female harrasment

[4me]

What is the name of your state? NY
I have been working at my current job for 4 1/2 years. Prior to my promotion the executive secretary was having an affair with the man who is now my boss. Everyone knew about it. She wasn't the type to keep a secret. Even when it came to executive information. He was married and stayed married. She started dating another person in the company and left to another job. After she had her first kid she returned as the executive secratery once again. She has only been back to work for 6 months...We all have to work very close with our boss to maintain communication throughout the company. This was not an issue until she returned. I have been hearing many rumors of my boss and I having an affair. Of course this is not true and I am trying to be very professional but ever since her return. I have received comments from her as well as her going to upper management with little petty things about me. I am afraid this is going to hurt the reputation I have worked so hard to build and maintain. I am also afraid that her jealousy of her ex and I working together will make it to management. Is there anything I can do? I have never had to worry about nonesense like this. I am a happily married women with two children and would like it to stay that way. Not to mention I am 29 and my boss is 53...Looks younger but he is older then my father...what to do??

 

[Beth3]

There are no laws which make it illegal to have a petty, back-biting, jealous co-worker. (Although if she takes this to extremes, you *might* have a case against her for slander down the road.)

The incredibly awkward position you are in is trying to raise this issue with your boss while pretending to be ignorant of the cause - his prior affair with this woman. And your boss is in an even worse predicament because it's quite possible this woman will scream sexual harassment if he or the company tries to do anything about her behavior. (Not that she is or was remotely harassed but rather the affair she and the boss had gives her a golden opportunity to fabricate a whole pack of lies the company will have an incredibly difficult time trying to refute.) However that's their problem. He was stupid to have an affair with a subordinate and the company was even stupider to hire her back.

What I suggest you do is to go to your boss and tell him about the rumors that you believe she is spreading and that you are quite concerned it will damage your professional standing in the company. Whatever you do, DO NOT in any way indicate WHY you think she is doing this or indicate you're aware of the prior personal relationship the two of them had. He will of course know exactly why she is doing this but you want the boss to think you haven't any idea. You don't want to embarass him or get involved in anyway in his personal problems. If you have a human resources person there, I suggest you go to him or her and express the same concerns but again without sharing why this is taking place.

Your goal is to get someone in management to make her stop spreading these rumors - the rest is entirely their problem to deal with. Good luck.

 

[klady]

Well, I would suggest you have more than rumors before going to your boss with all this.

While I can understand it makes you angry, and it's upsetting, people talk about a lot of thigns and people gossip everyday. I'm also inclined to wonder about whoever it is who is telling you all this and what the motivation is.

Unless you have some specifics and can prove who is saying what and how it's impacting the work/job, management won't want to spend time on this.

It's not management's job to listen to gossip and quell rumors. Otherwise that's all they would be doing. No one can make anyone stop spreading rumors. If so the tabloids would fold, but they are still raking it in!

I would also suggest the next time someone brings it up you say "sorry to interrupt, but I'm not interested. I have work to do. See ya."

 

[Beth3]

klady, you're correct that nobody can make anybody stop spreading rumors (or a lot of other things) but an employer certainly can fire someone who is doing so and who refuses to stop. Spreading malicious gossip is NOT a protected activity. And yes, it can certainly be management's job to quel rumors when the rumors are disruptive to the workplace and the workforce.