Do I have a case? slander, defamation in the workplace

[tranquility]

It's called hostile work environment - talk to you HR representative.

Although your infidelity is your fault no one should be harassing you about your sex life at work.

While that might be what some call it at the bar over drinks, it is not LEGALLY called that. The term deals with an entirely different issue.

 

[BadDecision]

While that might be what some call it at the bar over drinks, it is not LEGALLY called that. The term deals with an entirely different issue.

It think it would depend on further facts but it appears the male involved is not getting the same treatment, therefore she is being harassed unfairly

Regardless, this would fall under employment law, not slander or defamation

 

[Silverplum]

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/harassment.cfm

 

[quincy]

Other than the sexual relationship with a coworker, which Sophie admits to, the rest is Sophie's suppositions, and gossip and rumors of no known origin.

It is obvious from her posts that Sophie feels uncomfortable at work but there is little proof of a hostile workplace.

 

[BadDecision]

Other than the sexual relationship with a coworker, which Sophie admits to, the rest is Sophie's suppositions, and gossip and rumors of no known origin.

It is obvious from her posts that Sophie feels uncomfortable at work but there is little proof of a hostile workplace.

If she feels she is being harassed, first she would talk with her HR department or upper management... that really would be her first step, wouldn't it?
There isn't anyone to sue at this point but she should follow her company's policies and report any harassment to the appropriate personnel.
This would help her AND her employer address or prevent any serious issues.

And I apologize - my original intent was to point out this was an employment law question, not a slander issue... reading my post I should have worded differently but she does have options to prevent any harassment from co-workers.

 

[cbg]

Yes, the proper thing to do when one feels they are being sexually harassed is to report it to HR...but I have a very strong feeling that in this case HR would find that there IS no gossip and no HWE, and it's all in Sophie's mind (probably out of guilt).

And in case you're wondering, I spent quite a few years being the one who would do the sexual harassment investigation, and later who trained other managers on how to conduct them. After a while you get to know by instinct which ones are valid and which ones aren't (and I've found both) and this one smells wrong to me.

 

[BadDecision]

Yes, the proper thing to do when one feels they are being sexually harassed is to report it to HR...but I have a very strong feeling that in this case HR would find that there IS no gossip and no HWE, and it's all in Sophie's mind (probably out of guilt).

And in case you're wondering, I spent quite a few years being the one who would do the sexual harassment investigation, and later who trained other managers on how to conduct them. After a while you get to know by instinct which ones are valid and which ones aren't (and I've found both) and this one smells wrong to me.

I'm not disagreeing with you guys, I was just trying to point out it wasn't slander and she does have an avenue to go.
I am not saying that she will win anything or her complaint will be found valid, but she does have a path she should follow that does not begin with legal action.

 

[quincy]

If she feels she is being harassed, first she would talk with her HR department or upper management... that really would be her first step, wouldn't it?
There isn't anyone to sue at this point but she should follow her company's policies and report any harassment to the appropriate personnel.
This would help her AND her employer address or prevent any serious issues.

And I apologize - my original intent was to point out this was an employment law question, not a slander issue... reading my post I should have worded differently but she does have options to prevent any harassment from co-workers.

I agree that this does not appear to be a defamation issue.

And I don't disagree that speaking with HR would be the better action - certainly better than spreading around to others the facts of her affair with a coworker.

Sophie does not appear to have proof of anything, though, including proof that anyone is spreading rumors or gossiping about her. And, if there is gossip, I would be willing to bet it is not based on high school rumors from 20 years ago.

Whatever the case, I tend to lean toward cbg's assessment that there is less here that has to do with harassment in the workplace and more here that has to do with a 45 year old woman's imaginings.

But, yes, problems with harassment in the workplace are best addressed in the workplace by speaking with the HR person.

 

[Sophie1236]

in response to the threads

Most of you are correct. I am ashamed. This guy has gone out of his way to broadcast every event that took place. Then there are rumors of pictures. He wants everyone to know, without knowing who he is this happened. His friend is sending out the information, that this happened to about 5 others without revealing who he is.. It's ruining my reputation, and my career, and I have no choice other than get back with my husband of 20 years who has lived in another state the last 2 years.

I am emotionally unable to go on at this job alone, after all that has happened. I am not openly harassed, only behind my back.

Does it pay to report to HR what happened before I leave? Or to his boss? I have been dragged through the mud by this guy. Sure what I did was wrong and addresses my marital problems.

I've decided to close this chapter of my life, and move on. Anything you feel I should address before leaving the company?

