They Won't Give Her Back

[eagerton1297]

My case is in California. I just moved to Nevada (5 miles from California) but have kept my California residency.

So, here is my story.

As a teenager I had issues with drugs. Turns out I was self-medicating for ADHD. I quit doing drugs at 22, right before I got pregnant with my daughter. I divorced my husband because he did not want to get sober and moved in with my parents. I have no crimminal record at all.
When my daughter was two I had the chance to go into student housing at UC Davis. My mother basically told me I was not capable of caring for my baby. SO, I met a guy and moved in with him. I could not live with my parents anymore- my mom is too controlling. I went into hell.

He was very abusive. Sometimes he reminded me of my mother, the way he talked to me, the name calling and the yelling. One day he spanked my daughter and she told my parents how scared she was (3 years old). So I got a no corporal punishment order for myself and her sometimes-there dad along with anyone else in her life. I told my boyfriend if he hit her again we would leave.

My dad got into an altercation with my boyfriend shortly after. There was some yelling and pushing at my parents' house, and we left. My boyfriend told them they would never see my daughter again. I was horrified and starting to realize what a mistake I had made. I decided in the car I would try to get my student housing back and leave him.

The police showed up for a "welfare check" the same night. CPS called the next day. I started making dinner for the cops along with my boyfriend and daughter on a regular basis. My ex moved in with my parents to try to get custody. The maintained my boyfriend was physically abusing my daughter on a regular basis, leaving bruises. They took pictures.

The truth was my boyfriend had decided he LOVED my daughter and proceeded to treat her like a princess. Trips, toys, anything she wanted. However, I was not so lucky. He degraded me in front of everyone, screamed at me, and did his best to take away my self-esteem. My daughter was very active, and with the CPS issue her daycare was logging every single trip, fall, bug bite, or verbal disagreement she had at preschool. Due to the custody issue I could not leave and spent most days wishing I was dead.

My ex went off the drug-free wagon and suddenly he was not a good ally for my parents. They started being nice again, and wanted to help me. So, I left my boyfriend one night for two weeks. My parents and I went back into our old roles, and suddenly verbal and emotional abuse did not seem so bad. I went back. My mom beat the heck out of me when I told her I was going, and I never reported it.

I finally left for good a year later, back with my parents. They promised to help me get a house and be on my feet. I got a good job, and bought a house. The problem was I had to leave the rural area we had moved to quite early in the morning to make it to work. So, my daughter started staying over at my parents' during the week. My mom said the early wake up would be too hard on a 7 year old. We were in family counseling at the time and the counselor agreed so I went along with it. I later realized the therapist was biased in my mom's favor due to seeing her first before the family therapy.

I had no one to talk to and I got lost for a bit. I started drinking and catting around, but kept it quiet. I had horrible anxiety and insomnia. I felt so guilty over my ex husband and boyfriend and what my child had seen. I started to wonder if maybe my mom was right and he was hitting her when I was in the shower or outside and I was just too blind to see it because I was in denial. I hated myself and became inwardly suicidal.

I lost my job, then my house. I almost killed myself drunk on my private road one night, so I quit drinking. I still do not drink. I have no arrest record or CPS report from this time.

I could not move back with my parents. I was finally to a point that I did not want to die and I knew if I went back I would get that way again. I got offered a job at a ski resort in Tahoe, and took it. My mom refused to let me take my daughter, hit me with the past, my mistakes, and about my poor judgement.

I moved to tahoe with a friend (male, not someone I was dating at the time) so I would not have to be alone. He lost his job, and moved away. I got a good job, then laid off, then knee surgery, then temporary work, and now my current job. I got my job by starting out as a volunteer. I have been lucky in this economy to find any job at all. (It took almost 5 years).

I have health insurance and am under treatment for my ADHD. My work is aware of my disability and has been wonderful at working with me. In November I will be in the job 1 year. It has been a long time since I had a job that long except for school. I go and see my daughter twice a month and talk on the phone everyday.

When she was younger she told me she wanted to stay there because she was happy and they needed her. I have started to bring her up here one weekend a month, and she loves it here. I live in a secure community and all the kids ride their bikes around the mobile home park and go from one house to the next. Parents work together to watch the kids. We are less than a half mile from tha police department so we do not have a lot of crime (plus the background checks to rent here). She is almost 13, and wants to move up here with me.

