worried mom & dad

[jldbm2009]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

My husband and I are seeking some advice about what is currently going on with my in-laws. I am sorry this post is so long.

My husband and I are happily married and provide a safe loving home for our children. My husband and I have 3 little boys ages 3, 2, and 1. Over the past several months we have had a lot of issues with my husbands parents. In fact we have had problems with them all along! They act as if they have more control over our children then we do. They actually stated they have just as much of a right to our kids as we do! My husband has never gotten along with his parents for multiple reasons. One of which is how they treated him growing up. When my husband and I married and had our first child his parents had no knowledge of this. In fact my husband hadn’t talked to his parents for two years. I talked with my husband, and sent a birth announcement to his parents when our second son was born. I felt sorry for them since they had never seen, or even knew they had grandsons. Things went from there. My husbands parents began bribing us, and trying to be extra nice to see us and our kids. As time went by my mother in law became very controlling, and wanted to have my children over night and often. I didn’t agree with this. During a visit when my oldest was about to turn two, my son was acting out. My mother in law insisted I wasn’t being strict enough with him and needed to smack or spank him. I do not agree with this type of punishment. I do understand that kids can be bad, but their punishment can be handled without being abusive (ie time out, or taking toys away). Over Christmas I made the mistake of allowing my in-laws to watch our older two boys while we went Christmas shopping at the toy store just a few miles down the road. When we came back to pick up our two oldest children, my oldest son was upset. He was ready to go home, and didn’t want to be around my husbands mother. Once in the car on the way home my 3 year old acted out what happened to him, and told me how his grandma hurt him. I was very upset by this. When I questioned the matter with my in-laws they told us we could not believe a 3 year old. Well, I do believe my 3 year old, he has never been one to tell lies.
My in-laws have become increasingly angry since we have stopped contact. My husband and I both feel this is in the best interest of our children. My mother in law has gone against me with how I feel about raising my kids. During another visit she even gave my then ten month old a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I have nut allergies and she risked giving my son something that could have chocked him or caused a serious reaction. She feels she can do what ever she wants or feels like with my kids, and my husband and I strongly disagree.

Also my in-laws do have partial custody of another grandchild, but this child’s parents are divorced. Will this effect them getting partial custody of our children?

Do my husbands parents have any chance of winning and gaining “Partial custody” as they claim?

Thanks in advance.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[IsabellaSoriano]

if i remember correctly, PA is a grandparent friendly state.

if it had been me, i would have called CPS on the in laws upon hearing that story. but then i'm not an in-law happy person.

grandparents don't have inherent rights. grandparents can sue for visitation, but it is not guaranteed they will win.

there are guidlines. you and husband being an intact family doesn't help them. you both agreeing it is not in your children's best interest to be around them unsupervised.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by IsabellaSoriano

if i remember correctly, PA is a grandparent friendly state.

if it had been me, i would have called CPS on the in laws upon hearing that story. but then i'm not an in-law happy person.

grandparents don't have inherent rights. grandparents can sue for visitation, but it is not guaranteed they will win.

there are guidlines. you and husband being an intact family doesn't help them. you both agreeing it is not in your children's best interest to be around them unsupervised.

Even in PA an intact family is pretty safe. Grandma feel embolded because she got partial custody of one grandchild, and assumes that any other case would go her way.

This is a prime case however of why I really hate gpv laws. It empowers gps like these to believe that they have "rights" and therefore do not have to respect the parents of their grandchildren.

[Hot Topic]

What kind of bribes did you accept from the grandparents when, as you say, they became "extra nice" in order to see you and the children?

