Sticky Situation

[BlackBerry2610]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

My daughter has been a mess for years and back in January she put her hands on my oldest grand daughter (was not the first time). My oldest granddaughter called me and told me her mother came home intoxicated once again and then I heard the altercation and heard my grand daughter screaming for help because her mother was choking her. Luckily my grandson was there and my youngest grand daughter. I called the police right away and she was to stay in prison for the night. My granddaughters came to my house and we have successfully moved all of there things out that following weekend and now they are living with me and their grandfather. The court for the restraining order and the domestic violence charges are all done and over with now. Now my question is how do I get custody of my youngest granddaughter and how do I make my daughter give me child support for her daughter. She has already dropped her children from her Health insurance and told the girls plenty of times she no longer cares that they are not coming home. It is just about going about this the right way, I am afraid once my daughter finds out I want child support that she will no longer be on board for giving up her rights. PLEASE HELP!

 

[mistoffolees]

Where is the kids' father? You are going to find it difficult, if not impossible, to obtain custodial rights without dealing with Dad's rights in some way.

IF Dad is agreeable to you having custody, then you have to deal with Mom. If you think she would give you custody other than the child support issues, then go ahead and get her and Dad to agree to you having custody and get that entered into a court order. Then, after some time has elapsed, you can file for CS.

If, OTOH, Dad is NOT agreeable to you having custody, you have a mess on your hands and a much more difficult battle - in which case you might choose to not do anything in order to avoid opening a can of worms.

Either way, it's not going to be easy, so I would suggest that you talk with a local attorney.

 

[BlackBerry2610]

My grand children's father is very much so on board and even agreed that he married and divorced a nut case! (My daughter) Their father suggested we go for custody to get his youngest daughter (15) away from the mother, financially he cannot support the 15 year old on his own due to health issues he recently faced so he is giving us 100 % backup when it comes to having custody of the 15 year old.

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

My daughter has been a mess for years and back in January she put her hands on my oldest grand daughter (was not the first time). My oldest granddaughter called me and told me her mother came home intoxicated once again and then I heard the altercation and heard my grand daughter screaming for help because her mother was choking her. Luckily my grandson was there and my youngest grand daughter. I called the police right away and she was to stay in prison for the night. My granddaughters came to my house and we have successfully moved all of there things out that following weekend and now they are living with me and their grandfather. The court for the restraining order and the domestic violence charges are all done and over with now. Now my question is how do I get custody of my youngest granddaughter and how do I make my daughter give me child support for her daughter. She has already dropped her children from her Health insurance and told the girls plenty of times she no longer cares that they are not coming home. It is just about going about this the right way, I am afraid once my daughter finds out I want child support that she will no longer be on board for giving up her rights. PLEASE HELP!

Perhaps not custody right now ,but obtain legal temporary guardianship .

Go to the courthouse and file .Take the proof you have about the mother . You might want to take Dad along to agree.

Once you obtain legal temporary guardianship ,file for child support and get child support enforcement involved to garnish wages .

If the mother then decides she want the child returned ,she will have to follow a cps plan for quite some time before they decide if or when to reunite them.

 

[BlackBerry2610]

The child is a young teen, she is 15 years old and made it clear to us and the rest of the family as well as her mother that she does NOT want to go back to her because she has not changed her ways, at 15 doesn't she have a say therefore the mother cannot get her back once everything is complete? She will be 16 in January, isn't that legal age for one to be emancipated anyways? (We're not doing that, just giving an idea of age for own rights)

 

[mistoffolees]

Perhaps not custody right now ,but obtain legal temporary guardianship .

Go to the courthouse and file .Take the proof you have about the mother . You might want to take Dad along to agree.

Once you obtain legal temporary guardianship ,file for child support and get child support enforcement involved to garnish wages .

If the mother then decides she want the child returned ,she will have to follow a cps plan for quite some time before they decide if or when to reunite them.

I'd suggest talking with an attorney first since we really don't know the local court climate nor how Mom will react.

If Mom would readily give up custody, my proposal would be easiest. If Mom might be resistant to giving up custody, your plan makes the most sense.

 

[BlackBerry2610]

Will do, thank you all for the kind words and help!

 

[mistoffolees]

The child is a young teen, she is 15 years old and made it clear to us and the rest of the family as well as her mother that she does NOT want to go back to her because she has not changed her ways, at 15 doesn't she have a say therefore the mother cannot get her back once everything is complete? She will be 16 in January, isn't that legal age for one to be emancipated anyways? (We're not doing that, just giving an idea of age for own rights)

Several things:

1. Emancipation in NJ is age 18, not 16 (with a very few exceptions that don't seem to apply here).

2. At 15 1/2, the court will almost certainly listen to her views. The more logical and rational her preferences are, the more weight the court will apply to her wishes. That's not to say that she can do whatever she wants (at least, not until she's 18, anyway), but she's certainly old enough that the court will almost certainly listen to her.

 

[BlackBerry2610]

She has the guidance and care and love her with me and her grandfather. She will not be running wild under our roof. She knows that there are rules, she just is not used to them because her mother had 0 for her! But thank you for the guidance, I am headed in the right direction.

 

[mistoffolees]

She has the guidance and care and love her with me and her grandfather. She will not be running wild under our roof. She knows that there are rules, she just is not used to them because her mother had 0 for her! But thank you for the guidance, I am headed in the right direction.

This is one of the reasons I would strongly encourage you to see an attorney. None of the above is likely to be relevant in getting a custody change. You have to prove that she is actually at some risk at Mom's house or to convince the court that the child's best interests are served by the change (the standard depends on the state and I haven't looked yours up).

