Is this sexual harassment?

[Rasta]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA
My supervisor is an odd character and lately he has been trying to get me to socialize with him out of work such as dinner or even going "sparring" with him. He would make comments and jokes about my breast size. My co-worker was talking about wanting breast implants, he said "you don't need breast implants, you can take hers(mine) and came to me with his hands in a grabbing gesture. He asked me if I've received a sweater when I was first hired, I told him no and if he orders me one can he get me a size large. He replies, "you are a large" and laughed. He brushed his hand on my back up and down and asked if I would be happy with a man or whether I wanted a boyfriend. I've had instances where he would grab me and hug me from behind and I didn't know how to respond because I am really shy and quiet. Which is probably the reason why he does what he does. He has also rubbed his butt on my front area purposely. The area was really narrow to walk through and I told him "excuse me" and he pushed his rear to my front area and shook his butt in a rubbing motion side to side. I don't know whether he is the type to get too close but he stands really close to me with his face an inch a way. It's highly weird. This has happened to another co-worker as well. She has experienced inappropriate touching. He has massaged her neck area and asked her personal questions on whether she has dated? How do I avoid creating tension in the work place without being deemed as a trouble maker?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA
My supervisor is an odd character and lately he has been trying to get me to socialize with him out of work such as dinner or even going "sparring" with him. He would make comments and jokes about my breast size. My co-worker was talking about wanting breast implants, he said "you don't need breast implants, you can take hers(mine) and came to me with his hands in a grabbing gesture.

And the reason your co-worker was talking about wanting breast implants was.... ?

He asked me if I've received a sweater when I was first hired, I told him no and if he orders me one can he get me a size large. He replies, "you are a large" and laughed. He brushed his hand on my back up and down and asked if I would be happy with a man or whether I wanted a boyfriend. I've had instances where he would grab me and hug me from behind and I didn't know how to respond because I am really shy and quiet. Which is probably the reason why he does what he does. He has also rubbed his butt on my front area purposely. The area was really narrow to walk through and I told him "excuse me" and he pushed his rear to my front area and shook his butt in a rubbing motion side to side. I don't know whether he is the type to get too close but he stands really close to me with his face an inch a way. It's highly weird. This has happened to another co-worker as well. She has experienced inappropriate touching. He has massaged her neck area and asked her personal questions on whether she has dated? How do I avoid creating tension in the work place without being deemed as a trouble maker?

Grabbing and hugging may (if not a definite "is") crossing the line. Have you gone to HR about this?

 

[Rasta]

I just walked in and my co-worker and Manager were talking about breast sizes. Apparently the size of my breasts is the topic to talk about out of work and at work. Another female co-worker of mine said that he talks about my physical characteristics outside of work. I'm not wearing anything revealing at all. Just my work uniform t-shirt and an apron.


I haven't approached HR yet because I'm really hesitant. I have spoken to my team lead who has seen my manager inappropriately touch my co-worker. I know they keep it confidential but I honestly don't want to create that tension in the work place. I am thinking of taking different measures as to approaching him and verbally explaining that his actions are unacceptable. I need the right place and time.
Sometimes these occurrences happens in front of other co-workers. I have witnesses but I highly doubt they will step up. Harassment seems to be tolerated in my department which is the sad part.

 

[cbg]

By all means address the question yourself first. But if that fails to solve the problem, then run, do not walk (figuratively) to HR and tell them exactly what you've told us here. That is absolutely unacceptable in the workplace and if the company fails to put a stop to it (assuming you cannot put a stop to it yourself, which would be ideal) the company could be in serious legal trouble.

 

[commentator]

Sometimes creating tension in the workplace is just something you have to do, whether you want to or not. You do not know if you will be the first person who has reported this man, but if he is doing this type of behavior toward you and your co worker, he may be already on the radar of the higher ups. Privately request a conversation with your HR department, explain the problem you are having, do not make any threats, ("If this continues, I'll have to quit!") keep a record of what was said and when you did this.

You do not have to tell anyone else about your complaint, particularly your co-workers. This will help with your "not being perceived as a trouble maker." If you are telling the truth about what has happened to you specifically, not just carrying gossip, which you are, and you do it in a quiet and professional manner, there should be no reason for others on the job to hold this against you.

You do not have to tell the perpetrator you have complained against him, but if there is any further problem,report that too. You might even end up in the situation of having to give testimony about the incidents, but if you have to, you have to. It would be very wrong and dishonest to deny there was a problem in that situation, as someone else who had complained may need your testimony and support. People who do this kind of inappropriate thing at work need to be reported and stopped, as it usually gets worse if it is ignored.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Been there, wear the T-shirt. The boss crossed over the line. Complain to HR. Be prepared to document what was said, dates and times.

 

[eerelations]

Complain to HR. Be prepared to document what was said, dates and times.

Document first, bring the notes to HR. Include witness names.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

That's what I meant eerelations. I'm glad you clarified what I said.

 

[Rasta]

Thanks for the replies.