Help to remove family members from mother's home

[Sallymay]

What is the name of your state? Alabama
My husband has power of attorney over his mother's affairs and has recently been asked by his mother to take over her financial & all other affairs as she is 79, bedridden with Parkinson's and unable to take care of herself. She allowed a half sister and her husband to move into her home temporarily as they had been evicted from their previous rental residence and needed a place to stay. This daughter has done this many times over the last few years. This is a second husband whom she met over the internet and who has turned into a nightmare! We know he has been in trouble with the law in Maine and other places and has come into my husband's mother's home to live off her. After we gathered all the financial affairs we have determined that they have forged checks, stolen many things from her home to sell and have lived off her meager Social Security & small retirement check. They have abused her by neglecting her - not even meeting her basic needs. They have lied over & over to her telling them they had jobs when they didn't and were planning on getting out. They have never payed any rent, nor monies toward utilities etc. In fact, when we took over they had run up credit cards to thousands of dollars, used her name to apply for everything under the sun and essentially left my husband and I with a mess. She has pleaded with them to vacate the premises and we have stepped in to help her. We can not afford to support them and care for her at the same time and we have given them every opportunity to help with finances and her care. In others opinions this falls under elderly exploitation and neglect which constitutes abuse. What legal rights do we have since this is not a landlord, tenant situation? We have given them 30 days to get out. Can we change locks and remove their items from the house if they do not comply. This has been a life style of this daughter's for years and unfortunately she has left her mother with nothing in assets but her home which has a large equity line that they ran up to the max until they ruined her credit. We are desperate to get them out so that we can adequately take care of her. They come & go as they please and will not even give her a drink of water nor offer her a meal. We appreciate any advice. This is my first time to post and I think I shouldn't have closed the thread. Sorry for the duplication!

[ecmst12]

Originally Posted by Sallymay

We have given them 30 days to get out. Can we change locks and remove their items from the house if they do not comply.

NO! You must evict them legally through the courts like any other landlord. You should consider hiring a lawyer to help with this as it seems you have enough on your hands already.

[Hot Topic]

Contact a lawyer that specializes in elder care immediately. You might also consider calling any agencies that deal with the elderly. There's a group called Visiting Nurses that will look after your mother, and the fact that an observer is there should be of some help.

Your mother-in-law is in bed. Why did you expect the half sister and her husband to care for her? Were you under the impression that one or both were nurses?

Does your mother-in-law also reside in Alabama? If so, I'm curious as to why you and your husband were not aware of the situation in her home before if he has Power of Attorney over her affairs (Legal? Health? End of Life?). It sounds like the legal and physical abuse has been going on for some time, and you seem very aware of what kind of people her "visitors" were and are.

No, you cannot lock the doors and put out their furniture.

[Sallymay]

We have certainly known of this daughter's problems over the years but have only recently moved back into the area to be close to my mother-n-law. My husband has tried to advise his mother that she needed to practice "tough love" and make this daughter stand on her own two feet. Even though she gave my husband "Power of Atty" several years ago, she has only recently asked for his help in getting this daughter out of the house and informed us that the neglect was going on. Just because we have known what kind of people they were did not give us the right to do anything until we became aware of the degree of financial exploitation and neglect. My mother-n-law has hidden this from my husband until she was backed into a wall financially and now that she is bedridden is unable to take care of the situation herself. We have never been close to this half sister as we have never lived close to her or his mother until recently. My husband's mother has always handled her own affairs, which is the way it should have been!

Her husband (my husband's step father) passed away 3 yrs ago and that is when the financial problems started. She was not bedridden until approximately 6 months ago. It was not our place to know her financial affairs until she asked for our help.

We are very well aware of all the kinds of care to get for my mother-n-law and already have an appointment with an attorney who represents the elderly. We are in contact with all the necessary people to set up care for her in her home along with us providing some of that care. It is her desire to remain in her home as long as she is able and we are trying to comply with her request. We were just asking if there was anyway to avoid a scene for his mother's sake in getting the daughter and her husband to move out as this is her desire now and she knows that financially she can't afford to continue to support them as she has done in the past. She is a very good hearted person and as I said never been able to say "no" to this daughter. Unfortunately, the daughter has used her financially and since we have only just become involved in her finances, we did not know to what extent. It was not our business before now and my husband's mother was of sound mind and still is. She just understands that now they have to get out in order for us to financially care for her as she knows if they stay and we provide her with financial help we are also supporting them. Also, she has only recently needed skilled nursing or any kind of nurses care. We most certainly know these people are not nurses!!!!

