Is there anything more to do?

[SoSadSoMad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

Long, long story....but I'll try.

My son is 17. He started acting different @ 13-14. I DID test for DRUGS, and he was positive. I am in recovery (24+ years), so he was predisposed and I saw the signs.

For the last 4 years, we've seen 20+ counselors, and he's been in 4 different inpatient facilities. He turns 18 in March.

He is (I think....) drug-free & alcohol-free. I add the (I think....) as he's very smart, has beaten tests in the past and is a master manipulator.

I have done everything I know to do. Counseling, rules, consequences, tough-love, inpatient, outpatient, intensive-outpatient, called the police (when he left without permission and when I caught him sneaking out.

We allowed him to get his license for 90 days clean. His grades were sub-par, and the consequences were no driving if they were not B or better (he's very smart). They were sub-par.

So - I realized yesterday that he has pierced his ear (without our permission).
I realized today that he's gotten a tattoo (without our permission).

In both instances, we forbid or said No - straight up.

We do not hem-haw, we are very specific in our values, rules, expectations, etc. However, he just can't, won't adhere to any rules, and is (and has been for a long, long while) a habitual and impulsive liar.

This road has been long and painful. I would 'love' for him to see the light, begin to mature and see the value in laws/rules/etc. It's not going to happen. He is angry, and blames 'me' for putting him in 4 centers.

He's never touched me, but has backed me into a corner. His anger (when using) and his choices did make me fearful. He's got pending charges for destruction of property (hole in wall in July).

He's already been in state custody for CINC - he threatened to kill his brother, and we were in family preservation therapy (thru SRS provided by DCCCA) and I reported it.

No counselor can reach him (now), no center has yet reached him (yet) and I'm down to 5 months until 18.

My questions:

1. Can I file for him to be emancipated or must he?

2. If he's placed on diversion for the criminal charge, must I support this AND be willing to keep him in our home past 18 (assuming the diversion will go beyond 18)?

3. Is there anything I can do about the piercing and tattooing? He will NOT share who did either; suggests he did it to himself (doubtful on the tattoo, possible on the piercing)?

4. Do you have any suggestions legally or beyond that might be different than what we've tried?

I did a bit of reading before I posted. I was looking to see if there was another situation like mine. For those who blame the parent(s) for kids gone wild - I blamed me/us too for a long while.

However, thru 7 years of extensive efforts, counseling, therapy, centers, love, tears, arguments, etc. I can sit here and tell you that sometimes a kid just goes south and blame is not a solution.

Thanks to anyone in advance and sorry for the long post.