shoes or do we just abdicate ALL parental responsibility when you ask someone to temporarily watch your child?


You can't have it both ways.... take care of your own kid, then you don't have to worry about grandma at all. Go work at McDonalds.
Thanks SO much, Court Clerk for your input as well:

I will take the time out to explain this to you like I have all your other friends on here:

I have been living with my parents since 2007(about a year), because I am unemployed. I DO REALIZE that since I got in trouble legally in 2006, it will be harder for me to find employment. I don't have a problem working at Mickey D's, Subway, or even Wal-Mart(I'm waiting on a callback from them as we speak) I have years of restaurant management experience, along with customer service/call center experience. I am also intelligent enough to know that duh, it WILL be more difficult for me to gain employment because I did get in trouble with the law. I realize that is MY fault, and am woman enough to deal with the consequences.

Like I've stated to your friends: It AMAZES me that when a single parent seeks advice and is not working at the time, WOW!!! she is badgered, and labeled "mentally ill" or whatever...even if the biological father is a sorry ass.

I know what its like to pay rent, a car note, tuition for my child, soccer fees, and all other types of amounts when it comes to being a parent. I am a HELL OF A MOM.

I've just happened to run into trouble, and I LOVE my child enough to send her somewhere to make sure that she WILL be taken care of properly. I'm not expecting ANYTHING "both ways"...I just sent my child to her paternal grandmother for financial help. I DID NOT expect for her to want to take my child from me. I have NEVER been in trouble with CPS, DHS, or any law enforcement when it comes to my child. I just wanted some help-TEMPORARILY. HER paternal grandmother said it WOULD NOT be a problem for her to help me financially. So yes, I WAS expecting that while you have my child, and you know I'm not working RIGHT NOW, the least you could do is make sure my child is taken care of PROPERLY. Her sorry ass son (my daughter's biological father) is living with her as well, and has really never held a job. But its cool...blame me for whatever. I appreciate that:)

I'm going thru a bad part in my life...shame on me. My child's father is a sorry-ass..I guess its shame on me as well.

I'm not trying to put my child off on ANYONE...I just needed some help TEMPORARILY. But I apologize for actually giving a damn about my child's welfare.

Like I have told everyone else, I will tell you the same:

thanks for the love & your advice.
 

LisaJoy79

Member
Well, I did read it, although it was difficult as heck.

Since your daughter is with you now, you can simply keep her. You either have custody by default or custody through the court. You can expect grandma to either file something herself, or force her son to do so.
Thanks so much, LDiJ, for your input. At least you kept it on point(what I was expecting), and did not try to attack me personally by actually trying to diagnose me like the other members.

Thanks again for your professionalism with my post. It WAS a book, but I felt that I needed to let you in on at least SOME of the issues that are at hand.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Thanks so much, LDiJ, for your input. At least you kept it on point(what I was expecting), and did not try to attack me personally by actually trying to diagnose me like the other members.

Thanks again for your professionalism with my post. It WAS a book, but I felt that I needed to let you in on at least SOME of the issues that are at hand.
You seem to think you are under attack by VOLUNTEERS of this forum...Why? You post a question to a forum and resent the answers...Strange as the answers are similar to what you will run into in court when you have to plead your case. Nobody here even suggested you are mentally ill. Nobody. And no one criticized you for being a single parent....At least half of the people that responded to your thread are single parents.

Being prepared for court is important...We are very good at preparing people for court. If you are unable to address the questions posed here....How on earth will you deal with opposing counsel?:confused:
 

>Charlotte<

Lurker
That's what I thought was weird. Nobody here said she was mentally ill. So, why all the defensiveness about mental illness?
 
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