As far as our expectations of this daughter and her husband, we have none!! We do not expect nor want them to care for her and neither does my mother-n-law. We are simply trying to get them to move out for her. Since they are family, we were hoping there was a way without going through the courts so that my mother-n-law doesn't have to go through a scene. They are mad at her and my husband for trying to make them move and the reason is they no longer have access to her money. We were simply asking advice since this is not a typical landlord/tenant situation.

[mariner]

I found this post quite amusing. I am sorry if this isn't the answer that you are looking for, but here goes:
Your husband has been power of attorney for several years, but you state that his mother is of "sound mind". You also state that you don't expect the half sister to help out, but that is exactly what your first post seemed to be claiming. Best advise I can give as a registered nurse is to make sure you have all your facts straight before you talk to the lawyer.

Make sure you call the local senior alliance and have a caseworker assess the situation. Perhaps you have a one-sided opinion? Is there something that you feel that you might lose in this situation? Perhaps something financially? Your husband is the power of attorney. He should have a good hold on all the finances and watch the bank statements closely. If he hasn't been doing this, what good is it for him to be POA? Also, why did he become POA if she hides information? If your husbands mother want these people in her home, that is HER decision, not yours unless you can prove they are exploiting her. You can't have it both ways. Either your husband is going to POA or he isn't. From the original post it sounds like you just want these people out of your mother in laws home...and who cares how she met her second, third, or 10th husband? Being in trouble with the law is another situation, but not really your business. If they have done their time, then they have done their time. You really have a way with putting others down. Maybe you should take another look at your own life before you tear others down. Sorry if this is overly mean, but I feel there is more going on here than what we are being told.

[BlondiePB]

The POA can place a restraining order on the elder abusers. That should immediately terminate their tenancy.

[Hot Topic]

Experts recommend that you decide who you want to handle Power of Attorney for you when you're of sound mind and can discuss the pros and cons of assuming such a responsibility with that person.
You're incorrect, mariner, in assuming that there's something strange about that arrangement.

I can understand not wanting to make a scene that would upset the MIL more than she is, but had the OP and husband changed the locks and removed the "visitors" belongings, that's exactly what would have happened. What if the belongings had been stolen or damaged? Guess who would have been held responsible.

[Sallymay]

[quote=mariner;1701334]

You apparently did not read the first post thoroughly nor the second. As for POA it is very common for parents to draw up these documents ahead of time to be used when there is a need. My mother-n-law asked that my husband and me to help her at this time because she no longer has the physical ability (that is what bedridden means) nor the monies to pay her bills which are astronomical due to the exploitation by this daughter and her husband. She can't afford to hire help to remain in her home. She can't afford for this daughter & husband to reside with her and is her reason for asking my husband to exercise his POA and help her get them out of her home. This is her decision not mine nor my husbands!!!

As far as my opinion being one-sided, I have no opinion and do have the facts straight and was simply giving some background to the situation we are involved in. I posted on this site at my husband's request thinking that someone may have gone through the same thing and could share some real credible advice regarding this situation since it is not a typical landlord/tenant situation. That is, one who is paying rent under a binding agreement and live in a residence not belonging to a family member.

Incidentally we are spending our money to help her which you missed in the previous posts as she only has her SS and very small retirement check which is not enough for her to hire care so she can stay in her home which is modest and not of great value, but is hers and she loves it and wants to remain there until she meets her Father in Heaven! It is her only asset and has been mortgaged with an equity line that she can not even make the payments on at this time. My husband nor I have nothing to gain financially in this matter!!! We are financially secure and are simply able to help her in this time of need. My mother-n-law has pleaded for these family members to move out for months and she has decided it will not happen unless she puts them out legally. We are simply trying to approach it so as to keep the family intact and save her any anguish during the process as she still loves her child. We are simply helping her carry out this request. Due to her extreme limited mobility, she can not physically take the steps necessary to accomplish this without someone's help and my husband is the one she desires to help her and take over her affairs at this time.

