son and daughter-in-law will not let us see or talk with grandson

[gabster54]

NC
My son and daughter-in-law are refusing to allow me and my husband to see or talk with our grandson because of a conflict between the adults. it actually is my daughter-in-law who is making this demand and my son is supporting her in this demand. it is because of a conflict that we are having with her. it has nothing to do with my grandson (the conflict). We are heartbroken. my daughter-in-law refuses to talk with us by phone or in person (she has always avoided talking with us, even when there was no conflict). my son insists that i try to text her in order to resolve this conflict. that seems to be the only way she communicates even if there is no conflict. He says that in time, he "thinks" we can work things out, but it will take a long time. he does not go into how long. I am of the opinion that by doing this, even if she eventually relents, that it will happen again if she decides she doesn't like something we said. so i guess my question is, is there anything we can do about this legally? thank you for your advice.

 

[CTU]

NC
My son and daughter-in-law are refusing to allow me and my husband to see or talk with our grandson because of a conflict between the adults. it actually is my daughter-in-law who is making this demand and my son is supporting her in this demand. it is because of a conflict that we are having with her. it has nothing to do with my grandson (the conflict). We are heartbroken. my daughter-in-law refuses to talk with us by phone or in person (she has always avoided talking with us, even when there was no conflict). my son insists that i try to text her in order to resolve this conflict. that seems to be the only way she communicates even if there is no conflict. He says that in time, he "thinks" we can work things out, but it will take a long time. he does not go into how long. I am of the opinion that by doing this, even if she eventually relents, that it will happen again if she decides she doesn't like something we said. so i guess my question is, is there anything we can do about this legally? thank you for your advice.

You would have to sue both parents, and if you lost - which is far more likely than not - you'd probably never see the child again. Suing your child is a very, very hostile act.

If you don't mind me asking, what caused the estrangement?

 

[gabster54]

You would have to sue both parents, and if you lost - which is far more likely than not - you'd probably never see the child again. Suing your child is a very, very hostile act.

If you don't mind me asking, what caused the estrangement?

We have had little misunderstandings over the past couple of years. nothing really bad. but we did feel like we were walking on eggshells sometimes when we were together. My sister and i went up there (we live in SC) during the hurricane (Matthew) and stayed with them, at their request. my husband and daughter did not come, they stayed to protect their respective houses. my son went off at both of them for not leaving and coming up with us where they would be safe. i argued with my son about his behavior in trying to berate them into coming up. Evidently my daughter-in-law thought i was not minding my own business by defending my husband and daughters decision and then it became an argument about other things that were bothering us and them and defending them. I knew we had left with hard feelings. a couple of weeks later, i and my daughter went up there for my grandson's birthday and stayed there overnight. my daughter-in-law literally did not look or talk with me the entire time and when i say didn't talk, i mean when i asked her a direct question, she looked at my son to answer the question. to say the least, i did not feel like a guest in their house that day and just wanted to go home. but made the best of it and went home the next day. i did not say a word to them about it. was planning on talking with my daughter-in-law the next time i saw her, but my son knew something had gone wrong and called and asked me what was wrong. i told him, he told her and she immediately texted me and said that she had been busy that day, but she was still mad at me from the visit during the hurricane and i had no business going to my son with my complaint. i wanted to talk with her by phone, but she refused. so i sent a text. well, i guess the words i said fell flat. even though i did'nt think i said anything harsh, she did. and after a few flurried texts, has cut off all communication and says she doesn't feel like she is part of our family anymore. probably more information than you wanted, lol, but thats it in a nutshell

 

[CTU]

We have had little misunderstandings over the past couple of years. nothing really bad. but we did feel like we were walking on eggshells sometimes when we were together. My sister and i went up there (we live in SC) during the hurricane (Matthew) and stayed with them, at their request. my husband and daughter did not come, they stayed to protect their respective houses. my son went off at both of them for not leaving and coming up with us where they would be safe. i argued with my son about his behavior in trying to berate them into coming up. Evidently my daughter-in-law thought i was not minding my own business by defending my husband and daughters decision and then it became an argument about other things that were bothering us and them and defending them. I knew we had left with hard feelings. a couple of weeks later, i and my daughter went up there for my grandson's birthday and stayed there overnight. my daughter-in-law literally did not look or talk with me the entire time and when i say didn't talk, i mean when i asked her a direct question, she looked at my son to answer the question. to say the least, i did not feel like a guest in their house that day and just wanted to go home. but made the best of it and went home the next day. i did not say a word to them about it. was planning on talking with my daughter-in-law the next time i saw her, but my son knew something had gone wrong and called and asked me what was wrong. i told him, he told her and she immediately texted me and said that she had been busy that day, but she was still mad at me from the visit during the hurricane and i had no business going to my son with my complaint. i wanted to talk with her by phone, but she refused. so i sent a text. well, i guess the words i said fell flat. even though i did'nt think i said anything harsh, she did. and after a few flurried texts, has cut off all communication and says she doesn't feel like she is part of our family anymore. probably more information than you wanted, lol, but thats it in a nutshell

How old is your grandson? How often did you see him before this happened?

(Yes, it does come across that you were a little overbearing)

 

[gabster54]

my grandson is two. up until this happened. i was up there every other month just to visit. we got together for christmas (before this) and i went to my daughter-in-laws family, family reunion. they also came down to visit with us on a regular basis. when he was under a year, my grandson had an infection that did not allow him to go to daycare, so me and my daughter-in-laws mother took turns caring for him a week at a time every other week for about a month and a half.

why do you say i sound overbearing?

 

[justalayman]

To the question; is there anything I can do to force the parents to allow me
To see or speak to my grandchild;

No

You either figure out what the problem is and seek to settle the issues or understand you won't see your grandson.

 

[CTU]

my grandson is two. up until this happened. i was up there every other month just to visit. we got together for christmas (before this) and i went to my daughter-in-laws family, family reunion. they also came down to visit with us on a regular basis. when he was under a year, my grandson had an infection that did not allow him to go to daycare, so me and my daughter-in-laws mother took turns caring for him a week at a time every other week for about a month and a half.

why do you say i sound overbearing?

I'm sorry, but your chances of getting court ordered visitation are a little less than zero; you would not be able to show that there is an established relationship with your grandson (it would take a LOT more than seeing him once every other month and sporadically before that, and at his age you'd need to show he was basically living with you his whole life).

The reason I said what I did might be more apparent if I were to ask you to re-read your posts again. This time, look at how many times you focused on how you felt, versus the parents of your grandchild. If you're a grandparent, your role is to basically kiss the behinds of the parents if you want to have a relationship with your grandchildren. That means not showing your disapproval, and not challenging their decisions. It's not your place to do so. Y'know?

(And trust me, I get it - four times over, I get it )

 

[gabster54]

THank you again for your advice and insight. really appreciate it.

 

[CTU]

THank you again for your advice and insight. really appreciate it.

From one grandparent to another, good luck. Kissing butt is a much under-valued tool, and we all get rusty from time to time.

(That sounded much nastier than I intended ... )