Emancipation Help & Advice? (New Jersey)

[Ghalati]

Hello there. As the title of this thread suggests, I am looking for a bit of advice on how I should go about becoming officially emancipated. First, I'll supply you with a brief back story leading up to this point in time. Granted, it will not cover every aspect of my life, because, well, I don't think you'd want to read through page after page of events that have little or nothing to do with what I am trying to accomplish. Anyway, here we go.

I am a 17 year old male-to-female transsexual living in New Jersey. Neither of my parents support the idea that I am transsexual, and have basically sent me to psychologists and psychiatrists to whom they have been assured that they would "change my mind". I obviously have not transitioned, nor have I really done anything physically to prepare for the lifelong endeavor of becoming a passable female. If I had the choice, I would have chosen to transition years ago.

In the past year or so, I have not been attending school regularly. The daily stress of school, my personal stress with my body, plus the (in my opinion) unnecessary home stress have been too much for me to handle; so unfortunately my schoolwork suffered. It isn't that I cannot handle stress, but more because I have been overwhelmed by it, with absolutely no escape from it, or even a way to vent. I firmly believe that if one of these stresses are eliminated or reduced, I would be able to function fine. Emancipation is one of my only viable options left.

In regards to the stress at home, I cannot adequately convey the scale of it. The majority of my stress comes from my home life and my parents. Neither of them are working, or have been working in the past year and a half. They both do drugs (cocaine and prescription pain killers), are asleep 70% of the time, and barely ever leave their room (my mom is the exception there; she does laundry, runs the dishwasher, and makes one meal a day). Our home is in foreclosure, and my mom was just let out of jail (she was arrested because she missed her court date for multiple problems, including over $100,000 debt, and forging checks to try and cash). My home life has not been easy, but please understand, I am not trying to cast the blame solely on my parents. There are numerous other factors that tie in here.

In essence, this is my plan: Take the test for my GED and pass (easy to do); get a full time job (still easy; I found a place that will hire me and is right up the road); make enough money to move out of here and get to some of my friends (and my uncle ^_^) in California; stay there a year to establish residency; attend University of California: Davis to become a veterinarian.

There are a couple of scenarios that will likely happen. My father may commit to what he has been saying for a while, and throw me out of the house. The other possibility is that he might let me stay here and earn up the money, but when I try to move out, fight me legally as I attempt to leave his control. If my father throws me out of the house, does that aid my case on being emancipated? What can I do if he fights me legally? Is there any other advice that you can offer?

More information can be provided if it is needed.

Thank you!

(P.S. I also realize that New Jersey doesn't really have an emancipation law, so I'd have to go elsewhere for that. I also understand that I need to be completely self-sufficient. That should not be too hard, as my parents are only providing me with the basic needs as of right now; food, shelter, and clothing. In fact, I am using our neighbor's internet access to post this.)

 

[stealth2]

Son, I'm afraid you need a dose of reality. I know this will sound harsh to you, but I'm running out the door to get to work so don't have time to mince words.

While it certainly sounds like you have a fair amount of stress in your life, being out on your own and totally responsible for yourself is even more stressful.

If your parents don't agree to your being on your own - it is not going to happen before you turn 18. It just isn't. You may be better off seeing if your uncle would talk to them about having you move out to CA and allow him to be your guardian.

Vet school with a GED - is simply not going to happen, hon. The competition to get into a vet program is incredibly fierce. Unless you are off the charts in your undergrad, you're not going to be accepted. Add in your stress issues and, frankly, your identity issues - no vet school is going to take you as they know how stressful the program is. I appreciate your ambition, but I think you need to be realistic.

You've got only one more year to tough it out, and then you're free to do as you like. Knuckle down and get your diploma (frankly - you're better off getting a real HS one instead of a GED). If you can get your grades up there, NJ has the NJ STARS program that will provide for free in-state tuition. Go back to your HS and ask to speak with a guidance counselor.

 

[Ghalati]

Thanks for your swift response stealth2!

I completely understand where you are coming from, and in many respects, agree with what you are saying. Getting back into high school just doesn't seem like an option though, as I have missed too many days to get credit for this year. I've spoken to my guidance counselor, and told her I'd like to come back to school. She basically told me that I could, but I would have to repeat the year anyway. I've gotten myself into a bad position there.

From the limited veterinary school research I've done, I understand it as that your high school diploma really doesn't matter once you get through the undergraduate program (which I believe can be done anywhere, as long as your major is in a type of science and specific classes are taken). I believe that your grades as an undergraduate, and the national exam that is taken to get into a graduate veterinary school is what matters there. I could be very wrong though, because as I said, I have done limited research on the subject. I don't view becoming a vet as too ambitious; it is my goal, and I will attain it ^_^.

What would happen if my dad does indeed kick me out of the house as he has continued to threaten? Would emancipation be possible at that point? Because it would certainly seem that he would be agreeing to me being on my own if I am removed from my home. He might even agree to have me emancipated once I save up enough money. I'm just making assumptions.

Thanks again for your help.

 

[cbg]

Do you understand that in order to be emancipated, you have to be able to demonstrate that you are able to support yourself 100%, RIGHT NOW, without the help of anyone? That means you can't go into court and say, well, I'm going to get a job; It means you have to be able to say, I have a job making $xx.xx per hour; my take home income is $xxx.xx per week of which x amount goes to rent; x amount for utilities etc. You have to factor your uncle right out of the equation, because what if he lost his job, was injured and couldn't work, etc.; you can't be relying on him. Emancipation means that YOU are able to completely care for yourself - if you have to depend on someone else for support, by definition that's not emancipation.

If you are already having trouble dealing with the stress in your life, emancipation isn't going to make it easier; it's going to make it worse.

When you are 18, you can walk out the door and never look back. Can't you tough it out that much longer?

 

[Ghalati]

Yes, I do indeed understand that I need to be able to support myself on my own. Hence why I posted this ^_~:

I also understand that I need to be completely self-sufficient.

I'm not planning on leaving right now anyway, and it very well might take until I am 18 to become completely self-sufficient. Then again, I'm being told again to find a new place to live. My father spent a good half hour insulting me, telling me how I am the cause of all of his problems. I asked him nicely to stop twice, and finally I told him to "shut up". Now I'm being told to find a new place to stay.

Bringing up my uncle was actually a mistake. I haven't spoken to him in well over a year, and as far as I know, he is still in college (he went back to study something else).

Now that the situation has changed... again... I have a new question. If my father does kick me out of the house, does that change anything? What can I do legally?

Thank you again for your time ^_^.

 

[notsmartmark]

Hello,

It's nice to see a youth (or adult) who posts on this board who has excellent writing skills. My concern for you is about the vision you must have regarding moving out and all of the unintended outcomes of that choice. If current stressors are impacting your progress towards graduation, moving out might reduce some, but other stressors will be waiting to take their place.

But, if you and your parents are not going to report you as missing or as a runaway, nothing, most likely, will happen to you. In my district we have large number of youth who are in the situation you are considering entering. There are success stories, but I've never heard a youth who would describe it as easy. Plus, there are large groups of individuals waiting in most communities who will try to exploit you. I suggest that you look for another family who will agree to take you so that you can graduate with a diploma.

Given your demonstrated insight, I hope you do significant research and have a solid plan in place before you take this very large step. There are staff in most districts whose focus is largely or solely on youth in this situation, and these staff members could provide you invaluable information. Please enter into this with as much trepidation as you can muster.