By the way of course my husband has a hold on all her finances and statements and is keeping her totally informed making decisions together with her. This is called "trust" and "respect"!!!!! NOT EVERYONE WHO HAS POA HAS SOME UNDERHANDED INTENT FOR FINANCIAL GAIN!!!I assure you it simply does not exist here! There is no financial gain!!

As far as your idea of my expecting these family members to help out, you are way off base! My husband asked that they change their attitudes, get jobs, pay their way towards their own expenses if they planned to continue to live in my mother-n-law's home and do there share to care for her properly (meaning without neglect and expectations to use her monies) because that was what she asked us to do and was her last attempt to settle the matter lovingly without removing them from her home even though she knows and has been told by a case worker that it is wrong what they are doing to her and have done to her in the past and that they could be removed simply because it is considered abuse to not help provide her basic needs while they are living there, to unlawfully use her monies without her consent which really got out of control since she became bedridden and cut off their funds by asking my husband to take over her finances so that they did not have access any longer. Before she became disabled she has put them out for some of the same reasons, but gives in and allows them back in again when they come to her for help. As a nurse you should know that what that are doing and have done is emotional abuse which often times a mother overlooks sometimes unconsciously because she is driven by the desire that she can change her children and help get them back on what she believes is the right track. That is what I meant that she is so good hearted she has a hard time saying no. I simply stated the fact that they are not helping her out, can't help her financially, refuse to help her and the fact is they have destroyed her financially (her words not mine). She is the one who has had enough! My husband has been asked to carry out her wishes which requires that we help her financially and we absolutely do not expect anything!! There isn't anything left to expect financially and you would understand that if you had read the post thoroughly. We are Christians who honor our parents and that means taking care of them in their old age and time of need and.....AGAIN IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FINANCIAL GAIN!!!!!!!! IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH LOVE!!!!!

A case worker has assessed her situation and advised her to let the person who had POA for her to help her. The case worker also advised her and my husband to go to the local council on Aging for legal advise. My mother-n-law does not want them to face consequences if we reported them for abuse. As I said, we have only recently moved back close enough to observe this recent behavior for ourselves and was made aware of the extent of the financial exploitation only since she asked my husband for help. Bottom line here is it was indeed her choice and her decision to allow them to take advantage of her good heart which included financially ruining her. Now she is making a different choice and making a "tough love" decision that she was unable to make before. As far as what I meant by my husband's mother hiding things financial or otherwise.....THAT WAS BECAUSE OF A THING CALLED PRIDE......and she made a decision to keep it hidden also because of a thing called......HOPE.....HOPE that this daughter and her husband would come to the understanding on their own that she could no longer support herself and them, nor put up with their treatment of her, nor emotionally handle their attitudes to not work and support themselves, the stealing from her by the forging of checks and removing items from the home to pawn or sell without her consent which started after she cut off their funds (that is without her consent) and because as the case worker also confirmed they could easily get by with it since she became immobile and could not keep up with everything going on in her house, but started noticing things were missing including checks. She was well aware of what was going on in the past. She simply didn't have the heart to press charges of any kind against them. These are her words...NOT MY OPINION......!!!In fact, being a mother of two girls & 4 grandchildren I know this would be a difficult thing to do for any mother!!!And this IS my opinion.

Incidentally her hiding things out of pride has absolutely no bearing on my husband's agreement to be her POA! She asked him to help and he is doing it out of love, honor and respect. It would not matter to him what decisions his mother made or secrets she kept even if he thought they were wrong in regard to the situation that has unfolded. He will care for her now because it is the right thing to do, because she asked him to and because he is a decent loving human being and so am I and that is why we are trying to carry out her request without dismantling her relationship especially with her daughter. We want her last days to be free from emotional trauma, financial worries, family conflicts and a broken relationship with this daughter. Happiness, freedom from worries & unconditional love from her family is the only thing we wish for her last days.

I am presuming you still will be amused and I have given you far more information than you are entitled to, but simply put, we are not looking to amuse anyone, we are looking for help and credible advice from those who may have found themselves in similar situations; not to have to defend myself nor my husband to someone who doesn't know us and is the one who is opinionated and who chose to try to read between the lines chose to tear us down. You would have better serviced us by asking specific questions before you gave your response and as far as your statement about more going on here and your comment about me tearing others down; it simply isn't true. I presented absolute facts for background understanding. Our hope and prayer is to form a closer relationship with these family members in order to help them, not hurt them, but we cannot change the facts of what they have done. We can only try to help them by continuing to love them, and now that we live closer that may be possible, but they are still accountable as we all are for our choices.

