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I did something stupid. What can I expect?

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Xeren

Junior Member
I'm in PA. I spoke in confidence to two co-workers about a concern that my manager may have a drinking problem (I know this from outside of work). They then in turn went to HR and I am currently being investigated. I know I messed up, what should I be expecting? I'm quite embarrassed and have asked HR if I could please apologize to my manager with their involvement and they said they need to process this complaint first. I know I messed up and now I want to get past this.
 
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CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
I spoke in confidence to two co-workers about a concern that my manager may have a drinking problem (I know this from outside of work). They then in turn went to HR and I am currently being investigated. I know I messed up, what should I be expecting? I'm quite embarrassed and have asked HR if I could please apologize to my manager with their involvement and they said they need to process this complaint first. I know I messed up and now I wan to get past this.
You haven't told us where you're located (which US state?), but you should expect to be fired. You can file for UI, and you may or may not be approved.
 

Xeren

Junior Member
You haven't told us where you're located (which US state?), but you should expect to be fired. You can file for UI, and you may or may not be approved.
I am in PA. I did ask if this is a fire-able offense and was told no. I was hoping a lawyer or someone knowledgeable in HR can tell me what I can expect.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I am in PA. I did ask if this is a fire-able offense and was told no. I was hoping a lawyer or someone knowledgeable in HR can tell me what I can expect.
Yours really is not a legal question. There is NO way that any of us could even be able to guess at what might happen to you, except to say that the consequence could be anything from termination to promotion.
 

CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
I am in PA. I did ask if this is a fire-able offense and was told no. I was hoping a lawyer or someone knowledgeable in HR can tell me what I can expect.
Do you understand that HR departments are not the same the world over?

You can be fired. You can be forgiven. We cannot tell you what your HR department is or is not going to do.

The end.
 

Xeren

Junior Member
Yours really is not a legal question. There is NO way that any of us could even be able to guess at what might happen to you, except to say that the consequence could be anything from termination to promotion.
I just feel absolutely awful. I made a HUGE mistake and wish I could take it back. It wasn't meant to be as malicious as it sounds. We were discussing why she is always coming in after noon and cancelling all her meetings in the AM. I know that she does have a problem as she used to date my best friend for several years (not an excuse, totally my stupid mistake and I never should have said anything). Ugh...
 

CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
I just feel absolutely awful. I made a HUGE mistake and wish I could take it back. It wasn't meant to be as malicious as it sounds. We were discussing why she is always coming in after noon and cancelling all her meetings in the AM. I know that she does have a problem as she used to date my best friend for several years (not an excuse, totally my stupid mistake and I never should have said anything). Ugh...
May I be blunt?

This is an important lesson for you to learn. Keep your mouth shut, and your nose well out of someone else's business unless you've been invited to a nose-blowing party by the owner of said nose.
 

quincy

Senior Member
I'm in PA. I spoke in confidence to two co-workers about a concern that my manager may have a drinking problem (I know this from outside of work). They then in turn went to HR and I am currently being investigated. I know I messed up, what should I be expecting? I'm quite embarrassed and have asked HR if I could please apologize to my manager with their involvement and they said they need to process this complaint first. I know I messed up and now I want to get past this.
Telling your coworkers that your manager might have a drinking problem could be viewed as defamatory. The coworkers had no need to know your suspicion. The manager's reputation could be harmed by a stated or implied false comment about his alcohol use.

At this point, you should hope that no action is taken against your manager, as that could make you vulnerable to a defamation suit, especially if you have nothing to support the claim you made.
 

Xeren

Junior Member
Telling your coworkers that your manager might have a drinking problem could be viewed as defamatory. The coworkers had no need to know your suspicion. The manager's reputation could be harmed by a stated or implied false comment about his alcohol use.

At this point, you should hope that no action is taken against your manager, as that could make you vulnerable to a defamation suit, especially if you have nothing to support the claim you made.
Yep. I understand Quincy. I didn't want to get into all the facts, but she was having heart palpitations that almost made her throw up several times and her hands were shaking in the meeting I had immediately before talking with my co-workers. Again, not an excuse, just being honest about where it all came from.
 

Xeren

Junior Member
May I be blunt?

This is an important lesson for you to learn. Keep your mouth shut, and your nose well out of someone else's business unless you've been invited to a nose-blowing party by the owner of said nose.
Agreed CTU. As I stated before it was a horrible mistake, i know I hurt her and I want to apologize regardless of the outcome.
 

commentator

Senior Member
You have apparently not been in the workforce too terribly long or you'd have a little more perspective about the relative importance of this "workplace drama" issue. It's not such a big deal in the course of a work life, honestly. You'll not be losing sleep about this years from now. It's not a high point in your life. I've seen people fired for things like this (though it will not probably not considered a misconduct offense to the extent that you'll be denied unemployment, though we can't really tell). You are in an "at will" state. You could if they wanted to be fired because they didn't like it that you said she has red hair, when she does have red hair. But I suspect it will blow over. And even if you were to be fired, hey, it will happen a time or two. It is NOT the end of the world if you screw up at work, or even if you get fired from a job.

What to do now? You made a stupid mistake. Oops. Tell HR that's what it was. Apologize, briefly and professionally. Something like: I'm sorry. I had some personal knowledge about the situation that led me to say some things I shouldn't have. I overshared. I realize it was inappropriate. I will not do it again. (Then you stop talking.)

They may want to give you a write up. Don't make a big deal of it. They may just rebuke you. Don't make a big deal of it. Go back to work. Be quiet, professional, and MOVE ON. Say no more about the issue. DO NOT try to go to the person and apologize. DO NOT go back to the people who passed this on and discuss it further. DO NOT be the one who ever brings this up with HR or any of your co workers. Move on, you are an army of one when it comes to your work career. Be a professional, be proactive, and don't make this mistake again.
 

quincy

Senior Member
... Something like: I'm sorry. I had some personal knowledge about the situation that led me to say some things I shouldn't have. I overshared. I realize it was inappropriate. I will not do it again. (Then you stop talking.)...
I disagree strongly that Xeron should say any of what I quoted above. Xeron can apologize. Period.

"I had some personal knowledge about the situation" is saying all over again that the manager has a drinking problem - it is just another way of saying it. It can cause more harm to the reputation of the manager.

Xeron could apologize but should say nothing more than "I'm sorry."
 
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cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
I'm not even certain that apologizing (at least at this point in time) is the way to go. HR has made it clear that they want the investigation to be complete before the OP does anything.

Whether I would handle it that way, or whether any other HR would handle it that way, is irrelevant. The HR who is handling the situation wants the OP to butt out. The OP should do so.

After the investigation is over, we can revisit the best way of wording the apology. For now, OP needs to zip it.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I disagree strongly that Xeron should say any of what I quoted above. Xeron can apologize. Period.

"I had some personal knowledge about the situation" is saying all over again that the manager has a drinking problem - it is just another way of saying it. It can cause more harm to the reputation of the manager.

Xeron could apologize but should say nothing more than "I'm sorry."
Or..."I'm sorry...I was out of line."
 

Xeren

Junior Member
Thank you all for the advice everyone. I've never been so embarrassed or ashamed in myself. I've mentioned to my management for the last 6 months that things were not going well and that I knew her personally and that I was hoping that that was not why she denied me a promotional opportunity earlier in the year without reason. I really feel like I was hung out to dry on this one but make no mistake, I take full responsibility for my actions. Do you all think it makes a difference if I has said "I think she has a drinking problem" vs "She has a drinking problem"? I can honestly say that I never told anyone she factually has a drinking problem.
 

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