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Jacobh06

Junior Member
I live in PA and I'm a 20yr old guy (turning 21 next month). I have a friend (girl) whom lives in OH and is 16yr old, turning 17 in a few months. She currently lives with her father, but goes to her mother's every other weekend and then stays with her for a period of time throughout the summer; so I don't know if the Father has full custody or if they have joint custody. The Father doesn't want her to see me/talk to me/text me/message me or anything and doesn't want me to do the same. The Mother has no problem with it as I'm a decent guy (the father just hasn't gotten any time to know me). Anyways, am I allowed to message her online/call her/talk to her? Am I able to hang out with her? Am I able to take her to dinner or anything? I understand that I wouldn't be able to take her into PA as then he could file some kind of Kidnapping charge, and I understand that I probably wouldn't be able to have sexual intercorse with her as he could get me for rape.

So I guess what I'm asking, is how far can I go before I cross that line? I don't want to get into trouble, neither do I want her to get into trouble, but I can't help but wanting to hang out with her.

Can someone answer those questions? Thanks

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH/PA
 


CourtClerk

Senior Member
I wonder what prohibits you younger folks from simply having respect for the wishes of someone's parents and doing what they ask....

Have your parents really failed you that badly? The man asked you not to contact his minor child. Why isn't that sufficient? Because you don't want to? You're supposed to be an adult.
 

Jacobh06

Junior Member
I wonder what prohibits you younger folks from simply having respect for the wishes of someone's parents and doing what they ask....

Have your parents really failed you that badly? The man asked you not to contact his minor child. Why isn't that sufficient? Because you don't want to? You're supposed to be an adult.
I understand what you are saying and that isn't the point. I don't have a problem ending it there until she gets older (as he stated, maybe when she is 17 and starts respecting him more). I'm more asking for the advice to see where that fine line stands. I would at least like to tell her that I wish her well and to hit me up when she turns 17 if allowed. I really didn't get to say bye and I would like to, but would rather not risk getting into trouble.

Thanks
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
If after he asks you to cease contact with his minor child and you persist, he can and should obtain a restraining order against you.

That will haunt you well into your adult life. Don't go there. You don't need to tell her bye. She'll get the message.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
I understand what you are saying and that isn't the point. I don't have a problem ending it there until she gets older (as he stated, maybe when she is 17 and starts respecting him more). I'm more asking for the advice to see where that fine line stands. I would at least like to tell her that I wish her well and to hit me up when she turns 17 if allowed. I really didn't get to say bye and I would like to, but would rather not risk getting into trouble.

Thanks

You have crossed the line when you have contact with a child against the parent(s) wishes. Period. She is 16!!! You are an adult. She will get grounded for disobeying her father but you risk restraining orders and criminal charges.

Try finding a girlfriend that DOESN'T have to ask permission to date.
 

Jacobh06

Junior Member
If after he asks you to cease contact with his minor child and you persist, he can and should obtain a restraining order against you.

That will haunt you well into your adult life. Don't go there. You don't need to tell her bye. She'll get the message.

So her parents being divorced doesn't matter? If one parent is ok and the other isn't, that doesn't mean anything? So if ONE parent has a problem, then that is all that matters?

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I don't need to get into trouble, it just sucks as you can't always help whom you get hooked on...
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
So her parents being divorced doesn't matter? If one parent is ok and the other isn't, that doesn't mean anything? So if ONE parent has a problem, then that is all that matters?
That is correct. It only takes 1 parent to say no.
Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I don't need to get into trouble, it just sucks as you can't always help whom you get hooked on...
Funny, I never found myself hooked on a minor child when I was an adult. I guess I had myself in check back then.
 

Jacobh06

Junior Member
That is correct. It only takes 1 parent to say no.

Funny, I never found myself hooked on a minor child when I was an adult. I guess I had myself in check back then.
We're not all the same, but thanks for the advice and I have already ceased contact, so it will stay there. Just wish things worked out differently sometimes...

Have a good one and again, I appreciate it.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
So her parents being divorced doesn't matter? If one parent is ok and the other isn't, that doesn't mean anything? So if ONE parent has a problem, then that is all that matters?