My mom refuses to allow it, she does not feel I am capable of taking care of my child. I did sign a guardianship paper that was notarized 2 years ago but it was never filed in court. She threatened to sue me for back child support (there is no order), and uses the same threat now even though I know better. My signature is on all school paperwork, and on her health insurance forms. They do pay th Healthy Families copay ($5) out of their bank account, but won't let me take this over because I might "screw it up".

My fear has been that if I just go and get her they will use the paper I signed to get her right back, and that there would be a terrible battle that would cost me my job in the end since I have ties with CPS, the police, and the courts in this community. I wanted to get a year in my job before I did anything.

Well, tonight my mom called me and told me two things- my daughter fainted and they think she might have epilepsy like her dad, and that my father got his driver's license taken away today for health reasons. My mom is on Oxycodone for a broken arm and slipped disks in her back so she cannot drive. I immediately suggested I get a bus pass for my daughter (meaning I will pay for it). She did not see the point since he would have to drive her to the bus station anyway! The bus station is in their HOA community, the school two miles down a windy road. I insisted on the bus pass because his license suspension was for medical reasons, and she reminded me of the time I wrecked my car drunk driving. She basically compared these as a reason why I had no right objecting to him driving my daughter. I didn't have the child in the car when I was driving, and that was six years ago.


I don't know what to do. I work nonprofit so I'm not rich. I can't move down there because I would not have work and that would put my parents fully in control of my life again. I don't believe that this is a safe situation for my child anymore. She wants to leave. They lean on her for daily house tasks and she feels like a maid, and they try to make it up to her by buying her expensive electronics. On top of that my mom just got control of her sister's estate and my very sick aunt is loaded with cash. I cannot win a money battle. I was hoping that maybe my mom would see that I can care for my child and let her be with me, that's not going to happen. She will never believe I am capable no matter what I do. She wants to eventually adopt my child (child told me).

So, I obsess about my work constantly because I help women who were in similar situations to mine not have to fight this battle. If I had known I had options I would have taken the child and run as far and as fast as I could and never looked back. And, I have a copy of my child's birth certificate and social security card, so this is still an option if I thought I could do it without getting chased by the FBI. I tried contacting my daughter's father for help, but he will not return my messages.

Anyone have any ideas???

 

[mistoffolees]

Maybe I've missed it in all the drama and unnecessary information, but where is Dad now? Is he still involved with the child?

As a general rule, parents have rights and grandparents don't. Since there have ever been any court orders, the grandparents don't have any specific rights.

That gets very complicated by your situation, though.

First, your signed guardianship papers. You are correct that they are meaningless unless submitted to the court, but are you sure that the grandparents never submitted them to the court? You will probably want to formally rescind your guardianship agreement so that the grandparents can't hold it over your head.

Then there's the subject of 'de facto parent' status. By leaving the child with the grandparents for so long, you have made them 'de facto parents'. CA recognizes de facto parent status, but it doesn't specifically spell out what rights the de facto parent has. The statute, for example, does not grant the de facto parent the right to sue for custody. You can read about de facto parents here:
California Courts - De Facto Parents

First thing I would do is call around to different attorneys. Many attorneys will give you an initial consultation for free. In addition, they will know whether the state will pay for you to have an attorney (many states will do this for custody matters).

Talk with the attorney first, but if you handle it properly and if Dad doesn't object, there is a very good chance that you'll be able to simply go get the child.

One other thing. Don't play games with state residency. If you're living in NV, that is where your residency should be. Playing games like trying to maintain CA residency via a PO box is likely to come back to bite you in the end.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Don't expect to jump in at age 8 and say "Mommies finally decided to grow up herself and decided she wants to be a mommy". I gather you are still living off another person. You need to get yourself back on track, before trying to "make a happy family".

 

[mistoffolees]

Don't expect to jump in at age 8 and say "Mommies finally decided to grow up herself and decided she wants to be a mommy". I gather you are still living off another person. You need to get yourself back on track, before trying to "make a happy family".

Actually, the child is 13.

And the rest of your statement is incorrect. First, maybe I missed it in all the irrelevancies, but I don't see that Mom is living off another person. Mom has a job and appears to be supporting herself. She did move to NV with someone else, but he moved away and doesn't seem to be in the picture any more.

But even if she were living with someone, the fact that Mom may be relying on someone else for support is unfortunate, but it will not change the legal issues surrounding custody.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

We interpreted what she said differently. I don't dispute she has parental rights, however, based on situations I have seen, I don't think a judge will allow her to walk in and take custody out of state. Lying about your residence is not a good idea.

