False stalking accusation causing job loss

[Gekaap]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

Hello, I would appreciate any advice about my legal options anyone has to offer on my unfortunate and frustrating situation. Basically, I stand to possibly lose my job because of false accusations, and at the very least have my work environment turned even more unfriendly based on some gender based biases people have against me for my position.

I am a late 20s male who works for a community non-profit. My job is essentially child care. During most of the year I alternatingly staff recreational and day care areas where I work with children from as young as 6 months old, up to as much as 14 or 15 years old. When schools have a day off we have day long programs so that parents can have a place to bring their children who are too young to stay home alone. Over the summer we run a day camp program in which I also work at that time of the year. I have years of past experience working with children in similar environments, in aquatics as a swimming instructor and swim team coach.

Within the past few days a teenage volunteer from the summer working as a junior counselor made an accusation that I have been stalking her, and the matter was brought to my employer. The accusation is entirely false. I haven't so much as incidentally run into her at the grocery store, not even once. The ONLY time I ever see her is when I am at work and when she has been there either volunteering, or when she's there for own use of the facility. It appears that I now stand to lose my job over this. At the very least, it has exacerbated problems for me at work. I only work part time as it is, but my hours have just been cut back even further to insufficient levels for even my frugality. And I have to say that I am deeply offended by the very notion. Even though I have been a model employee I have constantly had to fend off one issue or another.

The majority of people who work along side me are female, and mostly are college age girls at that. The few who work during the year are working through college (incidentally which is the same as myself because I decided to go back to school and finish my degree), the others come home for the summer and work just during that season. All in all, it seems that the fact that I am a man who is very good at his job working with young children, especially the "problem" children, doesn't sit well with some people. Many of the children we work with have, shall we say, difficult family lives. Some have been abandoned by parents, have been beat in the past, some have some mild developmental issues like high functioning autism, and some have behavioral problems that have been amplified by being written off socially by their peers and even other adults in their lives as "bad" children. I put forth a great deal of my effort and energy with these kids to do as much as I can to nurture their healthy development into functional adults (or, in some cases, as functional as can be considering the already present damage). However, my efforts engendered the disfavor of many of my co-workers who have frequently complained that I make them "uncomfortable" or that I am "inappropriate" at times, even though they can never explain such comments beyond to say that "he's just different." While I don't know for sure at this point, my feeling is that this prejudiced environment and group-think, in which this 14 year old girl was immersed this summer while volunteering, was a strong contributing factor to this girl making these wild accusations of me stalking her.

As I see it, in all of this I have just been doing my job, doing it well, and producing results. But I'm a man, I'm nurturing and caring instead of standoffish, and that has been causing many people to prejudge me as some kind of predator or sexual deviant in ways that are causing my work place to become intolerable, IF I will even have a work place left a week from now.

At this moment in time I am considering the possibility of taking legal action against this 14 year old girl and her parents for slander. These false accusations were taken to two department managers at my work, and are already circulating through the rumor mill. But I am also starting to wonder whether I have a legitimate legal complaint against my employer if I do get terminated despite this accusation being bogus, for gender discrimination. Any advice is greatly appreciated.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[eerelations]

You say that you are constantly fending off one issue after another, and that in addition to the stalking accusation, coworkers have been saying that you make them feel uncomfortable, and that you are inappropriate, a sexual deviant and a predator. How many issues have you been "fending off" and how often are these complaints being made?

 

[Hot Topic]

So, everyone is out to get you.

Have you ever sat down and taken an honest look at yourself to try and figure out what it could be that's putting people off? Is it possible you consider yourself better at your job than they are at theirs, and they're picking up on that "vibe?"

 

[applecruncher]

I’ll take your word for it that you are very good at your job; that is commendable.

However, despite the length of your post, you’ve been vague. When people gossip at the workplace they don’t just say “Joe acts inappropriately”. Instead, it’s something like “Joe leers at my breasts and is always telling me I have a nice ass. I hate it; I don’t like to be in the same room with him.” Or “I’m sick of John’s sexual jokes.”

EXACTLY how are you being accused of acting inappropriately? (Hugging? Blowing an air kiss? Specific remarks? Telling someone she looks sexy? Lingering glances and winks?) "Nurturing and caring" in what way? You gave a lot of information that doesn’t say anything.

As far as this stalking accusation: Were you formally called in and accused? Have you been disciplined? Anything in writing? Has there been a police report? What have the girl’s parents done or said – SPECIFICALLY? Or is all this just a vent because if the rumor mill and what you suspect people might be saying about you?

 

[Gekaap]

Thanks for the feedback. To answer your questions....

