Harassment at work (passive aggressive and non heterosexual)

[thisuser1234]

I am not looking for legal action, but some good advice to counter a highly manipulative character that I've had the misfortune of dealing with for some years now. I work with a highly intelligent and equally monstrous individual who has made it his ambition to try and bring me down to his level throughout the time I have worked for my current company. I have complained to my boss, only once, though in a rather off the cuff manner so to speak and brought the issue forward to HR as well, although I have no proof of harassment, so wisely I mentioned no names. This individual I speak of is so cunning, that he employs the loyalty of lesser entities to do his dirty work, i.e. prodding & scavenging for gossip/information so that he may claw his way in deeper into my life.

To cite just one instance out of a countless amount abuse: Three years ago I joined a public online dating service, before I knew it (within a week), he was essentially reiterating the messages I posted in my profile. I am a man looking for single women and like to keep my social life rather private. The coincidence was more than just that, when I heard this individual essentially speak verbatim what I wrote online, it made my skin crawl. To make a long story shorter, I canceled my account until recently. So, 4 days ago, I reopened my dating account and the same thing is now happening again! 'clear out of the crystal blue sky' so to speak. I do not find this funny at all and this individual is seriously sick in the head and I truly believe has stalking issues. Moreover, I continually have items missing (and once money stolen from my wallet) off my desk. I am not trying to down homosexuals, due to the fact that I have close relatives who are, and I look at people not for the way they are or appear, but by their actions I will judge.

I have to unfortunately work very closely with this person and each day becomes more trying than the next, although I am taller, he is older and more robust than I, so can not stand up to him and knock his lights out, which needless to say is not legal. Also, that is not my style at all - live and let live is my general mantra to living. What I have found that works best is to be a robot and show as little emotion as possible, but in a desolate office environment it is difficult environment... So, what the heck do I do in my situation? Any suggestions would be most helpful for the plague I'm currently combating.

 

[quincy]

... Three years ago I joined a public online dating service, before I knew it (within a week), he was essentially reiterating the messages I posted in my profile. I am a man looking for single women and like to keep my social life rather private. The coincidence was more than just that, when I heard this individual essentially speak verbatim what I wrote online, it made my skin crawl. To make a long story shorter, I canceled my account until recently. So, 4 days ago, I reopened my dating account and the same thing is now happening again! 'clear out of the crystal blue sky' so to speak. I do not find this funny at all and this individual is seriously sick in the head and I truly believe has stalking issues. Moreover, I continually have items missing (and once money stolen from my wallet) off my desk. I am not trying to down homosexuals, due to the fact that I have close relatives who are, and I look at people not for the way they are or appear, but by their actions I will judge.

Dating sites are not private. If you don't want anyone reading what you write online, and you want to keep your social life private, don't write anything on a public website or advertise your social life (or lack thereof) on a public website.

If you have no idea who is taking your money and you have no proof of harassment, you should not automatically blame the gay guy.

I have to unfortunately work very closely with this person and each day becomes more trying than the next, although I am taller, he is older and more robust than I, so can not stand up to him and knock his lights out, which needless to say is not legal. Also, that is not my style at all - live and let live is my general mantra to living. What I have found that works best is to be a robot and show as little emotion as possible, but in a desolate office environment it is difficult environment... So, what the heck do I do in my situation? Any suggestions would be most helpful for the plague I'm currently combating.

Attempting to "knock his lights out" would be a stupid (and criminal) thing to do so it is a good thing you are not as "robust" as this fellow.

Obviously "live and let live" is not your mantra at work because it appears you are finding it difficult to live and let live. The "plague" you are currently combating can be cured by quitting your job and finding a place to work that is less "desolate" and where you do not feel you have to be a robot.

I think it is a good thing you are not looking for a legal action to take, because I am not seeing from what you have posted that you have any legal action to take anyway.

Good luck.

 

[commentator]

You can de-escalate this situation. You know you can. It's just a matter of you backing away from it. Quit posting on dating sites. Do your work, be very professional. Do not ever ever discuss your private life with your workmates. Ignore this, seriously, and it will go away. Your private life isn't private at work. Internalize this thought. You can do your dating at home, find another website that this guy hasn't found, or simply do something he can't be involved in . Talk little about your personal issues at work.
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[The Occultist]

I am not looking for legal action...

You're on the wrong website.