Can I make my 17 year old son move out?

[oneliltwin]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

Please help me. I have been legally separated from my husband for over 3 years. We have 3 children together. The oldest is 19 and moved out and doing well. I have a 17 year old son and a 6 year old daughter also. My son started to become very disrespectful, rebelious ect after his father left. He got in trouble twice, once of fighting, and then once for breaking into a place with friends and damaging the property and removing things. He had just turned 16 and was sentenced in adult court. He was put on probation, told to attend school and get a job. He refused to do either of those. He broke all my rules, basically running my house while I was at work, and he skipped school. He stole money from me regularly, and would get irrate when I asked him about it. The courts revolked his probation and put him in jail for 28 days the original charges. I let him stay there. When he was released, he did very good for about 2 weeks. I even went out of my way to convince the high school that he was working on doing things right. He didn't though. He stole more then $1000.00 from me from a spot I saved change and bills for vacation. I put a pad lock on my bedroom door, to avoid it (since he always denied doing it.) He simply broke into my bedroom window to get to it after that. There are many other incidents of things he's done, repeated threats, ultimatums, beggings everything, to convince him just get up and do something besides eat, sleep, smoke, steel and hang out. My threats become empty, so I gave him one more, and told him if he didn't get a job (he wasn't allowed back to school by then), within a month, I would pack up his stuff and he would go live with his father. His father and him never were close. His father doesn't pay any child support either. He is "self employed" and any income statement local authorities would get, would be false, as he doesn't report income. Anyway, my son didn't change, and I had his father come and pick up my son's nicely packed belongings and take them to his house. My son didn't come home the day he was suppose to 'move' to his dads. Several days later he called to ask if he could have some money to go to the races. I told him, he lives with his father now, to ask him. I tried to guide him for over 2 years on my own, and now its his fathers turn. That didnt last, they argued several days later, my son left and moved in at is 15 year olds parents house. He had them convinced he was abandoned by his family. They are now, trying to get him dss help, and told me I have to take him home. How can I protect myself, my 6 year old, and my fiance` from having him move back in? I am willing to help him get a place and things like that. I just don't know what to do. any advice, morally, or legal would be greatly appreciated!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

Please help me. I have been legally separated from my husband for over 3 years. We have 3 children together. The oldest is 19 and moved out and doing well. I have a 17 year old son and a 6 year old daughter also. My son started to become very disrespectful, rebelious ect after his father left. He got in trouble twice, once of fighting, and then once for breaking into a place with friends and damaging the property and removing things. He had just turned 16 and was sentenced in adult court. He was put on probation, told to attend school and get a job. He refused to do either of those. He broke all my rules, basically running my house while I was at work, and he skipped school. He stole money from me regularly, and would get irrate when I asked him about it. The courts revolked his probation and put him in jail for 28 days the original charges. I let him stay there. When he was released, he did very good for about 2 weeks. I even went out of my way to convince the high school that he was working on doing things right. He didn't though. He stole more then $1000.00 from me from a spot I saved change and bills for vacation. I put a pad lock on my bedroom door, to avoid it (since he always denied doing it.) He simply broke into my bedroom window to get to it after that. There are many other incidents of things he's done, repeated threats, ultimatums, beggings everything, to convince him just get up and do something besides eat, sleep, smoke, steel and hang out. My threats become empty, so I gave him one more, and told him if he didn't get a job (he wasn't allowed back to school by then), within a month, I would pack up his stuff and he would go live with his father. His father and him never were close. His father doesn't pay any child support either. He is "self employed" and any income statement local authorities would get, would be false, as he doesn't report income. Anyway, my son didn't change, and I had his father come and pick up my son's nicely packed belongings and take them to his house. My son didn't come home the day he was suppose to 'move' to his dads. Several days later he called to ask if he could have some money to go to the races. I told him, he lives with his father now, to ask him. I tried to guide him for over 2 years on my own, and now its his fathers turn. That didnt last, they argued several days later, my son left and moved in at is 15 year olds parents house. He had them convinced he was abandoned by his family. They are now, trying to get him dss help, and told me I have to take him home. How can I protect myself, my 6 year old, and my fiance` from having him move back in? I am willing to help him get a place and things like that. I just don't know what to do. any advice, morally, or legal would be greatly appreciated!

My response:

Sounds like you'd definitely be a candidate for my patented, and copyrighted, "Brazil Method."

Want to know more?