 

[mistoffolees]

We interpreted what she said differently.

Yes, you seem to have a bizarre interpretation of a lot of posts. OP wrote:

I moved to tahoe with a friend (male, not someone I was dating at the time) so I would not have to be alone. He lost his job, and moved away.

How in the world would you interpret that as meaning that someone else was supporting her?

I don't dispute she has parental rights, however, based on situations I have seen, I don't think a judge will allow her to walk in and take custody out of state. Lying about your residence is not a good idea.

The judge can't arbitrarily decide. There is the little matter of what the law says. And legally, the grandparents do not have standing to sue for custody. Even if they get the court to acknowledge de facto parent status, it is not clear that they have any standing to sue. All the statute says is that they have the right to attend hearings.

it is unlikely that the grandparents will ultimately win this battle if Mom chooses to pursue it and if Dad does not get involved. You have:
- Legal mother wants child back
- Mom has had regular contact with child
- Grandparents who never got legal custody
- Grandparents MAY have gotten temporary guardianship which Mom can withdraw
- 13 year old girl who wants to live with Mom
- Mom appears to be a fit parent
- Statute does not give grandparents standing to sue for custody

I'm not going to predict what will happen - which is why I suggested that she seek a local attorney, but your statement that the judge will not allow her to take the child is just plain wrong. There is a very real chance that the judge will allow it. For that matter, there's a very real chance that it may never even get in front of a judge because grandparents have no standing to sue.

The only wild card is Dad. We don't know anything about whether he would want custody and what his involvement has been in recent years.

 

[LdiJ]

One other thing. Don't play games with state residency. If you're living in NV, that is where your residency should be. Playing games like trying to maintain CA residency via a PO box is likely to come back to bite you in the end.

Tahoe is kind of a unique situation Misto. At both the southern and northern ends of the lake you literally have whole communities that are half in CA and half in NV. You cross state lines by simply walking from one side of the street to the other.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Yes, you seem to have a bizarre interpretation of a lot of posts.

I admit that. I really read between the lines when it comes to contracts and situations. Many times I hit the mark, even when it isn't clear. Sometimes I miss completely. That is why I have been so successful in life. I am nonconventional.

How in the world would you interpret that as meaning that someone else was supporting her?

OP has an admitted fear of being alone. She said "We are less than a half mile from tha police department so we do not have a lot of crime (plus the background checks to rent here)."

Mom appears to be a fit parent

I totally disagree. Mom has a track record of becoming stable for short periods of time, then going off the deep end. I bet this ties in with her current BF having a calming effect on the wild child within. She only managed to get a job, by working for free. She keeps her job, by her own admission, because they "work with her". A job she has had less than a year. She lives in a trailer park and can only afford her living expenses, due to the housemate. She has not been responsible enough to handle a parenting job for 13 years (i admit missing this earlier), now that the child is old enough to take care of herself somewhat mom wants her back. She uses the fact that the 13 year old is being required to assume household responsibility as a negative. She feels a 13 year old is not responsible enough to walk a few miles to school. (My kids hate the bus and walk everyday over 1 mile each way. They have no expectation of rides due to inclement weather.)

I won't get into my interpretation of how irresponsible it will be to take a child learning good responsible habits and moving them into a trailer park. That is not relative. I will however mention I knew a family in the exact situation as OP. After 2 or 3 times of getting her daughter back and giving her back to her parents when she went off the edge again, she finally left the state and no one heard from her again. She was however on that FL mugshots web site, that was being bantered around last month, so we know she was alive to get out of prison 3 years ago.

 

[Zigner]

I suspect that what mom signed a few years back and had notarized were actually papers giving power-of-attorney to her parents, not "legal guardianship". POA is revokable at any point.

Mom should be able to go pick her daughter up and tell her parents in no uncertain terms that they are not to interfere in her relationship with her daughter.

 

[mistoffolees]

Tahoe is kind of a unique situation Misto. At both the southern and northern ends of the lake you literally have whole communities that are half in CA and half in NV. You cross state lines by simply walking from one side of the street to the other.

I'm quite familiar with Tahoe. How does that change the fact that she's committing fraud by living in NV and pretending that she's living in CA?

I don't care if your next door neighbor's house is in CA. If you live in NV, that is your residence and pretending otherwise is wrong.

