Restraining Order?

[AnnSawyer]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I live in Pennsylvania and I have a 14 year old daughter that won't stop talking to her 18 year old friend. I suspect that she's interested in him but he doesn't seem interested in her. I've threatened to take police action if they continue communication. She is not allowed on the phone, nor is she allowed to go anywhere but to school, but they still find a way to communicate.

I've heard that you cannot file a restraining order in Pennsylvania. Is this true? What can I do to stop further communication? She seems more eager to contact him than he is to contact her and he's not physically abusing her. What can I do?

 

[seniorjudge]

I doubt that you can get a restraining order against someone just because you don't like him or her.

I also doubt that you can get a restraining order since you have not said anyone is committing any crimes.

 

[AnnSawyer]

Thank you for your prompt response. Do you know of any other options I have? I have asked him repeatedly to discontinue contact with her and he has ignored my requests. Is this grounds for harassment charges?

 

[cbg]

SJ, does the fact that he is legally an adult and in contact with her much-younger minor daughter against the poster's wishes not give her SOME grounds for an RO?

 

[fairisfair]

the fact is, that she might well be ordered a restraining order, but NOT because that is what restraining orders are for. They are for persons who are truly in some sort of danger from another person, not for parents who don't want to deal with their hormonal teenage daughters. And we all wonder why police don't always take restraining orders as seriously as they should.

 

[fairisfair]

Um, block his number on your phone, change your phone number, limit the access that your daughter has to her computer and/or cell phone. Tell your daughter that she is not to contact him, place restrictions, have consequences. um, be a parent.

edited because apparently I forgot how to use the quote function. LOL

 

[AnnSawyer]

Currently, she is not allowed on the phone or computer at all, nor is she allowed to leave the house except for school. As I said before though, they still find a way to keep in contact. I have no problem being a parent but I feel I'm running out of options.

 

[Silverplum]

Currently, she is not allowed on the phone or computer at all, nor is she allowed to leave the house except for school. As I said before though, they still find a way to keep in contact. I have no problem being a parent but I feel I'm running out of options.

What ways do they find to keep in contact? Cut those off, too.

 

[AlanShore]

Thank you for your prompt response. Do you know of any other options I have? I have asked him repeatedly to discontinue contact with her and he has ignored my requests. Is this grounds for harassment charges?

How about disciplining your daughter more?

How do they contact each other if she has no means of communication. Just because you cant control your daughter does not mean you can go around trying to put a restraining order or harassment charges on those she talks to.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

Nice state. Like Punxytawny, Dubois, Brookville, North Huntingdon, and California. Pittsburgh is okay too.

I live in Pennsylvania and I have a 14 year old daughter that won't stop talking to her 18 year old friend.

So your daughter is doing something you don't like. She will not stop talking to HIM. It is HER that is doing wrong. So you need to control her. As others have said GROUND HER. How does she communicate with him if she doesn't have any way of getting in touch?

I suspect that she's interested in him but he doesn't seem interested in her.

Okay so he seems to be being mature about that because he is not interested in her. Do they attend the same school by any chance?

I've threatened to take police action if they continue communication.

Are you going to get a restraining order prohibiting your daughter from contacting him? You don't have standing to do that. 18 YO would have to do that. And it seems your daughter is the problem here.

She is not allowed on the phone, nor is she allowed to go anywhere but to school, but they still find a way to communicate.

Well then you need to make sure your daughter understands the seriousness of what she is doing. What exactly do you have against this guy other than the fact that he is male and 18?

I've heard that you cannot file a restraining order in Pennsylvania. Is this true? What can I do to stop further communication? She seems more eager to contact him than he is to contact her and he's not physically abusing her. What can I do?

YOu can ground your daughter or have a discussion with her about why she wants to be in contact with this guy. At that age there is something to be said about forbidden fruit. But it does not sound like this guy is doing anything illegal.

 

[AnnSawyer]

The situation is more difficult and complicated than that. Personally, I have met him and I don't have a problem with him. However, her father does and doesn't want them to communicate. Her father lives in New Jersey and is continually looking for reasons to take custody from me.

