14 yr old Accused of Sexual Harassment

[Sheyanne]

What is the name of your state? California

My son is a freshman in high school. Recently, a sophomore girl accused him of sexual harassment.

He had told me about her and that she had told him that other "boyfriends" had forced or "expected" her do things (sexual things), which he was upset about and felt bad for her because he doesn't approve of treating others like that.

But now she is accusing him of doing that to her as well, and she reported it to the school. The date she was accusing him of happened on October 31st 2005, however she didn't report it to the school until this week. Apparently, she has a thing for the Johnny Depp Character, Jack Sparrow and my son was wearing this costume that day for Halloween. He had worn the same costume two years before when they were both in Jr. High and she had really liked it then also, including taking a picture of him in it even though they didn't really know each other then.

My son had actually told me about the incident after it happened in October. He told me that she had started touching him and they both went on to do inappropriate things. He explained that he stopped and went to the restroom and this gave him a chance to think about what was going on and realize that it wasn't the right thing to do so called a halt to it when he got back. I discussed it with him at the time, explaining why it was wrong and making sure he understood why it was inappropriate. He told me he understood and that is why he put a stop to it when it was happening, but wished he had realized it sooner.

This occurred in class, during a movie, so there were not only other students but the teacher was present as well, which indicates to me that the girl had a lot of opportunity to either move away or stop him if he was doing something she didn't want to participate in, instead it was my son that stopped it, AND he apologized to her for doing it at all, as he didn't want her to think he was like "those other guys".

My son did something stupid, and he realized it at the time and stopped as soon as his head caught up with the rest of him. But I think that accusing him of sexual harassment is excessive. I agree he should be punished for inappropriate behaviour at school, but I think the girl is just as responsible as he is. If she wanted him to stop (never mind that she started it), she should have said something or pushed his hand away... And she certainly shouldn't have been touching him.

He is just learning about these feelings and how to handle them, he isn't a predator. In fact, he has a protective personality (even to the point that he wanted to protect her from the "guys" she told him about). He respects others and even other people's property, he is repulsed by people that take advantage and/or hurt others. In fact, parents, teachers and others often make comments about what a nice respectful boy he is. I find it hard to believe that so many would think so highly of him if he was this type of person. I realize that he might act differently at school than around his parents, but we get glowing reports even when he is away from us.

Today (his first day of suspension) I got a call from the principal and he stated they are still investigating and that his 2-day suspension could have 3 days added on and there is the possibility that he could be expelled.

What rights does my son have when it's her word against his and since she was a willing participant (even though now she says she wasn't). Can we reasonably expect any sort of punitive measures be levelled against her? What about if it is proved or determined she was lying?

What can we do if he is expelled? I don't feel my son was the only person involved here, nor was she necessarily the injured party. She is older and, in theory, more experienced.

We are to go in to speak to the principal on Tuesday morning and I am going to bring up the following points/questions:

1. If she did have issues with other boys, as she told my son, then has she made similar complaints in the past and was this taken into account to establish a pattern and possible validity of her statement?

2. Was the teacher questioned to determine what sort of interaction she has noticed between the two since October? My son said that they were friendly with each other this whole time, seems like if she was "harrassed" she would have been acting colder to him, not friendly.

3. Were any other students interviewed that backed up her story? Were they planning on interviewing any students that might validate my son's story?

If my son is expelled, is there anything we can do to challenge it? What sort of legal avenues are open to us? I am at the point I am tempted to look into hiring a private investigator to see what he can find out about this girl.

Would appreciate information and suggestions about suspensions, school records and being expelled, also suggestiong about questions to bring up on Tuesday when we meet with the principal.

 

[CdwJava]

The school administration will investigate at their end. they will come to a conclusion and present their findings. You can appeal it to the superintendent and last to the school board.

The exact procedure used at your district should be available at the school or the district offices.

What the school does in the course of their investigation is up to them. They talk to as many or as few people as they wish.

Keep in mind that simply because he acknowledges that it was wrong and that it was mutual may not absolve him of responsibility.

You may want to consider consulting with an attorney as a preventative measure if you are willing to spend a few thousand dollars to prevent an expulsion or extended suspension. If your son actually "copped a feel" you may want to have him meet with a lawyer as he COULD find himself charged with sexual battery. And, I would recommend that if he admits to any kind of fondling or groping, that you stop talking with him about the event because if it DOES go to court on a criminal complaint you can be called as a witness.