Stalking claims - No police report has been made and I do not know if the parents are or are not even involved. The girl sent a text message to one of the dept. heads at work saying "John has been stalking me and it's creeping me out." The person receiving this is the on who told me. At this exact moment the issue is in the hands of m dept. head, who is away on vacation. But from what I've been told, there's a good chance that I'll be terminated outright, and that no investigation will be had or matter.

Issues specifics - I'll try to list some of the specific actions that have generated complaints. Unfortunately, the complaints themselves have been rather vague most of the time.

*I've had two different people complain that I made "inappropriate" comments for saying "You look nice today." Literally nothing more than that. Both people acknowledged that I did not say, nor am in the habit of saying, anything sexual or suggestive. Ironically, one of the people making this complaint had, on a earlier occasion, offered the same compliment to me, to which I responded with a simple "Thank you."

*I've had several people complain that I am "too affectionate" with the kids or that I'm too "touchy feely" with them. To this end, the complainers acknowledged that I have NEVER initiated any kind of physical contact with the kids (which is expressly against our policies). The complaints seem to have been spawned from the fact that many of the kids frequently will hug me when I come in at the beginning of the day, or through the day. (Our dept. head has been very clear that when a comes to us soliciting a simple hug we should not reject their request so as to avoid making the child feel unwanted, and all of my co-workers will also hug the children.) In truth, I am the MOST faithful to our rules about physical contact with the kids. I do not let them sit on my lap, ever, unlike many of the girls. I do not ever approach them and offer a hug, unlike some of my co-workers. I do not allow them to hold my hand, unlike some of my co-workers. I do not approach them and tickle them, even as an innocent game, unlike some of my co-workers. And unlike some of my co-workers I don't really help the children dress and undress when getting ready for swimming time. I tell the children that they must first figure out how to put on their underwear and pants before they can come to me for help. The most help I will offer is to help them pull their arms out of their sleeves in their shirts, or help them put their shirts on by holding them while they put their head through. After that, I tell them that they are on their own. The only exception to all of this is when I am in the day care areas watching infants who become fussy and cry. In a case like that I will go ahead and pick them up and hold them, which is typical practice for anyone else who works with me.

This particular issue has been troublesome because some of my co-workers have not just made these complaints to my boss, but to some of our members who use our child services, and recently some of them have complained that they don't feel very comfortable having a man watching their young children. But any supposedly high frequency of me having physical contact with any of the kids is because of the fact that the kids tend to especially like me and they come to me more often than most of my co-workers to hug me when I come and go, or at random parts of the day (one 9 year old boy even has a ritual of shaking my hand every time I come in, and just before he leaves every day, which I feel is born from the respect he's developed for me since unlike some of my co-workers I have put forth a great deal of effort working with him when he misbehaves, whereas the rest of them simply write him off as a "bad" kid and punish him regularly throughout every day).

*I've had complaints from co-workers about allegedly hitting on one of the members. This arises from a parent who brings her daughter into the day care center once a week while mom uses the facility. Often times, after mom finishes, she comes to retrieve her daughter but may sit in the room and allow her daughter to play longer, and sit and converse with me, and a couple co-workers witnessed this one day. (It is not uncommon for parents to sit in at the day care area because sometimes parents will bring their remaining children in while one is participating in a program elsewhere in the facility.) Of course, I've never once asked this person for her phone number, asked her out on a date, anything like that. And this particular person verified when my dept. head asked that she never once thought that I might be trying to pursue her.

*Another type of instance where a co-worker said I was "creepy" was when I allegedly was asking some of the children too much personal information. This apparently originates from a time when, playing a game with some of the kids, I said I needed to go to the doctor, to which the child replied that her father was a doctor. I asked what kind of doctor and whether her father worked at the hospital. That was the extent of the conversation, but it was taken to my dept. head as making my co-worker feel uncomfortable. I have, on the other hand, observed some of my other co-workers ask questions of the children, regarding where their parents work, where the family now lives, where an older sibling is going to college, whether of not the child has kissed their boyfriend/girlfriend (directed toward a 6 year old), what the family is doing for the holidays.
___
As I said, alot of these complaints are somewhat vague. Many times, they've literally been nothing more that saying "John seems creepy to me," and I've tried to explain the most "detailed" reasons why people have given. Given the contrast of my actions and those of my co-workers, and that my gender has been specifically referenced at times as part of the reason why my otherwise "acceptable" behavior is suddenly "creepy," I've been unable to come to a better conclusion than that I am on the receiving end of gender based biases.

 

[applecruncher]

At this exact moment the issue is in the hands of m dept. head, who is away on vacation. But from what I've been told, there's a good chance that I'll be terminated outright, and that no investigation will be had or matter.

