Traumatized daily

[pointdemocrat]

My son in law is an adult bully and threw myself and my wife out of their home when we visited them for a week end last May as I was relating information from the Dr Qz show. I was being loving. It was about weight and it's medical importance however his ego couldn't tolorate it. Hi became disrespectful and tried to insult me. When I gave him a bit of his own medicine he lost it telling me he wanted out of his house that morning. We are from NY and they live in Il. which made it even more traumic for us. We could not get a flight when we did it cost an additional 500 dollars and we had to fly stand by.I believe my daughter to be a victim and fears standing up to him. They had severed contact with us since that day and won't discuss the incident. They have blocked e-m ,won't return phone calls etc. To my three and six year old grandchildchren love us emensely we have died nearly four months ago. I doubt they have beed didcussing it or getting them counseling. I'n overwelmed and don't know what I should do and how.

 

[TheGeekess]

Grandparents do not have any inherent legal rights to their grandchildren. And certainly as long as Mom is married to Dad and they agree that you won't see the grandchildren, there is no court that will make them let you see the grandchildren.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Learn how to shut up and suck up. Wait an appropriate amount of time, then try to tender a letter of apology. It sounds like you need the counseling. The children are probably fine. You don't walk into another persons house, insult them, shove your beliefs and values down their throat, then expect them to be happy.

 

[stealth2]

My son in law is an adult bully and threw myself and my wife out of their home when we visited them for a week end last May as I was relating information from the Dr Qz show. I was being loving. It was about weight and it's medical importance however his ego couldn't tolorate it. Hi became disrespectful and tried to insult me. When I gave him a bit of his own medicine he lost it telling me he wanted out of his house that morning. We are from NY and they live in Il. which made it even more traumic for us. We could not get a flight when we did it cost an additional 500 dollars and we had to fly stand by.I believe my daughter to be a victim and fears standing up to him. They had severed contact with us since that day and won't discuss the incident. They have blocked e-m ,won't return phone calls etc. To my three and six year old grandchildchren love us emensely we have died nearly four months ago. I doubt they have beed didcussing it or getting them counseling. I'n overwelmed and don't know what I should do and how.

Seriously? You need to apologize for disrespecting him in his home. He and your daughter get to decide if they want you involved with their children.

 

[>Charlotte<]

My son in law is an adult bully and threw myself and my wife out of their home when we visited them for a week end last May as I was relating information from the Dr Qz show. I was being loving. It was about weight and it's medical importance however his ego couldn't tolorate it. Hi became disrespectful and tried to insult me. When I gave him a bit of his own medicine he lost it telling me he wanted out of his house that morning. We are from NY and they live in Il. which made it even more traumic for us. We could not get a flight when we did it cost an additional 500 dollars and we had to fly stand by.I believe my daughter to be a victim and fears standing up to him. They had severed contact with us since that day and won't discuss the incident. They have blocked e-m ,won't return phone calls etc. To my three and six year old grandchildchren love us emensely we have died nearly four months ago. I doubt they have beed didcussing it or getting them counseling. I'n overwelmed and don't know what I should do and how.

You have no legal recourse here.

He's allowed to be offended by your attempts to counsel him about an issue that's none of your business. He's even allowed to be offended if you attempt to counsel him about any issue that is your business.

He's allowed to react negatively to your interference.

You are allowed to react negatively, in turn. When you do, he is allowed to ask you to leave his house. You have no right to stay in his house, and he is not responsible for any costs you incur if he removes that privilege.

Your daughter is an adult. It is her right to decide whether she will defy her husband or concede to him. You do not have the right to compel her to do otherwise.

Your daughter and son-in-law are the parents of your grandchildren, and their authority is autonomous. Your biological relation to the children does not create a legal right.

You can wait to see if this eventually blows over, or you can do your best to make amends.

 

[muchneededhelp]

My son in law is an adult bully

Wait, lets back up...

I was being loving. It was about weight and it's medical importance however his ego couldn't tolorate it. Hi became disrespectful and tried to insult me. When I gave him a bit of his own medicine he lost it telling me he wanted out of his house that morning.

So, who was being a bully? You insulted him FIRST, regardless. He didn't agree with your "loving" ways, and in turn, you retaliated? Pot, meet KETTLE.

We are from NY and they live in Il. which made it even more traumic for us. We could not get a flight when we did it cost an additional 500 dollars and we had to fly stand by.

He had every right to ask you to leave. I might have done the same, as it sounds like this isn't the first falling out you've had with your son in law. This is just a sob story and has no bearing.

