false accusations of child abuse

[cjj]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Missouri

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and we have a 2 year old child. His ex-wife, who is in Illinois, has been harassing me for this entire time. I have had my number changed 3 times, due to profane and threatening phone calls, and she has sent postal mail calling me obscenities, and verbally attacked me in person. I have not responded, but there is a warrant for her arrest in Missouri. Recently, she filed a lawsuit falsely claiming that I presented a danger to the well-being of her children, and that she wants the court to order that I am not to be present during my boyfriend's visitation with his children. She then went on to state a lot of false accusations of abuse against her children (I have not seen them for over a year and have never done anything remotely wrong).

She is constantly filing lawsuits and has gone through 6 attorneys now in the past 3 years, and says she is going to take my boyfriend to court for the rest of his life. Because of this, I have had to break it off with him. The enormous stress her litigation and harassment has subjected me to has resulted in aggravation of my autoimmune disorder, and I am dealing with constant illness from all of this.

I am worried for 2 reasons:
1. I volunteer work at the Public School District and my background is checked thoroughly. I would hate for these kids to suffer due to false accusations.
2. I am planning to adopt a baby and do not want false accusations of child abuse to come back to me.

What legal recourse do I have? I have tried to get a restraining order, but have been denied because she is out of state.

 

[quincy]

Has the ex-wife filed a lawsuit against you? Or have her legal actions been against your boyfriend and in regard to their divorce and custody and visitation issues?

Are the statements that the ex-wife has made about you part of these lawsuits and contained in court papers and documents only, or has she made these statements to others outside of these court-related matters?

If the accusations the ex-wife are making are part of her court actions, or made directly to you personally through phone calls or letters, there is little chance that a defamation action would be successful, as statements made in the former case are immune from prosecution and statements made in the latter case are not reputationally injurious.

If the ex-wife is falsely accusing you of abusing her children, and she is making these statements to others, outside of the legal arena, however, then that can be the basis of a defamation action. The fact that the statements are harassing and causing you stress would not be enough to support a successful suit, though. You need to prove reputational injury has occurred as a result of the false and defamatory statements made.

What I recommend you do first is conduct your own thorough background check on yourself, to see what shows up (this is actually a wise idea for everyone to do, as errors are common). Unless you have had a lawsuit filed against you personally, the ex-wife's actions taken in court should not appear on your check.

But, if her false accusations of abuse start to affect your reputation in Missouri in some way, with your volunteer work or when adopting, then consult an attorney in your area for direction.

Good luck.

 

[cjj]

false child abuse accusations

The accusations are in court papers for the ex's actions against my boyfriend. She has not taken me to court, nor have I taken her to court. Specifically, she is asking that I not be present during visitation of the kids because of the false child abuse accusations. She is asking that her 15 year old child have an on-camera interview to determine if I am a danger to the children. The court date is Oct. 15.

The other harassment has been directed at me personally, through phone calls, postal mail, and in person (for example, she crashed my boyfriend's mother's wake and was prevented from coming in, and there have been death threats by phone directed toward me and my 2-year old child, there has been a letter from her boyfriend calling me all kinds of names).

The other issue is that during the litigation with my boyfriend, his attorney (who admitted and then denied it) passed my financial papers (child support for my 2-year old, which I approved for him to see so that he could determine the boyfriend's income) to her attorney, who used them to sway the judge to unfair advantage during an alimony case (the ex wife says that they used my income in determining her alimony since he lives with me. She also claims to have copies of the papers, which I believe she does. Obviously this is illegal- we were never married, have no joint property and do not share finances). These were my child support papers and stated my social security number, income, and other information. My boyfriend's attorney said that these were public records, so it was legal for him to share these with her attorney, but retracted his statement after he found out that juvenile records in Missouri are sealed, and now both her and his attorney say that they never used my income or information and even claim they never saw it (I did give consent for boyfriend's attorney to view but not share the information). I have no way to prove that they used my income. Since then, I have had all 3 credit reports frozen to protect myself. Is there anything else that I should do to protect from identity theft? Suddenly and very strangely, I have had a rash of mortgage inquiries with my boyfriend's phone number attached. There is nobody else that could possibly associate his number with my name. I did look at my credit reports before they were frozen and no identity theft that I can see, but it is worrisome.

I am so scared sometimes. I have installed extra security on my house after I received a call from the ex's boyfriend, who is collaborating with her harassment, saying he was standing outside my window and planning to blow my head off, and my "ugly kid's too". After that, the phone number was changed. I have had my boyfriend move out of the home to remove me from the constant litigation and harassment, but I don't know if it is going to work. She is just obsessed and crazed with jealousy.

Her 25 year old son and her sister, and friends of my boyfriend (her ex) have tried to intervene, but without success. They say that she is "obsessed" and will do everything possible to destroy my life. I find it unbelievable that her live-in boyfriend is helping her. In addition, she has caused her 15 year old daughter to behave so jealously toward me and her half sister, that any relationship we could have is impossible. This is largely manifested by the 15 year old's disrespect and hateful attitude toward my boyfriend, her dad. How long do you think this will go on? Doesn't harassment like this usually subside after 3 years? I have never met her and have done nothing to provoke her. She left her marriage by choice, for another man. Why is she targeting me and my child?

My relationship with my boyfriend was good, and we planned to get married, but cannot because of this very situation. I hate to remove him from my life, but I am seriously afraid that she will harm my child and my own reputation. I am assuming I can only seek damages if I am denied for an adoption or public service. Will my name not show up in searches of court records associated with the false child abuse claims?

One of the accusations is that I bruised and beat her 360 lb 6 foot 5 severely MR and autistic son!!!! That's not even physically possible! I am 1/3 of his size!

 

[quincy]

First, you should be calling the police each and every time you receive a threatening phone call or any unwanted contact from the ex and/or her boyfriend. Establish a clear record with the police department of the calls, mailings, and threats. Then try again for a civil harassment restraining order, armed with the police reports you have filed, the threatening emails and letters you have received, and a record of all calls made to you by the ex and/or her boyfriend.

A civil harassment order can prohibit both the ex and the boyfriend from having any further contact with you, of any kind, even when they live in a different state. Should either of them violate the order, they can be arrested.

The following places have information available that may be of some help to you:

You may want to contact the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) at 303-839-1852, or visit National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

In addition, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to www.ndvh.org.

Try also the Women's Law Initiative, WomensLaw.org | Home.

All of these places can help you find ways to protect yourself against the ongoing abuse you are suffering at the hands of the ex and her boyfriend. Emotional abuse is every bit as harmful and scary as physical abuse, and it seems clear from what you have posted here that you are being emotionally abused by this woman and her boyfriend.

You and your child have every right to be protected from such abuse.

As for your name showing up in the court records, it will not show up on a standard search unless you were a party to a lawsuit. Your name may appear in any transcript made of any hearing between the ex and your boyfriend, however.

It may be wise for you to file an identity theft report with the police, if you have a fear that your personal information has been compromised. Make sure you have fraud alerts posted with Experian, Equifax and TransUnion. Submitting the identity theft report along with your fraud alert request will keep the fraud alerts posted with the credit reporting agencies for more than the usual 90 days.

Because of all of the areas where you are experiencing difficulties, I suggest you have an attorney in Missouri assist you (perhaps a different one than the one who gave your personal information to the ex and her attorney ).

Generally an ex-spouse will "get over it" and move on with his/her life after a couple of years. When children are involved, it can certainly take longer. When one spouse is extremely unhappy with post-divorce life, it can take forever. So, to answer your question as to when it all will stop, who knows. Hopefully, for your sake, sooner rather than later.

Good luck.