Some of it would not have happened if other outside factors were not present. Such as, the old rep. which I was being harassed for prior to the relation with this guy. And the fact he forced when I said no. A bad marriage with no sex etc.

I know it was my fault.

 

[commentator]

If you want to quit the job and get unemployment benefits while you are looking for another job, you need to be able to answer the question, 'What did you attempt to do to solve the problem before you quit?" If the employer is totally unaware, you did not give them a chance to fix the situation, because you were all into how bad you'd been treated and yada yada, and you never told your HR, and they were never even aware that there was something going on or that you were having problems at work. In any type of sexual harassment legal action, or EEOC complaint, if you didn't tell your employer, you're really not going through the channels, and they have such an easy out. We didn't know there was a problem. Sorry. If she had told us, we'd have fixed it.

You will end up with no job, no unemployment insurance, no credibility, and those jerks who may have wished you ill will have won, thoroughly. And it will be very tricky to get another job, especially since you might tell the next place why you left this job. You must live in a verysmall place, if anyone in God's world is interested in some else's sexual behavior in high school twenty years later! That will mean that there are only a few places to work in your area. You have a decent job in a decent place, please don't quit and walk away without at least attempting to stand up for yourself and solve the problem. You can't take them to court and have your big day of justification if you never told them there was a problem.

 

[Sophie1236]

If you want to quit the job and get unemployment benefits while you are looking for another job, you need to be able to answer the question, 'What did you attempt to do to solve the problem before you quit?" If the employer is totally unaware, you did not give them a chance to fix the situation, because you were all into how bad you'd been treated and yada yada, and you never told your HR, and they were never even aware that there was something going on or that you were having problems at work. In any type of sexual harassment legal action, or EEOC complaint, if you didn't tell your employer, you're really not going through the channels, and they have such an easy out. We didn't know there was a problem. Sorry. If she had told us, we'd have fixed it.

You will end up with no job, no unemployment insurance, no credibility, and those jerks who may have wished you ill will have won, thoroughly. And it will be very tricky to get another job, especially since you might tell the next place why you left this job. You must live in a verysmall place, if anyone in God's world is interested in some else's sexual behavior in high school twenty years later! That will mean that there are only a few places to work in your area. You have a decent job in a decent place, please don't quit and walk away without at least attempting to stand up for yourself and solve the problem. You can't take them to court and have your big day of justification if you never told them there was a problem.

The problem is they ruined my image at this place and that cannot be fixed, it can only get worse the longer I hang around and things get spread more. Also, I'm not good at living alone. My son is having problems with some kids at school harassing him, and moving back home after 2 years away from my husband IS a valid reason to leave a job.
I feel so lost and dragged through the mud emotionally that I could not fight right now, if I wanted to.
If I do fight then I have to admit to everyone, including those that hadn't know that I had an affair...even if they already knew.
I cant think why this guy would do this.. especially since nobody knows its him. Maybe somebody told on him in the past as being too forceful and got him in trouble, and he's afraid of it happening again. Why the other guys would decide to spread the information is puzzling too...they're all married. Why care about all of this?

The only thing I was contemplating is getting him in trouble with his boss. If I asked HR to intervene I would never be able to fix what he did, and cannot control texting of a bunch of guys.

 

[Ladyback1]

The problem is they ruined my image at this place and that cannot be fixed, it can only get worse the longer I hang around and things get spread more. Also, I'm not good at living alone. My son is having problems with some kids at school harassing him, and moving back home after 2 years away from my husband IS a valid reason to leave a job.
I feel so lost and dragged through the mud emotionally that I could not fight right now, if I wanted to.
If I do fight then I have to admit to everyone, including those that hadn't know that I had an affair...even if they already knew.
I cant think why this guy would do this.. especially since nobody knows its him. Maybe somebody told on him in the past as being too forceful and got him in trouble, and he's afraid of it happening again. Why the other guys would decide to spread the information is puzzling too...they're all married. Why care about all of this?

The only thing I was contemplating is getting him in trouble with his boss. If I asked HR to intervene I would never be able to fix what he did, and cannot control texting of a bunch of guys.

You need some serious therapy/counseling.

If you believe that the rumors have followed you since high school....You are a bit delusional. Could it be that you continued the behavior/actions (since you left high school) that got the rumors started in high school?

 

[quincy]

... His friend is sending out the information, that this happened to about 5 others without revealing who he is...

