prt2
My counselor helped, but she really wasn’t able to help me feel better about myself, just tell me the things that any good psychologist would and that I was doing good, but it was just the same old stuff. My Texan though was able to help me a lot more than anyone else had. Now as I said we met in that class, and we both enjoyed each other’s writing and went to the same school. Well from there we went to a couple of our football games, I even went over to his house a couple of times and met his mom (Doctor) and his dad (Psychologist) as well as his younger siblings, but didn’t get to know any of them that well of course as I was nervous to say the least and just met them on passing by. (And no, nothing happened, contrary to the common belief a guy can like a girl and not screw each other) in fact we were merely friends at best at the time. Just shared some interests like Wildlife and felines, since I collect cat figurines and he had a lot of cat and wildlife posters that clearly someone couldn’t bring to school, played on the computer some, nothing much, we were just friends and that was all, weren’t asking to be more; and more than once my Texan stood up behind me or for me in both class and out of it. Well he finished HS and transferred back to Texas to go to college (on a scholarship) since that was were he was from originally and where his family planned on moving back to once they were settled (their reasons for being in Mi too long a story). Thankfully, god thankfully, we kept in touch, since I am and was very interested in college and college classes, through emails almost entirely and when I got to be by myself at home every now and then over an instant messenger. He did just as well in college as he did High School and I kept up my grades too. At this point though things just kept getting worse and worse, my mother was now more dependent then ever (physically and psychologically) on the household and my dad and so she wasn’t leaving him as she had planned to before her incident. It also made things harder for them as she needed more medications and wasn’t all there like she used to be. It just started getting to me more and more and as anyone here can tell you High school changes people and all the friends I had growing up (few though they were) changed and left me, started dating boys, giving head, smoking, drinking, dressing more and more like sluts every day and I didn’t want any part of that. So I was more or less an outcast to the other kids in school, couldn’t talk to my parents except if I was looking to get yelled at and still kept up my grades. I was hurting though more and more ever since my Texan left; and looking back I know it was because of what he offered and helped with when he was around. I started getting pains in my stomach because I was parenting and refereeing my two parents half the time and the other half getting yelled at for it, no one at school wanted anything to do with someone who wasn’t wanting to conform to some social standard and there was no money for anything anymore at all. The one thing that kept me going was my one good friend, my friend that wouldn’t leave me, my friend that was there for me to be my friend through the thick and the thin; My Texan. He was there just to give moral and emotional support to his friend. So for over two years we were just friends, we even took time and wrote things together and have one book finished and three more on the way; the finished one is going through a publisher right now for revisions and what they want as far as the next books are concerned. About spring though last year or summer, I told him how much I loved him and how that had grown over the years from just friendship and how he said he felt the same, a connection, just a peace and joy with me and so many same interests. And for crying out loud don’t start on how come this 20 year old is interested in a 16 year old, remember that we’ve known each other for over three years, knew each other close as friends and close friends; and yes he can get other people and isn’t someone grabbing at me because I’m some easy score. Because he still had some friends up here and a place to stay he came up the summer of last year, without my folks knowing since I know what they would have said, and we went to the mall, the movies, even to one of the great lakes and had an amazing time together and not for one second was he anything but a complete and considerate gentleman. We after that even got a chance to talk now and then since he brought me up a phonecard so we could talk; since I had said I wished we could do that. Later last year for my birthday we decided to tell my sister since I didn’t want to keep someone so important to my life a secret. She flipped out, and he had even come up for my birthday and saw me to give me my present in person before I told her. She freaked out, broke every promise I had her make before I told her and even pulled out a kitchen knife on him when he came to visit since she demanded to see him in person. And through all of that he remained cool, collected and respectable to my sister and never once showed any sign of disrespect or anger, never once raised his voice or acted temperamental. My sister didn’t tell my folks though and used that secret that she was keeping to get me to do things for her out of fear of her telling them what had happened. Earlier this year I couldn’t take it anymore, not able to spend Christmas, thanksgiving, holidays or birthdays with the man I loved and who loved me back was getting to be too much and my household had only gotten worse, more drinking, more smoking, more whining and fighting; and just as a side note for my parents skills as caregivers since me and my mother had moved back in the bedrooms were right next to each other I got to hear them having sex and banging against the wall every other night since I’ve been about 12 (that’s really not healthy) and confronted them about it many times only to be told that that wasn’t what they were doing.
So I told them, and that’s when all the crap hit the fan, first I told my mom who almost for a moment took it alright before tearing into me and calling me all kinds of bad names, about a week after that she worked up the nerves to tell me dad who then kicked us both out. So now we live entirely on government money and a very very small child support payment from my dad, I am told continually and every day that I am, word for word “a horrible person” “selfish bitch” “evil and everything you’ve done is wrong” “This is all your fault you little whore” from MY MOTHER. When we left I didn’t get to take my computer so the one I use for School is one my Texan got for me and sent me all at his own expense so I could keep doing good in school and be able to use the net now and then.
So before everyone jumps on the “jump on my case” band-wagon I really would feel better if you at least knew the story. And as for myself and my Texan if you haven’t already figured it out is that I have been since the 4th grade an A student and he for as long as I have known him in High School and college been a straight A student, got accepted into college on a scholarship and has already been accepted into a doctorate program.
And you know what, I wish I could, god do I wish I could move in with him and live in Texas with him, but he knows that that is not a good idea and knows how important education is and getting an education so that you don’t ruin the rest of your life on some quick choice. Has he ever once tried to do anything but be like a gentleman with me, no, he hasn’t he touched me in any way but loving and so soft and caring hugs or holding my hand or just resting together side by side at the movies or sitting in the park, we didn’t even kiss until when he came up for my birthday and that was just a loving and sweet peck; and I know he’d never do anything inappropriate to me ever. He’s never once been mad at me, raised his view, made me feel bad or anything negative at all. And yes, I do know that he will always treat me like a princess because that is the kind of man he is, and how he feels about me, he hasn’t ever had to tell me that, just give me over three years of wonderful and sweet interactions and loving support. I am in no rush for anything and neither is he, because I know he is the man of my life, the man of my dreams and I feel that he feels the exact same way. There is nothing I do not trust him with and there is nothing he does not trust me with (as he has given me even without asking his SS number, bank account numbers, phones, addresses, anything and everything I could ever ask for because he knows there’s nothing I’d do to hurt him and I trust him with all the same of my own)
) to talk to these kids... even though this is supposed to be legal.. We all go amiss...