You must do a lot of presuming which as a registered nurse I find amusing since you didn't care to ask questions for better clarity to help you give any advice that you might be qualified to give before posting an obvious opinion rather than credible, helpful advice. You are absolutely 100% right as far as we were not looking for your answer that indeed was overly mean and presumptuous.

For the sake of clarity for anyone who posts a reply in the future, we are looking for real answers based on real facts and are not looking for opinions!!!!!We do genuinely appreciate compassionate responses, positive support and credible advice for this situation and greatly appreciate those we have received so far. May you all have a blessed day!

[BlondiePB]

For the sake of clarity for anyone who posts a reply in the future, we are looking for real answers based on real facts and are not looking for opinions!!!!!We do genuinely appreciate compassionate responses, positive support and credible advice for this situation and greatly appreciate those we have received so far. May you all have a blessed day!

Did you miss MY reply above (#6)?

(Note: Posts that are not broken into smaller paragraphs, typically, are not read thoroughly.)

[LindaP777]

I'm very concerned about the forged checks and credit cards opened up in mom's name. Call the police & prosecutors office and see if there is enough evidence to make a case. Forgery is not something to take lightly!

And as Blondie suggested, get a restraining order on the abusers - that will get them out NOW!

[BlondiePB]

Originally Posted by LindaP777

I'm very concerned about the forged checks and credit cards opened up in mom's name. Call the police & prosecutors office and see if there is enough evidence to make a case. Forgery is not something to take lightly!

This stuff can be dealt with after removing the abusers, which is the first thing that needs to be done.

[Hot Topic]

As long as the half sister and her husband remain in the home, there's potential for them to continue the financial abuse. It should be a top priority since it may take some time to get them out and completely disentangled from the mother-in-law.

[Sallymay]

Originally Posted by BlondiePB

The POA can place a restraining order on the elder abusers. That should immediately terminate their tenancy.

I did not miss your post just didn't have time to reply after such a long reply to mariner. Thank you such much for your great advice. We already new it was possible to do this, but my mother-n-law still wants to see and have a relationship with these family members and it is for her sake that we are approaching it carefully. Either I or my husband are now with her 24-7 or have someone we trust there to protect her from any further abuse.

To LindaPP7 we absolutely have enough evidence to prosecute for forgery and credit card violation and we do not take it lightly especially since my husband and I are currently paying her bills, but we feel our first concern as BlondiePB and Hot Topic so eloquently stated is to remove them from her home, but we are attempting to do it without a scene. Believe me if it is necessary for her protection we will get a restraining order. We have been advised that as long as we are there protecting her, going through the necessary steps of eviction may prove to be best for my mother-n-law's peace & sanity. We have already presented the daughter with a Notice to Quit and will follow that with an Eviction Notice. It is unfortunate that our laws do not provide a simple & quick way for removing a family member from a parents home without any reason other than they no longer want them to reside there.

Thanks for the great advice about posting in small paragraphs which I seem to be neglecting again. I apologize and will catch on, honestly. I am new to posting on forums even though I visit and read several.

Many thanks to all of you who are offering positive and helpful support!

[mariner]

testy, testy, aren't we? I was trying to point out the fact that your husband is POA, yet his mother is HIDING information from him??? How can your husband continue to be POA if his own mother is being exploited, yet hides the facts from him? Obviously she has no use for his services if she doesn't WANT him to know certain things. Obviously she WANTS her daughter living with her. You on the other hand, don't want her there. Whose house is it?

My mother has a POA. She is of sound mind. I KNOW that people have arrangements ahead of time. I am a MANDATED reported and I would have to know such things as another poster here offered the advice that I didn't have a clue as to what I was talking about.

[BlondiePB]

Originally Posted by Hot Topic

As long as the half sister and her husband remain in the home, there's potential for them to continue the financial abuse. It should be a top priority since it may take some time to get them out and completely disentangled from the mother-in-law.

RO = immediate termination of their lease.