Calling HR?

[elillyleader]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington
I have worked at the same store for the past few years. There is another employee, lets call her Kim, there who has been there for many years and was even a manager but now only works there once a week. Kim harasses everyone, attacking people and making inappropriate comments. We have all complained about her but our highest up managers never do much besides talk to her since she has been with the company so long. Due to medical reasons Kim can't even do the job she is supposed to and I am really tired of them defending someone who can't do their job and causes problems in the work place.
Heres my problem:
when I first started working there I dated a coworker. We are no longer dating or in contact and he doesn't work there. Yet Kim enjoys bringing him up, telling me about his personal life, and still comments on our relationship. She has also asked several inappropriate questions about my sex life. The other day I was saying something and she went off on me about how immature I was, and used many profanities at me to describe how she felt about me. I told several shift managers about it and one said to call the number listed for complaints against other employees. Another manager said it would be hard to complain because Kim was there early and hadn't clocked in. She attacked me on my lunch.
What I am worried about:
Is this even a case about harassment or am I being dramatic? Will I have to get other coworkers to speak up about their situations with her and/or gather documentation of these events? Also I am afraid to go to HR when I previously dated a coworker as I feel it doesn't sound well in the story for me. And I would like to keep this anonymous from her. I have a strong feeling this will keep getting shoved under the rug and she will know I complained about her and it will only make her more hateful towards me.
Thank you for any opinions or advice on the matter.

 

[cbg]

Much of what you've mentioned is evidence that Kim is a jerk, but being a jerk is not illegal and you don't have legal recourse because someone is a jerk.

However, if Kim is asking you about your sex life, that's crossing the line. I would first make it absolutely clear to Kim that you do not appreciate her questions and that you want them to stop. If they don't, then yes, I would agree that you should make a complaint to HR. There's nothing illegal about dating a co-worker* and if he's not even working there any more, there's no reason to hide it.

*It's when supervisors are dating employees in their reporting chain, or like situations, that problems arise, although even that is not illegal per se.

 

[PaulMass]

one said to call the number listed for complaints against other employees.

If you call EVERY time she bothers you, management will get sick of it and act. Be forewarned that management's solution may be to get rid of the complainer. That result is less likely if they receive complaints from a number of employees.

 

[commentator]

First of all, you need to change your pattern of thought about the situation. Now, abandon all thoughts that you have the right to be treated nicely, to be unstressed and unabused, that your co workers have to treat you fairly or equally with others, and that they must help you solve your personality issues with co workers.

You said, "I am getting tired of them defending someone who can't work, causes problems...etc." Remember, how you feel about it is irrelevant. They have no responsibility to make you feel better or to be fair in any way. We used to have a saying about this or that employee being married to the ugly sister (of the company owners) You don't know why they're supportive of Kim, but it's not your call in any way.

That said, speak with HR. HR is not supposed to be the enemy. Tell them the problems you're having, but do not demand they fix things. Just make them aware of what is going on, how Kim has spoken to you, about the questions and comments about your sex life.

You don't have to tell them who you've dated, or actually why she is asking questions about your sex life, just tell them she's doing it. They probably don't care who you've dated in the past, are not going to take action at this point about whether you slept with a co worker or had a beer with him or whatever you did. It's not really an issue, is none of their business, and is none of Kim's business. As you should have told her when she asked. What's wrong with "I don't want to discuss it, okay?" and then you walk away, or stop talking.

Whether she curses or screams at you or not, it's her doing it, its her actions, and the quieter and more professionally you behave, the worse it makes her look. If she persists, speak with HR again. If you handle this right, they probably won't get upset with you. Don't make demands, don't make threats, just let them know. Say I wanted you be aware of what is going on.

Let her know, the next time she begins, that you don't want to discuss it. That you didn't appreciate it. Then shut up. Don't threaten her, yell back, or curse back. Just do your job, stay away from her as much as possible, forget trying to make the work distribution equal or worrying about whether or not she can do her job. Treat her like she's not really important, and that will probably make a lot of difference. it will also impress HR with your maturity and professionalism, as opposed to her behavior, much more than any amount of angry threats and ranting would.