Procedure followed?

[jlarnold]

What is the name of your state? KS

My 15 yr old daughter was arrested and charged with possession of pot at about midnight one night in March. She was spending the night at her friends and her mother allowed them to go to a teen center where this all started. Without going into a lot of details, one thing lead to another and she was in a car with three other friends and was stopped and eventually searched. My question is this.....before they took her to the detention center, they took her to a hospital to be checked to make sure she wasn't ill or anything. I was not called by the police letting me know that they had my daughter at all. In fact, I was not called until she got to the detention center almost 3 hours later. This really bothers me, it just doesn't seem right that they can have her in custody and not even call me. According to my daughter, one cop asked the female cop that was taking my daughter if she was going to call me and she told him that the last person she felt like dealing with was an irate mother. I know this may seem insignificant but I keep picturing my daughter handcuffed for 3 hours and no attempts are made to call me. You can believe this or not but she has never been in any trouble ever...end of story. Anyone??

 

[Bretagne]

Why do you think the cops had a duty to call you?

 

[CdwJava]

Unless your state's law mandates that an officer call you immediately, it likely allows for a great deal of flexibility as to when you are notified. In my case, I might not notify a parent until the child has been booked at Juvenile Hall. On the other hand, I might call right away. It really depends on the circumstances and what I hope to accomplish with the call.

The officer's concern about dealing with an irate parent is a valid one. He or she might not only have to deal with the kid, but they might then have to deal with a parent insisting their little darling did nothing wrong, or, deal with an irate parent trying to kick the crud out of their little darling for doing the bad act. In either event, the officer doesn't need that drama while he or she is dealing with a kid.

- Carl

 

[jlarnold]

Why do you think the cops had a duty to call you?

Why on earth would you ask this question? Because she is my daughter!! I realize that each case is different but we are talking about a young girl who to my knowledge was safe and secure at my ex-friend(I am no longer considering her my friend) of 30 years home. I am not in denial that she did no wrong. Believe me, she is the youngest of 5 and though I've been pretty lucky, I am not the type of mother who thinks her child can do no wrong. There are always exceptions to the rule**************...she has never been in any kind of trouble, she has been homeschooled her entire life and has never been allowed to be out running around. She knows that she made the choice to do what she did and now she has to suffer the consequences. I have always taught my kids that throughout life you have choices to make. if you screw up, well then, there is a price to pay. Your attitude suggests that I have no rights to know that my child is in custody.

 

[Bretagne]

I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just sincerly curious if you heard a rumor about the duty officers have to contact the parents of minors. I mean, at some point in time the parents have to get notified--oftentimes not until the child has been locked down in a juvenile facility. So it's a grey area. The parents (usually) have a right to be notified of their children's alleged criminal activities, but how prompt that notification must be is a very grey area.

See Carl's post. He's the expert, and he answered your question.

 

[Silverplum]

I would've asked the same q, and I wouldn't have been as *nice* as you about it, Bretagne!

I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just sincerly curious if you heard a rumor about the duty officers have to contact the parents of minors. I mean, at some point in time the parents have to get notified--oftentimes not until the child has been locked down in a juvenile facility. So it's a grey area. The parents (usually) have a right to be notified of their children's alleged criminal activities, but how prompt that notification must be is a very grey area.

See Carl's post. He's the expert, and he answered your question.

 

[jlarnold]

I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just sincerly curious if you heard a rumor about the duty officers have to contact the parents of minors. I mean, at some point in time the parents have to get notified--oftentimes not until the child has been locked down in a juvenile facility. So it's a grey area. The parents (usually) have a right to be notified of their children's alleged criminal activities, but how prompt that notification must be is a very grey area.

See Carl's post. He's the expert, and he answered your question.

Well, I guess my response to your question does sound a bit defensive and in all actuality, the fact that I wasn't called really doesn't matter. Never having a child arrested before, I was just surprised that I wasn't called promptly. The mother in me has a hard time with this picture in my head of her sitting in handcuffs for 3 hours. I actually don't know what the normal procedure in Kansas is for this and that is why I posted here.