They do not attend the same school, he dropped out. I simply don't know how they've continued contact but when we threatened to contact the police to only her, his mother called and asked about it. This leads me to believe they've continued contact. There are a couple other cases that make me positive of their continued contact, but I'm unsure of how she's accomplishing it.

As I said, she's not allowed on the computer or on the phone. He is banned from going on school property. I know that she has not used the computer or the phone without my permission because the computer is password protected and I've checked the phone bill and she has not recieved any calls. Previously, she gave him money to buy a cell phone and they contacted that way. I confiscated it and suspect she has done it again, but I've searched and searched her room and her belongings and can't find it.

I'm a mother, and I can assure you that she's still in contact with him though she's successfully eluding me now. She's miserable and grounded right now and I don't want her to live like this, but I must be sure she won't contact him.

I asked if there was anything I can do legally, not for a critique of my parenting skills. I try to be a good parent and I don't see what I can do further at home. I have had talks with her and she seems responsive, and yet still communicates with him!

 

[Just Blue]

The situation is more difficult and complicated than that. Personally, I have met him and I don't have a problem with him. However, her father does and doesn't want them to communicate. Her father lives in New Jersey and is continually looking for reasons to take custody from me.

They do not attend the same school, he dropped out. I simply don't know how they've continued contact but when we threatened to contact the police to only her, his mother called and asked about it. This leads me to believe they've continued contact. There are a couple other cases that make me positive of their continued contact, but I'm unsure of how she's accomplishing it.

As I said, she's not allowed on the computer or on the phone. He is banned from going on school property. I know that she has not used the computer or the phone without my permission because the computer is password protected and I've checked the phone bill and she has not recieved any calls. Previously, she gave him money to buy a cell phone and they contacted that way. I confiscated it and suspect she has done it again, but I've searched and searched her room and her belongings and can't find it.

I'm a mother, and I can assure you that she's still in contact with him though she's successfully eluding me now. She's miserable and grounded right now and I don't want her to live like this, but I must be sure she won't contact him.

I asked if there was anything I can do legally, not for a critique of my parenting skills. I try to be a good parent and I don't see what I can do further at home. I have had talks with her and she seems responsive, and yet still communicates with him!

Ask her how she would like living in New Jersey...

 

[jlarnold]

I asked if there was anything I can do legally, not for a critique of my parenting skills. I try to be a good parent and I don't see what I can do further at home. I have had talks with her and she seems responsive, and yet still communicates with him!

I found from my own personal experience on this board that no matter what you say you are doing as a parent, you are wrong. You might not want to waste your time here. The name of this site should be youarearottenparent.com!!

 

[AnnSawyer]

I am doing everything I can to keep her with me because I don't want to lose my daughter. I also don't want to contact the police in case I have other options. I like the kid she's talking to. He's polite and I would let her talk to him if it were only up to me. But I have to consider her father's wishes as well. I thought if we could get a restraining order, it would deter them from communicating completely and she could go back to living her normal life. I can't keep her imprisoned forever which is my primary concern because the instant that I give her any freedom, she will contact him even more.

I'm came here through a google search to see what my other options were and figured I had nothing to lose.

 

[Just Blue]

I am doing everything I can to keep her with me because I don't want to lose my daughter. I also don't want to contact the police in case I have other options. I like the kid she's talking to. He's polite and I would let her talk to him if it were only up to me. But I have to consider her father's wishes as well. I thought if we could get a restraining order, it would deter them from communicating completely and she could go back to living her normal life. I can't keep her imprisoned forever which is my primary concern because the instant that I give her any freedom, she will contact him even more.

I'm came here through a google search to see what my other options were and figured I had nothing to lose.

No one is trying to say you are a bad parent...But your daughter is 14 and if you can not control her now, your in for a hell of a ride for the next few years. The 18 year old may be polite and nice...but you have told him that you don't want him communicating with your daughter and he is not abiding your wishes...So I think he is blowing smoke up your butt...

It is not appropriate for a 14 yo to have male "friends" that are 18...This is just asking for trouble!
Have you tried Family Counseling? Perhaps that would do you both some good...

Edit to add: As to jlarnold...S/He was given good advice and chose to see censure where none exsisted....you will find this to be true if you look at her/his thread.