How to have a good relationship with your lawyer?

[apluss]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OREGON

Hi lawyers out there. My question is how do I keep a good relationship with my lawyer?

I have a business mind. The way I look at it is I give my lawyer a task to accomplish what I want and they make the best product (wich is a service in this case) to serve my need possible. How can I tell my lawyer what I want and get them to find solutions to achieve this goal?

When I talk to my lawyer she dosent seem to understand what I want. She always reassures me and then lets me down. When I ask for something she just looks at me like "nope" and dosent try to come up with solutions or alternitaves. Since I am unaware of even basic principles of law I am unable to spark any imagination or solutions myself. Is there something I could do to brush up on law so I know what I can ask for? Is there an etiquite I am unaware of? My case involves divorce, parenting plan, domestic violence, restraining orders, long distance parenting plan, some minor property.

Sincerely,
aplussWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OREGON

Hi lawyers out there. My question is how do I keep a good relationship with my lawyer?

I have a business mind. The way I look at it is I give my lawyer a task to accomplish what I want and they make the best product (wich is a service in this case) to serve my need possible. How can I tell my lawyer what I want and get them to find solutions to achieve this goal?

When I talk to my lawyer she dosent seem to understand what I want. She always reassures me and then lets me down. When I ask for something she just looks at me like "nope" and dosent try to come up with solutions or alternitaves. Since I am unaware of even basic principles of law I am unable to spark any imagination or solutions myself. Is there something I could do to brush up on law so I know what I can ask for? Is there an etiquite I am unaware of? My case involves divorce, parenting plan, domestic violence, restraining orders, long distance parenting plan, some minor property.

Sincerely,
aplussWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Pay them well

 

[>Charlotte<]

For starters, you can understand that what you want and what you can reasonably expect aren't always the same thing.

 

[latigo]

Just curious, but do you approach your physician about personal medical problems in the same manner?

That is to say, that you give your doctor a “task” to mull over and come up with what you judge are the appropriate "solutions"?

Or do you describe your symptoms, answer the questons, let the doctor perform the examination, study the results of the clinical work and let the doctor tell you what the task is? Or do you prefer to remain in charge in that professional setting as well?

I've had a few people with a similar approach come into my office over the years. But as soon as they start sharp shooting me, out the door they go. Practicing law is miserable enough without having the client tell you how to do it.

 

[Isis1]

Just curious, but do you approach your physician about personal medical problems in the same manner?

That is to say, that you give your doctor a “task” to mull over and come up with what you judge are the appropriate "solutions"?

Or do you describe your symptoms, answer the questons, let the doctor perform the examination, study the results of the clinical work and let the doctor tell you what the task is? Or do you prefer to remain in charge in that professional setting as well?

I've had a few people with a similar approach come into my office over the years. But as soon as they start sharp shooting me, out the door they go. Practicing law is miserable enough without having the client tell you how to do it.

THANK YOU!! can i send my husband over to you? he is also in that same frame of mind that whatever you want can be acomplished regardless of your motive with enough money.

 

[apluss]

Just curious, but do you approach your physician about personal medical problems in the same manner?

That is to say, that you give your doctor a “task” to mull over and come up with what you judge are the appropriate "solutions"?

Or do you describe your symptoms, answer the questons, let the doctor perform the examination, study the results of the clinical work and let the doctor tell you what the task is? Or do you prefer to remain in charge in that professional setting as well?

I've had a few people with a similar approach come into my office over the years. But as soon as they start sharp shooting me, out the door they go. Practicing law is miserable enough without having the client tell you how to do it.

