Police Ethics

[PM_Guy]

Western New York - My wife began stripping (against my wishes) and comes home highly intoxicated. I filed complaints to get her arrested with a DUI (tough love, I'm trying to end this career, before I pull out the divorce card). A year has passed and not only have they NOT given her a DUI, some of the police actually became her clients (knowing where she worked from my reports). I've filed multiple reports and recently, they "missed" her again. She got home so drunk, she ran into our porch. I demanded they come to the house so I could file ANOTHER complaint and they actually gave her a breathalizer, where she blew a .22 BAC. In the midst of all this, she was so angry I called them that she punched me. She still WAS NOT charged with anything! They took her to a friends house. Do I have any recourse against the police? Can I file a complaint to the AG or local DA, to have this investigated. Do I have a leg to stand on in suing them? What are the options? We have kids but, is it just time to bail out?

[xylene]

Look, your situation is very crappy.

But:

Your wife did not become an alcoholic because she is a stripper.

You need to get yourself to an al-anon or other partner-of-an-alcoholic support program.

Your actions seem noble minded at first glance, but are in fact a highly repressive control strategy. This will NOT change your wife, and it could really blow up in your face.

You should talk to a counselor and a lawyer about options for yourself and your family.

The police are poorly equipped to deal with alcoholics, as they have no recourse beyond criminal sanction. This is a cumbersome sledgehammer, and they just don't see fit to wield it in this case. Perhaps they think you are abusing her. An attractive women vs. a controlling husband? I believe you arer sincere, I just want you to think about that dynamic.

[CdwJava]

Originally Posted by PM_Guy

Do I have any recourse against the police? Can I file a complaint to the AG or local DA, to have this investigated. Do I have a leg to stand on in suing them? What are the options? We have kids but, is it just time to bail out?

If she is driving drunk, endangering the family and herself, then I'd say it's time to take your marbles and run. Be there to support her when/if she straightens her life out, but you can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do.

Also, you can certainly complain to the officers' agency, but enforcement of laws is generally a political issue and not a legal one. Unless NY has a mandatory arrest policy for domestic violence, their failure to arrest for a drunken woman punching or pushing you is not likely to be actionable.

Suing the police would be a waste of money ... THEY are not causing the problem, your wife is. And trying to catch a person who might be driving drunk at a certain time is kind of a crap shoot and not usually able to be accomplished. Unless you are there and following her to give turn by turn details to a dispatcher AND an officer is available, it's random chance if they catch her.

- Carl

[Towtheline]

Here's some free advice.....

ACT like a man. Take the matter in your own hands. Put your foot down. Do an intervention. Do what ever it takes EXCEPT calling the police on her. That is putting your problem on other people and you better believe she is building up resentment against you for not "keeping it in the family"