If you know for a fact that it is this friend who is sending out information about you, and the information is false, then this friend can be held liable for defamation. Those who repeat defamatory statements can be as guilty of defamation as the originator of the statements. That said, if this friend is simply reporting to others that you had an affair, that is true and not defamation. There is not much you can do about that except admit to the affair, deny the affair, or say nothing at all - with saying nothing at all often the best response.

It's ruining my reputation, and my career, and I have no choice other than get back with my husband of 20 years who has lived in another state the last 2 years.

I am emotionally unable to go on at this job alone, after all that has happened.

If you are emotionally unable to go on at the job, then choosing to quit might not be the best for you from a financial standpoint, but it might make the best sense for you from a health standpoint.

I am not openly harassed, only behind my back.

Does it pay to report to HR what happened before I leave? Or to his boss? I have been dragged through the mud by this guy. Sure what I did was wrong and addresses my marital problems.

I've decided to close this chapter of my life, and move on. Anything you feel I should address before leaving the company?

Some of it would not have happened if other outside factors were not present. Such as, the old rep. which I was being harassed for prior to the relation with this guy. And the fact he forced when I said no. A bad marriage with no sex etc.

There does not appear to be much that HR can do if there is no open harassment and you do not have any proof of it or who is doing it. HR could potentially address all employees with a general "no harassment" message, but I am not sure that would be enough to make your job any more comfortable for you. You had an affair with someone in your workplace and that is bound to lead to problems for you in the workplace.

I know it was my fault.

Both you and the guy you had the affair with are equally at fault for having an affair, if you want to apportion fault. But whatever your reasons for it, it happened, it's over (I assume), and it is time for you to move on and the guy to move on and those in your workplace to move on. What direction you choose to move is up to you.

 

[Indiana Filer]

There was a girl in my high school way back in the 80's that got caught doing something naughty with a boy in a hidden area of the school. At the 20th year reunion, she came to it, and some idiot brought that incident up about her. It didn't take long before the others at the reunion completely shut down the idiot who mentioned the HS incident, making him into the ass of the evening, instead of the girl like he was trying to do it to.

Yeah, she made a bad decision back in HS, but you know what? Every single person has made a bad decision. We have, well most of us have, grown up a lot since then, and realize that a mistake should not ruin a life. The people made sure she knew that she shouldn't feel like she needed to leave the reunion, that she should stay and have a good time reminiscing about other memories of HS.

Sophie, if you chose to let this incident define you, that is your choice. Believe me, almost everyone else doesn't give it the importance that you are giving it. They realize it was a bad decision, but life goes on and they should just forget it happened.

 

[quincy]

There was a girl in my high school way back in the 80's that got caught doing something naughty with a boy in a hidden area of the school. At the 20th year reunion, she came to it, and some idiot brought that incident up about her. It didn't take long before the others at the reunion completely shut down the idiot who mentioned the HS incident, making him into the ass of the evening, instead of the girl like he was trying to do it to.

Yeah, she made a bad decision back in HS, but you know what? Every single person has made a bad decision. We have, well most of us have, grown up a lot since then, and realize that a mistake should not ruin a life. The people made sure she knew that she shouldn't feel like she needed to leave the reunion, that she should stay and have a good time reminiscing about other memories of HS.

Sophie, if you chose to let this incident define you, that is your choice. Believe me, almost everyone else doesn't give it the importance that you are giving it. They realize it was a bad decision, but life goes on and they should just forget it happened.

Although I know this was not your intent, Indiana Filer, and I appreciate your post for what it says because what you said is the case much of the time, your post also illustrates nicely why defamatory statements can be so harmful to a reputation.

Once a story is told about a person, it often attaches to that person. A mention of that person's name can stir memories and bring up comments like, "Oh yeah, the one who had the affair/had the STD/was convicted of a crime/whatever." The stories are not easy to shake off - sometimes impossible to shake off - and they can influence hiring decisions and personal relationships.

When what has been told about the person is false and defamatory, the harm suffered by the person can last a long time and affect all areas of that person's life. I use Richard Jewell as an example frequently because in his lifetime he never really escaped the label of Olympic bomber, even though he had nothing to do with the terrorist act.

I agree that anyone who decides to spread false tales, or even true but private or embarrassing stories, for the sole purpose of harming another can be viewed as negatively as the one about whom tales are told and community reaction to the tale-teller is enough to shut that person up. Other times, though, the best or only way to stop the tale-teller from causing additional injury is to sue the person. A large monetary award of damages against the person tends to better get the message across that the lying needs to stop (and public apologies made).

Not that I think a lawsuit is what Sophie should consider. I do not see anything (yet, at least) to support a suit.