i had a similar situation at work
I had a smilar situtiation at work with bullying that I was unable to handle until I learned how to.
I think it depnds on the victim's responce and self-confidence.
I had a problem for about a year and a half with my bosses.
One of them harrassed me whenever he was around by giving me extra work that I was not supposed to do and giving me additional responsibilities and bullying me for my mild attempts not to give me those tasks any more. He used to say: "Just do whatever I say I am the boss" He became abusive, made me cry when he was not in a good mood and made me feel guilty about the job that I could not do just because It was not my job.
So one day I told him to stop. He cannot do it any more, I am not afraid of him, and his hostile remarks make no effect on me. I refuse to do what he tells me to and there is nothing he can do.
He can fire me, but I am one of the best in the company. does he want to lose me? probobly not. I made a lot of money for the company for 3 years I had been there. I mentioned most of his remarks that he had given me in the past and told him about the effect they caused: depression, low self-esteem and sickness based on overstress. I asked him if he wantes to pay a person who is doing the job well, a person who is energetic and productive, or who is depressed and is unable to work well because of the boss's supression. It is his money anyway that he spends on salary. He was scared of all memories that I carried and was able to bring out. His hands were shaking, he tried to give excuses and tried to blame me for different things, but I did not care what he was talking about at that point, I was just going on with all that I thought about him. He stopped harrassing me since October 2001, he is still afraid of talking to me about anything except work.
Well that was an example of a boss.
I will give you another example of harassment from my coworker that happened today. She came up to me in the kitchen and asked me not to cook dumplings. I said why? she said that everybody is sick of the smell of the food that I cook. I knew that by everybody she implied herself only and asked 'Who is everybody anyway? YOU?' She said that the smell was stinky and that she will file a claim against me (tried to threaten-will not work with me). I said that if she or others had a problem with the smell she can go to management and handle it there. If management makes a decision about me not cooking my food at lunch I will stop cooking. She became mad and started to use swear words and abusing me, but that did not work either.
I told her that she is not my boss and I will not listen or obey her personal remarks. There is nothing she could do. I WON.
This was a good case of bullying.
I know that a year ago when I was depressed and ready to commit a suicide because of the bullying at work by different people, but I am different now I am not afraid any more and I do not feel any guilt, I also took some self-improvement courses in order to learn how to handle the difficult situtation and that would be my advise to you. I read the book called "Stop being manipulated" that helped me a lot. YOU need to change your ATTITUTE towards YOURSELF not to the bully.
And what happens next is that the bully chooses a next victim and forgets about you.
Please let me know what you think people about my message.
does any one have a similar experience?