Wrong decision

[unemployedwidow]

What is the name of your state (WA)?
My husband passed away in October 2008. Eight months later I was notified that my position had been eliminated (24 year employee). I was offered an opportunity to move to a region office in another state to keep my job. Still grieving, I chose to stay behind. Now that my last day is approaching and I am thinking more clearly, I realize I have made a big mistake and asked to stay. I was told my position has already been filled. Can they have expected me to make a life altering decision in the first year after my husband's death?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (WA)?
My husband passed away in October 2008. Eight months later I was notified that my position had been eliminated (24 year employee). I was offered an opportunity to move to a region office in another state to keep my job. Still grieving, I chose to stay behind. Now that my last day is approaching and I am thinking more clearly, I realize I have made a big mistake and asked to stay. I was told my position has already been filled. Can they have expected me to make a life altering decision in the first year after my husband's death?

I'm sorry for your loss, but the choice was yours to make. There is no liability or fault on their part.

 

[ShyCat]

Can they have expected me to make a life altering decision in the first year after my husband's death?

Yes, of course they can. However tragic, the first year of mourning does not provide a "get out of jail free" card for all of life's decisions. You are still, even though emotionally wrecked, considered a legally competent adult. I'm sure you wouldn't wish it to be otherwise.

While common wisdom is to not make major life-altering decisions immediately after such heartbreak, there is no law that prevents you from doing so or your employer from accepting and acting on that decision.

 

[commentator]

It's not a sure thing that you did make the wrong decision. After all, moving to another area, leaving behind your support system and your familiar places may or may not be the best choice. And there is no guarantee that this job you would have taken and moved would have been permanent. Usually when companies have begun to downsize in one place, they may follow by downsizing in another place soon after. So you might have taken that position, made the moves, and found yourself in the very same position later.

File for your unemployment, take a few deep breaths and consider your options where you are. The chance to accept the transfer job has passed, but things usually happen for a reason. You may find something new and really good to do right there where you are now and where you have many good memories.

 

[Proserpina]

It's not a sure thing that you did make the wrong decision. After all, moving to another area, leaving behind your support system and your familiar places may or may not be the best choice. And there is no guarantee that this job you would have taken and moved would have been permanent. Usually when companies have begun to downsize in one place, they may follow by downsizing in another place soon after. So you might have taken that position, made the moves, and found yourself in the very same position later.

File for your unemployment, take a few deep breaths and consider your options where you are. The chance to accept the transfer job has passed, but things usually happen for a reason. You may find something new and really good to do right there where you are now and where you have many good memories.

When my DH died I had two job offers in the immediate 6 months following his death; one in Ghana and one in Zimbabwe. I was SO tempted to go - but I really do feel it would have been a bad move. Yes, I would have gotten away from the area, the memories, the reminders...but I would have also been running away from the grief.

Grief takes time, it takes effort, it takes hard work and these are just a few reasons why so many therapists and bereavement counselors advise NOT moving within the first year of your loss.

Again OP, I'm very sorry for your loss - but I think you actually did the right thing in staying behind. Attending to your grief, like you did, is a good thing.

 

[unemployedwidow]

Thank you

I appreciate your comments. Just when you hope someone has your back....ya know? My DH worked for the same company, so there's no chance they didn't know I was a recent widow back at HQ. I know there are no guarantees at the new location, but at least it would have been a job now. Not many companies are beating down the doors of 56 year old women without a degree. I just think there's no chance for me now and I'll lose everything. But, what's done is done. Guess I'll work on those deep breaths. Thanks again everyone.

 

[cbg]

They cannot make their business decisions on the basis of what is going on in their employee's lives. They are not obligated to take your personal circumstances into consideration when deciding what they need to do for the business as a whole. As a matter of fact, doing so could, in some cases, be considered illegal discrimination.

The fact that they knew you were a recent widow does not relieve them of the obligation to make the best business decisions they can make for the whole company. They not only cannot, but should not, delay those decisions on the basis of what your personal circumstances are. That would be unfair to other employees. Nor would it be fair for them now to dump the other employee to give you your job back.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are going through. But your employer made an offer in good faith; you turned it down. It is what it is. They did nothing illegal, unethical, or morally wrong. The rest of the world cannot stop while you grieve.

I am truly sorry if what I am saying sounds harsh. I do not intend it in that way. But whether your decision was right or wrong, you've made it. It's time now to look forward and not back.