PA: My fiance has sole physical/legal custody, the mother visits with her once a wk or one day every other wknd. Has been this way for the past eight years. The child is 12, and.has been punished before for performing oral, and had counseling. Recently, she has been failing, kissing boys at school, and writing letters that were found saying that she hs sex and lots of it. What did he do after talking, punishment, and taking away everything didnt work. H hit her for th first time ever with a belt. Now he has criminal charges pending.. 2702 aggravated assault, 4304 endangering the welfare of a child, 907, possible instrument of crime with int, 2701 simpl assaul, and 2705 recklessly endangering another person. He has never been in any type of trouble before. We have no clue what will happen when he has to go to court. Any suggestions???? Mom now has child and child protective services and a restraining order is in place. Seems a bit extreme to me. He didnt break a limb, or draw blood. Not justifying, but when I read the definitions of theses charges it seems a bit much.
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Can he really go to jail?
- Thread starter jessieyka
- Start date
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sandyclaus
Senior Member
SPECIFICALLY, what injuries did the child suffer at the hands of her father? A simple spanking wouldn't have rated such severe charges as aggravated assault, simple assault, and reckless endangerment. Just because he didn't break a limb or draw blood doesn't make it OK.
You do realize that what your fiance did was not only reckless and foolish, but illegal, don't you? Beating a child will NOT get them to stop having sex. And a 12-year-old engaging so frequently in sexual activity signals a much bigger problem.
If you think that it's OK to beat a 12-year-old child with a belt, then I'm glad that the child was removed from your fiance's custody. She doesn't need to be around people that use violence to solve the kind of problem that she has.
Your fiance needs to hire an attorney - NOW.
1. I never once said that I thought is was ok... 2. He has never hit her before now. Its not easy being a parent, especially a dad who has full cutody. The "injuries" were nothing belt very slight belt marks. This man is a fantastic father has been for 12 yrs and I dont feel he should be crucified for making a mistake. When our children make mistakes do we not forgive them. Are we not capable of making mistakes as well. There are also my children in the home, and not once has he ever mis-treated or abused my kids, or his.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
If *I* were you, I would be calling a lawyer myself for a consultation ASAP for a consultation. With the level of charges your fiance is facing, you may well find that your custody of your children is at risk. I am serious.
What is worrisome, to *me*, is that anyone would think that punishment - especially corporal punishment - is an appropriate manner in which to deal with what are obviously some serious emotional and mental issues. The child should be in ongoing therapy, and Dad should be working closely with the therapist on treatment plans. It is entirely likely that she has been abused/molested. And he should be prepared for the authorities to be looking at him (and I am NOT saying that he's done anything). Yet another reason you need to speak with an attorney regarding your own children.
And yes, parenting IS hard. Single or not. But his reaction was way out of line. At the very least, he should consider parenting classes AND therapy himself.
What is worrisome, to *me*, is that anyone would think that punishment - especially corporal punishment - is an appropriate manner in which to deal with what are obviously some serious emotional and mental issues. The child should be in ongoing therapy, and Dad should be working closely with the therapist on treatment plans. It is entirely likely that she has been abused/molested. And he should be prepared for the authorities to be looking at him (and I am NOT saying that he's done anything). Yet another reason you need to speak with an attorney regarding your own children.
And yes, parenting IS hard. Single or not. But his reaction was way out of line. At the very least, he should consider parenting classes AND therapy himself.
TinkerBelleLuvr
Senior Member
If he was such a fantastic dad, then why was the child having sex at 12? Where was he that she was getting away with it?
Ohiogal
Queen Bee
Making excuses for it signals that you believe it was okay.
So? That is an excuse.
Those are both huge excuses -- and pathetic excuses at that.
They were injuries. From being beat with a belt. NOT appropriate. That is assault. The criminal tool was a belt.
A fantastic father? Why is his 12 year old sexually active? Why does she perform oral sex? What is leading her to do that? What sparked that behavior? There is more to this than meets the eye. Was she sexually abused by someone? If he was a fantastic father there would be answers to my questions and the fantastic father would have dealt with the issue -- be it residential treatment, a psychiatric assessment and treatment or other things. And the father would NOT have resorted to beating his child with a belt.
That last statement is a lie or major denial. He has mistreated and abused HIS child. When he beat her with the belt and left "belt marks".
I have one thing to say to this overstepper: <spit>
I hope he does go to jail. Maybe it would open one of your eyes.
His hitting her for the 'first time' with a belt does not justify his physically abusing her. Try telling her its the first time, no big deal, just forgive, daddy made a mistake. And then you have serious problems.
