15 y.o. probation officer meeting

[sbeeman]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois (Madison Cty). I have a fifteen y.o. son who got into some trouble in November. I had to go pick him up at the police station because he was staying the night with two buddies, and they didn't stay home. Instead, they ended up in the open yard of a local business. One of the kids (not my son) kicked the door of the business, but none of them entered. The officer informed me that they tried to get my son on burglary and he's very lucky he didn't enter the building. I got no tickets or anything when I picked him up, so thought it was done with. Yesterday I got a letter from a probation officer that he is charged with "criminal trespass to land" and "curfew". In part, it says "We are conducting an investigation that will be forwarded to the State's Attorney's office, and would like to meet with you and your son to discuss the possibility of resolving this matter without the necessity of formal charges being filed." This gets worse, (and I could choke the life right out of him at this point) last night he comes to me and asks if they'll give him a drug test. I said that I didn't know and asked if that could be a problem, to which he then confesses that he's been smoking pot. Of course he's grounded indefinitely again, but now I'm worried. I wasn't really worried before because he gets good grades, near perfect attendance, first offense, never been in trouble before, they'll see he's a good kid.. blah blah. But now I'm dragging my kid into this interview knowing he can't pass a drug test. CAN they drug test him in this meeting? What are his rights in this meeting? I don't even know if criminal trespass is a felony charge. He has a six page interview to fill out that asks EVERY thing from school to family life to drug use, and I have to take his last report card with me. I'm sick about this. Can anyone give me an idea of what to expect, and can they drug test him? He's in loads of trouble at home, but I don't want him to walk out of there in more legal trouble than he already is. Thanks for your time.

 

[CourtClerk]

Yes, the can (and probably will) drug test him. It's pretty much standard.

You don't ground your child for smoking pot. You get him into rehab. Your son is past the "grounding" stage, obviously, he's an out of control kid with good grades. It's probably that he's never gotten in trouble, his parents have never caught him. "Good kids" who "never get in trouble" don't smoke marijuana. Get him into counseling and rehab quickly and take off the rose colored glasses.

 

[Ohiogal]

And in addition to what you have been told by the prior poster, you remove his butt from the garden of eden. His bedroom should now contain a mattress and the basic clothes. No computer, tv, or other electronics. No furniture. No games. No music. No books except school books. No magazines. Nothing but the BASIC essentials.

He now has to earn back a life.

Oh and don't choke him -- wouldn't want you in jail for HIS stupidity.

 

[sbeeman]

And in addition to what you have been told by the prior poster, you remove his butt from the garden of eden. His bedroom should now contain a mattress and the basic clothes. No computer, tv, or other electronics. No furniture. No games. No music. No books except school books. No magazines. Nothing but the BASIC essentials.

He now has to earn back a life.

Oh and don't choke him -- wouldn't want you in jail for HIS stupidity.

Oh, you misunderstand. The grounding is not his punishment for using drugs. The grounding is simply to give his father and I time to think and make some decisions, and when I say indefinitely, it means I don't know how long it will take us to MAKE these decisions. We have some big discussions ahead of us. He has no phone, no tv, no games, no computer. But I do think having the luxury of sitting in his room is too nice, so right now he's in the back yard cleaning up the dogs waste. BUT I still don't want to end up with more legal problems. What happens if they test him and he has marijuana in his system? And I did already tell him that he better be honest with the lady about the marijuana use, because it is one of the questions in the information sheets he is to fill out and he sure doesn't want to get caught in a lie to her. I know my son is not even close to being a saint. I haven't raised a saint YET and my husband and I have five boys. I didn't answer the first response because I felt attacked. I'm not some ding bat raising her first kid. I EXPECTED that response because I realize this makes my son sounds like a thug, but I have no rose colored glasses. Two parents who have raised five boys can't afford rose colored glasses. They're not in the budget. I just wanted to know what to expect at this meeting, if they can drug test him, if I have the right to refuse him being drug tested, what can happen to him if they find him with it in his system... The pot use, it stops. TODAY. Unless he'd like to go to military school.

 

[cyjeff]

Oh, you misunderstand. The grounding is not his punishment for using drugs. The grounding is simply to give his father and I time to think and make some decisions, and when I say indefinitely, it means I don't know how long it will take us to MAKE these decisions. We have some big discussions ahead of us. He has no phone, no tv, no games, no computer. But I do think having the luxury of sitting in his room is too nice, so right now he's in the back yard cleaning up the dogs waste. BUT I still don't want to end up with more legal problems. What happens if they test him and he has marijuana in his system? And I did already tell him that he better be honest with the lady about the marijuana use, because it is one of the questions in the information sheets he is to fill out and he sure doesn't want to get caught in a lie to her. I know my son is not even close to being a saint. I haven't raised a saint YET and my husband and I have five boys. I didn't answer the first response because I felt attacked. I'm not some ding bat raising her first kid. I EXPECTED that response because I realize this makes my son sounds like a thug, but I have no rose colored glasses. Two parents who have raised five boys can't afford rose colored glasses. They're not in the budget. I just wanted to know what to expect at this meeting, if they can drug test him, if I have the right to refuse him being drug tested, what can happen to him if they find him with it in his system... The pot use, it stops. TODAY. Unless he'd like to go to military school.