I believe my daughter to be a victim and fears standing up to him. They had severed contact with us since that day and won't discuss the incident. They have blocked e-m ,won't return phone calls etc. To my three and six year old grandchildchren love us emensely we have died nearly four months ago. I doubt they have beed didcussing it or getting them counseling. I'n overwelmed and don't know what I should do and how.

Your daughter has had every opportunity to contact you behind her husband's back... most likely, she's just as mad and is sticking up for her husband. She isn't a victim just because she isn't taking YOUR side, she's protecting her marriage and family. As well as, they shouldn't be discussing what happened in front of the kids. You can't possibly know if these kids even NEED counseling. So don't play that card.

Seriously, send your son in law and daughter a polite letter. Apologize. Grovel. Beg. Plead. That is the only way you might possibly be a part of your grandchildren's lives again. You stepped over the line, honey.

Side note: If my in-laws ever did that to me, I'd probably throw them out as well. That was rude, inappropriate, and uncalled for no matter what the circumstances. It sounds like you are a pushy and overbearing person who they do not want in their lives anymore due to YOU going over the line one too many times. Get over yourself and let them live and raise their kids as THEY SEE FIT. Your opinion means nothing in their house, get used to it.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm honestly just shaking my head here.

Still trying to fathom why SIL is the bad guy.

I mean really.

Come to my house, insult me, and then bicker about it?

Damn right you'd be leaving.

 

[Isis1]

I'm honestly just shaking my head here.

Still trying to fathom why SIL is the bad guy.

I mean really.

Come to my house, insult me, and then bicker about it?

Damn right you'd be leaving.

I took care of that exact problem by never letting my mother IN the house in the first place. It's quite possible the daughter AGREED you were a busybodied nobody with a big mouth.

You know what is odd? We only heard YOUR side of the story and it seems we all agree with your daughter and her husband. Now that's saying something!

 

[justalayman]

and since you were staying only for the weekend, you could have rented a hotel room for a night or two at far less than the $500 additional it cost to fly without reservations.

 

[NellieBly]

Did you call him fat?

 

[mistoffolees]

Did you call him fat?

What do you think? OP said:
"I was relating information from the Dr Qz show. I was being loving. It was about weight and it's medical importance however his ego couldn't tolorate it"

 

[cyjeff]

I have to say....

If someone came into MY home and said, "After my stories today, I was watching Oprah/Dr. Oz/The Doctors, and they say you are fat. I think you can benefit from what I learned from a bunch of pseudo diagnostic methodology I learned on TV", I would be showing them to the door so fast I would leave skid marks on the carpet.

Let me help you here. Did you really need to tell him he was fat? Did you think he didn't know?

Why would you think it was your place to tell a grown man about his health problems?

You know the only thing that kills more people than obesity? Butting into someone else's business without invitation...

 

[Proserpina]

You know the only thing that kills more people than obesity? Butting into someone else's business without invitation...

Most perfect observation, ever.

Heck, I want to make that my sig line.

 

[cyjeff]

Grandpa here is a bit of an egotist.

He thinks he has the right to pass judgement on family members.
He believes that his grandchildren are "traumatized daily" because they can't talk to him....and need counseling to get over this pain.

Traumatized? Counseling?

Really?

 

[LdiJ]

My son in law is an adult bully and threw myself and my wife out of their home when we visited them for a week end last May as I was relating information from the Dr Qz show. I was being loving. It was about weight and it's medical importance however his ego couldn't tolorate it. Hi became disrespectful and tried to insult me. When I gave him a bit of his own medicine he lost it telling me he wanted out of his house that morning. We are from NY and they live in Il. which made it even more traumic for us. We could not get a flight when we did it cost an additional 500 dollars and we had to fly stand by.I believe my daughter to be a victim and fears standing up to him. They had severed contact with us since that day and won't discuss the incident. They have blocked e-m ,won't return phone calls etc. To my three and six year old grandchildchren love us emensely we have died nearly four months ago. I doubt they have beed didcussing it or getting them counseling. I'n overwelmed and don't know what I should do and how.

The bolded is the part that got me. At that point in time the son in law certainly did not owe him any respect, and then grandpa had the nerve to "give him a bit of his own medicine".

This tells me two things 2) that grandparent believes he is superior to his adult children and children in law, and deserves respect from them even in their own home and even when grandpa is insulting them, and 2) that grandpa believes he has the right to punish other adults by "giving them a bit of their own medicine".