- Carl

 

[rmet4nzkx]

It sounds as if your son may be a bit naive and immature for his age, resulting in inappropriate social actions or judgement. Does he have diffiuclty in socialization or very conctete in his thoughts? It might be wise to also have him evaluated by a psychologist.

 

[Kane]

I second what Carl said. Talk to the school about their procedures, and follow though. You're free to get a lawyer, but as long as it stays at this level, I would handle it myself. A few days of suspension isn't that big of a deal (and is probably appropriate for making out in class, regardless of who did what). If they say they're going to expell him, talk to a lawyer at that point.

You didn't say what the girl's side of the story was, and I'd encourage you to remember that the school has to consider both sides.


On a non-legal note, you might want to talk to the boy's father (if he's around), and see what he says.

Being that I was once a 14-yr old boy myself, I can tell you the chances he went to the restroom to "think about what was going on," are not great, and that any 14-yr old boy caught messing around with a girl in school - and forced to talk to his mom about it - is going to have a less than overwhelming respect for the truth.

I'm not saying he's bad. I'm just saying he's a teenage boy.

 

[stealth2]

It sounds as if your son may be a bit naive and immature for his age, resulting in inappropriate social actions or judgement. Does he have diffiuclty in socialization or very conctete in his thoughts? It might be wise to also have him evaluated by a psychologist.

Or maybe he's just a horny 15 yo.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I second what Carl said. Talk to the school about their procedures, and follow though. You're free to get a lawyer, but as long as it stays at this level, I would handle it myself. A few days of suspension isn't that big of a deal (and is probably appropriate for making out in class, regardless of who did what). If they say they're going to expell him, talk to a lawyer at that point.

You didn't say what the girl's side of the story was, and I'd encourage you to remember that the school has to consider both sides.


On a non-legal note, you might want to talk to the boy's father (if he's around), and see what he says.

Being that I was once a 14-yr old boy myself, I can tell you the chances he went to the restroom to "think about what was going on," are not great, and that any 14-yr old boy caught messing around with a girl in school - and forced to talk to his mom about it - is going to have a less than overwhelming respect for the truth.

I'm not saying he's bad. I'm just saying he's a teenage boy.

At least he went to the bathroom the "think" about it better than doing that in class. The boy may be truely naive which is a red flag and why I suggested a psychologist because not all inappropriate behavior is the result of being a normal teenage boy especially one that lacks the sophestication to lie about it.

 

[Kane]

Or maybe he's just a horny 15 yo.

I was wondering about that. What teenage boy is not naive and immature (and horny)?

 

[Kane]

At least he went to the bathroom the "think" about it better than doing that in class. The boy may be truely naive which is a red flag and why I suggested a psychologist because not all inappropriate behavior is the result of being a normal teenage boy especially one that lacks the sophestication to lie about it.

Well... he might have gone to the bathroom to "think" about it, but not in the way his mom is imagining.

And as far as lacking sophistication, I suspect the chance he's lying to his mom is well over 90%.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Or maybe he's just a horny 15 yo.

According to OP he is a horny 14 yo

 

[stealth2]

Call a spade a spade, peeps. He went to the bathroom to jack off and finish what had been started. That's not hugely shocking behavior in a 14/15yo.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Well... he might have gone to the bathroom to "think" about it, but not in the way his mom is imagining.

And as far as lacking sophistication, I suspect the chance he's lying to his mom is well over 90%.

If he only told his mom/dad about it back in October because he was caught or lying then the school would have taken action sooner, otherwise there would have been no reason to tell parents anyting at all, that would be what would happen with a normal horny teenage boy. There is something else happening here, a different dynamic here and one on the fringes of normal sexual exploits of horny teenage boys. What may seem to be lying is more confabulation and perhaps the boy is unable to evaluate the social clues or intentions of others. That is why I suggested the psychologist, perhaps the child needs some lifeskills training to learn appropriate social interaction or at least when he does act inappropriate, not to do it in class where he will get caught!

 

[Kane]

Hmm. You're right. If he came home to tell his mom about it right after it happened (without getting caught) that is weird.

Maybe he does need counselling.

 

[stephenk]

So making out at 14 is illegal? I should have been sent to jail years ago!

 

[Just Blue]

So making out at 14 is illegal? I should have been sent to jail years ago!

No..."sexually harrassing" a girl is illegal....

 

[CdwJava]

"Sexual harassment" in CA schools is a term often used in school behavior and discipline rules, but it is not a crime, per se. Sexual battery would be a crime, but "harassment" is not.

Heck, depending on the school, it is possible to be accused of "sexual harassment" for making a pass at a girl. It has been known to get out of hand once in a while.

- Carl