 

[jlarnold]

Unless your state's law mandates that an officer call you immediately, it likely allows for a great deal of flexibility as to when you are notified. In my case, I might not notify a parent until the child has been booked at Juvenile Hall. On the other hand, I might call right away. It really depends on the circumstances and what I hope to accomplish with the call.

The officer's concern about dealing with an irate parent is a valid one. He or she might not only have to deal with the kid, but they might then have to deal with a parent insisting their little darling did nothing wrong, or, deal with an irate parent trying to kick the crud out of their little darling for doing the bad act. In either event, the officer doesn't need that drama while he or she is dealing with a kid.

- Carl

Thanks for the response

 

[jlarnold]

I would've asked the same q, and I wouldn't have been as *nice* as you about it, Bretagne!

It's really nice of you to defend your buddy but you really didn't contribute anything of value to this thread. Maybe there is another post you can respond to when you actually have something to say.

 

[CdwJava]

To illustrate my previous post, let me relate the summary of one such story some time back ...

We arrested little darling (13-year-old girl) for drinking in public. She was brought to the station where the officer was going to call the parents of the girl and her two friends (one other girl and a boy). Both the girls decided to kick, bite and head butt my officer and a deputy responding to assist. By this time, the girl's parents had been called. Mom shows up with dad and big sister. Dad starts to get confrontational at the door of the PD, big sister tries to push her way past me to get to her sister inside, and mom is screaming like a banshee.

I decide that all kids go to juvenile hall (I let the big sister go back with mom provided she get into the car and shut up immediately ... mom and dad drag her back).

What could have been real simple was further complicated by TWO screaming parents and a sibling. Hence the reason I often call when the final decision has been made, and sometimes not at all ... I'll let Juvenile Hall make the required notification.

- Carl

 

[AlanShore]

What is the name of your state? KS

My 15 yr old daughter was arrested and charged with possession of pot at about midnight one night in March. She was spending the night at her friends and her mother allowed them to go to a teen center where this all started. Without going into a lot of details, one thing lead to another and she was in a car with three other friends and was stopped and eventually searched. My question is this.....before they took her to the detention center, they took her to a hospital to be checked to make sure she wasn't ill or anything. I was not called by the police letting me know that they had my daughter at all. In fact, I was not called until she got to the detention center almost 3 hours later. This really bothers me, it just doesn't seem right that they can have her in custody and not even call me. According to my daughter, one cop asked the female cop that was taking my daughter if she was going to call me and she told him that the last person she felt like dealing with was an irate mother. I know this may seem insignificant but I keep picturing my daughter handcuffed for 3 hours and no attempts are made to call me. You can believe this or not but she has never been in any trouble ever...end of story. Anyone??

How much pot did she have on her? Must of been a little more then a joint.....not so much an angel anymore....and you clearly were missing something on her**************or maybe blinded by the idea that your daughter is an angel and can do no wrong (see it all the time, even with my own mom and sister, who was in more bad stuff yet my mom would never admit it till it got very serious, still does not really admit it).

The cops do not have to call you.

 

[jlarnold]

How much pot did she have on her? Must of been a little more then a joint.....not so much an angel anymore....and you clearly were missing something on her**************or maybe blinded by the idea that your daughter is an angel and can do no wrong (see it all the time, even with my own mom and sister, who was in more bad stuff yet my mom would never admit it till it got very serious, still does not really admit it).

The cops do not have to call you.

Why I feel the need to respond to this, I don't know. It's clear to me that I came to the wrong place to get a simple answer. Some of you seem so jaded by your experiences that you automatically group everyone and every situation into the same category. You don't know me or my daughter and do you even bother to read my previous posts? I never once stated that my daughter was an angel or that she was innocent. I merely said that she had never been in trouble before. I have four other kids ranging in ages from 22 to 31. I have had plenty of experience with teenagers!! My philosophy has always been "Never say never". I also believe that very few teenagers are angels and if you allow them to be in situations where they can screw up, they will. Thats what parenting is all about and what made this situation so difficult for our family. I trusted my friend of 30 years to supervise them that night and she clearly did not. Yes, my daughter screwed up and as I said, she's paying the price. I have done everything I can possibly do to keep her out of these kinds of situations until she has the maturity to make the right decisions and in one night, it was blown.