“In the hands” of the department head? Regarding all these complaints you say nothing about being formally spoken to or disciplined by a supervisor or anyone in authority and you haven't been fired. Yet – the overly dramatic title of your post indicates you are going to get fired. Your entire problem revolves around things you have been told (by co-workers) or things you have heard or things you suspect and choose to speculate about. Gossip, innuendo, and maybe some people playing with your head. Otherwise, NOTHING has happened that is actionable.

 

[Gekaap]

The axe fell yesterday. My boss pulled me in her office, said that they had to be "abundantly cautious" for the sake of the safety of children. I pointed out that there was no evidence of anything, but she said that it was better safe than sorry. She said that it didn't matter if I had actually done anything because "safety first" and that it didn't matter if people were right or wrong, if my being a man upset people then they she had to respond accordingly. How in the world can this kind of thing fly? If this isn't gender discrimination just because I'm a man, then the laws are just as guilty of discrimination.

 

[Beth3]

How in the world can this kind of thing fly?

Because as an employee "at will," you can be terminated at any time for any reason except for a specifically prohibited one. If some of your co-workers, parents and kids are uncomfortable around you, even for a non-secific reason, they are free to terminate your employment.

 

[commentator]

File for unemployment insurance. If there have been no disciplinary issues, and there have been no concrete progressive disciplinary actions for which you have been verbally warned, written up, asked to change your behavior, then you have been fired at the discretion of the employer, which is legal, but you have not been fired for a good misconduct reason, which means you can file for and may still be approved to receive unemployment compensation.

When you file your claim, however, knock off all this self justifying garbage about how this happened a year ago and this happened a week ago and this rumor is because I am better than them and yada yada. Just answer the questions very specifically, about what exactly your supervisor told you was the reason you were being terminated. Then get ready to look for another job.

They would not fire someone who was really wonderful unless they either had some concrete reason to believe something hinky was going on with the girl's complaint, or there was else something about you that was making them uncomfortable and making them hunt for a reason to terminate you when they could. I also suggest you evaluate yourself and all the events you have experienced during this job, make sure you weren't doing anything that created discomfort and questions, but you don't share it all with the unemployment office. Just the basic facts of the termination.

Go back to school and get your credentials, use your experience and your education to get in a position where you can do what you are good at without being subjected to unfairness. Unfairness happens. It is not illegal.

It would be very tough to prove gender discrimination here. You can't waste too much time moaning about this job, move on.

 

[Willlyjo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

Hello, I would appreciate any advice about my legal options anyone has to offer on my unfortunate and frustrating situation. Basically, I stand to possibly lose my job because of false accusations, and at the very least have my work environment turned even more unfriendly based on some gender based biases people have against me for my position.

I am a late 20s male who works for a community non-profit. My job is essentially child care. During most of the year I alternatingly staff recreational and day care areas where I work with children from as young as 6 months old, up to as much as 14 or 15 years old. When schools have a day off we have day long programs so that parents can have a place to bring their children who are too young to stay home alone. Over the summer we run a day camp program in which I also work at that time of the year. I have years of past experience working with children in similar environments, in aquatics as a swimming instructor and swim team coach.

Within the past few days a teenage volunteer from the summer working as a junior counselor made an accusation that I have been stalking her, and the matter was brought to my employer. The accusation is entirely false. I haven't so much as incidentally run into her at the grocery store, not even once. The ONLY time I ever see her is when I am at work and when she has been there either volunteering, or when she's there for own use of the facility. It appears that I now stand to lose my job over this. At the very least, it has exacerbated problems for me at work. I only work part time as it is, but my hours have just been cut back even further to insufficient levels for even my frugality. And I have to say that I am deeply offended by the very notion. Even though I have been a model employee I have constantly had to fend off one issue or another.

The majority of people who work along side me are female, and mostly are college age girls at that. The few who work during the year are working through college (incidentally which is the same as myself because I decided to go back to school and finish my degree), the others come home for the summer and work just during that season. All in all, it seems that the fact that I am a man who is very good at his job working with young children, especially the "problem" children, doesn't sit well with some people. Many of the children we work with have, shall we say, difficult family lives. Some have been abandoned by parents, have been beat in the past, some have some mild developmental issues like high functioning autism, and some have behavioral problems that have been amplified by being written off socially by their peers and even other adults in their lives as "bad" children. I put forth a great deal of my effort and energy with these kids to do as much as I can to nurture their healthy development into functional adults (or, in some cases, as functional as can be considering the already present damage). However, my efforts engendered the disfavor of many of my co-workers who have frequently complained that I make them "uncomfortable" or that I am "inappropriate" at times, even though they can never explain such comments beyond to say that "he's just different." While I don't know for sure at this point, my feeling is that this prejudiced environment and group-think, in which this 14 year old girl was immersed this summer while volunteering, was a strong contributing factor to this girl making these wild accusations of me stalking her.