IAAL

 

[Happy Trails]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

Please help me. I have been legally separated from my husband for over 3 years. We have 3 children together. The oldest is 19 and moved out and doing well. I have a 17 year old son and a 6 year old daughter also. My son started to become very disrespectful, rebelious ect after his father left. He got in trouble twice, once of fighting, and then once for breaking into a place with friends and damaging the property and removing things. He had just turned 16 and was sentenced in adult court. He was put on probation, told to attend school and get a job. He refused to do either of those. He broke all my rules, basically running my house while I was at work, and he skipped school. He stole money from me regularly, and would get irrate when I asked him about it. The courts revolked his probation and put him in jail for 28 days the original charges. I let him stay there. When he was released, he did very good for about 2 weeks. I even went out of my way to convince the high school that he was working on doing things right. He didn't though. He stole more then $1000.00 from me from a spot I saved change and bills for vacation. I put a pad lock on my bedroom door, to avoid it (since he always denied doing it.) He simply broke into my bedroom window to get to it after that. There are many other incidents of things he's done, repeated threats, ultimatums, beggings everything, to convince him just get up and do something besides eat, sleep, smoke, steel and hang out. My threats become empty, so I gave him one more, and told him if he didn't get a job (he wasn't allowed back to school by then), within a month, I would pack up his stuff and he would go live with his father. His father and him never were close. His father doesn't pay any child support either. He is "self employed" and any income statement local authorities would get, would be false, as he doesn't report income. Anyway, my son didn't change, and I had his father come and pick up my son's nicely packed belongings and take them to his house. My son didn't come home the day he was suppose to 'move' to his dads. Several days later he called to ask if he could have some money to go to the races. I told him, he lives with his father now, to ask him. I tried to guide him for over 2 years on my own, and now its his fathers turn. That didnt last, they argued several days later, my son left and moved in at is 15 year olds parents house. He had them convinced he was abandoned by his family. They are now, trying to get him dss help, and told me I have to take him home. How can I protect myself, my 6 year old, and my fiance` from having him move back in? I am willing to help him get a place and things like that. I just don't know what to do. any advice, morally, or legal would be greatly appreciated!

How much longer until he turns 18?

Well, you are legally responsible for him until he is an adult. It's unfortunate the father isn't taking a more active roll in this.

Emancipation could be an option if everybody agreed, however it is unlikely to get approved by a Judge since your son isn't self-supporting.

Have you tried any kind of counseling?

 

[oneliltwin]

How much longer until he turns 18?

Well, you are legally responsible for him until he is an adult. It's unfortunate the father isn't taking a more active roll in this.

Emancipation could be an option if everybody agreed, however it is unlikely to get approved by a Judge since your son isn't self-supporting.

Have you tried any kind of counseling?

Jan 14, He will 18. Is his father responsible as well? since there are no court orders, we both still "share" custody. and his father's was his last place of residence. (or his girlfriends parents) Yes, he's had counseling, through the probation a few times, a mediation expert from the fighting at school, and also school counseling. He's pretty good at convincing them that he is good, and sorry, and is going to do better etc.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Did you report his theft to the police?

 

[oneliltwin]

No, I didn't. I had told the courts about the smaller times he stole, along with the probation violations. With this last time, when he took the larger amount, it was a little here, and alittle there. My "jug" that i toss my savings in, is hidden in a corner between furniture, I never pulled it out, I would just drop money into it. I pulled it out one day to count it, and seen there were only pennies left. When I threatened to make him go to his father's, I had also threatened to press charges. I asked several local authorities about it, and was told that since I didn't have proof it was him, there was really nothing they could do.

 

[Happy Trails]

Jan 14, He will 18. Is his father responsible as well? since there are no court orders, we both still "share" custody. and his father's was his last place of residence. (or his girlfriends parents) Yes, he's had counseling, through the probation a few times, a mediation expert from the fighting at school, and also school counseling. He's pretty good at convincing them that he is good, and sorry, and is going to do better etc.

Yes, of course the father is also responsible.

Can you and dad get together and try to figure out a solution?

Less than five months to go....

 

[oneliltwin]

I've tried the route too. His father says things like "what do you want me to do?" "let him do it himself, he's a big boy" ... the separation was my idea, another story in its own, but basically, his father isnt supportive in anything that cost money or time. I do want to help my son, but I really don't want him to think these last few weeks have only been a threat, and have him come back home, to return to how it was. There are several local job corp campuses here. I had him talked into doing that, until he found a girlfriend. Now, he wont hear of it.