I suspect that what mom signed a few years back and had notarized were actually papers giving power-of-attorney to her parents, not "legal guardianship". POA is revokable at any point.

Mom should be able to go pick her daughter up and tell her parents in no uncertain terms that they are not to interfere in her relationship with her daughter.

Exactly. Although I suggested a stop at an attorney's office first. For starters, they can properly revoke the POA if that's what it is or file to revoke guardianship.

 

[Zigner]

Exactly. Although I suggested a stop at an attorney's office first. For starters, they can properly revoke the POA if that's what it is or file to revoke guardianship.

Revoking a POA doesn't need an attorney. Hell, she can verbally revoke it, or scribble something on a napkin. It's really not difficult.

As for the guardianship, same thing. If it hasn't been filed in court in the last two years, it's not going to happen now.

 

[mistoffolees]

Revoking a POA doesn't need an attorney. Hell, she can verbally revoke it, or scribble something on a napkin. It's really not difficult.

As for the guardianship, same thing. If it hasn't been filed in court in the last two years, it's not going to happen now.

I'll take your word for it. My concern is that OP doesn't know that the grandparents haven't filed it with the court without telling her.

Overall, though, I guess I'm just a little cautious. I'd rather spend half an hour on a free attorney consultation for a matter this important than simply jump in.

 

[eagerton1297]

Hi-
I see a lot of conflicting ansewrs to my post, and this might be because I was upset over the recent getting to school issue for my daughter, and this whole situation has been driving me crazy for years.

So- a few bits of additional information:
1. My child's Dad is not in the picture. She found him on Facebook recently and sent him a message. He never responded. The last time we saw or heard from him was in 2005.

2. I do not live with anybody currently, and have not for over 3 years. I won't live with anyone in a housemate or relationship status ever again. I have spent too many years being controlled by other people to let them tell me what to do in my own house.

3. I kind of have a situation where I actually have two residences- one in California and one in Nevada. My parents' house is listed as my permanent residence because I have custody of my daughter so all her health insurance and school paperwork is in my name with their address on it. I am going to change over to Nevada officially, but that will not change court juristiction for this case. I have neighbors here who were on the California side and still have to go to court there. I have to pay California tax anyway because I work in California.

4. Some people get a bad idea about trailer parks. I live in a home that is as big as a regular house, with vaulted ceilings, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a fireplace, and a huge living room. I moved here because of the security. There is a lot of crime everywhere and I work with it daily so I wanted a place that was safe and my child would have a beach to play on. I also wanted her to be able to be in a neighborhood where it was safe for the kids to ride around on their bikes and not have to worry she would get kidnapped or worse. The police being so close by is a great crime deterrant. No place is perfect, but this one has a lot of qualities I wanted. Plus, paying almost a grand a month should show this is not a traditional "trailer park".

5. I do not have an objection to my daughter walking to the bus stop- my mother does. She will not let my daughter go anywhere unsupervised. The bus stop is a ten minute walk from their house. My mom worries about my daughter's judgement and all the crazy people in the world.

6. I have had work issues due to my ADHD not being properly treated, along with being a trauma survivor (Domestic violence). I have actually only been fired once as a teenager from a job. I have been laid off, left a job, and had a contract not renewed once. Usually I do the leaving at a job when either a better one comes along or I feel that the job is not going well. I am a graduate student currently, and I volunteered at the center I currently work for initially for school. I had the training required and they needed someone. My supervisor knows my situation and about my ADHD. She works with me because I really am client-focused and want to help people. She also sees that I put considerable effort into doing a good job. So, I am a viable team member not just filing in space.

7. I was with my child fully from her birth until 2005 (7 years). My parents convinced me to move into their area when I left my ex in 2005. That was when I had the job where there was no early daycare available and they started keeping her during the weekdays. I went over every evening to give her a bath and read her a story until I took a second job to start saving money for things we needed. Then I went over on the nights I was not working late and called in between jobs on the days I worked late.