As I see it, in all of this I have just been doing my job, doing it well, and producing results. But I'm a man, I'm nurturing and caring instead of standoffish, and that has been causing many people to prejudge me as some kind of predator or sexual deviant in ways that are causing my work place to become intolerable, IF I will even have a work place left a week from now.

At this moment in time I am considering the possibility of taking legal action against this 14 year old girl and her parents for slander. These false accusations were taken to two department managers at my work, and are already circulating through the rumor mill. But I am also starting to wonder whether I have a legitimate legal complaint against my employer if I do get terminated despite this accusation being bogus, for gender discrimination. Any advice is greatly appreciated.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

You have been wrongfully accused of stalking a girl and then fired! This alone is slander per se if you can prove you weren't stalking her. On top of that, you say that a few of your ex co-workers made complaints about you ranging from "inappropriate comments" (that were not inappropriate at all) to "hitting on one of the members" to being "creepy", "too touchy feely" and "too affectionate".

It could be interpreted as a "hostile work environment" due to the gender based "complaints" and therefore, investigated by the EEOC. At the very least, you seem to have a case for slander per se and Wrongful Termination because you were fired mainly because of the girl's lie that you stalked her. It is horrible that your employer didn't even investigate the various allegations! Did you complain to them about such lack of investigating before you were fired? Did you get a termination slip with a reason listed as to why you were terminated? Obviously, the accusation that you stalked the girl was a major reason they terminated you.

Do you have specifics on when the girl says you stalked her? Can you prove you didn't stalk her? If so, between the EEOC and a lawyer who might just take your case because you sound like a compassionate young gentleman, you might be vindicated and compensated for what you've endured as an employee of this community "non-profit". I would attempt to file a complaint with the EEOC and also look around for an attorney well-versed in employment law concerning possible violation of your rights as an employee. There is a stigma attached to being terminated like you were, so don't let it go if you can avoid it.

 

[pattytx]

I'm tired of proving willyjo ignorant of employment law; somebody else do it this time.

 

[eerelations]

I can't be bothered trying either. If the OPs on this site decide they want to believe the words of a semi-literate unemployed factory worker with no training or experience in employment law (or anything else, evidently), over the words of highly trained and educated professional legal consultants and senior managers, then those OPs have more personal problems than we can possibly deal with here in these forums.

 

[mlane58]

I'm tired of proving willyjo ignorant of employment law; somebody else do it this time.

You don't have to Patty, he does a good job by himself.

 

[applecruncher]

Gekaap - as commentator said, you should file for unemployment benefits immediately (you can do it online). Employment will have to tell why they fired you. From the information you've given you will most likely be approved for benefits. You won't know until you file and receive a determination. Remember, you can appeal if you are denied. Also, as commentator advised, skip all the self-justification stuff.

I don't see gender discrimination here at all. However, if you do, you can file a complaint with the EEOC and see what happens.

As far as this stalking accusation, what Willyjo said is just plain silly.

This alone is slander per se if you can prove you weren't stalking her

That's not the way things work. If she had actually filed charges (which she didn't) she and the prosecution would have to prove he DID. He doesn't have to prove the negative.

 

[Willlyjo]

I'm tired of proving willyjo ignorant of employment law; somebody else do it this time.

Tired? Why? You are here to help the Op out aren't you? Go ahead...explain what you think as ignorant concerning anything I said in my post! Some of your posts are really ignorant as I pointed out already in another thread.

I've seen people file complaints with the EEOC for less than what the Op states in his post! As far as Slander, this girl falsely accused the Op of stalking her resulting in his termination.

Based on the Op's post which shows he endured frequent episodes of harrassing behavior in the form of complaints to his superiors, it is obvious there was a "hostile work environment".

If the EEOC believes this, then the Op will have help resolving the lies that have been said about him. If the EEOC doesn't see it like I believe it appears, then no harm no foul.

Standing idly by and/or just going and getting unemployment without trying to resolve the wrongdoing created by his co-workers (namely this girl who accused him of stalking) would be giving up.

When co-workers and employers do something wrong to you then you have to try and address the matter. You may not get any where but at least you tried.

And that is my advice to the Op despite foolish critique by Senior Members that are beyond ignorance to banter me when they should look at their own posts. Op look at the posting history of some of these ignorants and see what I mean about their egotistical and condensending behavior as well as even making jokes about some Posts by Ops who come here seeking advice. These Senior Members are here more to entertain each other than to actually care about helping.