Mothers right to circumcise?

[Interestedeyes]

I'm in New Hampshire. Here is my dilemma...
I had my first child 5 weeks ago. The father and I both strongly disagreed on whether or not to circumcise our son. It is very important to me to have it done as I just lost my grandfather 5 months ago to penile cancer specifically due to not being circumcised. So needless to say this is a sensitive issue for me. The father of my child's arguments were that he wanted his son to "look like him" and that he wanted him to enjoy sex when he got older.
Apparently the common practice in NH is that a doctor typically will not perform the procedure if the parents are in disagreement. So he wins by default.
I'm wondering if there is anything I can do to fight this? I've tried contacting numerous Drs offices and nobody will get back to me.
As his mother I feel like I should be able to do something. I feel so defeated. I cry often when I think that my right to do best by my son was taken away from me.
Any information or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Amanda

 

[Interestedeyes]

Also...

May I also add that the father and I are no longer together. We are not now nor have we ever been married.

 

[cbg]

Has he been declared the father, legally?

 

[Zigner]

You can't force a doctor to do an elective surgery.

 

[drruthless]

a snip here a snip there...Gitter done now.

I'm in New Hampshire. Here is my dilemma...
I had my first child 5 weeks ago. The father and I both strongly disagreed on whether or not to circumcise our son. It is very important to me to have it done as I just lost my grandfather 5 months ago to penile cancer specifically due to not being circumcised. So needless to say this is a sensitive issue for me. The father of my child's arguments were that he wanted his son to "look like him" and that he wanted him to enjoy sex when he got older.
Apparently the common practice in NH is that a doctor typically will not perform the procedure if the parents are in disagreement. So he wins by default.
I'm wondering if there is anything I can do to fight this? I've tried contacting numerous Drs offices and nobody will get back to me.
As his mother I feel like I should be able to do something. I feel so defeated. I cry often when I think that my right to do best by my son was taken away from me.
Any information or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Amanda

Tell the sperm donator that good hygiene and all that goes with it trumps his "I want it to feel good for him while looking like me" to take a hike your son will thank you for having it done sooner and will probably want to give his father a knuckle sandwich if he has it done later..
Have you considered going to Vermont?

 

[Ohiogal]

Tell the sperm donator that good hygiene and all that goes with it trumps his "I want it to feel good for him while looking like me" to take a hike your son will thank you for having it done sooner and will probably want to give his father a knuckle sandwich if he has it done later..
Have you considered going to Vermont?

Really? Sperm donator? There have been studies done saying circumcision is not necessary. It is an elective surgery. You can be mad or glad but you quite frankly are out of line.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm in New Hampshire. Here is my dilemma...
I had my first child 5 weeks ago. The father and I both strongly disagreed on whether or not to circumcise our son. It is very important to me to have it done as I just lost my grandfather 5 months ago to penile cancer specifically due to not being circumcised. So needless to say this is a sensitive issue for me. The father of my child's arguments were that he wanted his son to "look like him" and that he wanted him to enjoy sex when he got older.
Apparently the common practice in NH is that a doctor typically will not perform the procedure if the parents are in disagreement. So he wins by default.
I'm wondering if there is anything I can do to fight this? I've tried contacting numerous Drs offices and nobody will get back to me.
As his mother I feel like I should be able to do something. I feel so defeated. I cry often when I think that my right to do best by my son was taken away from me.
Any information or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Amanda

So is he on the birth certificate -- which means you signed an affidavit of paternity when the child was born? Why wasn't it done at birth prior to the AOP being signed?

 

[stealth2]

My oldest (assigned male at birth) wasn't circumcised. Good hygiene has helped ensure no issue to now. It was a joint decision between Dad and I (he was circumcised as an older child). Overall, I think Dad should have final say on this sort of decision w/a boy, and Mom should have it in similar w/a girl, i.e. the pill, gardasil (sp?i), etc. While I understand your emotional reaction, OP, it is YOUR reaction and one YOU need to deal with, personally (i.e. perhaps with a good therapist).

 

[Proserpina]

Tell the sperm donator that good hygiene and all that goes with it trumps his "I want it to feel good for him while looking like me" to take a hike your son will thank you for having it done sooner and will probably want to give his father a knuckle sandwich if he has it done later..
Have you considered going to Vermont?

You're out of line. Knock it off. NOW.

 

[Shadowbunny]

OP, read this article from the American Cancer Society, which states in part: "In the past, circumcision (removing the foreskin on the penis) has been suggested as a way to lower penile cancer risk. This was based on studies that reported much lower penile cancer rates among circumcised men than among uncircumcised men. But in some studies, the protective effect of circumcision was no longer seen after factors like smegma and phimosis were taken into account."

Read the full article here: http://www.cancer.org/cancer/penilecancer/detailedguide/penile-cancer-prevention

 

[cbg]

My question, which was echoed by OG, has not yet been answered. Has he been legally declared the father, either by signing an acknowledgement of paternity, by the court, or by whatever is the appropriate means in New Hampshire?

I'm asking for a reason.

(and yes, DrR, you are out of line.)

 

[davew128]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1cfLR-5mco
Because it needs to be said.

 

[commentator]

Hilarious video, by the way.

I don't think this is a hill to die on. Seriously, if you're crying, walking the floor, agonizing, etc. over this issue, there may be some post partum depression involved. And prepare yourself. Because you are going to have a lot more of that to do during the next 18 years or so, and perhaps you are over reacting a little here, not unlikely because of the penile cancer issue. Read the reassuring research.

But answer Ohio's questions, too. we might as well begin to straighten this out for you, because the father's reasons for not wanting this done sort of stink(!) and it sounds like the beginning of a long unhappy series of things he's going to fight you about concerning your mutual child. You need to know right here at the beginning how much control, say authority this guy is going legally have, apart from what he is going to try to exercise.

But when my son was about to be "done" I expressed some questions, and my pediatrician said "Better now than when he's eighteen!" and we went on through with it, with no repercussions. I had heard of some circumcision "accidents" which made me a little leery of the process. I have never personally known of anyone who had such an accident. But you know, I have known about three or four little boys (and one much bigger boy) who had to have the procedure when they were older, and in each case, it was very traumatic, and they were embarrassed and very frustrated that their families had not had this done when they were born. It is so common these days that people who are not circumcised are sometimes embarrassed by the fact that they don't look like everybody else in the shower room, another issue. But I think this guy is a complete idiot with the "I want him to look like me!" (Really?) and "I want him to enjoy sex" business. It's sort of like when we were in sex ed, and some girl asked, "Well, if a boy is circumcised, it means he can't get you pregnant, right?" Yeah, and they don't enjoy sex, either.

 

[ajkroy]

Newborn circumcision has been advised against by the American Association of Pediatricians since 1999, after 40 years of research. Now, roughly half the boys aren't...so the locker room should be pretty divided (taking regions and religions into account).

My job used to be to hold babies during the procedure. It is nothing short of barbaric. And that was one of the biggest influences in deciding to leave my own son intact.

 

[commentator]

I found just about as much"for" as "against" on the research about circumcision. But I had heard some medical people talking about doing it and frankly, it worried me at the time, which was long long ago

As I said, no repercussions with my kids. And I hate to think this OP is walking the floor and very very upset about it. Done or undone, it's not a hill to die on. But this OP needs to be figuring out some very basic things about her "right to do best by her baby son."