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How to get my sister out of my house

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moonstruck

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina

Last yr my older sister (age 52, I’m 10 yrs younger) and I reconnected after being out of touch for 8 yrs. She’s always lived in PA, I’m in SC. She was always very independent, but suffered 2 job losses last yr which really devastated her financially. She also has some medical problems which prevent her from driving. She had to give up her apt. Long to short, in February of this yr I invited her to come to SC, stay with us (I’m married with 2 teenaged kids). The understanding was that she would try to get a job here and start over.

Husband and I both work. I knew she only had a very small unemployment check to live on, and I knew she had lots of debts, but she insisted on contributing $25/wk, which was fine. Job mkt is tough, esp with her not being able to drive. She got a temp job in May and has been giving us $50/wk. But the problem, as I see it, is not money.

Sis and I are very different and she had a falling out with our brother in PA many yrs ago and they no longer speak, but he and I are quite close and talk a lot. I told him about her problems (hoping he could help) and instead he wrote her a letter chastising her. That was a month ago, and she’s been quite upset about it. She doesn’t do things with our family and in fact she says very little to me. She no longer asks us to take her to work or anyplace (she takes cabs or walks). She eats out a lot and basically stays in her room watching TV, etc.

Well, I am tired of the tension and so are my husband and kids. I think she needs to get over it, but – aside from minimal civilities - it’s like she’s cut us off. She’s still paying $50/wk (cash, no receipts are exchanged). I think it’s time for her to get her own place either here or back in PA. I’m sick of her disrespect and ‘silent treatment’, and I want her out.

Financially I don’t know where she is. But I’ve helped her enough and I want her to move out of my house. How do I accomplish this?
 


johnd

Member
I'd see ask her to leave...maybe even assist her. Do you really want to resort to legal action with your own flesh and blood? Think about it.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
You would have to evict her legally if you want her to go, but I have to agree with the prior poster.

On a side note, I think it's funny that you discussed her personal issues with someone she didn't give you permission to discuss those issues with, you knew she was on the outs with, who you knew she doesn't speak to, you violated her privacy and trust, but YOU'RE sick of the disrespect? :confused:

If I were her, I wouldn't say much to you anymore either because what she says to you, you will put out in the streets. I probably wouldn't live with you much longer either, but I would definitely keep paying my rent, and keep to myself. If anyone caused the tension in the house, YOU did by failing to keep your mouth shut. You owe your sister, your husband and your kids an apology.
 

las365

Senior Member
Well said, CourtClerk.

I told him about her problems (hoping he could help) and instead he wrote her a letter chastising her. That was a month ago
OP, either you are leaving something out or your brother is a real jerk. What did he chastize her about? Being unlucky? Being disabled? It sounds to me as if you were complaining about her to him. No wonder her feelings are hurt and she is trying to impose on you as little as possible.

It sounds to me as if your sister has handled this pretty well. I'm positive that if she could have afforded to move out immediately, she would have.
 

applecruncher

Senior Member
First things first. You invited her to come there, you knew she was having problems, she’s paying her own way. You also knew about the bad blood between she and your brother, yet you betrayed her and then HE had the nerve to chastise her. Talk about salt in the wound.

I agree with CourtClerk ans las365. You are the one who disrespected her and created the tension. I can see this is an unpleasant situation, and I’m sure if she could she would have moved out of your house quite some time ago. You are blaming her and accepting no responsibility whatsoever for your actions, which I think were shameful. Your excuse that you thought brother could help is a crock. You were obviously complaining to him about her, and it came back to bite you.

I don't like her silent treatment, but at least she's not a hypocrite. However, something has got to be done.

My suggestion: Tell her the two of you need to talk about her moving on. You said the money isn’t the problem, so tell her she can stop paying you (she obviously needs the money). If possible, maybe she can rent a room someplace there (if she wants to stay in SC). Other option would be for HER (not you) to contact some relatives back in PA and ask for help getting back home as soon as possible. Suggest that she enlist the aid of social service agencies, etc. For all you know, she may have a plan, but I agree – she needs to get out of your house for her own well-being.
 
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phase08

Member
Moonstruck, I can understand you not writing a novel to tell us what the bad blood is btw brother and sister, but it has to be pretty bad, and knowing that you stabbed her in the back. You did so at a time when she didn’t need more problems. Yet, you want to come across as a good samaritan who was only trying to help and can’t understand why sister has distanced herself from you. Interesting.

Insist on having a talk and do whatever you can (including not accepting anymore money from her) to help her move out.
 

moonstruck

Junior Member
Well, I disagree that I’m the one who created the problem. I’m a Christian and I don’t believe in people holding grudges. I admit I didn’t know our brother was going to write her and chastise her. I was hoping he would help her financially but he didn’t come thru. But it’s ridiculous and disrespectful for her to act the way she is. Itried to help her and tried to bring the family together. But she is too stubborn.

