Coach

[nceducate]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC
Two and a half years ago I had a brief relationship with a colleague in another school. The physical relationship ended when he went back to his wife however we continued to talk and do some flirting through phone calls and texts from time to time. I ceased all contact with him in May..however he continued to try and contact me asking to see me via emails. I didn't contact him at all earlier in the month when I asked about my daughter participating in a camp he runs...he is a coach for the area high school where my daughter is an upcoming freshman and plays the sports he coaches. I identified myself in an email as a parent and said that my child wanted to participate in his camp and asked what did I need to do to have that happen for her. He responded that my daughter would be more than welcome on his team and at his camp providing we had one more night of intimacy. I have not responded to him nor has he contacted me. Because he has involved my daughter, my question is, do I have a harrassment charge here or not? I do not think my daughter will be treated fairly if he is in a position of power over her. Do I have any type of case or recourse?

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC
Two and a half years ago I had a brief relationship with a colleague in another school. The physical relationship ended when he went back to his wife however we continued to talk and do some flirting through phone calls and texts from time to time. I ceased all contact with him in May..however he continued to try and contact me asking to see me via emails. I didn't contact him at all earlier in the month when I asked about my daughter participating in a camp he runs...he is a coach for the area high school where my daughter is an upcoming freshman and plays the sports he coaches. I identified myself in an email as a parent and said that my child wanted to participate in his camp and asked what did I need to do to have that happen for her. He responded that my daughter would be more than welcome on his team and at his camp providing we had one more night of intimacy. I have not responded to him nor has he contacted me. Because he has involved my daughter, my question is, do I have a harrassment charge here or not? I do not think my daughter will be treated fairly if he is in a position of power over her. Do I have any type of case or recourse?

Why haven't you forwarded that email to school administration and let them deal with it?

 

[tranquility]

I agree. My goodness, in today's climate such a demand is going get the coach creamed. Do it now so the school has time to find a new coach.

 

[nceducate]

I have turned it over to the district administration. THey are investigating. I was just wondering if anyone thought that the history with this man would cause my case to loose validity. My daughter is starting school in a few weeks and very worried about facing him

 

[Antigone*]

I have turned it over to the district administration. THey are investigating. I was just wondering if anyone thought that the history with this man would cause my case to loose validity. My daughter is starting school in a few weeks and very worried about facing him

At this point you've done all you should do. It is not harrassment because you contacted him first. He was very inappropriate but it is not harrassment. If I were you, I'd be very vocal with the school administration about this man remaining employed.

 

[cbg]

Speaking from an HR perspective, if that email were brought to my attention, that coach would be calling the unemployment office to file his claim an hour later.

 

[commentator]

Speaking from an HR perspective, if that email were brought to my attention, that coach would be calling the unemployment office to file his claim an hour later.

And from an unemployment perspective, he doesn't have a very good chance of being approved, either! Think this qualifies as geneuine "Gross misconduct!" and in writing, too. Way to go, team!

 

[nceducate]

The HR superintendent told me that he stated that I was contacting him as well as him contacting me but he has not given them any kind of proof. HR told me to be patient and they were going through due process. I am pretty sure he is trying to tell them he was kidding around because of our history.

 

[I'mTheFather]

The HR superintendent told me that he stated that I was contacting him as well as him contacting me but he has not given them any kind of proof. HR told me to be patient and they were going through due process. I am pretty sure he is trying to tell them he was kidding around because of our history.

And perhaps he was. How did your daughter find out about the email?

 

[nceducate]

And perhaps he was. How did your daughter find out about the email?

Before I did anything about contacting the adminstistration, I asked her if she wanted me to do anything...she is the one who has to face him at school. Maybe that was wrong of me. But its just her and me in our little family and we have a very close relationship. I didn't want to embarass her if this was to get out in our very small community.

 

[Zigner]

How did your daughter find out about your...past? Was that really something you should have discussed with her?

 

[LdiJ]

How did your daughter find out about your...past? Was that really something you should have discussed with her?

Good point, but the initial post did sound as though they were dating while he was separated from his wife, so its quite possible that the child knew they had dated.

 

[cbg]

The HR superintendent told me that he stated that I was contacting him as well as him contacting me but he has not given them any kind of proof. HR told me to be patient and they were going through due process. I am pretty sure he is trying to tell them he was kidding around because of our history.

Even if that is true, it is still grossly inappropriate behavior, for which I would expect any HR department worth their salt to take action. Since this is a school, there may be contract or tenure or union issues involved which have to be addressed.

I wouldn't worry about your previous involvement meaning that he is let off scot-free. I will grant that it doesn't make you look very good (sorry, but it's true). However, his behavior was absolutely unwarranted whatever he was thinking.

 

[nceducate]

How did your daughter find out about your...past? Was that really something you should have discussed with her?

He was separated from his wife when we dated and my daughter was aware of this. He went back to his wife and our relationship ended except for a few text messages and phone calls. Which YES I know it was wrong to continue any communication with him. If my past condones his actions, then I will have to live with that. My daughter has already expressed interest in attending another school if he continues to be in a position of authority at her high school.

 

[tranquility]

Not merely grossly inappropriate, but possibly felonious. (Possibly. I see some defenses.)

§ 14‑118.4. Extortion.

Any person who threatens or communicates a threat or threats to another with the intention thereby wrongfully to obtain anything of value or any acquittance, advantage, or immunity is guilty of extortion and such person shall be punished as a Class F felon. (1973, c. 1032; 1979, c. 760, s. 5; 1979, 2nd Sess., c. 1316, s. 47; 1981, c. 63, s. 1, c. 179, s. 14; 1993, c. 539, s. 1184; 1994, Ex. Sess., c. 24, s. 14(c).)