[jldbm2009]

My in-laws acted extra nice by making themselves out to be these wonderful people. The “bribes” were gifts that they would mail our boys. They also would tell us if you come and visit, I’ll help you out with diapers. Or the other things they would say were, “the boys will be so spoiled". They told me they would do so much for them. These were all lies my in-laws fed us, they never did anything for our boys. They made themselves out to be these great people, then when they got us where they wanted us they became controlling and abusive.
Recently I spoke to my father-in-law, and I told him how I felt, and why I do not feel comfortable having my children visit. I told him how I do not like the way they handle and correct my children. His response was “If I feel they need their a** beat, I’ll do it”. My husband and I are very afraid for our children. I do not want them to be around people like this. If I had known my in-laws would be abusive to my kids I would have never allowed them to visit our kids.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by jldbm2009

My in-laws acted extra nice by making themselves out to be these wonderful people. The “bribes” were gifts that they would mail our boys. They also would tell us if you come and visit, I’ll help you out with diapers. Or the other things they would say were, “the boys will be so spoiled". They told me they would do so much for them. These were all lies my in-laws fed us, they never did anything for our boys. They made themselves out to be these great people, then when they got us where they wanted us they became controlling and abusive.
Recently I spoke to my father-in-law, and I told him how I felt, and why I do not feel comfortable having my children visit. I told him how I do not like the way they handle and correct my children. His response was “If I feel they need their a** beat, I’ll do it”. My husband and I are very afraid for our children. I do not want them to be around people like this. If I had known my in-laws would be abusive to my kids I would have never allowed them to visit our kids.

That would be enough for me. I am not against spankings but that statement right there indicates the high level of disrespect they have for the children's parents.

[latigo]

Isabella!

With respect to grandchildren the term “GRANDPARENT'S RIGHTS” is an oxymoron!

Read the United States Supreme Court case of Troxel vs. Granville,
(June 2000) 530 U.S. 57; 120 S. Ct. 2054

[Beth3]

Originally Posted by jldbm2009

My in-laws acted extra nice by making themselves out to be these wonderful people. The “bribes” were gifts that they would mail our boys. They also would tell us if you come and visit, I’ll help you out with diapers. Or the other things they would say were, “the boys will be so spoiled". They told me they would do so much for them. These were all lies my in-laws fed us, they never did anything for our boys. They made themselves out to be these great people, then when they got us where they wanted us they became controlling and abusive.
Recently I spoke to my father-in-law, and I told him how I felt, and why I do not feel comfortable having my children visit. I told him how I do not like the way they handle and correct my children. His response was “If I feel they need their a** beat, I’ll do it”. My husband and I are very afraid for our children. I do not want them to be around people like this. If I had known my in-laws would be abusive to my kids I would have never allowed them to visit our kids.

There's a simple solution here. Just resume the relationship your husband previously had with his parents, which is none. His parents are very unpleasant people who have no respect for your and your husband's wishes. No more visits to or from grandma and grandpa - and no asking them to watch the kids no matter how badly you may be in need of a babysitter.

Yes, they're going to be upset but so what? They don't care an iota how you feel so you surely shouldn't waste any time caring how they feel. Just cease all contact and ignore any nonsense they threaten. And do keep this in mind - they are not going to change. Your husband already knows this all too well.

[Blue Meanie]

Originally Posted by latigo

Isabella!

With respect to grandchildren the term “GRANDPARENT'S RIGHTS” is an oxymoron!

Read the United States Supreme Court case of Troxel vs. Granville,
(June 2000) 530 U.S. 57; 120 S. Ct. 2054

Many of us here, and at other legal sites, think that to name the forum "Grandparent Rights" is a misnomer and it really should read "Grand Parent Visitation".

And most of the "regulars" posting on this forum are familiar with Troxel..

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by latigo

Isabella!

With respect to grandchildren the term “GRANDPARENT'S RIGHTS” is an oxymoron!

Read the United States Supreme Court case of Troxel vs. Granville,
(June 2000) 530 U.S. 57; 120 S. Ct. 2054

That is a short answer but it is NOT that easy. Grandparents CAN get visitation in certain circumstances. Granted in your 1L world it is that easy but in the court system it is not.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by Blue Meanie

Many of us here, and at other legal sites, think that to name the forum "Grandparent Rights" is a misnomer and it really should read "Grand Parent Visitation".

And most of the "regulars" posting on this forum are familiar with Troxel..

Lets be nice to the poor little 1L. (My guess because he has just enough info to be dangerous.)