Thank you so much for responding. This is exactly what I am looking for. Now I can put myself in my lawyers shoes a little but not much. I know that my lawyer can put themselves in my shoes because many people have been divorced. I have no way of knowing what they are going through or if they are being just jerks. When I pose a problem and my lawyer says Ill fix it and then never explains my options to me I wonder why. The lawyer thinks that merely saying "Cant be done" is enough. How can I open the lines of communication and problem solving if I am ignorant much like a child trying to communicate with an adult? However I am NOT a child. I know exactly my realistic hopes in dreams in life, but not in law. Sometimes I wonder if it is possible to gain respect from your lawyer unles you do pay them a ton of money but that seems hardly just to me. I love America but after this divorce I am feeling that the only ones who get justice here are those with big wallets. I don't believe that lawyers are bad people or sharks as the saying goes. Can you suggest some reading or a starting point or maybe a place to learn etiquite to deal in these situations?

 

[>Charlotte<]

Divorce for Dummies. That's not a personal insult. It's a series of books on lots of topics, divorce being one of them. It's well written, well organized, well paced, and cuts through the legal vocabulary. Amazon has it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you so much for responding. This is exactly what I am looking for. Now I can put myself in my lawyers shoes a little but not much. I know that my lawyer can put themselves in my shoes because many people have been divorced. I have no way of knowing what they are going through or if they are being just jerks. When I pose a problem and my lawyer says Ill fix it and then never explains my options to me I wonder why. The lawyer thinks that merely saying "Cant be done" is enough. How can I open the lines of communication and problem solving if I am ignorant much like a child trying to communicate with an adult? However I am NOT a child.

Making DEMANDS is acting like a child. Asking questions as to whether you can achieve your goal legally is a different thing and would show that even though you don't know the answer you are open to the response. Quite frankly, YOUR DEMANDS ARE CHILDISH. They are unable to be accomplished due to the fact that judges look LONG TERM. They don't look in three month increments. They don't want to give too much power to one person -- unless both parties agree. Your demands and then your idea of a letter -- they show arrogance. They show that you are thinking about YOUR wants and YOUR needs without considering that the law is NOT ABOUT YOU. The law cares about the children.

I know exactly my realistic hopes in dreams in life, but not in law. Sometimes I wonder if it is possible to gain respect from your lawyer unles you do pay them a ton of money but that seems hardly just to me. I love America but after this divorce I am feeling that the only ones who get justice here are those with big wallets. I don't believe that lawyers are bad people or sharks as the saying goes. Can you suggest some reading or a starting point or maybe a place to learn etiquite to deal in these situations?

Read Divorce for Dummies as has been suggested. Read coparenting books. Read How to Get Along with Difficult People (helpful for anyone going through a divorce because one or BOTH of the parties is difficult).

 

[Ohiogal]

Just curious, but do you approach your physician about personal medical problems in the same manner?

That is to say, that you give your doctor a “task” to mull over and come up with what you judge are the appropriate "solutions"?

Or do you describe your symptoms, answer the questons, let the doctor perform the examination, study the results of the clinical work and let the doctor tell you what the task is? Or do you prefer to remain in charge in that professional setting as well?

I've had a few people with a similar approach come into my office over the years. But as soon as they start sharp shooting me, out the door they go. Practicing law is miserable enough without having the client tell you how to do it.

I am 100% in agreement with this.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ignorance is apparently bliss...

And this OP must be in heaven.

For everyone to read about this OP's ignorance:

LOCATION: OREGON

HISTORY:

Im pretty broke and a victum of domestic violence so I qualified for a legal aid lawyer. I was very thankful for that! It stated out great and we negotiated a good allimony but when it came down to the settlement I was duped. I want to know what my rights are. The main issue is that my lawyer sent in a settlement without my knoweldge and apporval and the judge signed it! She lowered my child support and didn't protect me or get my desires. I am afraid if I spell out exactly what she has done she will drop my case and leave me with this HUGE mess to clean up myself. Does anyone know what my rights are??