 

[Happy Trails]

I've tried the route too. His father says things like "what do you want me to do?" "let him do it himself, he's a big boy" ... the separation was my idea, another story in its own, but basically, his father isnt supportive in anything that cost money or time. I do want to help my son, but I really don't want him to think these last few weeks have only been a threat, and have him come back home, to return to how it was. There are several local job corp campuses here. I had him talked into doing that, until he found a girlfriend. Now, he wont hear of it.

Too bad, that would have been a good place for him to learn about responsibilty.

Where is he getting his money now? Not letting him get his hands on any from you or dad could be a good motivator.

 

[oneliltwin]

I quit giving him money a long time ago. His father has never given him money, mostly because he never has it either. When son moved into g/f's parents house, they let him stay in a small apartment over the garage. after several days, the g/f father let him work with him, and son got another job at a grocery store. He's lost the store job, due to his temper though. The g/f's father wants son to move out before his daughter goes back to school, so there isnt the big talk, about how her dad lets her boyfriend live with her. I know my son very well, and i know the only reason he started to work, was to empress the father, to get to the daughter. He put on a lovely show. But, the cat is out of the bag now, and son has to move out of there, and has no license to get to the job with the g/f's dad now.

 

[Happy Trails]

I quit giving him money a long time ago. His father has never given him money, mostly because he never has it either. When son moved into g/f's parents house, they let him stay in a small apartment over the garage. after several days, the g/f father let him work with him, and son got another job at a grocery store. He's lost the store job, due to his temper though. The g/f's father wants son to move out before his daughter goes back to school, so there isnt the big talk, about how her dad lets her boyfriend live with her. I know my son very well, and i know the only reason he started to work, was to empress the father, to get to the daughter. He put on a lovely show. But, the cat is out of the bag now, and son has to move out of there, and has no license to get to the job with the g/f's dad now.

Ahhh, the job corp idea may start sounding better and better to him.

Otherwise, IAAL's "Brazil Method" is always an option.

 

[oneliltwin]

ok, lol.. what is that method, and how do I read about it? I am willing to do anything at this point. 5 months is such a short time....... yet, so very long.

 

[Happy Trails]

ok, lol.. what is that method, and how do I read about it? I am willing to do anything at this point. 5 months is such a short time....... yet, so very long.

Either he'll be back to answer you or you can run a "Forum" search for it.

I stress the "Forum", because I made the mistake and "Googled" it. I ended up reading a very long play or something like that.

 

[oneliltwin]

My response:

Sounds like you'd definitely be a candidate for my patented, and copyrighted, "Brazil Method."

Want to know more?

IAAL

yes, please! I am at my wit's end! lol

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

It's relatively cheap, by comparison to other methods, and works like a charm!

ok, lol.. what is that method, and how do I read about it? I am willing to do anything at this point. 5 months is such a short time....... yet, so very long.

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen - - It's time, once again, for our favorite Soap Opera, "Castenets Time In Brazil"!!


This is really very simple.

You tell him, that in 1 month, you're both going on a "son/father/mother vacation" to Brazil. How fun! You tell him that you're all going to take in the sights and local culture - - for a change of atmosphere and to get his mind off things for a couple of weeks. That's the story you tell him.

Then, you take yourself and him to get your pictures taken for your Passports.

Then, after you get your Passports, you buy two tickets to Brazil - - a round trip ticket for you and hubby, and a one-way ticket for the kid (starting to get the picture?).

You all fly to Brazil.

You get into a cab from the airport and go to the hotel where you've previously made room arrangements.

You get to the hotel and get to your rooms, but do not unpack your bags!

After getting him settled into his room, you take his Passport without letting him see you. You then tell him you're going to the gift shop for a magazine.

However, the reality is that you're going to the front desk with an envelope. In the envelope is two hundred dollars in Brazilian money, and your note to him - -

"Dear Sweety Pie:
So, you think you're old enough to dislike me and Dad, and to give us continual trouble? Then you're old enough to take care of yourself. I hope you like your new home and country. New languages are fun to learn, aren't they? Here's $200.00 to get you started in life. Don't waste it. Love, Mom and Dad."

Have the hotel clerk deliver the envelope to his room.

Then, you turn on your heels, take your bags out of the hotel, hail a cab, and get back to the airport. Fly home.

Let Brazil take care of him.

IAAL

=====================

NOTE: You may snicker about it now, but I guarantee that you'll be thinking about this method and how it really is the answer to your "problem child." The simplicity is beautiful, and the execution couldn't be better.

Garbage needs to be thrown away. Do it today!