8. The papers were never submitted, just held over my head. I told my mom if I was so terrible and did not deserve to even have a say in when I got to visit my child or where I did not want to be in the picture. I told her the papers made me feel like a crimminal and I could not live like that, so if she went ahead and got a court order I was going to move away.
9. Do any of you have any idea how it feels to have your mother tell anyone who will listen what a horrible child you were and what a horrible adult you have become? What it is like that you have never been able to do get it right in your families' eyes? I am not a drug addict, I have never served a day in jail in my entire life. I can pass acrimminal background check with a perfect score. I own my car outright and do not have any credit cards. I did not abandon my child I was told that I was not a fit parent by my parents and that if I took her they were going to make my life a living hell. Because they are my parents I believed every word, and now I do not know how to get out of this situation but I cannot live like this anymore. Everytime I go there I feel like a crimminal and all I hear after I leave is how much the child acts up when I leave so it is difficult to "recover" from my visits (implication- maybe I should not come). If my family had supported me in my role as a parent and supported my intial choice (student housing I could afford in Davis) My life would have been very different, along with my child's life. The problem was I believed my mom when she said I could not take care of myself or my child so I went out and found someone who could because I had never learned it was OK to trust myself. I was always wrong.

9. There comes a time in life where everyone has to be accountable for themselves. I have made some very poor choices in life, especially in who I trust and don't trust. I had no life skills because of the control others had over me that I continued to let them have. This is my fault, now that I understand what I have done. The question is what do I do? When I get a raise next year my daughter will have to be on my insurance not the subsidy, and I do not have the insurance my mother wants my child to have. She will demand I give custody then because "Kaiser is the best". If my parents get custody they will push me out of my child's life. They will have full say in where we go, what we do, and where visits happen. So, I would be officially a crimminal in their treatment of me. They want to adopt her eventually so she can go to school as the daughter of a disabled veteran and get free college.

When I am there it is like watching myself as a child. All the arguments, discipline, threats, and rationalizations used on my child were the same ones they used on me. She will become me. I do not want her to have those experiences. She deserves better.

I have considered opening a voluntary case with CPS, telling them my story, and letting them decide what is best for my daughter. If I really am an unfit parent, let the experts say so, rather than who has the most money.

I have considered that maybe they are right, and I should just bow out and go away. That's not the answer, it would hurt the child the most. I thought about giving in and quitting my job and the life I am trying to create, and go back and be the house slave. I don't think that would end well for me, it might just kill me.

No matter what I do it is going to cause a lot of drama in everyone's life, and someone is going to end up unhappy. I'm just trying to decide what is best.

 

[mistoffolees]

I see a lot of conflicting ansewrs to my post, and this might be because I was upset over the recent getting to school issue for my daughter, and this whole situation has been driving me crazy for years.

The people who know what they're talking about are telling you that you can probably go get your child. The only discrepancy is that I'm suggesting that you talk with an attorney first while Zigner thinks you probably don't need to.

You also need to cancel whatever documents you had before - whether it was temporary guardianship or power of attorney.

1. My child's Dad is not in the picture. She found him on Facebook recently and sent him a message. He never responded. The last time we saw or heard from him was in 2005.

That both helps and hinders the process.

It helps because if Dad wanted to fight you over custody and if Dad was working with the grandparents, you would have had a much harder time getting custody. It may make some things more difficult because if you need to change custody for some reason, you'll still need his signature.

2. I do not live with anybody currently, and have not for over 3 years. I won't live with anyone in a housemate or relationship status ever again. I have spent too many years being controlled by other people to let them tell me what to do in my own house.

Not relevant.

3. I kind of have a situation where I actually have two residences- one in California and one in Nevada. My parents' house is listed as my permanent residence because I have custody of my daughter so all her health insurance and school paperwork is in my name with their address on it. I am going to change over to Nevada officially, but that will not change court juristiction for this case. I have neighbors here who were on the California side and still have to go to court there. I have to pay California tax anyway because I work in California.

So you're committing fraud in order to obtain health insurance and schooling. At the least, the school district can come after you for out-of-district tuition for as long as the child has been there. Your residence is where you live, not where you can obtain the most benefits.

4. {stuff about trailer parks}

No one cares. Unless the place is unsafe in some way, it's irrelevant.

5. I do not have an objection to my daughter walking to the bus stop- my mother does. She will not let my daughter go anywhere unsupervised. The bus stop is a ten minute walk from their house. My mom worries about my daughter's judgement and all the crazy people in the world.

As you've been told, if you have custody, your mother has no say in the matter. You need to take action.

6. {stuff about her job}

Not really relevant.

7. I was with my child fully from her birth until 2005 (7 years). My parents convinced me to move into their area when I left my ex in 2005. That was when I had the job where there was no early daycare available and they started keeping her during the weekdays. I went over every evening to give her a bath and read her a story until I took a second job to start saving money for things we needed. Then I went over on the nights I was not working late and called in between jobs on the days I worked late.