Same advice here. He needs counseling, and seriously needs parenting classes...on-going. I am a fulltime single mom of a challenging 13 year old. It takes effort and time to seek out education and tools for how to deal with the rocky times in a productive way. The way dad has been doing things does not work (and doesn't sound like he 'forgives' so easily himself). He needs to own up big time, and he needs major counseling and parenting help so when he re-enters the relationship with his child he will approach problems differently.
I suggest legally - dad follow CPS's guidelines to a T. Whenever the period of supervised visitation comes up, I strongly recommend dad requesting (and paying for) those sessions to happen in the context of a experience re-unification therapist. He owe's it to his kid.
His hitting her for the 'first time' with a belt does not justify his physically abusing her. Try telling her its the first time, no big deal, just forgive, daddy made a mistake. And then you have serious problems.
Same advice here. He needs counseling, and seriously needs parenting classes...on-going. I am a fulltime single mom of a challenging 13 year old. It takes effort and time to seek out education and tools for how to deal with the rocky times in a productive way. The way dad has been doing things does not work (and doesn't sound like he 'forgives' so easily himself). He needs to own up big time, and he needs major counseling and parenting help so when he re-enters the relationship with his child he will approach problems differently.
I suggest legally - dad follow CPS's guidelines to a T. Whenever the period of supervised visitation comes up, I strongly recommend dad requesting (and paying for) those sessions to happen in the context of a experience re-unification therapist. He owe's it to his kid.
Proserpina
Senior Member
THIS is the part that sticks out like a thorn to me (almost worse than the physical beating, which was bad enough) - if Dad has had sole/legal custody for 8 out of the last 12 years, WHY has this happened?
Kids experiment to a degree, sure - but to THIS degree? This speaks MASSIVELY to Dad's parenting.
And OP...really? Per your original post, you're implying that as long as he doesn't draw blood or break a bone, then any sort of physical punishment is okay?
Honestly, I'm not sure I'd want EITHER of you around children at the moment. Now, I do understand that you're probably all het up and frantic and everything else - but seriously, look at what you've written here. At least try to understand the responses you've received.
And then ask yourself some very difficult questions.
Just Blue
Senior Member
Ohiogal
Queen Bee
A nurse is a mandated reporter. She could look at losing her license for not reporting this if she knew about the abuse that had taken place. Sorta scary that she is DEFENDING dad for his actions.
Hey OP, if a child showed up where you worked with marks from a belt saying dad beat him/her, what would you do? Legally you would have to report it. The fact that you don't see this as an issue is scary. May your license be suspended or you face discipline from the licensing board.
Hey OP, if a child showed up where you worked with marks from a belt saying dad beat him/her, what would you do? Legally you would have to report it. The fact that you don't see this as an issue is scary. May your license be suspended or you face discipline from the licensing board.
Ohiogal
Queen Bee
Compare the facts between the threads. The child ages backwards. Last month she was 13 and now she is 12. Dad had custody for seven years now 8 years. (Within a month). Mom is to blame for everything though even though dad is the primary custodian. Mom is also the scapegoat and dad is never to blame for anything because he is a saint.
What type of father doesn't know how old his child is or let his beloved fiance know how old his child is? How close are fiance and dad if they don't even know dad's child's age and when he got custody? Why are they posting two differing stories with the child's age younger now than then?
What type of father doesn't know how old his child is or let his beloved fiance know how old his child is? How close are fiance and dad if they don't even know dad's child's age and when he got custody? Why are they posting two differing stories with the child's age younger now than then?
After 12 years of parenting dad loses it and pulls out the belt? And the child is so bad she deserved it? that may not be how you intend it to come out, but that is how it reads to me and it isn't believable.
In your other post you (your fiance) indicate that this isn't actually the first time Dad has been accused of being abusive, but rather the first time there was proof. Have you ever considered that there might have been truth in the child's mother's report that....
Was he exonerated? Or was there simply not enough evidence to extend the protective order and mom did not make a credible witness because of her issues... Keep in mind, it is entirely possible that the first report was truthful but could not be substantiated.
Any time someone is facing multiple criminal charges then jail is a possibility. Whether it is a probability is a different question, one that your fiance's attorney is in a better position to judge than an armchair referee.
Your fiance should listen to his attorney.
Child services and the restraining order don't seem extreme. If he had broken a limb he would probably be facing more charges than he currently is. Perhaps the courts are taking a legal belt to your fiance and trying to beat some sense into him, metaphorically, of course.
You mention other children in the household. If I were you, I would be very concerned about CPS involvement with your children as well.
I empathize with the difficulty of being a parent but with all the choices your fiance had on how to deal with the troubled child, he unfortunately chose a path that was not legal.
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