It is not easy to sever parental rights involuntarily. While the history you provided makes some case for it, simply the fact that you have rules and Mom didn't won't really get you very far.

 

[BlackBerry2610]

1. My daughter spent the night in jail for choking her oldest daughter.
2. Her house is a disgusting mess, visible to all officers you have been there.
3. She told her daughter she will sign what ever she needed to for her to just live with her grandparents (us). _ However we are worried that she will NOT sign if there is child support involved. She is a cheap skate and would rather spend her money on booze and bars then her child.
4. The children found drugs and snapped a picture of them in her room.
5. Her husband is in a rock band and does not help with any household bills, therefore my daughter pays for everything (not leaving money to take care of a child.)
6. She comes home intoxicated at least 3-4 nights a week. (Evidence of my grandson who still lives at the house.)

Would this be reason enough?

 

[mistoffolees]

1. My daughter spent the night in jail for choking her oldest daughter.

OK. Relevant.

2. Her house is a disgusting mess, visible to all officers you have been there.

Not particularly relevant - unless the mess can be proven to be harmful.

3. She told her daughter she will sign what ever she needed to for her to just live with her grandparents (us). _ However we are worried that she will NOT sign if there is child support involved. She is a cheap skate and would rather spend her money on booze and bars then her child.

Then do what I suggested. Have Mom and Dad sign appropriate paperwork for you to get custody - without doing anything about child support until later.

4. The children found drugs and snapped a picture of them in her room.

Probably not relevant. Can you prove that they were drugs? Or that the picture wasn't photoshopped?

5. Her husband is in a rock band and does not help with any household bills, therefore my daughter pays for everything (not leaving money to take care of a child.)

Completely irrelevant. I could, however, create a problem for Dad since he's not helping to support his kids.

6. She comes home intoxicated at least 3-4 nights a week. (Evidence of my grandson who still lives at the house.)

Inadmissible - hearsay. Not to mention that there's no law about getting drunk-as long as the kids were supervised.

Would this be reason enough?

Maybe, maybe not. See an attorney. Or simply get Mom and Dad to agree to transfer custody to you.

 

[BlackBerry2610]

2. The mess is harmful to the body considering it is cat piss amonia and animal poop all over floors.

4. Picture was taken in the hand of my oldest granddaughter, a clear bag of a white powder and she told her son (my grandson) that she "flushed everything down the toilet and was going to change" we do not have that text message on hand anymore though.

and 5. Her husband is not the children's father. The children's father does give the children money individually considering the oldest is 21, then 18 and 15.

6. I understand is not illegal to come home drunk but when she does she starts arguments with her children and then presumes to put her hands on them or threaten to break the bedroom doors down with objects. She says "it is my house, my door I will get in there."

 

[mistoffolees]

I don't think you're paying attention. What matters is that you must be able to PROVE harm. As in legally admissible proof.

2. The mess is harmful to the body considering it is cat piss amonia and animal poop all over floors.

1. Can you prove it?
2. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but virtually every home with animals has at one time or another had animal waste on the floor. I have a very well behaved and well-trained dog, but when he gets very upset, he has had an accident once or twice.

So how are you going to prove that it went far beyond the occasional accident and into 'unsafe' environment?

4. Picture was taken in the hand of my oldest granddaughter, a clear bag of a white powder and she told her son (my grandson) that she "flushed everything down the toilet and was going to change" we do not have that text message on hand anymore though.

How are you going to prove that it wasn't a bag of flour that she measured out for a batch of cookies?

Focus on what you can PROVE.

5. Her husband is not the children's father. The children's father does give the children money individually considering the oldest is 21, then 18 and 15.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. If the children have food to eat, clothes to wear, etc, it doesn't matter if the money comes from Dad, Uncle Fester or the Fairy Godmother.

Oh, and BTW, why should Dad be supporting two adults? And why should you have to get guardianship of adults who can live wherever they want?

6. I understand is not illegal to come home drunk but when she does she starts arguments with her children and then presumes to put her hands on them or threaten to break the bedroom doors down with objects. She says "it is my house, my door I will get in there."

If she puts her hands on them, they should call the police. EACH AND EVERY TIME. Any one of those kids is old enough to be able to dial 9-1-1.

 

[BlackBerry2610]

There has been multiple officers there in her life of living in that house and they all have on record there own experiences with the smell from the house. If your animal has an accident do you leave it there for 3 days? and can your neighbors smell cat piss coming from the sidewalk?

Granted we cannot prove that it was Coccaine that she found but we do have it on record that my granddaughter told an office that she did see it.

The food in the fride is molded and 3 months old. When the oldest lived there she gave money to ger brother and sister to get dinner if she could not pick it up on the way home.

And there father is NOT supporting thr 21 and 18 year old they both have full time jobs and the 21 year old is putting herself through college but Dad is there if one of them say, "Hey dad can I borrow 20 bucks I am a little tight on money." And he does it. He gives the 15 year old money directly because if he gives it to his ex-wife (my daughter) she will keep it for her self and use it when she goes out, she's been doing it for years.

And I am NOT getting guardianship of my 21 and 18 year old grandchildren I am focusing on the 15 year old. I never once said I was fighting for the adults. And everytime there was an issue with her putting her hands on the 21 year old (never the other 2) 9-1-1 was always called.

It seems as if you are trying to gang up on me and putting down my other 2 grand kids and there father, so I appreciate what help you did give but please take your criticism somewhere's else.