He came to visit in '04, we had known each other 3 yrs at that point, and ended up staying when we decided to get married. It would have been so much easier if the divorce had been done before he came here, but hindsight, etc. We never expected it to take this long. I'm not sure what VWP is, or what you mean by the method he entered the country (he had a regular visa and passport).
He'll need a ss# to file for a divorce here, I assumed. We can't get his status changed until we're married, but we can't get married until we find a way for him to get divorced. It's so discouraging, to say the least. We appreciate your help though!
Well, you have waited this long, you can't expect his work status to be an emergency for anyone but yourselves, I'm afraid.
He has now accumulated enough time out of status that, should he leave the US, a 10-year ban on his re-entry will be activated. Clearly the best method for getting around that is to not leave the US until he has a Green Card (should he wish to return).
You can consider moving abroad with him, although you will not be eligible to immigrate to the UK as his spouse until he is divorced.
Since it all comes back to him getting a divorce so you two can marry, I'd suggest that be your priority. If it's been 3 years, maybe the wife will get over it and sign the papers. He may be able to file in the UK via the post. Stop assuming things and start doing some actual research on what it takes to accomplish this. I find it curious that you'd both be willing to live under these circumstances for so long, so consider this a friendly push to get off the stick and get going with life. It's only discouraging because you don't know what you need to do.. information is power and its never been easier to come by than today.
The VWP is the Visa Waiver Program, which allows citizens of some countries to visit the US for 90 days without a formal visa. If he used this method, he will have part of a green form I-94W in his passport showing his entry date (you will need this--guard it).
If he was ineligible for the VWP for some reason and/or used a B-1 or B-2 actual visa to enter the US, that will be important, too. He would remember this because it costs about $100 to apply for it and he would have appeared for an interview at the US Consulate in London.