accused of sexual harassment

[blueyze]

What is the name of your state? New York

I have a bowl disease that I sometimes have to frequent bathrooms. I travel to different companies every day. On a particular day, I had to use the restroom before i literally had an "accident" in my pants. At this particular building, you need a key to get in the restrooms. I grabbed a key but luckily for me the men's room was open. Unluckily for me all the stalls were full. I therefore unlocked the womens restroom called in to see in a woman was in there (similar to what cleaning people do before they enter a restroom) and there was no one in there. While I was taking care of my business a couple of women came in. One woman occupied the stall next to me. As I was in the stall my cellphone went off . It was on vibrate and fell off the hook of my pants. (note that it is a silver cellphone). As I was done I excused myself and appologized for having to use the restroom when the woman asked me if i had a mirror. I then told her that it was my cellphone she saw..... She has filed a complaint with my company and my company wants to terminate me.... Can they do that? What information do I need to defend myself from getting fired and sued personally?

 

[cbg]

The only thing you can do is explain the circumstances and hope that your management is understanding. There would be absolutely nothing illegal about them firing you. As far as sexual harassment goes, fair or not, it is not the intent of the "harasser" that counts but the perception of the "victim".

 

[blueyze]

even though I have a disability

Is this true even though my disability forces me to use a restroom when neccessary? I do not have a history of it. What information do I need to protect myself?

 

[cbg]

You are not being terminated because you have a disability. You are being terminated because, for whatever reason, you are a male who used the women's restroom and a complaint was filed. You have no automatic defense because of your bowel condition. If the company wants to terminate you because of this, they can do that.

 

[aahlee]

I would NOT take this sitting down.

I had a friend with IRB irritable bowel syndrom, and its nothing they can do about it, you just have to go to whatever bathroom you can find.

I would Embarass (pun) this company by writing them a complaint demanding an apology, or you will sue the person who wrote the complaint and their company.

Your company is a LOSER, for being so cruel to you.

The more noise you make, even talking to a reporter would make you feel better anyway

Ps..is this a MAJOR account with your company? then your bosses threat to fire you is based on the MONEY they stand to lose if they lose the customer.

If its a minor customer, then your boss is a low life, for not laughing in his pants about how stupid the complaint is!

 

[hmmbrdzz]

I have one question (and I'm sure your employer and the ladies do, too). When you had the sudden urge to go and the men's bathroom was full, why didn't you advise "hey man, I've gotta go now, and I've gotta go bad, and I can't wait". By the time it took you to go to the ladies bathroom and go inside a stall, a man in the man's restroom would have probably accomodated you (as I'm sure all of them weren't sitting). And why -- when you didn't do this and chose to use the ladies room instead and then heard ladies coming in -- didn't you say "Ladies -- There's a man in here in an emergency". You sat there in silence and long enough for a woman to sit on the toilet beside you. This is voyeurism, and I can't blame your boss for firing you. You're lucky you're not facing arrest. You still might.

hmmbrdzz

 

[aahlee]

Oh come on, you know how cheap building managers are...

he was trying to be considerate and he couldn't get out fast enough, because:

THOSE DAMN ROLLS OF TOILET PAPER, BREAK OFF ONE SHEET AT A TIME!

If the toilet paper rolled off like it does at home , he would been outta there.

 

[blueyze]

I'm glad that someone understands how unbearable and embarassing a disability like this can be.... Sure let me walk into the men's bathroom and say "come on guys i gotta go". This disability does not only effect you physically but mentally also. I am embarassed to say I have a disease that if I don't go, I will go in my pants. Only people that have it or know someone that have it could understand. I did appologize to the woman and she didn't even mention a mirror until after I apologized (telling her what I have) and began to walk away... I think all she's seeing is $$$$ and now i might lose my job. She's not doing this in good faith - she's not scared, she wants a payday and I'm going to suffer because of it.

 

[Beth3]

A single incident of inappropriate conduct does NOT constitute prohibited sexual harassment unless physical contact was involved. So this woman can scream "harassment" all she wants but what you describe simply does not meet the legal standard on two fronts.

First, because it was only one incident. Second, because a "reasonable woman" would not categorize this as sexual harassment. Would a reasonable woman be embarassed, uncomfortable, and so on by what happened? Yes. If the guy in the stall didn't say anything, do anything, and explained his predicament, would your typical woman be screaming "sexual harassment"? In my opinion, no.

Now that doesn't mean your employer won't terminate you for what took place but let's hope the employers involved put the fuss this woman is making into legal perspective and everyone acts accordingly.

Good luck.

 

[blueyze]

Thank you for clarifying Beth. As I am doing reasearch myself, could you give me some advise on what laws, organizations I should look into for info?

 

[cbg]

The point is not whether or not anyone on a public message board understands your situation; the point is whether or not your boss does. Beth is correct as regards the definition of sexual harassment; that does not change the fact that if your employer wants to fire you over this he can.

 

[blueyze]

arbitration

it is now going into arbitration with my union and the company... what info do i need to have ready?

 

[hmmbrdzz]

The first question you need to be prepared to answer is: Why did your condition of IBS prevent you from saying something when the women came into the bathroom? Once you can answer that question, you should present copies of all the notes you've given your employer where you've requested special bathroom privileges and have complained about the availability (or lack of) bathrooms. You should have copies of all notes that you've given your employer (from a doctor) who has diagnosed your condition as IBS and and who has also advised your employer of the sudden uncontrollable urges associated with IBS.
Since diarrhea from IBS is controlled with medication, the chances that you've got a note from your doctor to this effect are slim to none (I can guess). The only bowel disorder that is not treatable with respect to uncontrolled diarrhea is ulcerative colitis and/or those associated with auto immune disease. In other words, you would need to prove you were very, very sick and had such excruciating pain that you couldn't speak up. If you can establish that, you can possibly avoid trouble for your employer. You may be embarrassed from your condition, but when your disorder imposes on others rights to privacy and breaks the law, you need to deal with it instead of getting yourself and your employer into the jam you have here. Why didn't you say anything when the women came in? That is not a symptom of a bowel disorder.

hmmbrdzz

 

[blueyze]

my bowel disease is ulcerative colitis thank you

 

[hmmbrdzz]

There is a huge difference in IBS and UC. They're not even in the same ball park, and their terms are not used interchangebly by the doctor when referring to IBS. If you referred to your condition as IBS because you're embarrassed, then understand that it's more embarrassing to do what you did and then try to explain it away by saying you've got IBS. If you've got UC, this can be extremely life altering and can become totally disabling. If you've got UC, you need to let your employer know. Apologize ten fold for your error in poor judgment and hope they don't fire you anyhow. I don't know how old you are, but sometimes UC (in fact most times) does not respond well to usual treatments and doesn't carry a good prognosis until the colon is removed. You are going to be hit frequently with the urge to go and will have accidents. If you've got UC, go to your doctor, get the facts, be treated, and understand your responsibility with this illness.



hmmbrdzz