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18 year old moved out ,dad furious

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tanja53

Member
What is the name of your state? CA


My fiances son turned 18 last sep.
In Dec. they had a big verbal fight and the young man took his things and moved with a friend to Minnesota.
They have had fights before.
The boy is not on drugs or drink or is criminal.
Their fights is about how the boy looks ,hair and clothes and so on.
His dad is very cotrolling when it comes to his kid.
He loves him so much that he is over protecting the boy.
The son refuses to talk to hid dad. He talks to me without a problem.
His dad knows this and is ok with it.
Dad wants the boy home .
Now my fiance wants to file a missing persons report in Minnesota to get the boy home.
I dont think, and told him so , that it is sutch a good idea.
He is 18 and he doesnt want to come home.
What will happened if dad does file a missing persons report?
I will not have anything to do with it and told him so.
 


tanja53

Member
He knows where the adult is correct? Hence he is not a missing person.
Thank you for answering.
Dad knows the boy is in Minnesota.
Doesnt know the address.
They text each other on the cell phone.
Dad much more than the boy.
Boy talk to me on the phone 1-2 times a week on the phone.
I call his cell phone.
Dad knows this and is ok with it. In fact he think its great.
But wants me to force the boy home.
I dont believe in force.
The boy is not missing to me.
But dad thinks if he does report his son as missing that will force the boy to come back.
I think it is wrong and the result is going to back fire on the dad.
I get along with my fiance really good when it comes to other things.
But this we dont aggree on at all.
I understand he misses his son. i miss him to. But if you try to treat your child at 18 as a baby , they will react.
Dad should be in the back ground and be there for his child.
Not control his every move.
It is dad only child. So it is a very sensitive subject.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Tell your hubby that his ADULT child is not coming back any time soon. Tell him to call the police so THEY can tell him the same thing.
 

xylene

Senior Member
Get family counseling for you and dad.
Filing false police report will not get son back.
Son is man, even if report filed, at police will find son and breifly interview him.
There will be no forcing him anywhere.
If dad files false police reports or other repeated unwanted contact, that is harassment.
Apert from this it is not a legal issue but a family one.
 

tanja53

Member
Get family counseling for you and dad.
Filing false police report will not get son back.
Son is man, even if report filed, at police will find son and breifly interview him.
There will be no forcing him anywhere.
If dad files false police reports or other repeated unwanted contact, that is harassment.
Apert from this it is not a legal issue but a family one.
I aggree with you.
Dad is just trying to make it legal .
I am not.
And why would I need family counseling?
I dont have any problems with this.
Dad would need counseling if anybody needs it.
The boy is not my "biological" child.
Dad has really problems with only child growing up.
 

tanja53

Member
Tell your hubby that his ADULT child is not coming back any time soon. Tell him to call the police so THEY can tell him the same thing.
Believe me I have.
This issue is creating problems in the home.
Thank you for your answers.
I knew I was correct.
Just needed to hear what other people thought about it.
Now I have tp prepair myself for fiance coming home and another battle over this.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
Filing false police report will not get son back.
But it may land dad in jail.

This 18 year old man (in the eyes of the law) has decided that he does not want his father to know where he is and he is completely within his right to make that decision.

His father no longer has any control over this 18 year old man (in the law's eyes) so dad can't demand he go anywhere. He is (as Southwest Airlines has said) free to roam about the country.

Tell dad that the tiime to repair the relationship with his father may come again, but right now, his son wants nothing to do with him. Perhaps his sentiments will change later, but for right now, tell your fiance to leave his son alone before his son has a restraining order issued against him.
 

tanja53

Member
But it may land dad in jail.

This 18 year old man (in the eyes of the law) has decided that he does not want his father to know where he is and he is completely within his right to make that decision.

His father no longer has any control over this 18 year old man (in the law's eyes) so dad can't demand he go anywhere. He is (as Southwest Airlines has said) free to roam about the country.

Tell dad that the tiime to repair the relationship with his father may come again, but right now, his son wants nothing to do with him. Perhaps his sentiments will change later, but for right now, tell your fiance to leave his son alone before his son has a restraining order issued against him.
For once we aggree CC.
I know that my fiance is making and will make a bigger fool of him self.
Dad has a very hard time excepting that his "little" boy is a young man.
As his 18 year old birthday was approching I told dad that he had to back off a little bit otherwise the child would pick up and leave.
I knew this since the boy turned to me for advice.
Dad wouldnt listen to that or believe it.

