1st grade bully...is it sexual harrassment?

[brentnjill]

What is the name of your state? PA

Our neighbor has a son that happened to be in my son's class last year at school. They were in 1st grade. This boy has always been very mouthy and aggressive. There were many times he was sent to the principal's office (the first time he went was the first week of school). My kids would come home and tell me things that happened on the bus ride as well. Once, for no apparent reason, he took his metal lunch box and hit my son over the head with it (on the bus). Another time, he told my 4th grade daughter that she looked like a "pig's ass", which he had also told the bus driver, on occasion. Another time, he bit my son (left bruises, broke skin). My son ended up getting in trouble for that, as well, when all he was doing was holding this kid back from going after another boy in anger. And then, the last incident, the last straw, was a week before school let out when my son got off the bus and said, "Mom! Byron is telling everyone in school that I have sex with my sister!" I was on the phone with teachers, the principal, the guidance counselor (who chuckled at me and said, "kids use the F-word all the time and they don't know what it means"), and even the Sudent Services Coordinator at the District Offices. No one could tell me what was done about it. I found out through the grapevine that he missed yet another recess, that was it.

I am worried now that school is a week away. The principal has reassured me that her kids will not be in my kids' class but what can I do to protect them from further harrassment? The parents are unapproachable. I've tried to confront them the first few times but was only met with insults, accusations, and belittlement.

Thanks so much,

Jill

[CourtClerk]

Put your kid in boxing or martial arts and teach him how to defend himself. That'll stop a lot of it.

[moburkes]

Nope, not sexual harrassment. Threaten the parents with a restraining order against their child. I, do, however, agree with CC.

[msiron]

Originally Posted by CourtClerk

Put your kid in boxing or martial arts and teach him how to defend himself. That'll stop a lot of it.

although I agree with CC ..... if your son knocked the little bully on his ass he would never pick on your son again. Unfortunately it was 30 years ago he could defend himself, in todays sicko times of more rules and made-up laws he is not allowed to defend himself.

Since the parents are uncooperative in even discussion the problem if their bully son hits your child then CALL THE POLICE and file charges. If the parents are called on the carpet they may be embarrassed into doing something about their son.

[CourtClerk]

Originally Posted by msiron

although I agree with CC ..... if your son knocked the little bully on his ass he would never pick on your son again. Unfortunately it was 30 years ago he could defend himself, in todays sicko times of more rules and made-up laws he is not allowed to defend himself.

Since the parents are uncooperative in even discussion the problem if their bully son hits your child then CALL THE POLICE and file charges. If the parents are called on the carpet they may be embarrassed into doing something about their son.

I have told my son (who is kind of small for his age... almost 12 and until recently still only 71 pounds, now recently 79 pounds.. ), that if he defends himself and ends up in trouble over it, it's mommys money well spent. I will not allow my son to take any mess off of anyone. Mommy knows judges, prosecutors and lots of defense attorneys. Defend yourself and let mom deal with the rest of it.

[brentnjill]

I tell my kids the same thing....my son especially. He's 8 years old, is as tall as my 4th grade daughter, and weighs in at about 98 pounds. If he had a mind to, he could do a lot of damage. He's just not an aggressive kid by nature. I tell them that they need to take the proper steps......first tell the person to stop. If that doesn't work, let someone know about it. If that doesn't work, take matters into your own hands....literally, if need be. At first he was worried about getting into trouble, which I told him would most likely happen, but he would have our blessing. He did push the kid down once. The boy was physically attacking him here at home and all he had to do was give one good push and the kid was on the ground, crying, saying he thought he had a concussion!! He was in our yard at the time so I knew we'd be safer than if he would've done that in the kids yard.

I asked him if he'd want to get into Karate.....he's not too sure about it. He's a pretty sensitive kid so i'm sure it would really help him. Thanks for the advice.

[CourtClerk]

Originally Posted by brentnjill

I tell my kids the same thing....my son especially. He's 8 years old, is as tall as my 4th grade daughter, and weighs in at about 98 pounds. If he had a mind to, he could do a lot of damage. He's just not an aggressive kid by nature. I tell them that they need to take the proper steps......first tell the person to stop. If that doesn't work, let someone know about it. If that doesn't work, take matters into your own hands....literally, if need be. At first he was worried about getting into trouble, which I told him would most likely happen, but he would have our blessing. He did push the kid down once. The boy was physically attacking him here at home and all he had to do was give one good push and the kid was on the ground, crying, saying he thought he had a concussion!! He was in our yard at the time so I knew we'd be safer than if he would've done that in the kids yard.

I asked him if he'd want to get into Karate.....he's not too sure about it. He's a pretty sensitive kid so i'm sure it would really help him. Thanks for the advice.

My son is VERY even tempered and docile, not at all agressive (unless you REALLY take him there which takes a lot)...very easy going which really perplexes me because I am a hot head . However, I did not give my son an option about boxing and martial arts. I paid for the classes and he showed up, end of story. The good thing about martial arts is that it will teach him to defend himself, AND know when that defense is necessary, so he's not going around breaking everyone's arm. I also believe everyone should know how to through a good left hook (boys and girls included). The parents sound like they just don't give a damn and so sonny boy is going to have to deal with the kid. It's not sexual harrassment, just sounds like a kid with no discipline and no direction. I mean, it really melts down to teasing. Age old teasing.

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

if the harrassment takes place on school grounds or on the school bus - or waiting for the school bus, I would think that the school would have to be involved. in light of Columbine and other tragedies, the school systems have learned that they have to deal with this type of harrassment.

Have you brought it to the principal? If you have, but it continues, you sometimes just have to be a very squeaky wheel.

Based on your other thread, it seems to me that the child is learning from the parents.

[brentnjill]

Yes, he's just like his father. I grew up with him and he was the same way. Very mouthy, aggressive, and a hot head for as long as I can remember. I have a feeling, at this point, his father may even be egging him on. And his mother is nothing short of perfect.....or so she wants to come across. A self-proclaimed "bull****ter", she knows exactly what to say (even if its a load of crap), and who to say it to, to get exactly what she's after. I can't compete with that. I'm done even trying to at this point.

Most of the offenses did happen at school but because of confidentiality laws, I can't be told how it was handled, just that it was handled.

I would love for him to at least try karate. He used to be in football and didn't like it because some of the coaches were pretty tough on the kids. I think that really affected him. He's afraid that every "coach" is going to be rough, and he's very sensitive, even when it comes down to the tone of someone's voice. It's just a shame. He used to be the kid that all of the other kids looked up to......not just literally, but emotionally. Everyone loves him. Until this past year when he had to deal with this kid picking on him all of the time. I'm not sure how it's done, but I understand that karate is supposed to help them gain or regain confidence, and that's what he needs.

It just makes me sad for him.