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His wife thinks the suit may be over

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I

Im_Confused1

Guest
MN - I just hate lack of information. Now his wife just emailed me that she thinks the suit may be over and that he may have settled. I just don't understand how anyone could possibly hide something like this from their spouse and their wife be so gullable to let it pass without a confrontation. I still need answers. Any helpers out there as my first question?
 


A

Always searching

Guest
You may not like my answer but I understand. One circumstance may be related to you, however, when it comes to court issues, unless there is a murder or the like, problems do not intermingle. Sure you could investigate and find out the opposing attorney and offer to put in your two cents worth. The attorney would say no thank you. Why? Because it does not have any immediate bearing on the subject at hand. Also, with a sexual harrassment suit, no matter who the perp is, the company gets sued. The individual can sue the perp in civil court and perhaps get a judgement, but rarely anything comes out of a civil suit when they know the company is being sued also.

Concerning the wife of the man who had an affair with your wife and the lack of confrontation, I have my opinion and it is my opinion only from what I have seen in my life. Many people have affairs for different reasons, some for the affection that they lack at home or simply a friendship that went too far. There are as many reasons as there are people. Not everyone wants to get a divorce and after you have been married a great number of years, sometimes it is just a warning signal. I understand that you want to be vindicated. Nothing will take the affair back or turn back the hands of time. I would if I were you, seek some therapy for both of you and work on what drove your wife away. It may be enlightening and actually improve your marriage. Revenge causes nothing but anger and negative emotions. If you love her, try to understand what happened and if you stay married and I hope you do, work on solutions to your problems. Good luck.

[Edited by Always searching on 05-28-2001 at 09:10 PM]
 
I

Im_Confused1

Guest
Thanks for the advice Always. As for the reasons for the affair, I believe that my wife was lonely due to my business travel requirements. She had found a new passion in flying and took up a new hobby that I fully supported. I also believe it was the owner of the training company that made the advances, only due to what I now know about his past affairs and infidelity. I know that I had neglected my wife, and we are just about to end our marriage of 28 years because of it. I spent over a year after finding out about the affair trying to get her renew some honesty in our relationship and she refused for unknown reasons. I was put down in front of her family and friends as being the culprit of our marrital problems, even though she has always shared a great portion of the fault, in my eyes. She found a mentor and someone who took her under his personal wing and they fell in love against all the our respective marriages stood for. Yop bet I am angry, as I had never expected to see this relationship separate. Even today, I am mournful that it is happening this way, but it is too late to fix the wrongs on both our parts. I simply wanted to put this guy in his place. He is one of the most egotistical self-centered, guilt free individuals I know, and he has hurt his family on at least three occasions due to his affairs. I did not want him getting away with it again. Turns out some things have happened since their affair that may be construed as Gods own wrath on his life, but it was never enough for me. I wanted to see him squirm and suffer for the pain he caused me. As for my wife, she will have to fend for her own, which is in itself a punishment. I hate to see this happen to her, but she could even to this day, have fixed everything by fessing up and acknowledging this marriage thing is a two way street. I will not be actively pursuing the revenge thing on him, mostly because his family has been hurt enough. I just hope he someday gets the picture and starts treating them as family instead of how he has in the past. Sometimes, one just needs to vent over the hurt and anguish they have encountered. My marriage and relationship bond with my wife was paramount to my life and upcoming prime times. That is all lost now and I have to start over which is not easy.
 

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