Good. I also recommend finding a local stable... he will need to pay back the fines, court costs and legal fees. Teaching him how to use an idiot stick (a stick with a shovel on one end and an idiot on the other) will help.

They can charge him with possession... and will. Probably a fine, probation and community service.

 

[amberlyck819]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois (Madison Cty). I have a fifteen y.o. son who got into some trouble in November. I had to go pick him up at the police station because he was staying the night with two buddies, and they didn't stay home. Instead, they ended up in the open yard of a local business. One of the kids (not my son) kicked the door of the business, but none of them entered. The officer informed me that they tried to get my son on burglary and he's very lucky he didn't enter the building. I got no tickets or anything when I picked him up, so thought it was done with. Yesterday I got a letter from a probation officer that he is charged with "criminal trespass to land" and "curfew". In part, it says "We are conducting an investigation that will be forwarded to the State's Attorney's office, and would like to meet with you and your son to discuss the possibility of resolving this matter without the necessity of formal charges being filed." This gets worse, (and I could choke the life right out of him at this point) last night he comes to me and asks if they'll give him a drug test. I said that I didn't know and asked if that could be a problem, to which he then confesses that he's been smoking pot. Of course he's grounded indefinitely again, but now I'm worried. I wasn't really worried before because he gets good grades, near perfect attendance, first offense, never been in trouble before, they'll see he's a good kid.. blah blah. But now I'm dragging my kid into this interview knowing he can't pass a drug test. CAN they drug test him in this meeting? What are his rights in this meeting? I don't even know if criminal trespass is a felony charge. He has a six page interview to fill out that asks EVERY thing from school to family life to drug use, and I have to take his last report card with me. I'm sick about this. Can anyone give me an idea of what to expect, and can they drug test him? He's in loads of trouble at home, but I don't want him to walk out of there in more legal trouble than he already is. Thanks for your time.

If hes not on probation yet they cant charge him with any addictional charges, well atleast in GA they cant... Oh and I would def lie and say that he was just experimenting with pot, and that it was his first and only time smoking. Thats what I did when I pissed dirty AFTER I was on probation and they let me go with a warning.

 

[amberlyck819]

Oh and pots not even that bad. Actually you should be glad hes ONLY smoking pot. How old is he? There are alot worse things available for teenagers these days. By the time I was 15 I was snorting a line every morning to help me wakeup after not coming home until 5am from being out eating exstacy and xanax. Once again, its not really pot you should worry about.

 

[cbg]

Thus speaks the 16 year old expert who, on her own thread, is throwing a temper tantrum because the board members (i.e., me) won't agree that her pregnant, drug-using little rear is not a candidate to be emancipated.

My, we are a responsible little brat, aren't we?

 

[cbg]

Having just admirably proved my point, amberly's last post has been reported to the moderators, who, I have no doubt, will be pulling the little girl's posting privileges.

 

[sbeeman]

They can charge him with possession... and will. Probably a fine, probation and community service.

THANK YOU. That's part of what I was looking for here. I fully understand my responsibilities as his mother, what I don't understand, is what my sons LEGAL RIGHTS are in this meeting. EVEN though he is obviously screwing up, he is still my fifteen year old son. No one knows better than I that it is my job to keep him in line and on track. Our 21 year old son had his share of stupidity in his young teen years, and he's now in college to become an architect, so I'm not ready to buy that my son is an out of control idiot loser who deserves to be thrown in the fire by his mother. It is still my job to protect him, make sure he isn't legally violated, and to know what his rights are going into this meeting. I am failing him if I walk into this meeting blind. PLEASE someone answer these questions as if this were YOUR son: What are his legal rights in this meeting? (and) How would you ADVISE him in this situation?

 

[cyjeff]

THANK YOU. That's part of what I was looking for here. I fully understand my responsibilities as his mother, what I don't understand, is what my sons LEGAL RIGHTS are in this meeting. EVEN though he is obviously screwing up, he is still my fifteen year old son. No one knows better than I that it is my job to keep him in line and on track. Our 21 year old son had his share of stupidity in his young teen years, and he's now in college to become an architect, so I'm not ready to buy that my son is an out of control idiot loser who deserves to be thrown in the fire by his mother. It is still my job to protect him, make sure he isn't legally violated, and to know what his rights are going into this meeting. I am failing him if I walk into this meeting blind. PLEASE someone answer these questions as if this were YOUR son: What are his legal rights in this meeting? (and) How would you ADVISE him in this situation?