The boy is a good person.
A little lost since there are no "family" adults in his life except for me.
So I am here for him.
I just wish dad would calm done.This is driving me crazzy.
 

xylene

Senior Member
And why would I need family counseling?
I dont have any problems with this.
Dad would need counseling if anybody needs it.
The boy is not my "biological" child.
Dad has really problems with only child growing up.
YOU are planning on marrying DAD.
I suggested counseling since your opinions are so opposed.
Plus since the boy who is not your biological child is favoring you.

Working this out between you and dad now could save much heartache and resentment latter.
Plus help dad deal with his grief / feelings at boy becoming man.
 

tanja53

Member
YOU are planning on marrying DAD.
I suggested counseling since your opinions are so opposed.
Plus since the boy who is not your biological child is favoring you.

Working this out between you and dad now could save much heartache and resentment latter.
Plus help dad deal with his grief / feelings at boy becoming man.

ok I understand what you are saying.
Dad is not up for counselinG at all when it comes to his child.
Dad is of cause is bit irritated that I dont aggree with him.
But is not upset that I talk to his kid.
He think that part is good at least one in the family is talking to his son.
We met thankto his son.The boy thought that a would be a good match for his single dad.
He had been alone with his son since the boy was a few months old.
Mom has not been in the picture since then.
She had a parental right taken away in court when the boy was small.
I have 6 grown up kids on my own.
And I never had this issue before.
Of cause that a part of once life is changing when the child is growing up and becomes an adult.
But a new relationship starts.
A fun one.
.I am much calmer when his dad.
His dad is pretty hot headed.
I try to help him and support his grief.
I also know that all this comes from dad non excisting relationship with his father.
His own dad kciked him out and disowned him when he was 16.
So there is a lot of pain.
And I just dont know what to do.
Since he will not get any help for it.
Dad wants me to fix it.
The only thing I can do is do what I am doing.
Talking and listening to both of them.
 

xylene

Senior Member
ok I understand what you are saying.
Dad is not up for counselinG at all when it comes to his child.
No. I think you have misunderstood.
The counseling is to work out the issues with you.
Go between role for you is not sustainable or suitable for wife.
Dad (hubby to be) will subconsciously project negative feeling onto you.
Talking it out with an expert, or someone you trust like a pastor can make it clearer to you both.
Things will be better if you are of one mind about family (or at least moving in parallel.)

Dad can resolve the issue with his son on own. Making things clear with you and where y'all stand just makes it easier.
That way no resentments, or expected feelings.

Good luck and tell hubby not to do anything rash
 

tanja53

Member
No. I think you have misunderstood.
The counseling is to work out the issues with you.
Go between role for you is not sustainable or suitable for wife.
Dad (hubby to be) will subconsciously project negative feeling onto you.
Talking it out with an expert, or someone you trust like a pastor can make it clearer to you both.
Things will be better if you are of one mind about family (or at least moving in parallel.)

Dad can resolve the issue with his son on own. Making things clear with you and where y'all stand just makes it easier.
That way no resentments, or expected feelings.

Good luck and tell hubby not to do anything rash
Ok.
i have talked it out with other people whom I trust .
And they all say that he (dad) goes overboard.
Of cause it would be much better if we aggreed on this one.
I know i have been married twice before.
Dad does want me to be there for his child. and he thinkg that i am a good role model for his child.
And likes that his son feels good about me.And that I am here for child.
But of cause he doesnt like that I "stick" up this much for his kid.
Dad wanted to find a woman who really loved and cared for his son.
I guess he just never thought that I would think like I do.
I have been in dad's shoes 5 times before. The youngest cames and goes. So i know how hard it is to let go.
But it is a part of being a parent.
Dad is so mixed up and confused for the moment. And is causes a lot of stress on me. I dont want to be in the middle. Even if they both want that.
And if i say no they will not really talk at all and the son will feel deserted.
Thanks for all the input on this dilemma.
I just hope that dad doent do anything stupid.
Have a great evening.
 
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