Not really relevant.

8. The papers were never submitted, just held over my head. I told my mom if I was so terrible and did not deserve to even have a say in when I got to visit my child or where I did not want to be in the picture. I told her the papers made me feel like a crimminal and I could not live like that, so if she went ahead and got a court order I was going to move away.

You already got your response on this.

9. Do any of you have any idea how it feels to have your mother tell anyone who will listen what a horrible child you were and what a horrible adult you have become? What it is like that you have never been able to do get it right in your families' eyes? I am not a drug addict, I have never served a day in jail in my entire life. I can pass acrimminal background check with a perfect score. I own my car outright and do not have any credit cards. I did not abandon my child I was told that I was not a fit parent by my parents and that if I took her they were going to make my life a living hell. Because they are my parents I believed every word, and now I do not know how to get out of this situation but I cannot live like this anymore. Everytime I go there I feel like a crimminal and all I hear after I leave is how much the child acts up when I leave so it is difficult to "recover" from my visits (implication- maybe I should not come). If my family had supported me in my role as a parent and supported my intial choice (student housing I could afford in Davis) My life would have been very different, along with my child's life. The problem was I believed my mom when she said I could not take care of myself or my child so I went out and found someone who could because I had never learned it was OK to trust myself. I was always wrong.

This is a legal site. Feelings don't enter into the matter. But, yes, others here have had similar situations or worse.

9. There comes a time in life where everyone has to be accountable for themselves. I have made some very poor choices in life, especially in who I trust and don't trust. I had no life skills because of the control others had over me that I continued to let them have. This is my fault, now that I understand what I have done. The question is what do I do? When I get a raise next year my daughter will have to be on my insurance not the subsidy, and I do not have the insurance my mother wants my child to have. She will demand I give custody then because "Kaiser is the best". If my parents get custody they will push me out of my child's life. They will have full say in where we go, what we do, and where visits happen. So, I would be officially a crimminal in their treatment of me. They want to adopt her eventually so she can go to school as the daughter of a disabled veteran and get free college.

Not relevant.

When I am there it is like watching myself as a child. All the arguments, discipline, threats, and rationalizations used on my child were the same ones they used on me. She will become me. I do not want her to have those experiences. She deserves better.

I have considered opening a voluntary case with CPS, telling them my story, and letting them decide what is best for my daughter. If I really am an unfit parent, let the experts say so, rather than who has the most money.

If you open a case with CPS, you'll never get them out of your hair. I would advise against it. You already got the legal advice - you don't need CPS in order to take your child back.

I have considered that maybe they are right, and I should just bow out and go away. That's not the answer, it would hurt the child the most. I thought about giving in and quitting my job and the life I am trying to create, and go back and be the house slave. I don't think that would end well for me, it might just kill me.

I don't think anyone suggested anything remotely like that. Well, I guess OHRoadWarrior did, but he's talking out of his rear rather than giving legal advice.

No matter what I do it is going to cause a lot of drama in everyone's life, and someone is going to end up unhappy. I'm just trying to decide what is best.

So stop the drama. Just do what you are allowed to do (although I would suggest speaking to an attorney first).

You are making this much more complicated than it needs to be. The legal issues are simple and in your favor. We don't need hundreds of lines of hand-wringing. Leave the emotion out of it and just stick to the simple facts:

You have legal custody of your daughter
You have remained part of your daughter's life
You let your grandmother watch the daughter for an extended period of time
You signed temporary guardianship papers for Grandma, but they were never submitted to the court
You want your daughter back
You are a fit parent and have the resources to raise your daughter

That's what matters. The rest is fluff.

 

[muchneededhelp]

When I am there it is like watching myself as a child. All the arguments, discipline, threats, and rationalizations used on my child were the same ones they used on me. She will become me. I do not want her to have those experiences. She deserves better.

You mention she comes out and visits you once a month at your home. What is compelling you to send her back to your parents if you disagree with them having her? If she is no longer visiting you at your house, then what is preventing you from picking her up from school and taking her home with you?

You will most likely have a battle on your hands if your parents choose to give you one. Your choice is whether your daughter is worth fighting for or not.

And Misto is right (as usual!)... keep the emotions out of this and follow the law. Emotions only set you back.