I would advise him to get an attorney that would be able to talk to the court about diversion. This means that if he performs all of the tasks that the court asks him to do in the time given to do them, this won't show up on his criminal record.

Yes, it is likely that this will be sealed as part of his juvenile record, but you want to take NO chances.

Drugs will prevent him from so many opportunities that you have to treat it like plutonium.

You need to impress upon him that if he is stupid enough to be caught SNEEZING the wrong way while on probation that everything falls apart into bite size chunks.

I don't know how comfortable you would be with this, but I also recommend finding a local "scared straight" program. Realizing how close he came to the fire may make the heat he IS feeling a little more realistic.

Dropping the occasional "you don't want your first sexual experience to be with a large man named Chuck, do you?" may also help.

 

[cyjeff]

If hes not on probation yet they cant charge him with any addictional charges, well atleast in GA they cant... Oh and I would def lie and say that he was just experimenting with pot, and that it was his first and only time smoking. Thats what I did when I pissed dirty AFTER I was on probation and they let me go with a warning.

This is wrong on so many levels.

One, there is nothing that states he cannot be charged with something because he is not on probation. People not on probation are charged with crimes everyday.

And I LIVE in Georgia.

Two, I recommend against turning a misdemeanor into a felony by perjuring yourself in court.

Third, my dog Skippy has a better chance of being emancipated that you do.... no judge in any jurisdiction will emancipate ANYONE with a criminal record for drug abuse. The judges will think that you need MORE supervision, not less.

 

[sbeeman]

Oh and pots not even that bad. Actually you should be glad hes ONLY smoking pot. How old is he? There are alot worse things available for teenagers these days. By the time I was 15 I was snorting a line every morning to help me wakeup after not coming home until 5am from being out eating exstacy and xanax. Once again, its not really pot you should worry about.

Hi Amber, I know that you're trying to help me, but I have to admit hon, if you were my daughter I would lock you in the basement. I, like you, was a completely out of control young teen. I am now a 41 year old mother and cannot even begin to describe the regrets and guilt that I carry over what I put my mom and dad through. I broke their hearts with my selfish stupidity, and since my mom died sixteen years ago, I don't even have the opportunity to tell her how sorry I am. I sincerely hope you will think about that. As a young girl completely out of control, I thought of NO ONE but myself. As an adult, my guilt and regrets are heavy. Apologize to your mom and tell her how much you love her, and get your life on track. BELIEVE me when I tell you the opportunity to do so won't always be there. I'm not trying to attack you, I don't want you to have to carry the burden of what you are doing to your parents, and I promise you that at some point in your future, when you're all grown up, it WILL become a burden.

 

[CourtClerk]

Hi Amber, I know that you're trying to help me, but I have to admit hon, if you were my daughter I would lock you in the basement. I, like you, was a completely out of control young teen. I am now a 41 year old mother and cannot even begin to describe the regrets and guilt that I carry over what I put my mom and dad through. I broke their hearts with my selfish stupidity, and since my mom died sixteen years ago, I don't even have the opportunity to tell her how sorry I am. I sincerely hope you will think about that. As a young girl completely out of control, I thought of NO ONE but myself. As an adult, my guilt and regrets are heavy. Apologize to your mom and tell her how much you love her, and get your life on track. BELIEVE me when I tell you the opportunity to do so won't always be there. I'm not trying to attack you, I don't want you to have to carry the burden of what you are doing to your parents, and I promise you that at some point in your future, when you're all grown up, it WILL become a burden.

Ya know what mom? I think you really have your head in the right place. Stay on your boy, and DON'T LET HIM LIE ABOUT THE DRUG USE. If nothing else, they will require him to test frequently and maybe require him to attend counseling/rehab. You're on the right track, you can't hide him from the consequences of his actions, even if it means additional trouble. You and I both know he'll learn from it in the end.

Good luck

 

[sbeeman]

Ya know what mom? I think you really have your head in the right place. Stay on your boy, and DON'T LET HIM LIE ABOUT THE DRUG USE. If nothing else, they will require him to test frequently and maybe require him to attend counseling/rehab. You're on the right track, you can't hide him from the consequences of his actions, even if it means additional trouble. You and I both know he'll learn from it in the end.

Good luck

As clueless as I am about all this, he understands if he lies to her perjury is a felony. He intends to be honest with her, whether he ends up peeing in a cup or not. He's been raised to deal with the consequences of anything he sets in motion for himself, and is prepared to tell the truth. I guess what's bugging me so bad is that if he submits to a drug test, he's further incriminating himself. Does he have to do that? As for drug testing, it started last night in the court of mom. He tested negative for everything but the pot.