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I don't need to get into trouble, it just sucks as you can't always help whom you get hooked on...
Yeah...You can help who you get hooked on. Most men are not interested in children. Most men see a pretty 16 year old and think "Cute...but OFF-LIMITS".

If you were sniffing around my 16 year old daughter you would be dodging bullets. Really.
 

las365

Senior Member
Write a letter to her father. A good, old-fashioned, handwritten letter on paper. Mail it, like people did before email and texting and message boards. Tell him that you respect and like his daughter and respect his postion regarding her dating you at this time. Tell him that you hope when she gets older, you can have his permission to date her. Tell him that you would like to get to know her family when and if that happens, so that he can grow to know and trust you. Enclose a letter to her that says the same things. Don't seal it, so he can read it. Give him permission to read it and ask him to give it to her.

Quaint? Sure. Will it work? Who knows? Will you be interested in dating each other in a couple of years? Maybe, maybe not. But taking this course of action would show respect and maturity and would reflect well on you.
 

Jacobh06

Junior Member
Yeah...You can help who you get hooked on. Most men are not interested in children. Most men see a pretty 16 year old and think "Cute...but OFF-LIMITS".

If you were sniffing around my 16 year old daughter you would be dodging bullets. Really.
Dude, you need to cool it! It's only a few years difference if you think about it... I understand your point and appreciate it. I guess I have to put my self in a Father's shoes and look at it.

Thanks for the advice, but no need to be a jerk... I already ceased as he asked, I was just thinking about stuff and wanted answers, as you never know if someone else may have the same issue and want some advice.

Thanks
 

Jacobh06

Junior Member
Write a letter to her father. A good, old-fashioned, handwritten letter on paper. Mail it, like people did before email and texting and message boards. Tell him that you respect and like his daughter and respect his postion regarding her dating you at this time. Tell him that you hope when she gets older, you can have his permission to date her. Tell him that you would like to get to know her family when and if that happens, so that he can grow to know and trust you. Enclose a letter to her that says the same things. Don't seal it, so he can read it. Give him permission to read it and ask him to give it to her.

Quaint? Sure. Will it work? Who knows? Will you be interested in dating each other in a couple of years? Maybe, maybe not. But taking this course of action would show respect and maturity and would reflect well on you.
That would be nice and I thought about doing something of the sort, but couldn't he just take that letter as proof to a cop and file charges? Or because I'm asking permission and address it to him, he couldn't?

Thanks for the advice? Again, just thinking about things, but I am staying away from the trouble...
 

mmmagique

Member
Permission of what?

The letter recommended is asking for permission to wait until she is at least 17 to begin courting her. Not...well...anything else.

It is also respectful of her, her father, and the rest of the family.

It's kinda hot also that a guy would care enough about a girl to do such a sweet thing!

Good luck.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Threads like this one (and others) make me very proud of the young man I've raised. When he gets to the point of liking a girl well enough to date her, he asks to meet her parents. And he then tells them that he'd like to date their daughter, asks if it's okay with them, and asks what their rules are in that regard. No, I didn't teach him to do this. When I asked him about it, he told me that he feels it not only conveys something important to the parents of a girl he likes (that he respects them and their daughter), but it also teaches his sister what standards to set for herself in choosing young men to date.

He's 17, btw.

Something these young studs may want to consider.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
Threads like this one (and others) make me very proud of the young man I've raised. When he gets to the point of liking a girl well enough to date her, he asks to meet her parents. And he then tells them that he'd like to date their daughter, asks if it's okay with them, and asks what their rules are in that regard. No, I didn't teach him to do this. When I asked him about it, he told me that he feels it not only conveys something important to the parents of a girl he likes (that he respects them and their daughter), but it also teaches his sister what standards to set for herself in choosing young men to date.

He's 17, btw.

Something these young studs may want to consider.
WOOOOO HOOOOO,.... and you know what Stealth, you don't take enough credit. Kids don't DO things like this for no reason at home. This is nothing but good ole' fashion home training, which you DID have something to do with. Don't sell yourself short, you rock when it comes to your kids.... No, you may not have told him to do those specific things, but you planted the seed.
 

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