I plan to write her a note saying it’s obvious she’s not happy here and we need to talk about her moving on, and slip it under her door. I'm willing to stop accepting her money because I know that she needs it in order to get her life together.

I'll pray for her and also pray for you people because obviously you need it.
 

BL

Senior Member
Well, I disagree that I’m the one who created the problem. I’m a Christian and I don’t believe in people holding grudges. I admit I didn’t know our brother was going to write her and chastise her. I was hoping he would help her financially but he didn’t come thru. But it’s ridiculous and disrespectful for her to act the way she is. Itried to help her and tried to bring the family together. But she is too stubborn.

I plan to write her a note saying it’s obvious she’s not happy here and we need to talk about her moving on, and slip it under her door. I'm willing to stop accepting her money because I know that she needs it in order to get her life together.

I'll pray for her and also pray for you people because obviously you need it.
I've had people ( friends ) stay when they were down and out , in a small cramped studio BTW with 3 of us & 3 of them . When it came time to discuss moving on , we did it like adults .

Low and behold they had already saved money , and were happy to say they were renting there own place and they'd be moving in a few days ,

Friendship saved and everything .

If you truly cared , you talk face to face .

You could have said that you know you offered a place to stay until she got back on her feet , but it's time you need some space again of your own .

See what plans she has/had .

No YOU complained and ask brother what to do .

If you wanted your family close you wouldn't just pray . you'd talk about it .

How do you think your own blood feels , get down their with little of her own , now stuck with an uncaring sister & family .

We need to be prayed for , sure we do ...
 

MIRAKALES

Senior Member
This is a definite family matter, not a LL/tenant issue. The ability to bring your sister into your immediate family with husband/wife and children means that family means something to you. The fact that you are able to communicate with your brother and provide assistance to your sister means that you are connected with both siblings. Now that you have come to a bump in the road is not the time to abandon the post.

Discuss the issue with your husband and sister to get to the root of the problem… doubtful that the brother’s communication is the total issue. It may be time for an extended family gathering before sending your sister away (from NC to PA) without a plan or a support system.

There seems to be a connection on several levels except important ones like discussion of finances, plans for the future, and how to redeem family ties. These are the things that should be discussed before any major alterations are made to living arrangements. Many people (including members of the family) live in isolation from their family to hide problems and issues. It is better to place the cards on the table in order to improve matters. If this does not work, then what?… do you ask your sister to leave, not talk with your sister for an indefinite period of time? That would only make the matter worse. Talk is more practical than division and isolation. It may be time to part ways, but at least do so knowing that you will be on better terms.

Moving the sister out of the house would be the first step to moving your sister out of your life... this is not what you want!
 

applecruncher

Senior Member
It’s partially a family issue only because OP chose to share background information about the family situation and also about her sister’s problems. She should have gotten some advice here or elsewhere BEFORE complaining to brother.

However, if OP had taken in a friend who is paying rent my position would be the same. Specifically, OP was very wrong to stab her sister in the back. Of course, we are not therapists and we can only go by the information we’re given. Based on what I’ve read in Moonstruck’s 2 posts, she betrayed her sister and now is in a snit because sister has distanced herself. OP knew very well that she had no business involving brother in this. We don’t know why sis wants nothing to do with brother; we can only assume she has her reasons. Maybe sister tried in the past to work things out and nothing changed or they got worse.

“Talks” are fine, but often people will not admit wrongdoing (such as is the case here) or they will revise history and twist things to their own advantage. Then the situation gets worse.

But, this is a LL/Tenant problem because sis is a tenant in OP’s home and has been paying rent. OP didn't ask how to repair family relationships, she asked how to get her sister out of her house. I’m sure sis doesn’t want to be there. If sis has a plan she needs to share it with OP. If sis doesn’t not have a plan, then OP needs to try to help her develop one. Neither one of them needs to say anything about brother.
 
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phase08

Member
OP didn't ask how to repair family relationships, she asked how to get her sister out of her house.
Yeah, I noticed that too. I agree this is not the place to come for family therapy, but I didn't detect any love or even one ounce of concern for her sister. Guess OP's so-called Christianity definitely has it's limits, as someone else said.
 

kjizzle

Member
It amazes me when people say well I am a christian... because if they were truly a christian they would not need to announce that they are their actions would say it.
 

las365

Senior Member
OP didn't ask how to repair family relationships, she asked how to get her sister out of her house.
OP asked how to get her sister out of the house in the context of a self-serving tale of how terribly the sister was behaving. She could have avoided the free advice about her familial relationships if she had left out the long story and the complaints about sis. It was nice of her to help her sister. It is within her rights to legally evict the sister. But the sister doesn't seem to be the villian OP wants people to think she is.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
If you want your sister to move, give her a written 30 day notice. If you want her to stop being mad at you, you could try apologizing for discussing her business with your brother that she doesn't get along with. Your choice.
 

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