Sincerely,
apluss

HERE IS THE LETTER I PLAN TO SEND MY LAWYER BUT NEED ADVICE ON IT:

Dear xxxxx,

The requests I made to you in my last email to file in my parenting plan I had previously requested from you by email, in person, and on the phone numerous times with plenty of time before we settled in court in late October 2009. I then drove two hours recently in December 2009 to make sure you understood my desires since they were not reflected in the settlement that you sent to the judge without my approval. You sent the altered judgement to be signed without even notifying me. In fact I had to call the court to find out that I was even divorced. This I discovered days after I was officially divorced without notice from you. You assured me again that these issues I reiterated to you were going to be easily corrected.

On Jan. 6th I read your most recent letter telling me that the modifications I desire are not possible. I am very upset. You assured me that our parenting plan reflected my desires when I agreed to them in court. They did not. You assured me that you could fix your mistakes. Now you say you can not. I am seeing now that I have been misled. Seeing as I am dependant on you to relay my desires and demands in this divorce I am not sure at this point what I can do.

The only new changes I have requested is that children and adults must not be forced to miss school or work [for visitation] and updated the status of my financial means. Since I have begun school and work and the children have changed schools and child care providers this is a significant change in mine and the children's circumstances and I would hope that it would be reflected in the parenting plan. I do not understand what you mean by saying "significant change" if this does not qualify.

Please note that the last email I sent you regarding the calculations for child support have finally come together. I have been finally approved for 108 hours of childcare through DHS. This makes my monthly child care officially $860 for both children. I have always had this expense but now I have it in writing. Please also note that more than Christmas was overlooked. Easter was overlooked as well as many of the holidays were not rotated. In our last visit you assured me that all my concerns about the holidays would be taken care of easily as well as the other oversights you have made. If I have misunderstood your letter please let me know. If my assessments are correct please make me aware of my options to obtain the situation I seek.

Sincerely,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxx-xxx-xxxx

#1
Please change the child support to reflect my current child care needs. $6 hour for 108 hours a week for two children ($648 a month) plus $500 + $132 + $4 ($212 a month) a school term for Isaac. This makes each month $860 in childcare. I changed child care providers because my last provider did not work the hours required for my new position at work. I work nights so his child care is not durning school hours. If you need another signed notice I will get it to you. Please let me know. Child care per month averages: $860 and my calculations put [ex husband name] at $1607 for Oregon Child Support.

#2
Add a Section 3.1.3
Parenting time shall change each college or school term to correspond with the children's new school schedule.

#3
Add a 6.7.1
Non custodial parent can not use [name] or [name#2] or any other care provider without the permission of the custodial parent.

#4
Add a 6.11.3
Alterations can be made according to work schedules and school schedules. No parent is required to miss scheduled work time or school time as well as the children should not miss school hours for the sake of visitation. However visitation shall occur bi-weekly allowing the noncustodial parent to have time including two overnights with the children unless the court dictates differently.

#5
Add 6.9.1
Each parent shall give each other 1 week notice to a visitation schedule change and a 2 week notice for a holiday visitation schedule change when possible.


#6
[visitation schedule]What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Hey thanks at least I get validation! LOL!

Even though some were a little overbearingly looking into my motives and I found all helpful. I feel this instinctive desire to stick up for myself and explain everything but as I know from past forums if you are outnumbered its better to keep quiet. The overbearingly large amount of divorced men who are also lawyers are reading this so I will nod my head and polietly say: "yessa master" (sarcasm LOL)

Luckily today I found a man at school who's dad is a lawyer and he explained to me what I could do. I am so glad I met him before I sent that letter too! What my lawyer did was definatly out of line but there is nothing I can do now except wait for her to change her mistakes that can be changed. She didn't review the ex's lawyer's numbers or changes before sending the decree to the judge and it cost me bigtime. Fortunatly child support and parenting holiday schedule errors can be changed. My lawyer tends to be all supportive and listening and then forget to do her job. I seriously think she's in it to save lives rather than get people on the right track. Once you are away from the abuser she's bored. I did appreciate her while she was helpful but I think she would be a better councelor.

Thanks again folks. Happy hunting down the next woman who dares to mention domestic violence or restraining orders and burning her as a witch. Enjoy yourselves!