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Threatened With Firing for Pressing Charges Against a Coworker Who Assaulted Me!!!!!!

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BillJones

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? I live in NJ and work in NYC.

About two years ago I met a female co-worker at a company Christmas party and we both talked and flirted with each other for a while. I had a girlfriend, and I guess should not have been flirting, because I had no intention of cheating on my girlfriend with this woman. So we were both pretty drunk and the party died down and I said I was hungry and asked if she wanted to go grab something to eat. So, we left the party and when to a bar& grill place and had dinner, and talked a while and at a certain point she made it clear to me she wanted to take me home “to F**ck” as she put it, and I told her I had a girlfriend and refused. She then became irate and began verbally bashing me and belittling me, calling me stupid and unmanly and pathetic, and that I didn’t want her because I was intimidated by a strong woman and was jealous because I was just a programmer and she was a manager and made more money than me. I said very little in reply because I was in fact intimidated and wasn’t sure what to do. So she eventually left and I never did anything about it, and just blew it off.

Last Friday, my boss, who is also the CTO of our company, had a non-company related, personal party at his apartment, which was mostly co-workers. We all got pretty drunk, and later in the evening I found myself having a casual conversation with this same woman. However, during the conversation she began to start putting me down once again. She started small and kept upping her claims each time I denied them or blew her off. She start by saying, “Hey, I’m just telling you as a friend, and a co-worker, and a manager that a lot of the woman in my department think you’re a jerk”….. I replied, Oh please.. Whatever…. She responds…”No, I’m serious… a lot of the women in the NYC office think you’re a pompous ass”… I reply.. oh come on.. no they don’t… please…then she says…”Look Bill, I’m just telling you this for your own good but MOST of the NYC OFFICE thinks you’re a pompous Azzhole!”. So, now I say to her….”Listen, Diane… I’m so much smarter than you that most of what you’re saying means absolutely NOTHING to me at all!”. Immediately after saying that… BAM!!!! She shoved me in my chest, and then WHAM, she slapped me in the face knocking off my glasses, I recoiled, and tried to shield my face, and backed a way, and She continually swiped at my face again and again, until, other co-workers grabbed her and restrained her. I never once so much as touched her. At this point some people brought me into my boss’s bedroom and sat me on the bed to calm things down, commending me on my restraint. After about five minute later, she stormed into the room, and as I sat on the bed with my boss the CTO, and a couple co-workers in the room, she began SCREAMING at me like a banshee, belittling me… downing me in any way she could… raving about how she worked hard to get where she is.. and people respect her, and nobody talks to her like this.. and I sat there and DIDN’T SAY A WORD. All I said was towards the end of her tirade… “But Dianne, what do people think when you fall apart like this?”… to which she screamed some more, and then finally left the room, and the party.. after apologizing to my boss for causing a scene.

After that I went to the bathroom to see that I had multiple scratches on my face. One just under my left eye, one over my left eyebrow, and a knick on my nose, all of which were probably caused by my glasses which were now badly bent.

Anyway, My boss called me in his office Monday and she was sitting there, and she apologized. I found her apology completely insincere, and thought it was more of an apology for causing a scene that for assaulting me and causing me harm. She even at one point said…”So, now I’ve apologized, and I guess you already apologized that night, albeit in a drunken stupor, but that’s fine”. I thought to myself, good lord, did she just insinuate that as I sit here with a scratched up face and bent glasses that I needed to apologize to her but she was letting me off the hook? Later that day, I spoke to my boss and our HR director and told them the apology wasn’t good enough and I wanted her punished. They said it was outside the company and they had no authority, and generally expressed that they didn’t want to touch this situation at all, and they suggested dropping it. So I told them fine, I will deal with it on my own outside the company.

So, that night, I went down to the NYPD, and filed a report and gave them pictures of my face that I took when I got home that night. Two days later a detective called and asked if I wanted to just drop everything and act like it never happened, or to press charges for assault with injuries. So I thought it over, and said, ok, go ahead and press charges.

The next day, my boss called me in the office and pretty much flipped on me, asking me why the hell I pressed charges, and that now the company IS involved, and generally went to great lengths to convince me to drop the charges saying she will retaliate and this is going to turn into a big mess and can be bad for my career.

So, today, he calls me in his office again, and tells me that she has now decided to “counter-sue”, and that she is going around to all the people from the party that she knows well, and is trying to convince them to report me to HR for anything they can think of that can be construed as being non-PC, or rude, or harassing, or inappropriate. Anything like an off-color joke or whatever. And he said two people have already spoken to HR about me. To which I demanded their names and what they said, and he refused to say since they had not filed any formal complaints yet. At this point my boss informs me that there’s a good chance since this is causing problems for the company now that HR may just get fed up and FIRE both of us as a result, especially if she successfully convinces a handful of people, probably women to say I have said things in the past that were off color or in some way harassing, that I alone will be fired.

So now after being told they didn’t want to deal with it, and me saying I would deal with it outside the company, I am having my boss and HR intimidating me and threatening to fire me for utilizing the legal system to defend myself from an unstable and dangerous woman who assaulted me in front of many witnesses who I had not even laid a finger on.

Now I have a lot of friends and co-workers trying to convince me to just drop the whole thing before I get in trouble or get fired some how for all this. My older brother however has been strongly advising me to ignore everything that any of them or my boss says, and to pursue this to the end until she is convicted of assault. He claims there is no way they can fire me for defending myself legally from a woman who assaulted me. And that even if some chick tells HR that I made a non-pc joke to her or a few people a year ago, that they can’t fire me, and if they did it would be considered retaliation.

So now I am faced with trying to decide if I should drop the charges like my boss, HR, co-workers and friends are trying to convince me to do, or stick with it like my brother says, who confidently states that no matter what, I was assaulted, and have photos of the injuries, and filed it all with the police, and all the threats and intimidation are all talk, and that I will come through this fine. And that if anyone will get fired in the end it will be her, after being convicted of assaulting a fellow employee. It’s amazing how I went from clearly the victim who was being commended for his restraint to the bad guy who is now being threatened with being fired for standing up for himself.

Tomorrow is Friday, and she is supposed to go down to the police station on Sunday to be processed.

So what the hell should I do now???

-Bill
 
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Beth3

Senior Member
So what the hell should I do now??? How about quit getting drunk at company parties? Apparently you didn't learn your lesson the first time around. Yes, she assaulted you but you're not the innocent victim you portray yourself as.

If you want to continue to pursue the criminal charges, that's entirely your right. If your employer wishes to terminate you or the both of you for the huge mess and commotion your mutual behavior has resulted in (causing a major disruption in the workplace), they're free to do that too. Even if they don't terminate you, you should consider this a CLC - a career limiting caper.

Your story is an excellent example of why it is a terrible idea to drink to excess at company functions or any event that is hosted by or involves co-workers.
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
By the way, there are NO circumstances in which you get to decide whether or not the company has taken sufficient action and demand that they "punish" her further.
 
I didn't think you were allowed to drink at company functions because whether or not it was on company premises it was still on company time. :confused: Correct me if I'm wrong.....
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
That's up to the company, jpritchett. It's not usually a good idea but it's not illegal per se.
 

Beth3

Senior Member
An increasing number of employers are eliminating alcohol at company sponsored functions but that's out of concern for liability if an attendee over indulges and has a car accident on the way home. It's perfectly legal for the employer to serve alcohol however, whether at work or another locale.
 
Oh ok gotcha Beth3 and cbg. It seems weird to want to drink around the people you work with anyway.........but that's just me. :eek:

**Throwing up in the punch bowl is NOT the way to go!!!!** ;)
 

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