What are the rights of an 18 year old still living at home?

[Ina Quandry]

What is the name of your state? Iowa

My 18 year old daughter got involved with a guy that I had serious issues with. She spent hours sending IM's and emails to this person. One day I decided to read these emails and IM's to see what was being discussed between them. She says I was invading her privacy and breaking the law. I can understand the privacy thing, even though she was living in my house, not paying rent, not working, the computer was mine, the internet service was mine, etc etc , but was it illegal?

 

[BL]

Nothing illegal or immoral , it's your computer in your home .

I mean , really , doesn't work , doesn't go to school , uses YOUR PC hours on end ( that YOU allow BTW ) , etc.

And 18 no less .

These kids these days " Think " the have everything over there Parents , even to the point of making them think they're stupid .

 

[xylene]

Without knowing more of what you did, there is the REMOTE possibility you commited a computer crime or violated the terms of use of a website / IM service. (For instance if you had used software to defeat security features or passwords in an illegal way.)

Given that your daughter is NOT a minor I would suggest a better approach would be to allow her to make her own mistakes on her own dime.

Please refrain from accessing your adult daughters email accounts, it is a very childish thing to do and that you have to ask is proof enough that you are apporaching this matter in the wrong way, IE not treating you daughter as an adult. That daughter acts as child is not a legal question.

 

[MyHouse]

May I suggest**************.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PauW75rzo5A

 

[Zigner]

And may I suggest a signed release/acknowledgment from your daughter that any usage of YOUR computer shall not be considered private and that she authorizes you to access any information stored on or passing through your computer, whether she is given notification or not.
Additionally, you need to have a statement when your computer boots that the user must accept, stating these same things.

 

[Silverplum]

If the kid wants to be free and independent, she can hit the road and BE free and independent. It's easy to squall when you're warm & fed indoors and even have internet service...

OTOH, Mom, she's 18. She's gonna get into whatever emotional entanglements she chooses, and having you on her case is just going to -- can you guess? -- make the "bad" guy/s MORE attractive! Basic Teen-Psych 101.

 

[MyHouse]

I can't agree more...

That was good advice from Silverplum... about letting your daughter make her own mistakes about people... This is the truth! You really can't control this.

But if she is living in your house, you should be able to decide what the rules are. It doesn't matter if she is 18 or 42. Maybe she should get an apartment, her own computer, and pay for her own internet service.

 

[xylene]

And may I suggest a signed release/acknowledgment from your daughter that any usage of YOUR computer shall not be considered private and that she authorizes you to access any information stored on or passing through your computer, whether she is given notification or not.
Additionally, you need to have a statement when your computer boots that the user must accept, stating these same things.

This is not going to change the fact that mom has ZERO right to access her daughters email or IM transcripts that are stored on a mail server.

Mom can put all the key loggers and browser cache dumps she wants. Using that data to fraudulently access her ADULT daughters account is not a lawful act, and suggesting it is, is unhelpful from both a legal and parenting standpoint.

A more rational response would be to require a password at logon and not give the daughter this new password (aka prohibit her comp. usage.)

I would think that you would know better that the act of purchasing telecommunications services does not convey the rights of ownership to communications excuted on that medium. Think McFly, the daughter is an adult. If mom was just reading some crumbs left on her computer, fine. Mom can't lawfully access daughters account, even if she was able to uncover the passwords, anymore than finding a set of keys allows the key finder lawfull access to those locked doors. Putting up a notice does not change that, and realistically speaking it would imply guilt for previous trespasses...

Mom would be asking if she didn't have some sense of the problem. She can get into a urination contest with daughter over her computer trespass, or she can treat daughter as an adult, lock down the computer an find a plan for her to live as an adult.

 

[You Are Guilty]

Mom can't lawfully access daughters account, even if she was able to uncover the passwords, anymore than finding a set of keys allows the key finder lawfull access to those locked doors.

Bad analogy. Mom owns the computer and all the information on it. It's more akin to the daughter locking the door of her room... in Mom's house. Still think Mom can't enter (with or without "keys")?

 

[Zigner]

Read my reply again - I never said she could access an outside server using her daughter's info.
Most chat programs leave logs - and there are logging programs (not keyloggers) that will allow Mom to see anything that has been typed in to HER equipment.

 

[Ina Quandry]

I see the answers are somewhat split on whether what I did was illegal of immoral. But let me just add some things...

All my kids know that I will, (on occasion and if I feel it necessary), to check any accounts they may have to any web site. I know all their passwords. At the time that my daughter (also my oldest) was getting involved with this guy, she had only been 18 for four months. Granted, she was legally an adult in the US, yet not old enough to drink. I don't think that just because she turned "legal" age to be considered to be an adult by the world's view, meant that she was mature enough to be considered an adult by her parent. Nonetheless, if she was chatting with some man claiming to be something he wasn't and wanted to meet her in another state, what parent would stand by and say or do nothing??? This is not the case here, but it's similar. She was leaving in a few weeks for a two year job overseas (nonmilitary). So I didn't expect her to move out or even get a job.

The problem is that now...after a year and a half...she brings this up. I had no idea she was even upset about it! At the time, I had made copies of the emails and IM's and we had sat down and talked about what was in them. She agreed to stop communicating with him and she did...but now, she's saying that it was illegal and an invasion of privacy.

The way I see it, because she knew I checked emails from time to time, that wouldn't stop just because she turned into an adult according to the lawbooks. If she had her own computer and her own place, then by all means, things would have played out differently.

I'm sure that any of you that are parents, would do what you could to protect your child from harm. Life lessons are one thing, but when it comes to keeping them from being dragged into a cult, gang or sexual assault, I'm sure none of you would just stand by and give them their privacy.